Well, it’s been another interesting couple of days. First the dentist. Gonna lose the last five flippin’ teeth I have left in my head. Infected and stuff. New lower denture … more money! Okay, it is what it is.
Then, last night, HUGE storm. Wind gusts over 80 mph! The new fence held up magnificently! Sadly, one poor tree didn’t and crashed through the fence, not the new part, and landed in the neighbor’s yard and now I have ANOTHER mess to clean up!
My Dear LORD, how much more are you going to pile on top of me!? So, phone calls and text messages and I’ve got guys with trailers and saws coming on Sunday to clean up the mess. If the complaining neighbors will wait that long.
Here’s some pictures:
And then, I go out back to take my dogs out and there’s some kid climbing on the tree sticking out of my fence! So, I told him (I didn’t yell) “Don’t climb on that.” and he ran away. That’s all I need is for that tree to slip or collapse further and for him to get hurt.
What in the world!
Anyway, let’s get to the fun stuff, shall we. I really need it.
That’s going to be my new poster!
Nice meme of an old joke!
And not everyone will understand…sadly!
And half of those in America are saying, “I’ve been preparing my whole life for this moment!”
And He tells me that every, single day!
This DLPSA comes to us from our good friend, Joe from NJ…
A pause from the humor.
I believe I sent this a number of years ago.
Worth seeing again.
If you have pets, you more than likely have dealt with pet stains on the carpet or other interesting places in your house.
FIRST: Try this in a corner or place that is not noticeable!
Over the years I’ve tried almost every brand of spot remover on the market. One time, in desperation I tried hand sanitizer. Squirted it well on the stain, waited a minute and rubbed it vigorously with a few wadded up paper towels.
The spot was about 98%(?) gone. And I’ve used it repeatedly over the years on everything from pet stains to Chigger bites! (That’s another long story!)
File this away for future use and let me know how it works for you.
…Joe
Thanks, Joe!
I have that skill! I can sleep wearing a gasmask and a steel helmet lying on a concrete floor. I definitely have that skill!
Yeah, you’re right! That ought to do it. What was that definition of insanity again?
“I’d be in prison today if it weren’t for my high school guidance counselor”
“She gave you good advice about living your life?”
“No, she helped me escape.”
This quiz is called Lateral Thinking.
Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself.
Think like a wizard . . ..
man
1. ————
board
Ans. = man overboard
Okay, let’s see if you’ve got the hang of it.
stand
2. ————
i
Ans. = I understand
OK .
Got the drift ?
Let’s try a few now and see
how you fare ?
3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/
Ans. = reading between the lines
4.
r
road
a
d
Ans. = cross road
Not having a good day now, are you ?
Redeem yourself.
5. cycle
cycle
cycle
Ans. = tricycle
Not easy to figure out ha!
0
6. ————
M..D.
Ph.D.
Ans. = two degrees below zero
C’mon give it a little thought ! !
7. knee
light
Ans. = neon light
( knee – on – light )
U can prove u r smart by getting this one.
ground
8. —————
feet feet feet feet feet feet
Ans. = six feet underground
Oh no, not again ! !
9. he’s X himself
Ans. = he’s by himself
Now u messing up big time.
10. ecnalg
Ans. = backward glance
Not even close ! !
11. death ….. life
Ans. = life after death
Okay last chance ……………….
12. THINK
Ans. = think big ! !
And the last one is real fundoo – – –
13. abababababababababababababababab…
Ans. = long time no ‘C’
Things You’d Love To Say Out Loud At Work
1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to
pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it
my way.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a damn word you’re
saying.
10. Ahhh…I see the know-it-all fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point
of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an
artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. Congratulations, you have officially earned the Dumber than a Box
of Rocks Award.
22. You know the acronym behind your name won’t keep me from kicking
your ass in the parking lot.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it… like humor… but different.
What a complete and utter load of malarky!!!
Friends are the flavor of ice cream you choose.
Family is the big nose you’re born with.
We have a new security system at our house.
We have two lively cats.
I recently bought a toy laser that projects a red dot plus a few other designs.
If anyone breaks in, all I have to do is put the red dot on them and sit back and watch!
And yes, both cats have claws.
…Joe
And that’s it my friends. Until Saturday when I have more time. I know this is a little shorter than usual, but I just plain ran out of time. So, until then…
Dragon Laffs 