Dragon Laffs #1674

Unbelievable….

It’s Friday morning. I’ve taken the day off work so that I can take Mrs. Dragon to the doctor to have some annual tests run. Last week at work was a week from Hell and next week will be the same, but this week I’ve just been preparing for a huge CBRN Rodeo (no, not a real rodeo, no horses involved, just training lots of people) next weekend. I’ve been working on the issue all week. HUGE issue. I just went to upload it to the website and it disappeared…

All gone…

POOF!

Electrons dispersed into the ether.

I’m gob smacked.

I think I finally understand what that word really means.

Sitting here in front of laptop, hit upload, it said something about a fatal error and *blink* all gone.

Now, I just tried it with what little bit I have here and it works fine. I know I’m using “old technology” that’s “no longer supported” ( I use Windows Live Writer) to write these blogs because I FRIGGIN LIKE IT, but come on! Just a little bit of a break here!

Okay, here we go. I’ll never recreate the post that I had, but start from scratch and create a new post in less than … well …. subtract the hours that I’ll be gone taking Mrs. Dragon to the doctor… carry the one … NOT MUCH DAMN TIME!!!!!

So…………….

Because it’s either that or cry!

Mrs. Dragon found this picture of the Bald Eagle sitting atop the flag pole somewhere…I’m not really sure where she finds some of the really cool stuff she finds, but I asked her to share it with me so I could share it with you guys and there it is. I thought it was pretty awesome!

Okay, so that was really BAD!!!!!

Adulthood is like looking both ways before crossing the street and getting hit by an airplane.

Ma and Pa Kettle were sitting on the front porch rocking away listening to Reverend Ike on the radio.

The Reverend said, “Place your left hand on the part of your body you want healed, raise your right hand in the air and say, ‘I Believe, I Believe!’ and you shall be healed.”
Well, Ma placed her left hand inside her blouse over her tired, old heart and lungs, and raised her right hand in the air and shouted, “I Believe, I Believe!”
Meanwhile, Pa just looked at her like she was some kind of lunatic. Then, Ma started breathing nice and easy, without her old wheeze, and she started rocking twice as fast as before. A wonderful color came back into her cheeks.
Pa shrugged his shoulders, and figured what the heck. So, he shoved his left hand down the front of his pants. Then, he started to raise his right hand in the air.

Ma then said, “Pa, the Reverend said, ‘Heal,’ not raise the dead.’”

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up driven by a very beautiful women, who asked, “Are you okay?”

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for…

“I’m okay I think,” I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

“That’s nice of you,” I answered, “but I don’t think my wife will like me doing that!”

“Oh, come now, I’m a nurse,” she insisted. “I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly.”

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, “I’m sure my wife won’t like this.”

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, “I feel a lot better but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I’d better go now.”

“Don’t be silly!” she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. “Stay for a while. She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Still in the ditch with my Harley, I guess.”

My mind is like my internet browser…
19 tabs open
3 of them are frozen
and I have no idea where the music is coming from

Be Decisive.
Right or Wrong, make a decision.
The road of life is paved with Flat Squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.

If you didn’t get that one you’re too young.

Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons. They forget to mention morons.

Ever been so drunk you got hit by a parked car?

I told Santa what I wanted for Christmas.
He washed my mouth out with soap.

I dusted once.
It came back.
I’m not falling for that again.

I’m not sure how many chocolates equals happiness…but so far it’s not 27.

When I’m bored, I call a random number, say this and hang up…

It’s done. I hid the body…headed your way. Got you on GPS. You better have my money.

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army Soup Kitchen. All I said was: “Hurry up, some of us have go homes to go to.”

As a young child my mother told me I can be anyone I want to be.

Turns out this is called identity theft.

According to a Guardian article, the average person has sex 89 times a year! Looks like I’m in for a wild December!

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.

She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.

“Your Honor,” she began coolly, “I figured that at 92, if he could still fuck, he could fly!”

A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs Viagra.The mom asks, “Why on earth do you need that?” The little boy replies, “Isn’t that what you give dad when HIS shit won’t get hard?!”