So, I’m trying to get an early start on this one because it’s going to be an interesting week for me.  I have a conference/exercise with the FBI in Indianapolis on Wednesday and am taking my new guy with me.  Should be interesting to say the least.  Whenever you ever do anything with the FBI it’s interesting.

Then next week, I start a new course…actually, I start two new courses.  On Tuesday nights I am facilitating a course called Resilience.  That has the subheading of: “Finding Inner Strength in Impossible Situations”.  It’s the first time anyone in our organization has ever taught this one.  It actually has a real book that goes along with the workbook entitled Resilient by Dr. Bill Effler, subtitled: Tools for Getting Up After Life Knocks You Down. It looks really, REALLY good.  I’m excited about that.  So, that starts next Tuesday, then Wednesday is Jail night like normal, and then Thursday I’m starting something new JUST FOR ME!!! 

I’m starting FBI. No, not like Federal Bureau of Investigation, nor even Fat Boys In-charge. Nope, this is Faith Bible Institute. It is six semesters, three years of college level Bible study.  You actually get a degree when you are done. Not a full degree, but you know what I mean.  This is three hours every Thursday night and it is MY TIME for ME! It was either that or buy a motorcycle.

I spoke with my counselor and my pastor I told them both that I didn’t want them to take this the wrong way, that I wasn’t in any danger of hurting myself or anything like that, but that I’m to the point here lately that I don’t care if I live or die. And now don’t any of YOU take that the wrong way either. My counselor seems to think that I give and I give and I give and I’m not doing anything to fill me up.  I have the one ministry on Tuesday nights, the jail ministry on Wednesday nights, the Grief Group on base at noon every other Wednesday and Bible study on base at noon on the opposite Wednesdays, I do individual Grief counseling for anyone who calls me (so that’s on and off, sometimes [rarely] in the middle of the night), security for the church a couple of Sundays a month, plus all the additional work that goes into all of those things.

My pastor believes that I also can’t let anything go, that I take everything to heart, which is also true. And that it is okay sometimes to say “no”.  I’m not sure that I ever have said no to anyone.  Anyway, this weekend I have some of the guys coming over with the chipper to cut up that big pile of stuff in the backyard, I have to mow the yard sometime soon, if it will stop raining long enough and I have a ton of stuff to do to get ready for ALL of this stuff.

Whew!

What do you say we get to the good stuff, shall we?

Oh, by the way, by the time you read this, I’ll already have gone to the FBI conference.  For you guys that would have been yesterday or the day before, depending on when I get this one sent out.  LOL! 

This one is from Stephen B.  His latest carving.

My daughter-in-law asked if I had any plans for a seahorse.  I did not, so I looked them up on line and found a few.  Seahorses come in many different colors and my daughter-in-law picked the colors.  The sand is from our local beach and glued onto the base with plain white glue.

Very nicely done!

And from Lynn telling us about a problem with dinner:

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. 

– Mark Twain (1835-1910) 

A woman on a holiday trip stood in awe in front of an enormous tree.  “Oh, marvelous and ancient oak,” she enthused, “if you could only speak, what would you want to say to me?”

The woman standing nearby commented, “It probably would say, “Pardon me, madam, I am an elm.” 

Massachusetts  Laws

Candy may not contain more than 1% of alcohol.

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation.

“Father!” she cried, “Just WAIT until you hear this!” The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, “Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited.” 

“Well, Father,” the nun began, “I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!” 

“A serious infraction, indeed!” said the priest. 

“But that’s not what has me so excited, Father.” Replied the nun, “It was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!”

The priest exclaimed, “What a very serious infraction! What did you do?” 

The nun replied, “Well, I hit the ceiling, Father.” 

The Priest replied, “And how much did you win?” 

I want to thank Stephanie for the written Religious memes that I’ve shared in this issue.  I’ve also printed them out and I’m sharing them with my jail guys tomorrow night.

Sandra was sitting in a bar having a drink. 

This guy walked over and sat down next to her. He said, “You have that ‘lost’ look in your eyes.” 

Sandra said, “You’re close. It’s a ‘get lost’ look.” 

It was the morning after the consummation of the marriage of two senior citizens. 

The new bride awoke purring. Hearing her husband running water in the bathroom, she said, “Did you just brush your teeth?” 

The husband answered, “Yes, dear. And while I was at it, I brushed yours too.” 

One day a mouse was walking on the banks of a river that ran through the jungle. He saw a Hippopotamus in the water and shouted to the Hippopotamus, “Hey you, come out of the water onto this bank, NOW”. The Hippopotamus lumbered onto the bank as requested. The mouse then said, “OK, you can get back in the water now”.

The mouse continued walking along the bank until he came upon a lion having a little dip in the river. The mouse shouted across to the lion, “Hey you, up here, on this bank now!”. The lion was a little concerend about this ‘jumped up’ mouse giving him orders but he complied and climbed up onto the bank. The mouse then said, “OK, you can get back into the water now”. The lion shrugged and returned to the river. 

The mouse continued his trip along the banks of the river until he came across an elephant having a good old soak. The mouse shouted to the elephant. “Hey you, Mr. Elephant, up here on this bank now!”. The elephant lumbered out the water and was then told by the mouse to return to the water. 

The elephant however was a little bit annoyed about having his soak disturbed so he said to the mouse, “What is going on? I’ve just seen you call the Hippopotamus, the lion and now me out of the water, why are you doing this?”. 

The mouse replied, “If I find the son of a gun who stole my swimming trunks, I will kill him!”.

An old Atlantic City classic joke:
_______________

A textbook nerd is at the beach one day, baring his chest and showing off his pale, shrunken chest, and of course all the girls are laughing at him and drooling over the weight-lifting hunks. 

So in desperation the kid goes to the lifeguard and asks, “How can I do something to get these girls interested in me? What can I do to show off?” 

The lifeguard takes pity on this poor guy, with his puny muscles and baggy trunks and lanky hair, and finally he says, “Tell you what – why don’t you take a potato and stick it down your swim trunks. That way the girls will think you’ve got something really big and hard down there, and they’ll want you.” 

So the nerd decides to give it a try. He struts around the beach with a potato in his shorts, and all the girls give him weird, disgusting looks and tell him to get the hell out of there. The nerd can’t understand what’s going on, so he goes back to the lifeguard and asks, “What am I doing wrong? You said they’d like me if I put a potato in my shorts!” 

Without even batting an eye, the lifeguard says, “You gotta put the potato in the FRONT, kid!” 

As an enlisted sailor, I don’t feel that the Navy is advancing me in rank fast enough, so I’m going to change my last name to Stains. 

My guess is they would rather promote me than to have to refer to me as Seaman Stains.

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that reads:

WARNING!
May cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

He is dead on!!!

I remember that screen, but never figured out why there was an indian chief on there.

Yup!

Nope.

Work on it, you’ll get it.

That’s it for today my friends.  I hope you enjoyed the short issue.  There’s a lot going on, Kamala just named her pick for VP…another nut case.  The dude who wants to enact sharia law in Minnesota.  Um…NO!  I don’t mind anyone coming to the US to find a better life.  Come the right way.  Learn English.  Don’t try and turn our country into the one you just left. Become American!  Otherwise, stay OUT!  Get a job, pay taxes like the rest of us.  You didn’t work for social security or any other benefits, you don’t get any until you DO!  I’ll offer a helping hand to anyone who is willing to help themselves.  I WILL NOT feed someone who will not work for their own food.  You don’t work, you starve.  If you physically CAN’T work, that’s a different story.  Why can’t you work?  If it’s because you’re lazy, starve.  I’ve worked and held 4 jobs at the same time so as not to go on welfare in order to take care of my family, until I could get something better.  And I thanked God for those jobs. And those jobs helped me to get something better.  I’m nothing special. If I can do it, ANYONE can. I am ate up with arthritis and hurt every single day, am 65 years old and get up and go to work every day because I need to to plan for my daughter’s welfare.  No, it wasn’t supposed to be like this, but God is taking care of me.  If I can do it, through the pain, anyone can.  I wake up on a GOOD day in enough pain to put these useless children in an emergency room.  You don’t work, you don’t eat.  I EARNED my social security benefits.  When I do take them, I will take them gladly.  You illegals out there…HOW DARE YOU!

Okay…

I’m ranting.

I’m tired.  I haven’t had a day off in two weeks and I’m up super early tomorrow to go play with the FBI tomorrow, two hours away.  I hope it’s worth it.  For now, I’m going to go eat some left over pizza and call it a day.

My love and blessings to you all.