Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree How lovely are your …. why is the Christmas tree on Fire?

So, yeah, it’s been one of those weeks.  Maybe the tree hasn’t caught on fire, but the way the week been going, it’s only a matter of time.

Lost another friend last week.  The crappiest part about growing old is that you start to out live your friends and, so it seems, your family.

The song say that this is the Most Wonderful Time of
The Year… so, I’m going to have to do something to start proving that.  I guess the first thing I can do is to start putting some laughter in the air, so let’s get started with that, shall we?

 

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you…don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.

After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone… “She’s finally gone…yeah I know, about bloody time. I’m coming to see you, put on that sexy french nightie. I love you…can’t wait to see you…we’ll do all the naughty things you like.”

He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.

She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed.

Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…
The note read, “I can see your feet under the bed. We’re outta beer. Be back in five minutes.”

Would it surprise anyone to know that when he got back she was waiting with a gun?

Anyone who’s been married long enough saw that one coming from a mile away.

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding…Is it appropriate to open my speech with “Welcome back everyone.”

I asked my wife if I was the only one she had been with.

She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens…

What’s the meanest thing you can do to a person?

Take the light bulb out of the bathroom and leave the plunger in the toilet!

My kids laugh because they think I’m crazy.

I laugh because they don’t know it’s hereditary.

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife.  But, she figured out I was only after my money.

Common Sense is like deodorant.  The people who need it most never use it.

Can I borrow $100 but only give me $50 of it?

That way you still owe me $50 and I owe you $50…that would make us even.

Sorry folks, ran out of time.  That’s it for today.  Working again this weekend.

Love you all,

Cheers,

Impish Dragon