Dragon Laffs #1879


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Good Morning Campers,

Well, what an interesting day it is!  Today is April first!  April fools day! Major League Baseball  Opening Day, Maundy Thursday, National Book2Burrito Day, and Take Down Tobacco National Day of Action. 

Okay, I smoke cigars, so not much of a Take Down Tobacco sort of Dragon, I do like a good burrito … okay, let’s face it, even an okay burrito is still a burrito. 

Book1Maundy Thursday commemorates the Last Supper on the Thursday before Easter.  (Maundy refers to the foot-washing Jesus provided the apostles prior to the Last Supper). 

Major League Baseball opening day is important to an awful lot of people … not 462necessarily THIS dragon, but for a lot of other people.Book

And April Fools Day…. probably be more about that later, I’m sure.  There have been an awful lot of really GREAT April Fools jokes and pranks through the years and we’ll try to visit some of them throughout this issue. 

But, you may have noticed a bit of a theme to start out this issue.  It may have been a bit subtle and 460difficult to pick up on.  There have been a few clues 461dropped here and there, maybe I have been a bit too subtle, so I’ll lay it all out here.

You guys remember I’ve been keeping track of the number of books I’ve been reading?  Well, I started … are you ready?  April first 2020!  So it has been exactly, to the day one year since I started counting books read!  It started out as a thing to do while I was teleworking and staying at home, but I have always been in love with reading.  I truly believe that it has been one of the things through Book3my life that has guided me, kept me whole, and has allowed me to visit places, and spaces, times and futures, without ever leaving my own home.  I’ve learned things and know things and stretched my own mind and have kept the evil devil away called Alzheimer’s.

One of the greatest things a parent can do for a child is give them the gift of reading.  I was reading real books before I was even in kindergarten and stayed ahead of the curve all through school.  Reading at a 12th grade level before I ever left grammar school.  Voraciously swallowing up all the science fiction and fantasy I could find, but reading pretty much a bit of everything.  And it has served me well over the years.  My mother, bless her soul, started reading to me before I could talk.  I remember Sir Kevin of Devon being one of my very favorites, but there was also Harold with his wonderful purple crayon and many, many others. 

So yes, I am a HUGE believer in:  2a1b

But here it is, one year later.  And I’m sure you are all waiting on the edge of your seats wondering what the grand total is.  Well, here it is… the grand total, after one full year of tracking my books is …

Drum Roll Please …..

121

Okay, that may not seem like a lot to you guys.  But, if you think about it, that’s one book every three days. Every 3.0165 days to be exact.  And that’s not like I read a book in three days, that’s like I read a book every three days, over and over again for a whole year.  I’m actually quite proud of that number. 

And yes, I’m going to continue to keep track.

And now,

Let's Laugh

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I wonder if a murderer has ever crossed my path, contemplated murdering me, and then thought, “nah”.

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I don’t have a Bucket List, but my Fucket List is a mile long.

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Just burned 2000 calories.

That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

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dragon pix

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Me and my mates getting ready to go out for the evening.

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How’s the diet going?

Not good.  I had eggs for breakfast.

Scrambled?

Cadbury.

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I just want to be remembered for two things:

That I made people’s lives easier, and that I always made them laugh.

Oh, and if you all could forget my drunk shenanigans, I’d appreciate it.

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Someone sent me an email about using vodka for cleaning around the house … It worked!  The more vodka I drank, the cleaner the house looked!

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public

Okay campers, listen up.  This is important and something I had never heard of before.  Have any of you guys ever heard of the International Sign for Help Me?  It looks like this:

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Or in action it looks like this:

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The website seems to talk about being able to signal into a camera for a face time call or something and communicate your need without saying anything or giving anything away, but there are a bunch of other uses as this video suggests.  Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8Vq_yDGSco

I truly think this is something that we need to get out there as much as possible.  Spread it far and wide.  The more people that know, the more that can be helped and possibly saved. 

And if you see something, say something.  You don’t have to be the hero, call 911 or whatever it is where you live and let the authorities handle it.  Don’t be the “I don’t want to get involved” person.  Think if it was your daughter, sister, son, brother, … or if it was YOU waiting for someone to DO SOMETHING.

Go back and watch the video again.

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I figured it was something like that.

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Fantasy

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“I’ve got to find a new apartment.  The neighbors here are so nosey!”

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Happy Valentine’s Day?

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I’m gonna have to try that one with Mrs. Dragon.

Don’t expect me to stop if you’re broken down on the side of the road.  You were offered an extended car warranty several times.

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motivational

bowling

Boyfriend

boys

Brainstorm

Branches

Brass Knuckle Coffee Cup

Bravado

brave_girl

bravery

Brazen

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Um… I have questions.

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Sarcasm is a body’s natural defense against stupidity.

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There will always be someone who can’t see your worth.

Don’t let it be you.

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Okay folks … it’s time!  And there’s a bunch of them.  Lots of stuff to share today.  Obviously a lot of you are getting pissed off about what is going on and it’s showing in what you are sharing.  And I have something special to share with you at the end.  So, without further ado, let’s get into our …

politicians

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Hey, it worked for Hillary!

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I was once willing to give my life for what I believed this country stood for. 

Today, I’d give my life to protect my family from what this country has become.

And what an extraordinarily sad statement that is!

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Kinda Odd how Liberals think that every Post, Tweet, and Meme needs to be fact checked for truth and honesty but …

Not the Ballot Box.

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LOL!  Oh, this guy cracks me up!

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Get ahold of the democrats.  They’ll take care of you.

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Latest Fair Golf Rules:

President Biden, by suggestion of KH,  has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective September 1, 2021. This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2000 pages) is being rewritten as we speak .. Here are a few of the changes.

Golfers with handicaps:

– below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.

– between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.

– above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play ..

The term “gimmie” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:

– handicaps below 10, no entitlements.

  – handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts ..

– handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up ..

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.

In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term “net score” will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.  This is intended to “re-distribute” the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only “net score” against every other player’s “gross score”.

These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.  Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility. This is “The Right Thing to do.”

The new rules eliminate the discriminatory word handicap and replace it with CTMPD (circumstances that make progress difficult).

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And now, as promised, something special from one of our own campers.

I had a lot of trouble making this and this about the best I could do, I hope it is readable.

I wrote this a few years ago when Obama’s EPA tried to claim ownership of every drop of water in the country, (remember that). I tried to write it from my Daughter’s perspective (that’s her in the picture) I think it is taking on the same meaning today.

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Absolutely wonderful!  Thank you for sharing.

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And now, to add insult to injury!!!!!

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This is absolutely infuriating to me!  I can’t believe that even our beloved Sesame Street has caved to this bullshit!  You can read the rest of the article here: https://babylonbee.com/news/sesame-street-introduces-todd-a-white-male-muppet-that-is-blamed-for-everything

But I can’t express to you how much this pisses me off!  I am so ready to read somebody the riot act if I just knew who it was I was supposed to tell off! 

Oh, and I have to remind you … remember what day it is.

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You think you know stress?  When I grew up, if you missed a TV show you just missed it.  Forever!

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I’m so old, I don’t even buy green bananas

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I’m not sick, I’m twisted.  Sick makes it sound like there’s a cure.

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And that my friends is it for today.  I didn’t have as much fun with April Fools Day as I wanted.  Ran out of time, as I usually do, but there it is.  Hope you enjoyed my offerings just the same.  May you have a wonderful day.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1879

  1. Leah D says:

    Loved the poetry, especially, the last four lines. That question has been boiling in my head ever since my kids . . . then grandkids . . . now great grandkids were born.

    • Pete says:

      Thank you, Leah. That is the question we all should be asking for our kids and grandkids and it should be the motivation for us to see to it that it is still America for them.

  2. Dave says:

    I hope the guy in the cartoon having coffee and a Danish, isn’t having a cheese Danish!

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