Well, this may end up being a short issue, but I will try my best to give you something to laugh at.  I’ve had a pretty busy week with a CBRN class every day so far this week and another one schedule for every day that’s left.  Plus Grief Group on Wednesday, Bible Study on Tuesday Night and Jail tonight.  I am burning the candle at both ends and in the middle and on top of everything else, the lawyers in Florida pick this week to start sending me paperwork to finalize and sign…which is a good thing…a GREAT thing, but it’s just typical timing.  I should’ve known and prepared for it.

So, at any rate, let’s get to the good stuff and get as much of that in as we can before this poor dragon is draggin’ too poorly.

What an interesting and very appropriate sign

A VERY interesting video sent in by our dear Stephanie.  

Okay, so have you seen this genius?  He’s on a zoom call for court for having a suspended driver’s license in front of the judge…while he’s driving a car!  Brilliant!

The look on his face when he realizes what a moron he is, is priceless!

I will say this…at least Stephanie apologized before sending this next one…

Few people know that before he was famous, the late Johnny Cash tried a chip full of salsa served backstage in Possumneck, Mississippi that changed his life. It was spicy and tangy and smoky and so good that he just couldn’t get it off of his mind. Unfortunately, there was no jar, no label.

Now, there have been rumors that Johnny had kind of an addictive personality. He would sometimes disappear for days on end. People attributed it to drugs or alcohol. The truth is that he would roam the country searching for the special hot sauce of his dreams. He heard rumors and whispers of the deadly condiment and followed them to countless dead ends. He stopped at every Tex Mex restaurant, truck stop, and Mexican grocery in the South without finding what he sought.

One day he heard tell of an old woman, a witch down in the Mayan peninsula in Mexico whom it was said, made the best salsa in the world! He cancelled his next five gigs and headed south. He rode donkeys, Jeeps and horse drawn wagons. He traversed deserts, mountains and jungles before finally reaching the fabled village where the old bruja lived.

He found and entered the old woman’s hut. As luck would have it, she was one of his first big fans, having caught one of his shows at that Holiday Inn in Possumneck, Mississippi while attending a Salsa Aficionado convention where one of her jars of salsa mysteriously disappeared and somehow made its way to a bowl backstage. She consented to sharing her secret recipe with him only after he agreed to write a song for her.

She shared the special Tomatillos grown in Mayan soil. She gave him the seeds from a rare Mexican pepper and showed him the special pan with a rounded bottom, similar to those used in the Far East that she would use to simmer “la lima” or “lime,” the source of the salsa’s tanginess. He asked her if he could just use his regular flat-bottomed pan but she insisted that he must use the round-bottomed pan.

From this came the inspiration for the lyrics: “Because you’re Mayan, I’ll wok the lime!”

It’s just cute!

Like Stephanie said, this is probably a repeat, but it is good enough, that who cares…

RED SKELTON’S SECRET TO THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 🌟

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”

I said, “Dust!”.

Can’t you just hear him say all of these?

I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start with a four letter word or political. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, “And May God Bless” with a big smile on his face.

At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office.

“It has not escaped my attention,” he pointed out, “that every time there’s a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor.”

“You know you’re right, sir,” exclaimed Fisk. “I didn’t realize it… you don’t suppose she’s faking it, do you?”

This is an outstanding article submitted by Stephanie.  I’d try to print the whole thing here, but I really don’t have the time, so it’s a link to Wikipedia instead.  I highly encourage you to read the whole thing and here’s the link.

Charlie Brown and Franz Stigler incident

When it comes to wine I’m very particular about what I buy. There are two things I look for before making my selection.

First, the word “Wine” must appear somewhere on the label. This is something I insist on.

Second, I look for a sign nearby that says “On Sale.”

Follow these two rules and you won’t go far wrong.

A dinner party of different nationalities had arrived at a restaurant. They each ordered a glass of wine, but when the wine arrived they noticed that each of the glasses had a fly in it. 

* The Swede demanded to have new wine in the same glass. 

* The Englishman demanded to have new wine in a new glass. 

* The Finn picked the fly out of the wine and drank the wine. 

* The Russian drank the wine, fly and all. 

* The Chinese ate the fly but left the wine. 

* The jew caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese. 

* The Roman drank two thirds of the wine and then demanded to have new wine. 

* The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish for cod. 

* The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the wine, which he then donated to the Englishman. 

* The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a 65 million dollar compensation for mental suffering. 

* The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and roared: ‘Now spit out all that you swallowed!!’ 

Woman’s Wine Quote: 

“Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you’d like to have dinner with.” 

Men’s Counter-Quote: 

“Women are like fine wine.  They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.” 

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place. 

Mark Twain (1835 – 1910)

A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. 

I’m having a real good time like I am.”

Now THAT is an awesome picture and a suitable place to end this one.  I need sleep.  It ended better than I feared and not as good as I had hoped.  But, it is what it is.  Until next time.