And welcome to the first of March!  You might be wondering about the significance of the header above with the cute little piggy and the peanut butter … well, I’m going to tell you.  March first is both National Peanut Butter Lover’s Day and National Pig Day!

We get the first day of Spring in March.  We get St. Patrick’s Day in March.  Little Red Wagon Day.  Mrs. Dragon’s Birthday.  Irish American Month.  National Celery Month. National Frozen Food Month.  Red Cross Month.  Social Workers Month … and at some point in time we’ll change the clocks ahead.  So … March is going to be an exciting month.

And speaking of exciting … what do you say we get to the excitement now, shall we?

 

Thanks to John S. for … Bozo criminal for today comes from Manchester, New Hampshire where bozo Charles Finney walked up to the doors of the Fleet Bank at 8:50 AM wearing a ski mask and carrying what looked to be a gun. Our bozo was ready to rob, but he was about ten minutes too early, as the bank hadn’t yet opened. Astonished bank employees watched from inside as our hapless bozo yanked on the locked doors to no avail. Finally, he took off his mask, hopped back into his car and drove away. Alert bank workers took down the bozo’s license number and he was arrested by the cops a few minutes later. By the way, that object he was carrying that looked like a gun turned out to be an ice scraper.

I asked my doctor today how long he thinks this COVID thing will last.  He responded with, “How should I know?  I’m a doctor, not a politician.”

An older picture of me and my siblings being born.  Not sure which one is me.

There’s a certain age when you can no longer use the term “Good girl gone bad”.  It’s more like “Her old ass should know better.”

That’s just wrong in so many ways …

Okay, I don’t know about the rest of you, the first two were weird, but the last one was creepy as fuck.

Yeah … what he said.

Sadly … very few of us can be a dragon.

Imagine how much better the world would be if more of us could be dragons.

Dear Alaska, Thanks for the 7-day free trial.  We are not interested in pursuing residency at this time.

Little Known Fact:  Alice was on drugs and was a bit of a slut

Sucks, don’t it, democrat?

It’s scary when the weatherman is the closest one to telling the truth on the news now.

Maybe Thirteen is the last name?

“Quick!  I need a can for the picture!”

Honesty is a very expensive gift.

Don’t expect it from cheap people.

The world is full of monsters with friendly faces and angels full of scars.

And these first five are in appreciation of our own Aussie Pete!

Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.

The tragedy of life is not death but what we let die inside of us while we live. ~ Norman Cousins

When I’m famous everyone will say, “I used to follow him on Facebook!” or “I worked with that guy!” or “I’m not surprised he finally snapped…”

That’s enough to do it for me every single day.

I don’t know if Facebook has ever made the lame to walk.  But it has, beyond all doubt, enabled the dumb to speak.

That is just way weird!

I’m too busy smoking my own grass, to notice if yours is greener.

Lynn sends us these specially themed jokes …

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus?

Reprimand from the scientific ethics and integrity committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

What do you call a cow that gets an abortion?

Decaffeinated.

What helps reduce your risk when trading livestock futures?

A Hedgehog

What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?

Barnes and no-bulls.

I just found out that Santa Claus raises livestock in between Christmases….

I guess you could call him at Jolly Rancher.

How do you get renters to quickly react to offerings at the livestock auction?

A cattle-list

Whenever someone asks, I recommend to invest in cattle

They’re livestock in a market that’s always Bullish.

alan F

The tractor joke was a lot of hard work for little reward. I doff my cap to you, sir.

I thank you, sir.  Although, I can take no credit for the above mentioned creation.  I am simply the provider of such jokes, not the creator.  I am the AT&T operator of this creation, connecting your submissions with you readers.  Okay, so some of it is mine.  Anything in blue is definitely mine.  The style is mine.  The witty banter is mine.  Okay, so more of it is mine than I originally thought, but the cartoons and jokes are mostly you guys.  The commentary … mostly mine…. anyway … thank you, sir.

REALLY could have worded that one better!

Only have a couple of these today …

Okay, I’ve got a question:  If the current power grid can’t handle a night of 20 degree temperatures without rolling blackouts, how in the hell are we going to plug in 100 million electric cars to charge every night?

And that’s going to do it for today my friends … May your week be filled with joy and laughter.