Dragon Laffs #1704–Day 20


Header1704

Monday

Good Morning Campers,

Well, I’ve tried to rearrange the numbers and the days so that things line up for you guys on the days that you see them, thus you are seeing Monday on Monday.  And it will only screw me since I’m actually writing these words on Saturday. 

I am sitting on my couch with my laptop on my laptop watching Killing Eve on Hulu at my brother, the Owl’s recommendation, starting with season one and I’m completely enamored.  Thank you Owl for the great recommendation!

I went out this morning and picked up ten face coverings that a local business made for some of the guys on base.  They donated the masks and I donated to the business, so it worked out.  The base hasn’t made it mandatory…quite…but it is strongly suggested…which is tantamount to being ordered without being ordered.  The wing commander even had his picture taken with his wife, both wearing masks, which I thought was cool enough that I took my picture wearing one of the masks that we picked up this morning.

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And of course, you can’t take a picture around here without some of the kids playing up or photo-bombing me.  So, there’s that.  blank dragon14

So…since it’s still Saturday, round here right now, let’s throw some funnies around and then maybe get into some other serious stuff.  I hear there might be a plan in the works for going and checking on Peter down in Deception Bay… you know, we haven’t heard from him since his breakdown when he was talking to his appliances…

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So, I guess I’m going to have to start a poetry corner or something.  Here’s one from John S. called ‘Twas the Night Before Quarantine by Author Unknown

‘Twas the night before quarantine” and all through the town,

not a restaurant was open, not a school bus was found.

Hand sanitizers were placed by all doorposts with care,

in hopes that Corona would never come there.


The children were swinging from the crystal chandeliers,

and the stir-crazy babies were almost in tears.
With everyone in health masks and live updates on their screens,

we hunkered down and waited for COVID-19.


For into our lives with a sneeze and a cough came a global pandemic

and a crash of the stocks.
Away to the grocery we all flew like a flash,

and bought all the toilet paper for our personal stash.


As the moon slowly rose on our fates and our fears,

what to my wandering mind should appear?
In the absence of busyness a new life taking form:
in the stillness of solitude, in the silence of the storm.


In the magic of together and home-bound company,

rediscovering connection in our family.

So with the pup in her kennel and the children in their beds,

new visions of adventures now danced in my head!

 

The checklists could wait and the bank accounts would be fine,

for we had been given the most sacred gift of time.
So I gathered the markers and crayons and paints,

I collected the Nerf guns and assembled board games.


With a wink and a smile I moved on to schoolwork:
math facts and science and vocabulary words.
I laughed as I thought it, in spite of myself,

“what if quarantine can heal our emotional health?”


If the birds are still singing and if the flowers still bloom,

surely the sunshine can overcome our gloom.

If we set aside fear and choose kindness instead,

maybe we’ll all begin to realize we have nothing to dread.


I tucked back into bed and smiled up at the moon,

for a peace had replaced the impending doom.
So take heart and take hope through this curious plight,

and “happy quarantine to all” until we’re allowed to reunite.”

 

-Author unknown

 

Some really good advice hidden in there.  And a nice poem as well.  Thanks for sharing John.

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And here’s an email from James C…

Hey there!

Hope you are holding your own (figuratively speaking) down there. Still pretty quiet here, as long as you stay away from the grocery stores! Lineups around the block….people lining up to buy shit they prolly don’t need. I do a little work on the compactors for our 2 biggest food stores, (working on one of them will make you woof your cookies in the summer) and was talking to a guy on the dock. He said that the employees take what they want when the delivery truck unloads, so last time there was only 40 packages of ass wipe for the general public. Hmmm.

The majority of my work is repairing equipment for a major paving company in Vancouver. They sent a crew out to do some patch work in the parking lot of a store in Gibsons, but had to quit because nobody was watching the flag girls, or crew. They were all watching the lineup at the front door. So the crew finished what they had started and left. Later, we find out there was like 49 calls to head office, accusing the crew of making the virus issue more serious, as they were working in a group, not at home, etc. Then we find out people had written the local news and sent pictures of the guys working in the parking lot. Then the provincial newspaper gets letters, emails, pictures, etc, from some very self important people, (who deputized them?) complaining that the crew was to blame if this thing continues, or grows.

So….fuck it. They aren’t going to be trying to get ahead of anything with that general attitude.

That’s my soapbox speech.

Take care of yourself, and have another coffee.

James

And yet these same people were probably part of the line up at the front of the stores…and were they wearing masks and staying six feet apart from each other?  People, some work still needs to be done.  And people are doing the best that they can.

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Oh, that’s terrible!  Funny, but terrible!

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Brenda C

Well checking in from the buckeye state…we had bad storms here too…tornado touched down about 11 miles from my old home town..shifted a brand new doublewide around and took another one off the foundation…Riley knew something was going on…paced like a expectant father but she is female…enjoying the things your sending…and I know who the guy is wanting money…he is originally from Huntington West Virginia..grew up watching him…I sent you a cartoon but you either missed it or did not think you could use it well..enjoy another week of forced seclusion…I did break free the other day and found out they are still among us…let’s put it this way..if they drive like they push a cart we are in trouble..have a good weekend…happy Easter.

Thanks Brenda, glad you are enjoying the show.  Sounds like we got more weather moving in our way tonight (Monday night) with winds up to 50 mph.  Should be an exciting night.  I’m writing this on Saturday and I’m already getting warnings.  As far as the cartoon you sent, sometimes I use them right away, sometimes they get put to the back of the line, sometimes I’ve seen them before and I don’t like to reuse stuff, so you never can tell.  But, keep sending them, please, please, please. 

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breaking-news

Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended.  Not so much to prevent COVID-19 but to stop eating.

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Starting off the day with two eggs for breakfast.  They’re Cadbury eggs but whatever.  Diet plan just says “2 eggs” so let’s not get picky.

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I got people who love me for being me.

I got people who hate me for the exact same reason.

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Wait for it….you’ll see it.

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Dave

Don’t worry about most of the house noises. Our house makes noises too, but there are also times when cold breezes come through, or we see shadows moving or doors moving. It’s probably just Ben, the guy who used to live here but died here,. They should have opened a window right away. Now, he lives with us and we’re okay with it.

Hey Dave, yeah, we’re pretty sure that the lady who we bought this house from, mom who died in the house is still here.  And I’ve been in an honest to goodness haunted house.  I’m pretty sure I’ve told you guys about it before.  So, yeah, so long as they stay nice, I’m okay with it, too.

942

Boy, how times have changed…

So, now it’s Easter Sunday, and I got woke up early by a dear friend who doesn’t seem to understand that some of us have to keep our phones beside our beds and the volume turned up for text messages because of our jobs.  So she doesn’t see anything wrong with sending out Happy messages at very early hours in the morning because she’s up because she thinks it will be a nice surprise for when you wake up.  Because she thinks everyone turns their phone off during the middle of the night so as not to be disturbed…I can’t do that.  Because of my job, I might be called out in the middle of the night.  I don’t want to block her, but I think I’m going to have to ask her, somehow without hurting her feelings, to please not text me on the weekends, sometimes my only days to sleep in, until a reasonable hour.  I don’t ever text anyone until 9 am or later unless I KNOW they are up.  Anyway, Easter Sunday….and I couldn’t take it anymore.  Got up, shaved my pathetic beard off.  Been growing it for a month and it was awful.  Look at me in the face mask again.  You can’t even see it peeking around the mask!  Pathetic.  So, it’s gone.  Along with the itching and scratching.

Let’s read another letter…

Leah D.

My Easter egg hunt was early this year. I have a HUGE amount of plastic Easter eggs. My great granddaughter’s day care needed some. I made sure they were washed and sanitized. When I opened one, I FOUND A DOLLAR! What a RELIEF! I was so STIMULATED!
Then I realized, IT CAME OUT OF MY POCKET, when I filled the eggs for an earlier money hunt.

I know what you mean Leah.  It’s like being excited about getting your tax refund…until you realize that it was your money all along and you had just given the government a year long interest free loan and you were excited to get your own money back.

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Okay, so I got an email from Tom J. with some background information on Deception Bay for our trip to rescue Peter… here’s his email:

Hello again Mr. Dragon. After reading all the comments on Deception Bay, I got curious and tried to find out something about it. I’m thinking that you are also curious unless you already know. I can’t verify this, it’s only what I read and seems honest enough.

Deception Bay is a coastal suburb about 20 miles north of Brisbane Australia. It was named in 1823 by Lieutenant John Oxly who thought it was a river.  Because of his mistake and the shallowness he first named it Pumice Stone River and later changed it to Deception Bay. The current population is a little under 20,000. Here is a picture I borrowed. 

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But wait! There’s more! We have a Deception Bay right here in Oregon. This one was named by Captain John Meares. I’m not sure about the date but it was between 1788 and 1792. Captain Meares made a mistake and thought he had found the mouth of the Columbia River. The name was later changed to Cape Disappointment. I’m told that some still call it Deception Bay. Yes, I have been there. Just about 5 miles up the road is the famous town of Astoria, Oregon, the first permanent settlement west of the Mississippi (1811).

Some popular movies were filmed in Astoria, including Kindergarten Cop, Short Circuit, Free Willie and The Goonies.

Here is a picture of the lighthouse built in 1898 and it is still in use.

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And the bay

 

 

 

Now, while I agree it might be easier to go to Deception Bay in Oregon instead of Australia, I somehow don’t think we’re likely to find Peter there.  Yeah, and Pumice Stone River sucks as a name compared to Deception Bay.  Although you gotta kinda like the name Cape Disappointment.  Although, I don’t think I’d live there if I suffered from depression.

ANYWAY, we’re way off target here!!!! We still need a few more campers as volunteers to rescue Peter… and speaking of which…. I received another message from him.

Aussie Peter

BOO MERINGUE !!!!!! O.M.G. ALL I CAN SAY IS ‘ GROAN !!!! ‘ KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. PETER IN DECEPTION BAY.

Okay, see!  You know if he’s laughing at that Boo Meringue joke, he’s in a bad way!  We have to move and we have to move quick.  I just heard from Santa, and he’s in, but we can’t tell Mrs. Claus.  I guess there was an incident the last time he went up to visit Peter at Christmas time and now she has to accompany him and won’t let him make any special trips up there.  Something about copious amounts of alcohol and parties.  Anyway, we’re leaving tonight.  Mrs. Claus is so enamored of Easter Bunnies, that she won’t even know he’s gone until Tuesday.

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A home schooling mom posted that her kid called her on the cell phone from his room and told her that he missed the bus and wouldn’t be in today.

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This is stupid, I just tried to make hand sanitizer and it came out as bourbon and 7-up.

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Diaman M

Wow…you did it again…loved this issue. Many blessings, Mom

Thanks Mom!  Love you!  Hope you had a wonderful Easter.

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The Powerball is up to an 18 pack of Charmin.

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And even though he followed her directions exactly…

Dad, the lunch lady said some really bad words today.  Son, your mom is under a lot of stress these days….

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Vin L

My take on the Wuhan flu…….
We survived the atomic threat by hiding under our desks.
We survived the liberalization of out educational systems.
We survived the New Age, mind altering drugs and hippie logic.
We survived Leisure suits and oversized bell bottoms.
We made it through many decades, market and employment ups and downs.
I’ll be dammed if I am going to be taken down by some bat shit Chinese bug.

I’m with you Vin.  So many other things we survived.  Some of us survived Vietnam.  Our parents may have survived Korea, our grandparents WWII, the great depression.  We’ve survived new math (whatever the fuck that is).  WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

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I’m with all of them except possibly the second one on the right.  For us it was, “You’ll eat what I make, whether you like or not or you won’t eat.”

Motivational

death tennis

Death Wish

Deathtraps

deception

Decision

Decisions

Decisions2

Dedication

Dedication2

Deep Thoughts

defeat

Defeat2

Defending Yourself

Delicious

Democracy

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949

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have really short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

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I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy” but here we are.

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Well, that took an ugly turn.

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3

950

Her: I don’t even know what the cloning machine does

Me: Well, that makes two of us

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I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.

I know it’s hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.

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And don’t forget tobacco!  LOL.

And that’s it for today folks.  I hope you enjoyed today’s issue.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1704–Day 20

  1. Leah D says:

    I spent Easter listening to different versions of “It is Well with My Soul”, and crying.
    Today I will be leaving the house for a doctor’s appointment. Just saying “leaving the house”, makes the adrenaline flow, and I begin my battle plan.
    It’s not just the germ I am afraid of. Utah has seen extreme speeding since the roads are carrying fewer, and fewer people. A 25 yr old wrecked an Aston Martin, going about 100 mph when he clipped the side of a truck.

  2. Larry S. says:

    You mentioned the base commander and his wife waring face masks. As of one day this past week, wearing a mask is MANDATORY while visiting the WPAFB Commissary. Thought that you might like to know. Keep up the good work!

  3. Diaman MacKedsy says:

    Dear son, Day 20…am I in heaven or what?? 20 days of laughs!! Fells like heaven & EVERYONE IS LAUGHING. Love you so much. Mom

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