This one is full of cool stuff. How do I know? Because it’s already done and I’m adding the beginning at the end. Why? Because when I started this I didn’t have anything to say so I skipped the beginning and just got right to the fun stuff.
And you know what? I still don’t have anything to say, so let’s get right to the fun stuff!
Fly in amber
A woman joins a country club and one day hears the guys talking about their golf round. She says, “I played on my college’s golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?”
No one wants to say ‘yes’, but they’re on the spot.
Finally, one man says, “Okay, but we start at 6:30 am.” He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late. They roll their eyes, but say, “Okay.”
She’s there at 6:30 am sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She’s fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.
She smiles, and says, “I’ll be there at 6:30, or 6:45.” The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.
They’re totally amazed. They can’t figure her out. She’s very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she’s 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she’s so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can’t hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. After the game they decide to have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse.
Finally, one of the men asks her, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”
The lady blushes, and grins. “Well I’m ambidextrous,” she replies. “I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willy points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed.”
The guys think this is hysterical and burst into laughter. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the them asks, “What if it’s pointing straight up?”
“Then I’m fifteen minutes late.”
Here’s a great football commercial sent in by Lynn…
THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC , PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS.
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
That’s scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.
“Liar, Liar, pants on … Holy Crap!”
One of the main reasons I didn’t have many friends when I was a kid…
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So, he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all its features.
Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.
“Hi Meg,” he said, “how do you like your new phone?”
Meg replied, “I just love it! It’s so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there’s one thing I don’t understand though.”
“What’s that, sweetie?” asked her husband.
“How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?”
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, “He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you.”
Mom said, “No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.
“Spiders! I HATE Spiders!!”
That one was worth it simply for the look on her face in the second picture.
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends. “Oh, no!” she suddenly exclaimed. “Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He’ll be so pissed if it’s not ready on time.” When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg – and a can of cat food.
With no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf. She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner.
To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it.
“Darling, this is the best dinner you’ve made for me in 40 years of marriage! You can make this for me any day.”
Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish.
She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified
“You’re going to kill him!” they exclaimed.
Two months later, her husband died.
The women were sitting around the clubhouse and one of them said, “You killed him “We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in!
“How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your husband?”
The wife stoically replied, “I didn’t kill him.
He fell off the windowsill while he was licking his ass.”
A long time ago I learned not to explain things to people. It misleads them into thinking they’re entitled to know everything I do.
Some people find fault like there is a reward for it!
against all odds,
against all logic,
we still hope.
Hmmm, I found a strange piece of plastic on the floor that looks like it broke off of something, but I have no idea what. Better save it in the junk drawer until I die.
I’ve closed my dating agency for chickens.
I was struggling to make hens meet.
There should be a law that electric cars can ONLY be charged by wind or solar power. If you’re giving up fossil fuel, then give it up.
Just a side note,,I dont worry about my mortgage or car payment anymore.
I’ve done the proper forms and they now, both identify as ‘student loans’ !
Whoo Hoo,,vacation ,,here we come !
UK: We call it Autumn, from the French word “autompne” and later, the Latin “autumnus”
USA: We call it Fall because leaf fall down
That awkward moment when you come home, look in the mirror, and think…”Did I look like this ALL DAY?”
And that’s it my friends. I hope you’ve enjoyed this as much as I have. Until we meet again. May God Bless you with Love and Happiness.