Good Morning Campers,

I was very disappointed on Memorial Day.  Mrs. Dragon and I got stuck at the grocery store at 3 pm, but didn’t let that stop us from pulling our cart over to the side of the aisle and bowing our heads for 60 seconds in memory and respect for the men and women who gave their lives for us.  But, it annoyed me that the store didn’t say anything, didn’t even cut out their normal announcements or their crappy music.  Very disappointing.

But, what did I expect.  There is no respect any more.  No thankfulness for the things we have.  I’m incredibly disappointed.  Yes, it was poor planning on our part, but at the same time, I’m kinda glad we were out in public at 3 pm.  Had we been on the road, I’d have pulled off to the side of the road and waited respectfully for that 60 seconds…and I bet we’d have been alone.

I don’t know what I expected.

So, let’s move on and let’s laugh.

Lawyer:  My client is trapped inside a penny

Judge:  What?

Lawyer:  He’s in a cent.

Judge:  You’re going to jail with him

BEAUTY PARLOR

 

A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS

The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE

A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST

Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST

Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF

Cold Storage.

INFLATION

Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO

An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN

A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET

A story you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON

A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE

The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW

One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN

An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES

Something other people have….similar to my character lines.

OLD

I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered?”

And that, my friend, is the definition of OLD! 

In youth, the days are short and the years are long. In old age, the years are short and days long.

New Dragon 2.0.  The latest in dragon technology.

From Pete ….

Ya know, living alone and being under a stay at home order, I go for several days without seeing or even talking to one other human being….but don’t get me wrong……there are downsides too……

Bozo criminal for today is our first ever bozo from the K-9 Division. From Waukesha, Wisconsin comes the story of Officer “Nutz”, a seven year old German Shepherd on the city drug enforcement team. It seems Officer Nutz escaped from his kennel and headed straight to a nearby grocery where he triggered the automatic door and walked right in. Our K-9 bozo then made a beeline for the meat department, snagged himself a package of prime rib and dashed for the exit. Unfortunately for Officer Nutz the crime was captured by the store’s security cameras. He’s been placed on administrative leave pending an investigation by the internal affairs department.

Yeah … just cause it’s a cool pic

Yeah, fuck you Elf on a shelf, time to meet Alien in the crawl space!

MINNESOTA QUARTERS ALERT (IMPORTANT)

Hang on to any of the new Minnesota Quarters you may

acquire.

They may be worth MUCH MORE than 25 cents!

The US Mint announced today that it is recalling all of the

Minnesota quarters that are part of its program featuring

quarters from each state.

This action is being taken after numerous reports that the

new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths,

vending machines, pay phones or any other coin-operated

devices.

The problem lies in the unique makeup of the Minnesota

quarter, which was designed by a couple of Norwegian

specialists, Sven and Ole. Apparently the duct tape holding

the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming up the

machines.

UFF Da!

YA SHURE – YOU BETCHA

I duck my head down while driving into underground parking garages to make my car fit, in case you wondered what kind of superior intellect I’ve passed down to my kids.

Then we have this stupid bitch…

And every veteran and family member of a vet wept

And then I found this PERFECT cartoon:   Thanks Aussie Pete!!!

And this Darwin Award worthy send from Sasquatch cracked me up!

Today I was driving in the city of Detroit where I saw a couple of guys pushing one truck with another with a rimless tire in between. The tire slipped out going around a corner resulting in minor crunching and the tire stuck up under the push truck. About 15 minutes later I was back on the road and saw them again. To make sure that the tire didn’t slip out again they had one guy sitting on the hood of the truck with his legs wrapped around the tire to keep it between the two trucks. I’m thinking I’ll probably be seeing him in a wheelchair at a freeway off ramp or party store looking for money soon.

And a couple of Darwin Award worthy photos:

This next one I just want to wait and watch for them to leave …

And in the category of “Why Can’t I Get a Job?” and “Where Do My Tax Dollars Go For Welfare Money?”

And most of you youngsters aren’t gonna get THAT one, either.

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on tinder do I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over tonight so he’ll clean the apartment.

I’m not sure if this is from a guy or a girl, but either way … well played.

MY EYES!!!!!

The Immigrants Poem

  I cross river, poor and broke, take bus, see employment folk.
  Nice man treat me good in there, say I need go see Welfare.
  Welfare say, ‘you come no more, we send cash, right to your door.
Welfare checks, they make you wealthy, Medicaid, it keep you healthy!
  By and by, got plenty money, thanks to you, TAXPAYER dummy.
  Write to friends in motherland, tell them ‘come, fast as you can’
   They come in buses and Chevy trucks,
  I buy big house, with welfare bucks. They come here, we live together,
  More welfare checks, it gets better!
  Fourteen families, they moving in, but neighbor’s patience wearing thin.
  Finally, white guy moves away, I buy his house, and then I say,
  ‘Find more aliens, for house to rent. In my yard I put a tent.
  Send for family, they just trash, …. but they too, draw welfare cash!
  Everything is very good, soon we own whole neighborhood..
  We have hobby, it called breeding, Welfare pay for baby feeding.
Kids need dentist? Wife need pills? We get free! We got no bills!
  TAXPAYER crazy! He pay all year, to keep Welfare running here.
  We think America, darn good place!   Too darn good, for white man race.

  If they no like us, they can go, got lots of room In Mexico.

Why do medications always have side effects like “anal leakage” and “suicidal thoughts”?  Why not “invisibility” or “spontaneous orgasms”?

Okay, to round out this issue… a story and then an very important Last Word.  This was sent to me by my Dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior, but originated with his wife.

“The American flag does not fly because the wind moves past it…the flag flies from the last breath of each military member who has died serving it.”

My lead flight attendant came to me and said, “We have an HR. on this flight.” (H.R. stands for Human Remains.)

“Are they military?” I asked

‘Yes’, she said.

‘Is there an escort?’ I asked.

‘Yes, I’ve already assigned him a seat’.

‘Would you please tell him to come to the Flight Deck. You can board him early,” I said…

A short while later a young army sergeant entered the flight deck. He was the image of the perfectly dressed soldier. He introduced himself and I asked him about his soldier.

The escorts of these fallen soldiers talk about them as if they are still alive and still with us. ‘My soldier is on his way from Iraq back to Virginia,’ he said. He proceeded to answer my questions, but offered no  other words.

I asked him if there was anything I could do for him and he said no. I told him that he had the toughest job in the military, and that I appreciated the work that he does for the families of our fallen soldiers. The first officer and I got up out of our seats to shake his hand. He left the Flight Deck to find his seat.

We completed our preflight checks, pushed back and performed an uneventful departure.

About 30 minutes into our flight, I received a call from the lead flight attendant in the cabin.

‘I just found out the family of the soldier we are carrying, is also on board’, she said. She then proceeded to tell me that the father, mother, wife and 2-year old daughter were escorting their son, husband, and father home. The family was upset because they were unable to see the container that the soldier was in before we left.

We were on our way to a major hub at which the family was going to wait four hours for the connecting flight home to Virginia. The father of the soldier told the flight attendant that knowing his son was below him in the cargo compartment and being unable to see him was too much for him and the family to bear. He had asked the flight attendant if there was anything that could be done to allow them to see him upon our arrival. The family wanted to be outside by the cargo door

I could hear the desperation in the flight attendants voice when she asked me if there was anything I could do. ‘I’m on it’, I said. I told her that I would get back to her.

Airborne communication with my company normally occurs in the form of e-mail like messages. I decided to bypass this system and contact my flight dispatcher directly on a secondary radio. There is a radio operator in the operations control center who connects you to the telephone of the dispatcher. I was in direct contact with the dispatcher. I explained the situation I had on board with the family and what it was the family wanted. He said he understood and that he would get back to me.

Two hours went by and I had not heard from the dispatcher. We were going to get busy soon and I needed to know what to tell the family. I sent a text message asking for an update I saved the return message from the dispatcher and the following is the text:

‘Captain, sorry it has taken so long to get back to you. There is policy on this now, and I had to check on a few things. Upon your arrival a dedicated escort team will meet the aircraft. The team will escort the family to the ramp and plane side. A van will be used to load the remains with a secondary van for the family.

The family will be taken to their departure area and escorted into the terminal, where the remains can be seen on the ramp. It is a private area for the family only. When the connecting aircraft arrives, the family will be escorted onto the ramp and plane side to watch the remains being loaded for the final leg home.

Captain, most of us here in flight control are veterans. Please pass our condolences on to the family. Thanks.

I sent a message back, telling flight control thanks for a good job. I printed out the message and gave it to the lead flight attendant to pass on to the father. The lead flight attendant was very thankful and told me, ‘You have no idea how much this will mean to them.’

Things started getting busy for the descent, approach and landing. After landing, we cleared the runway and taxied to the ramp area. The ramp is huge with 15 gates on either side of the alleyway. It is always a busy area with aircraft maneuvering every which way to enter and exit. When we entered the ramp and checked in with the ramp controller, we were told that all traffic was being held for us

‘There is a team in place to meet the aircraft’, we were told. It looked like it was all coming together, then I realized that once we turned the seat belt sign off, everyone would stand up at once and delay the family from getting off the airplane. As we approached our gate, I asked the copilot to tell the ramp controller, we were going to stop short of the gate to make an announcement to the passengers. He did that and the ramp controller said, ‘Take your time.’

I stopped the aircraft and set the parking brake. I pushed the public address button and said: ‘Ladies and gentleman, this is your Captain speaking: I have stopped short of our gate to make a special announcement. We have a passenger on board who deserves our honor and respect. His name is Private XXXXXX, a soldier who recently lost his life. Private XXXXXX is under your feet in the cargo hold. Escorting him today is Army Sergeant XXXXXX. Also, on board are his father, mother, wife, and daughter Your entire flight crew is asking for all passengers to remain in their seats to allow the family to exit the aircraft first. Thank you.’

We continued the turn to the gate, came to a stop and started our shutdown procedures. A couple of minutes later I opened the cockpit door. I found the two forward flight attendants crying, something you just do not see. I was told that after we came to a stop, every passenger on the aircraft stayed in their seats, waiting for the family to exit the aircraft.

When the family got up and gathered their things, a passenger slowly started to clap his hands. Moments later, more passengers joined in and soon the entire aircraft was clapping. Words of ‘God Bless You’, I’m sorry, thank you, be proud, and other kind words were uttered to the family as they made their way down the aisle and out of the airplane. They were escorted down to the ramp to finally be with their loved one.

Many of the passengers disembarking thanked me for the announcement I had made. They were just words, I told them, I could say them over and over again, but nothing I say will bring back that brave soldier.

I respectfully ask that all of you reflect on this event and the sacrifices that millions of our men and women have made to ensure our freedom and safety in these United States of AMERICA.

Foot note: I know everyone who reads this will have tears in their eyes, including me. Prayer chain for our Military. Don’t break it! Please send this on after a short prayer for our service men and women.

Don’t break it!

They die for me and mine and you and yours and deserve our honor and respect

Prayer Request: When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our troops around the world. There is nothing attached. Just send this to people in your address book. Do not let it stop with you. Of all the gifts you could give a Marine, Soldier, Sailor, Coast Guardsman, Airman, and others deployed in harm’s way, prayer is the very best one. And do not forget to remember our law enforcement officers and firemen.

GOD BLESS YOU!

Yes, I know you’ve probably heard this story before, but it was worth repeating…now

I know I’ve asked you guys for stuff in the past, and maybe it’s to the point where I’ve worn out my welcome and please don’t feel like you HAVE to do anything, but I received a work email today that I just felt like I had to share with you guys.  Now, I have to edit it because I’m not sure I’m supposed to share it, but I’m going to anyway, because I know I can trust you guys and because, well … screw it, I just am.

A Security Forces Squadron Member was recently involved in a vehicle accident. The Member and her family have an immediate need for child expenses, necessities to meet basic day to day living needs and funds to prepare for long term care. The Member is located out of state and anything donated to the Member will need to be collected and mailed.

Any contributions or cash donations (including gift cards, prepaid VISAs, etc.) are purely voluntary and will be greatly appreciated. If you would like to donate or have questions, please contact ….

We will collect donations through Sunday of the July UTA. Thank you.

Okay, a little bit of the back story.  I can’t tell you her name, or much about the injury other than it’s pretty bad and the long term care thing might be significant.  Her and her husband have little kids at home and it’s really a sad situation and freak kind of accident.

The problem is there is no go fund me site or anything like that that I can direct you to (there might be that the family set up that they haven’t shared with us because we are not legally allowed to share that on base) so the only thing that I can do is donate cash to the people that I’ve edited out of the above email.  And the July UTA (Unit Training Assembly) is just a couple of weeks away.  So, the only thing I can think of, is for you guys to donate in the normal manner to Dragon Laffs, I convert it to cash and then make the cash donation to the officer who is taking donations in the name of Dragon Laffs.

What do you guys think?  Reply in the comments, let me know.  And God Bless You All.

Impish Dragon