Dragon Laffs #1916


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Good Morning Campers,

Okay, after about 48 hours or work, fighting with programs and removing and installing programs over and over again, I think I finally figured out what the problem was … and the problem was … Impish Dragon is a friggin’ IDIOT!!!!!  My storage space on Word Press was full.  I deleted some stuff so I could get some more stuff on there and it all worked out.  The problem was that there was nothing anywhere that told me that was the problem!  So, over the last 15 years I’ve uploaded like 100,000 images and they are all still on my site, taking up room.  So, I’ve only deleted a few, I’ve got to go through and make some serious room, but that will take some time.  Right now, I’ve got to put together a NEW issue, try to catch things up, get ready for my colonoscopy on Monday, go to the doctor this afternoon, go buy a new over the range microwave later today and finish celebrating my wedding anniversary this weekend! 

Whew!  Just a couple of things going on!

Yup, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to Mrs. Dragon and I!  26 years!  How in the world she has put up with me all this time is amazing, but she has.

And again this year, like every other year on our anniversary something in the house has died.  Every, single year something happens on our anniversary.  You guys remember the great refrigerator and range debacle of last year, right?  The year before it was several deaths in the family.  The year before that it was the car.  The year before that we bought the house.  … Every single year … This year it is our over the range microwave, with the stove vent and light and all that.  Well, $400 is better than $2000 like last year, I guess.

Anyway, Let’s hope all this works and I really have figured all this out, in the meantime, …

let's laugh

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Wow!  I just realized I’m answering emails from June 28th …. yeah …. I’m a little behind.

The amount of people who don’t know the difference between to and too is two damn high

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Re-post this if there is someone still alive today because you don’t want to go to prison.

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Breathtaking

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This is what a castle on an island in Ireland looks like.

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A lady walked by me and said, “no mask?”  I said, “no panties, either.”  That shut her up.  Don’t play with me, Karen.

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If you haven’t read the book, you won’t get the joke.

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dragon pix

Bob

 

Celebrating our Irish heritage

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I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

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My coffee was so dark,  a demon mistook it for a portal to hell.  Long story short:  I need a new mug, a mop, and maybe an exorcism.

Know

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Some people are like a diaper.  Self absorbed and full of shit.

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fantasy

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The street lights around here are way cool.

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Interviewer:  What did you like best about your last job?

Me:  Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake.

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Saying you’re a night owl is redundant because owls are nocturnal.  Unless of course you’re saying you’re a knight owl.  Like Sir Hoot of Mousehuntingshire.  That would make sense.

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My neighbor just got arrested for growing marijuana.

Guess my property line isn’t where I thought it was.

motivational

Every Shower

every slice of bread

Every

everybody

Everything was going great

Evolution

excellence

Excessive Hoarding

Excited Anticipation

Excuses

Excuses2

exercise

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If it’s the thought that counts …

… Then I should probably be in jail.

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You know nothing about a woman …

Until she’s drunk and mad at you.

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Nurse:  What happened to your fingers?

Me:  You know those chefs who cut up vegetables real fast?

Nurse:  Yes?

Me:  I can’t do that.

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God grant me a vacation to make bearable what I can’t change.

A friend to make it funny

and the wisdom to never get my knickers in a knot

because it solves nothing and makes me walk funny.

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I whatever’d when I should have oh hell no’ed.

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Okay … Lynn sent me this.  First of all I’m going to print this exactly as she sent it and then I’m going to do what she said and see what happens.

Weird stuff happens everywhere, it just seems to happen more often in Florida.

Speaking of Florida, everybody Google ‘Florida man’ followed by their birthday (example Florida man January 27th) and see what crazy headline you get.

Florida Man November 19

A Florida man has been arrested for having sex with a miniature horse on multiple occasions, deputies say

And now my turn:

Florida Man December 24 … and okay, I win!

Florida Man Bites His Brother’s Penis Off After He Walks In On His Brother Having Sex With His Cousin On His Favorite Dragon Ball Z Blanket

Mrs. Dragon’s was so tame in comparison:

Florida man ticketed after eating pancakes in middle of intersection

And Izzy Dragon’s falls right smack dab in between the two of us:

Naked Florida man causes fire while baking cookies on George Foreman Grill

And if you think you’ve got one that beats mine … send it in!

Weird Fact

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The one-woman town of Monowi, Nebraska is the only officially incorporated municipality with a population of 1. The sole, 83-year-old resident is the city’s mayor, librarian, and bartender.

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For English language lovers.  What is the difference between “Completed” and “Finished”?  No dictionary has been able to define the difference between “Complete” and “Finished.”  But, in a linguistic conference in England, Sun Sherman, an Indian American, was the clever winner.  His response: When you marry the right woman, you are “Complete.”  If you marry the wrong woman, you are “Finished.”  And when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are “Completely Finished.”  His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

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If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there. ~ Cheshire Cat

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Could you sleep in this bed?

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Okay… well, there’s a complete issue and by all indications, it should post, so if you are reading this, it means you’ve made it to the end of the edition and it did indeed post and all is well with the world.  If you are not reading this, than it means that it didn’t work and … well … you aren’t reading it, so what difference does it make.  Although, if it doesn’t work, you can probably hear me screaming, so you can probably figure it out.

Anyway, I’m just wasting time, so, thanks for all your patience and understanding.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1916

  1. Dave says:

    In 2001, I started a new job as an industrial maintenance mechanic. There were now 7 people in the department. We had a high speed sorting machine that would process 75,000 orders per shift. It had a problem from day 1, that couldn’t be found. I found a simple solution by re-tracking the feed belts. After that, it ran 125,000 orders per shift, (1st mistake?). After about 3 months, the whole machine shut down. After tracing out the electronics and possible mechanical issues, I found 47,000 pages of orders on the computer that were deleted after the orders had been ran. I emptied the recycle bin, clearing up space on the hard drive. (2nd mistake?). After a bit of tinkering, I got the machine to run 300 pieces per minute. Another machine was running top speed of 24 pieces per minute. I was able to get that machine up to 157 pieces per minute. Within a month, I was the only person left in the maintenance department. I worked alone for the next 10 years, until I retired on disability.
    Just a little tinkering and slight adjustments can make a big difference, like the files you left on your webpage. (But who knew)?

  2. Pete says:

    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! May your lair be filled with fun and happiness.

  3. Leah D says:

    Many years ago, as a newbie , my Outlook mail failed me. Like you, I fought imagined demons to no avail. Finally found out I was just constipated . . . . I had never dumped my deleted files.

  4. Leah D says:

    Florida Man February 23 “Florida Man Makes Ghostly Guitar From His Metal Head Uncle’s Skeleton”.

  5. Dave says:

    When you go for your colonoscopy, as long as when you ask where to put your pants, the doctor doesn’t say, “next to mine”, you’ll be okay.

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