Good Morning Campers,

The above picture was from George AFB in California at about the same time that I was there in the late 70s, best as I can tell.  The last active unit of the old F-105 Thunderchiefs in the old Wild Weasel configuration.  Nicknamed the Thud it was an awesome old jet.  Sadly, we lost an awful lot of them while I was stationed out there in the Mojave desert.  Which kind of inspired it’s inspirational nickname.  Rumor has it, it was named after Chief Thunderthud from the Howdy Doody cartoon show.  It was a triple threat aircraft.  It could bomb you, strafe you with it’s 20mm gun, or it call fall on you.  We proved that quite well while I was stationed there.  We dropped quite a few of them into the Mojave Desert sand while I was there.  But, by the late 70s those girls were well over 20 years old by then.  But, fast loud and proud they were.  The pilots that flew them loved them.

 

 

I’m about to start telling people different stories about my life so when they get together and gossip about me they end up arguing…

If bedbugs are found on beds, who ever came up with the name cockroach?

I was telling a woman about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

“Really,”  she said, “Go on then … try.”

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, “Come one, what day was I born?”

I said, “Yesterday.”

Bozo News Hawk award goes out today to Larry Kent of Tyler, Texas, who found this bozo story on the Associated Press wire and passed it on to us. From Mesa, Arizona come bozos John Largo,16, and Lee Burner, 17, who went to the local Wal-Mart and purchased a couple of strobe lights, red and blue in color. The bozos thought it would be fun to place the lights on top of their car and see if they could fool any other motorists into pulling over, thinking them to be police. Sure enough, the first car they tried the trick on pulled over. One problem–they pulled over an off duty police officer who arrested them for impersonating an officer and reckless driving.

Okay, can you all say it with me …

Bozo criminal for today comes from Boise, Idaho, where Harlan Collinsworth called the police to his house to report a number of things that had been stolen in a break-in. The bozo told police the thieves had taken a VCR, a bong and a marijuana pipe– but, he pointed out proudly, the thieves had missed a film canister full of marijuana. The cops asked the bozo to show them the canister full of dope and when he did, the police arrested the bozo for drug possession.

Can everyone repeat … ah never mind.  You say to yourself, how friggin’ stupid can they get and it’s like they’re taking it as a personal challenge.

 

That is absolutely disgusting!  True and funny as hell, but also disgusting!

Did You Know:  (No I did not) (Don’t start this shit with me already)  In 2019, a man in India was rushed into surgery after it was discovered that he had swallowed two screwdrivers, two toothbrushes, eight spoons and a kitchen knife?  (WTF?  No forks?  That’s hardly a proper table setting!)  (THAT’S what you come away with?)

Did You Know:  (No I did not) (I’m really warning you) (What?) The “D” River in Lincoln City, Oregon, only measures 440 feet!  (Why bother?) (Why bother what?) (Why bother being a river, if you’re only going to go downstream a whopping 440 feet, why bother) (You make it sound like the river has a choice) (Well, doesn’t it?) (I’m … speechless … ) (Okay then, moving on)

Did You Know:  (    ) (?) (I thought it, but I didn’t say it) (You’re so fucking weird) “DREAMT” is the only English word that ends with “MT” (No it’s not) (Yes it is) (No it’s not) (Name another one) (Another what?) (Another word that ends in MT) (Dreamt) (Besides Dreamt) (I don’t think there are any besides Dreamt) (That’s what I said) (No you didn’t) (Yes I did) (No you didn’t) (I’m not doing this) (See, I win) (That’s not what …) (Exemt) (There’s a “P” in it) (There’s no “P” in it, then it would be Pit) (No, there’s a “P” in Exempt) (Pexemt?  That’s not even a word.  Dude, just admit you don’t have a fucking clue what you are even talking about, do you?)  (Nope.  Not anymore)

 

April and I got kicking around living wills the other day.  She got me to sign one.

You know what a living will is, don’t you?  It’s a document that gives her the legal right, if I become attached to some mechanical device, to terminate my life.

So, yesterday, I’m on the exercise bike and …

Most people don’t think I’m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.

The New Uber Drivers

So, I just figured out 2020 and it’s pretty obvious what happened … “Baby Shark” is an ancient chant that opens a portal to hell.

Do…do…do…do…do…do…

So, it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

I miss the 90s when bread was still good for you, and no one knew what kale was.

If you see me talking to myself,

I’m having a staff meeting.

Bozo criminals for this morning come from Larch Barrens, Maryland where police interrupted a robbery in progress at a local grocery store. The bozos had broken in and were hard at work trying to get into the safe when police arrived. It would have been a long time before the bozos got into the safe with the tool they were using. They had stolen a lazer tag gun from a local amusement center and, thinking the gun was an actual laser, they were shining the light on the safe, waiting for the laser to cut through the metal and open the safe.

Can you say it with me?

Ever wonder why you don’t send cash through the mail?  Because it’s not safe nor secure!  Which is exactly why you shouldn’t vote by mail.

Did You know;  (No I …)  (Just stop!)  (Damn … touchy)  A fast-food burger may contain meat from as many as cows!  (No way!)  (Way)  (Do you realize how big that burger would have to be if they used that many cows!)  (They don’t use the whole cow … oh never mind.)

When I go to the casino, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says, “If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.”

So, I call them and say, “I have an ace and a six.  The dealer is showing a seven.  What do I do?”

I’m normally pretty quiet…

One day a guy calls a lawyer and asks how much he charges for a consultation.

The lawyer says he’ll answer three questions for $350.

“That’s kinda steep, isn’t it?” the guy asks.

“Yes,” the lawyer responded. “Now what’s your third question?”

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit send.

Did I tell you that my old range is now supposed to be picked up on Saturday?  What a cluster … I’m so sick and tired of this mess.  It’s now 730 Friday night and I’m still waiting for the call from New Jersey that is supposed to tell me what time they are going to be here tomorrow to pick it up.  I’m not overly concerned yet since last time I didn’t get the call to tell me what time they were going to drop it off until about 830.  No.  Some people don’t go to bed early because they have to be up at 5 am to go to fucking work in the morning.

Customer Service?  You can’t even fucking spell customer service!

Couple more than I need to get ready to call it a night.

Although … ending on a great pic of Kay Perry’s tits is pretty tempting … nah … then what’s in it for the girls?

LMFMO = Laughing My Fucking Mask Off

Apparently, referring to latex gloves as Corona Condoms at work is frowned upon.

And that is where we’re going to call it an issue.  Until Monday my dear friends.  Be well, be happy, be safe.

Be Loved.

Impish