Dragon Laffs #1808


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Hi

Good Thursday Morning Campers,

400aAnother one of those weeks.  But next week looks better.  Yeah, I keep telling myself that, let’s hope that one of these weeks I’m right.  Got an exercise planned for this week, a special training session planned for Saturday and then classes all weekend long.  I’m working all week, all weekend, and all next week.  But, by NEXT weekend, I’ll hopefully be taking a long weekend … if I’m still alive by then.  I guess we’ll see when we get there.  In the mean time, this one is full of stuff to do.  Doctor’s appointments, eye appointments, dentist appointments, … shesh.  When am I supposed to sleep? 

Don’t say it!!!!!!

Let’s laugh instead, shall we?

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Here’s a road I wouldn’t want to live on.  Hey, give me your address and I’ll come pick you up … I live on Butthole Lane.
roflmao

Yeah, that would be the expected reaction.

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Papa Dragon Most Senior sent this one in:

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And he’s damn right! 

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I want to share w/ you an exclusive excerpt from my book “Speaking for Myself” – now available at SpeakingForMyself.com – about my Christmas trip to Iraq with the president: “Nearly twelve hours later in the pitch-black of the night, with no lights on the plane or the runway, we landed at Al Asad Airbase in the war-torn Anbar province of western Iraq. We quickly unloaded into vehicles and as we drove away and looked back Air Force One was barely visible in the desert darkness.
The president and first lady entered the dining hall filled with a hodgepodge of Christmas decorations. Hundreds of troops had gathered, thinking they were about to be joined for dinner by some of the generals leading the battle against ISIS. Instead, they got their commander in chief. The room erupted. The men and women of our armed forces were spending Christmas away from their families and instead spending it with the First Family.
The president and first lady went by each table individually thanking the troops and wished them a Merry Christmas. A member of the US Army told the president he rejoined the military because of him, and the president said, “And I am here because of you.” When the president moved to the next table, the soldier walked over to me and said, “Thank you, Sarah. I love the way you handle yourself. You have a tough job.”
I politely corrected him and said, “Thank you, but what I do is nothing compared to the sacrifice you make. You’re halfway around the world risking your life for the rest of us. That’s a tough job.”
The US Army soldier silently reached up, tore the Brave Rifles patch representing the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment from his arm, and handed it to me. “We’re in this together. It’s an honor to meet you.”
Overwhelmed with emotion and speechless, I just hugged him. I probably held on for longer than I should have, and walked away with tears in my eyes more grateful than ever for the brave men and women of our armed forces. Their selfless sacrifice represents the best of America. I still can’t think about this night and not feel the tears well up, and it’s a memory I will cherish for the rest of my life

Sarah Huckabee Sanders – White House Press Secretary under President Donald Trump from 2017 to 2019 – Amen Sister.

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I knew I matured when I realized that every situation doesn’t require a reaction.  Sometimes you just gotta leave people to do the lame shit their going to do.

And laugh to yourself.

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We have a rare Bozo case today. Both a Bozo criminal and perhaps even a Bozo judge. Here’s the story. 41 year old Francis Glancy of Pittsburgh was held on trial on drunk driving charges after he crashed his bicycle on his way home from a local bar. The bozo could avoid trial and have his record cleaned if he would attend alcohol rehabilitation classes and would agree to have his drivers license suspended for 30 days. The catch is the bozo does not have a drivers license and does not want one. The judge disagreed and ordered him to take a test to get a drivers license just so he could then suspend it.

Ummm…. how’s that again?

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If Pelosi is the Wicked Witch of the West, this is her evil Step Sister from the East, someone just needs to drop a fucking house on her ass! 

Remember a few years ago when TV undercover journalists exposed that Planned Parenthood was selling aborted baby body parts ( A felony), and the California attorney general prosecuted the journalists and never did anything against Planned Parenthood?

That attorney general was Kamala Harris.

This Bitch be Hillary Level Evil!

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This might be the most important vote since the one in 1776.

Well, I got through Thursday, thanks for all your prayers and good wishes, even if you didn’t know you were giving them!  All went well with the exercise.  Now … if I can get through my eye surgery tomorrow and this weekend.  Which reminds me … depending on my eye surgery tomorrow and how “non-evasive” it is, there may or may not be an issue on Saturday.  Fair warning. 

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I don’t feel like I’m getting older … it’s more like my warranty has expired and my parts are wearing out.

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Here’s one for the books …

Daily black licorice habit kills Massachusetts construction worker.

Sept. 24, 2020, 1:25 AM EDT

By The Associated Press

A Massachusetts construction worker’s love of black licorice wound up costing him his life. Eating a bag and a half every day for a few weeks threw his nutrients out of whack and caused the 54-year-old man’s heart to stop, doctors reported Wednesday.

“Even a small amount of licorice you eat can increase your blood pressure a little bit,” said Dr. Neel Butala, a cardiologist at Massachusetts General Hospital who described the case in the New England Journal of Medicine.

Here’s the rest of the story here … https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/daily-black-licorice-habit-kills-massachusetts-construction-worker-n1240902

And I’m a big fan … but not anymore.  Gonna stay away.

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Surrender

Suspense

That is the honest truth.  Life is what you make of it.

Suspicious Lizard

SWAT Troopers

Swedish_Girls

Sweet

swimming pools

Swiss Empire

Taco Bell

Tactical Retreat

Tailgating

Take your son to work day

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Amen!  Which is why God invented coffee!  How do I know God invented coffee?  Just think about if for a minute or two and you’ll get it.

Now, Stephanie sent this to me, with the following line …

A protocol error. Doesn’t surprise me.

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Okay, I get that there’s nothing secure about Dragon Laffs and that we are occasionally invalid … but a protocol error?  Really?  I think your server wouldn’t know proper fucking protocol if it sat up and bit you on your sweet round ass!  How’s that protocol for you!?! 
Okay, that was fun!  What else can we make fun of???

Well, the very next email offers the very next opportunity!!!

Stephanie sends us a bit o’ poetry…

Ode to the Penis

I’ll tell you a short poem; I’ll try to make it quick.
You might think it quite harmless; You might well find it sick.
The subject is quite simple: The joy of having a dick.

Penises are super things; You ladies should be jealous.
Ever since the early days, When it was small and hairless;
I’ve looked upon that bit of flesh, As something very precious.

It starts to grow dramatically, When you’re about thirteen.
Your testicles on either side; Your willy in between.
When erect it’s quite a sight; A purple love machine.

It dangles neatly down below; Obedient and loyal.
Its seeds are hidden well within; Awaiting some fresh soil.
At the slightest hint of lust, It’s ready to uncoil.

It has a mind all of its own; It’s like a wild beast.
It squirms and writhes and stretches out; When you expect it least.
You can’t control its energy; You must wait ’til it’s ceased.

Handle it with love and care; For it can give great pleasure.
Has it grown since last weekend? And when did you last measure?
Still, no matter what its length; It’s something you should treasure.

Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves; Erecting when it shouldn’t.
A bumpy train ride sets it off; Just when you wish it wouldn’t.
Did that lady notice it? You blush and hope she couldn’t.

Some people fret about its size; They give it lots of thought.
Is seven inches long enough? It makes blokes quite distraught.
They peek across in public loos, And try not to get caught.

Masturbating is a sin; That’s what some folk believe.
But those are just old wives’ tales; Outdated and naive.
And if you’re feeling tense or stressed, A quick wank does relieve.

Without this fabulous device, No shag would be complete.
Lesbians will try their best; But must admit defeat.
And what a handy tool it is, When one needs to excrete.

The penis is quite marvelous; It has so many uses.
For women it is special too; Excitement it induces.
And babies can be procreated, From its sperm-filled juices.

And always it remains with you; Until you’re old and frail.
Don’t take it out in public though, Or you’ll be thrown in jail.
Just look at it and feel proud; And thank the lord you’re  male.

Finger snaps!

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And about this one Stephanie says …

And some think romance is dead.

Mildred and Chester knew each other from childhood but were in their Seventies when they got married.
They had to wait for Millard’s mother to pass away first.
Back in those days there was no hanky panky before  marriage so Chester and Mildred were both still virgins.
Needless to say Chester was pretty excited on their wedding night, having waited so patiently all these years.
However, Mildred was very apprehensive as she had developed a heart condition and would have to tell Chester that they could not do it.
Chester is now sitting on the bed wanting Mildred to hurry up. He detects a little reluctance on her part.
Thinking that she is shy he sends her off to the bathroom to get undressed. When she reappears in her silk satin nightie, he gets her to sit next to him on the bed. Not knowing how to get things started he pulls the first strap on her nightie.
She blushes just as red as her silk satin nightie. She is really concerned  about telling Chester about her heart condition.
In the meantime Chester is looking at the first breast he has seen since his own mother’s. It is hanging there down to her belly button: gravity having taken it’s course over some sixty years.
He realizes her anxiety but figures she is going have to be helped a little more. Now he pulls the second strap and sees the second breast unroll downward before him.
Poor Mildred is now beside herself. She is going to have to tell Chester about her heart. With a quivering voice and mustering up all her courage, she says, “Chester I have acute angina.”
Chester says, “I sure hope so. Cuz you’ve shore got ugly tits.”

And I can see why she might think that.

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I’m finished with Debbie!” Tom exclaimed to his friend.
“What did she do?” asked his buddy
“She broke down and told me she was bisexual.
“That bothers you that much?”
“Yeah!!! Who the hell wants to screw just twice a year???”

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YAY, BROTHER!!!!!

And that is the mostest bloodiest perfectest place to end this one!!

I hope to see you all again sometime this weekend.

Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #1808

  1. Leah D says:

    I don’t think it is fair you have such a heavy load at work, when the world is such, you can’t really throw your cares to the wind and unwind,
    I have a question. I see where the new applications for unemployment have sky rocketed. Does that have anything to do with the stimulus checks being almost ready to send out?

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