Still not in a great mood or feeling very talkative. The way things are going for me it might be quite sometime before I get back of my old talkative self.
I will however make this one observation to you:
While all these end of the Hurricane Season major Hurricanes have not sold me on that global warming bunk even if it is spouted by Richard Branson, along with the nuclear antics of North Korea’s Kim Jong-un certainly have me boning up on my Book of Revelations with regard to the end of days.
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says, “Me feet are freezing, mate. Could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?”
“No bother,” he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy’s two stunning 19-year-old twin daughters sitting on their beds. “Hello dere, girls. Your Da’ sent me up here to shag ya both.”
“Fook off you liar!.”
“I’ll prove it” Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, “Both of them, Paddy?”
“Of course! What’s the use of fookin’ one?”
Lethal had had a hard day at the office and was taking the Commuter train. He was in his seat and closed his eyes hoping to catch a quick nap. As the train rolled out of the station, a woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone.
She started talking in a loud voice: “Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue.
I’m on the train”. “Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting”. “No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss”.
“No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life”.
“Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart!”
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. When Lethal sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, “Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”
Sue doesn’t use her cell phone in public any longer.
Home Free Releases Uplifting ‘God Blessed Texas’ Cover To Benefit Hurricane Victims
Home Free burst onto the country music scene in 2013 following their epic win on the NBC singing competition The Sing Off. The Minnesota-based a cappella group gained a large and faithful following with their jaw-dropping country and crossover music covers.
The talented quintet is reaching out to their mass following with a cover of Little Texas‘ “God Blessed Texas” in an effort to show their support and to help raise funds for those affected by Hurricane Harvey in Texas and Hurricane Irma in the Southeast U.S.
The cause is especially dear to the vocal band because their bass singer, Tim Foust, is a native of Texas and knows many that were personally affected by the catastrophic storm.
“As a Texan, I was heartbroken to see the effects of Hurricane Harvey,” said Tim Foust. “And as a native of Nederland, it’s devastating knowing that 500,000 people have been affected in my community alone.”
As a way to celebrate the resilience of Texans and bring joy to those who are starting the process of cleanup and rebuilding, Home Free wanted to record a special version of “God Blessed Texas” with all proceeds from sales and streaming going to benefit the relief efforts.
In addition, the group has also started a YouCaring campaign to raise money and awareness for those affected. The goal is to raise $100,000 by September 29. The money raised through this YouCaring campaign will go to the Nederland Church of Christ Disaster Relief Fund and the Southeast Texas Food Bank. The money will go to help Southeast Texas get back on their feet by providing food, water, shelter, school supplies, beds, cleaning supplies, tools, and more.
To contribute to Home Free’s YouCaring campaign, click here.
Download or stream “God Blessed Texas” at the links below. You can see the full video here. Sorry but Youtube is understandably blocking my linking to it directly.
Sign seen on a college fraternity house:
VIRGINITY REDUCTION CLINIC TONIGHT
Bothered by the burden of excessive virginity?
Meet with our trained counselors for one-on-one help, or participate in a group session.
Anesthetics provided free of charge! All you’ll feel is a prick!
And we all know how small they are!!!!
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop’s expense!
Irish cop says, “License and registration, please.”
London Lawyer says, “What for?”
Irish cop says, “Ye did nae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
Irish cop says,”Ye still did nae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.”
London Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”
Irish cop says, “The difference is, ye have come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”
London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”
Irish cop says, “Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.”
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living crap out of the lawyer and says,
“Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?”
A teacher asks the class to name things that end with the letters ‘tor’ that eat things. The first little boy says, “Alligator.” “Very good, that’s a big word.” The second boy says, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word. Well done.”
Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.” After regaining her composure and nearly falling off her chair, she says,
“That is a big word, but it doesn’t eat anything.” “Well my Aunt Maryanne has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like there’s no tomorrow!”
That folks is a graphite trolling rod after being hit by lighting from my understanding of it.
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin… ‘
– Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement…
– Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as close together as possible
– George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
– Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
– Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy;
If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe.
– Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides, in a single glass, all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
– Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
– Rodney Dangerfield
Money can’t buy you happiness … But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
– Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
– Joe Namath
I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
– Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it…
– W. C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
– Will Rogers
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
– Winston Churchill
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
– Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
– Billy Crystal