Dragon Laffs #1592


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Good Morning Campers,

Still plenty of work keeping me busy, so what do you say we get right to the laughs?

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‘SELL BY’ DATES ARE (MOSTLY) A BUNCH OF BS

All they do is make you throw away perfectly good food.

Americans waste a ton of food: Roughly 50 percent of all produce in the U.S. is thrown away. That’s about 60 million tons (or $160 billion worth) of produce annually, according to a report published in The Guardian. Even more shocking, that amount constitutes roughly “one-third of all foodstuffs” in America. This problem expands beyond America, too: Approximately one-third of food produced for human consumption in the world is also lost or wasted.

So why are we throwing away so much food? One reason is that the majority of Americans have absolutely no clue what “sell by” labels are trying to tell them, which often encourages overcautious consumers to throw away perfectly good food.

To clear up any confusion, Dana Hunnes, senior dietitian at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, helped us figure out the real meaning of “sell by” dates. “The ‘sell by’ date is aimed at retailers, and it informs them of the date the product should be sold or removed from the shelf,” Hunnes explains. “The sell-by date does not mean the product is unsafe to consume after that date.” In other words, the “sell by” date isn’t aimed at consumers at all — we simply pay attention to them, because manufacturers haven’t done a good job of clearly labeling our food.

The only reason manufacturers stick these labels on their food is actually to protect the reputation of their products — they want consumers to see and consume their food right as it reaches peak freshness and taste. According to the Institute of Food Technologists, in fact, one-third of a product’s shelf-life remains after the “sell by” date.

This, naturally, leaves us with the same basic question: How long is food safe to eat after passing its “sell by” date?

Dana Gunders, food scientist at the National Resource Defense Council and author of the Waste-Free Kitchen Handbook, previously recommended using your senses as a guide: “If it looks bad, tastes bad and smells bad, don’t eat it,” she explained. “However, if it looks fine, tastes fine and smells fine, you’re probably okay.”

Hunnes provides some more precise suggestions, but adds that hard-and-fast rules are tough to pinpoint when it comes to the freshness of food:

  • Meat: One to three days beyond the “sell by” date
  • Dairy: One week beyond the “sell by” date
  • Eggs: One month beyond the “sell by” date
  • Bread: One week (or two to three weeks in the fridge) beyond the “sell by” date

Canned foods and frozen foods last even longer, according to nutritionist David Friedman, author of Food Sanity: How to Eat in a World of Fads and Fiction: “Items from the freezer section of the supermarket are safe to eat indefinitely, although you may want to discard them if you see freezer burns,” he explains. “High-acid canned foods, like tomatoes and citrus fruits, will keep for up to two years past the ‘sell by’ date, and low-acid canned goods — vegetables, meat and fish — will last up to six years past the ‘sell by’ date.”

This handy website also has a massive database of food products and their shelf life.

At the end of the day, the only foods you should absolutely avoid eating past their “sell by” dates are deli meats, unpasteurized dairy products, ready-to-eat refrigerated foods and hot dogs and sausages that aren’t fully cooked. That’s because these foods may harbor listeria, which can grow under refrigeration (unlike most bacteria).

Otherwise, you’re better off paying more attention to your nose than any “sell by” date. “There’s no better judge as to whether food is rotten than the olfactory test,” Friedman emphasizes. “It should smell fresh without an unusual or unpleasant odor of any kind.” If it does, dig in while flipping off the “sell by” date for nearly deceiving you out of a perfectly good meal.

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Yeah, that would bother me, too.  What about the damn leopards?

 

50 Shades of Grey for Seniors
 
Back and forth. . . in and out. . . in and out . . . a little to the right. . a little to the left . . . she could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . between her breasts. . and, trickling down the small of her back. . . she was getting near to the end. 
He was in ecstasy. . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved. . . forwards then backwards. . forward then backward. again. . . and again. . . her heart was pounding now. . . her face was flushed . . . she moaned softly at first, then began to groan louder . . finally . . . totally exhausted . she let out a piercing scream . . . . “OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can’t parallel park.  You do it!”

 

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My housekeeping style is best described as “There appears to have been a struggle.”

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The older I get, the meaner I get.  I’m pretty sure it won’t be long before I start biting people.

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This is CRAZY!!!!  Just because it happened in England makes no difference.  I know plenty of places in the US that have the same feelings.  But, to go this far is…unbelievable.
Paramedics appalled by angry note left by resident
UK news
Members of the West Midlands Ambulance Service in the UK were left upset and angered after finding a note on their vehicle while responding to an emergency medical run.

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From what some of the articles said, the Paramedics suffered a ton of verbal abuse as well.  Yeah, the Golden Rule is definitely in affect here.

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I seriously doubt it.  Truly.

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I just LOVE the memes with little kids.

A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love.

The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, “I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”

The frog asks for the good news first.

The fortune teller says, “You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart.”

“That’s great!” says the frog. “But what’s the bad news?”

“Well, you’re going to meet her in Biology class.”

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The Next Couple of Jokes are from K2 to my Dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior…

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Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

If you find you do not mind playing Golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip …….. your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

A ‘gimme can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers … neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about Golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the ‘gimme putt’, you might wish to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage, If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work, and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.

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David Letterman’s Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex…

#10… A below par performance is considered damn good.
#09… You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#08… It’s much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07.. Foursomes are encouraged.
#06… You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05… Three times a day is possible.
#04… Your partner doesn’t hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03…. If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.
#02… You don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you’re finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex…..

#01… When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

Thanks Karl!

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Four men were discussing coincidences at a bar. The first man said: “My wife was reading a Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins.”

“That’s funny”, the second man remarked. “My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets”

“My goodness,” the third man chimed in. “The same happened to me. My wife had quintuplets after reading The Five People You Meet in Heaven.”

The fourth man shouted, now looking quite ill, “Good God, I have to rush home!”

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed,

“When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!!”

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cheers3

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1592

  1. Leah D says:

    Enjoyed the funnies, but was ecstatic over the sell by date article. All my grandkids have been so brain washed at school, and this is just one from the crazy list, but it causes a great deal of contention between them and me! I sent it to all of them!

  2. Nick says:

    I do really love your humor…..
    RE: I have for years recieved your posts and I have no complaints to your schedule.

  3. Maggie Culligan says:

    Love this issue!!!!,, thanks for the info on the “sell by date” very interesting. I just love the kid memes

  4. Ginny. says:

    OUTSTANDING…you just get better with each blog. This will for sure start everyone’s Wednesday with big smiles. Thanks for all that you do! xoxoxo

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