Okay, so I was out mowing the lawn, and as I usually do, I listen to music.  Usually loud, and with the headphones set so that they blank out the background noise so I don’t hear the sound of the mower.  Anyway, one of Mary’s songs came on and I started singing along and crying … which, you can imagine, is a really bad combination on the back of a power mower.  It was Melissa Etheridge, Like the Way I do.  A real power ballad.  Well, I was crying so hard that I couldn’t see where I was going and … well … I hit the house.  Thankfully, it was on the brick part, with the tires so no damage, but I guess the thud was loud enough that Izzy was startled enough inside and the dogs were going nuts.  She came outside to find me crying on the back of the lawnmower … not my best look. LOL!  We both sat out there and laughed for about 5 minutes.  She went in to calm down the dogs and I finished mowing the lawn without further incident. 

Mary … this one is for you!

Just when you think that food can NOT possibly call you on the phone, BOOM!
Onion rings.

Let’s do a real quick one of these PSA’s.  I found this on one of the Air Force Emergency Management Boards that I belong to and found it quite informative.

I found this really cool lightning background, set the timer on my cell phone and propped it up on a chair and then jumped up in the air when the timer went off to get this picture.  Actually, I had to try seven times before I got THIS picture.  (I didn’t keep the other six)  Looks cool, right?

So, now these next batch of pictures are all from the same source, as you’ll be able to tell from the first picture — and they’re all from Stephanie.

Now…wasn’t that a twisted collection of …fish?  Whatever they were.  LOL!  Thanks Steph!

Another “Pet Day” picture.  Here’s Harold, with his pet Lisa.

If a child can work a tablet, phone, or game they can work a broom, mop, and dishes!

So…Sasquatch and I started an email conversation that worked its way around to redheads, and, well…I’ll let you join the conversation with that knowledge

Sasquatch:  Trouble seems to be a guiding light sometimes…or is it just cute redheads?  Maybe one and the same.

Impish:  In my experience, cute redheads are ALWAYS trouble.

Sasquatch:  Well, they say well behaved women rarely make history.  My history with redheads does indicate that they are memorable.

Impish:  Yup, mine have been…historic as well.

And then Sasquatch sent along these 3 Memes…

Yeah, that’s pretty much been my experience…

Never been with a blonde for very long, but they’ve been … fun, brunettes have screwed me over twice, but the third time was definitely the charm, (maybe ’cause there was a bit of redhead in there) and the couple of redheads in my life have scared hell out of me.

I do that now.

Tesla is truly smart technology!!

I bought a new Tesla!! It’ll run on an electrical charge. Had to go back to the dealer yesterday because I couldn’t get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice-activated. “Nelson,” the technician said to the radio.

The radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?”

“Willie” he continued and “On The Road Again” flowed from the speakers. Then he said, “Ray Charles”, and in an instant “Georgia On My Mind” replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away so happy and for the next few days every time I’d say, “Beethoven” I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, “Beatles” I’d get one of their awesome songs.

Well, yesterday, this woman ran a red light and nearly smashed into my new Tesla, but luckily, I swerved in time to avoid her. I yelled at her, “Crazy Bitch”!

The radio replied, “Hillary, Maxine, Kamala, Warren, AOC, or Pelosi?”

God, I love this car!

Okay, that’s disgusting!

So, is that too much TP? 

And how about some mail…or comments real quick?

Good word usage and good sentence structure.  B+

Thanks Cynical John, I’m trying my best, brother.  I get to finally see my counselor tomorrow, while you guys are reading this and I did get to talk to my doctor and get put on some antidepressants, I’ll let you know how that works out.

Thanks Wouter from Centurion, Gauteng, South Africa.  That is way cool!  Man, we have readers from all over the friggin’ WORLD!!!!! Ain’t that sumpin’!  Regards right back atcha!

Why do I feel like there should be a rimshot meme after that last one?

Will make inquires regarding blonde.  And yes, hunters and banjo music do seem to have bad history. 

And that does it for the mail for today.  

A couple of more weird rooms thanks to Stephanie.

So, I got into a taxi this morning and the driver said, “Do you mind if I put on some music?” 

I said, “No, not at all.”

He said, “Kiss?” 

I replied, “Let’s just start with the music and see how we feel after that.”

I don’t know if I could take a dump in what I imagine is supposed to be Donald Duck’s mouth…

Feelin’ awful hampsterish…

Yesterday I completed a chore I’ve been putting off for 4 months. 

It took me 20 minutes. 

I will learn nothing from this.

And to add insult to injury, it looks like he’s talking on his phone!

Why?  Just, Why?

And THAT seems like the perfect END to today’s issue.  Thanks again for all your help and input to today’s edition of Dragon Laffs.  I couldn’t have done it without you.  Love and happiness to you all.