Good Morning Campers,

Well, I decided with my restful weekend, last weekend, that I’d begin to write this issue and see if I couldn’t get you guys a better issue than you’ve been getting lately.

Of course you don’t…none of you idiots understand.

In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a South African bush outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.

After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches, etc.) which protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, “You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he’s my right-hand man and is really the strength of this office.  His talent is simply boundless.”

Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new Commanding Officer, who was surprised to meet a hunchback, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.

“Smithers, old man, tell your new Commanding Officer about yourself.”

“Well, sir, I played cricket for England, graduated with honours from Sandhurst, won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines.

I’ve represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics.  I have researched the history of . . .

“At that point, the colonel interrupted.  “Yes, yes, never mind all that, Smithers, he can find all that in your file.

“Just go to the part where you told the witch doctor to fuck off.”

That’s just wrong in so many, many ways.

Never chase after someone who doesn’t chase after you…Yeah, so the ice cream man can fuck off for a start!

 

The next correction will either be $2.50 each or three for $7.50.  How incredibly stupid.  But, like a man much wiser than me once said, “Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.”
If you don’t know the quote, look it up.

Amen!  Expectations are set at a very young age.  Do you want to know why we’re having so much trouble out of our youth of today?  Because their parents didn’t teach them that there are consequences for their decisions.  Bad decision? Bad consequence.  Like getting your ass warmed when you did something wrong.  Time out?  Not happening.  God gave parents the perfect discipline device by creating that nice large round muscle on your bottom that is going to do nothing but hurt when it’s properly spanked.  No lasting damage.  No harm to the child’s psyche.  Just a warm painful ass that reminds you over the next few hours every time you sit down.

Well, what did YOU think he was talking about?
Oh really?
YOU HAVE A DIRTY MIND!
Yeah….me, too.

Yeah, I know.  That was bloody awful!

Oh, I don’t know.  I think that was a very appropriate answer!

Or a zombie.  It could be a zombie.  In which case you’ll have shoot them in the head and then burn them.

Okay, I really, really, REALLY wish I had thought of this when my kids were younger and they would have believed it!  Any of you campers out there who have little kids, PLEASE try this and send video!