It’s currently Monday morning, and as I sit, waiting as patiently as possible to hear from my Dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior and my brother, the Owl, who both live in Florida and who both, for one reason or another, rode out Irma, I thought it would be a good time to start today’s issue.
Now, by the time you are reading this, I’m sure I’ll already know how they both are, so you can sit back and relax, no tension, but for me, at this moment, it’s a little nail biting. My brother works at Disney, so I thought I’d throw a little bit of the mouse in today’s header. That is an actual picture of Irma approaching the magic kingdom with the princess castle in the foreground. Really kinda scary looking, if you ask me.
So, while we wait for word on what’s going on, why don’t we go ahead and get started on today’s issue?
Several things wrong with that gift, from my point of view…but…I won’t go into them now, let’s just say that something like a vacuum or new set of pots and pans would have been much better. Women like to buy personal items like nose hair trimmers and deodorant themselves, so they get what they truly want. Just more of the usual insightful advice from your blue dragon.
Let’s jump into a public service announcement that you need to pay attention to, courtesy of our great friends at Kim Komando.
Don’t fall for this elaborate phone scam
How to handle scam phone calls
Ever wonder where Mario Brothers came from? Well, me too. Let’s watch and find out.
Oh this next one is so true!
You Know You’re From New York When…
You’re 35 years old and don’t have a driver’s license.
You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway.
You know what a “regular” coffee is.
It’s not Manhattan…… It’s the “city”.
There is no north and south. It’s “uptown” or “downtown.” If you’re really from New York you have absolutely no concept of where north and south are…. And east or west is “crosstown.”
You cross the street anywhere but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting your right to do it.
You move 3,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you’re from Brooklyn the minute you open your mouth.
You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a “real” pizza and a “real” bagel.
A 500 square foot apartment is large.
You know the differences between all the different Ray’s pizzas.
You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a p.a. Announcement on the subway.
You wouldn’t bother ordering pizza in any other city.
You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian.
You’re not the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year’s eve.
Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect.
Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.
You don’t even notice the lady walking down the road having a perfectly normal conversation with herself.
You pay “only” $230 a month to park your car.
The presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor.
You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop.
The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage you buy, even if it’s a beer.
From Left to Right: Impish Dragon, Lethal Leprechaun, Diaman, …
I’m 100% sure that there is a perfectly logical explanation behind this one…other than snow diving, which is sure what it looks like to me.
This next one is for Lethal.
One day, a very genteel Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin’ to jump.
(“fixin'” in Texas means: has the means or abilities to take action).
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, “Please don’t jump, think of your dear mother and father.”
He replied, ” My mom and dad are both dead; I’m going to jump.”
She said. “Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children.”
He replied, “I’m not married and I don’t have any kids.”
She said, “well, then you just remember the Alamo.”
He replied, “What’s the Alamo?”
She replied. “Well bless your heart! You just go ahead and jump you little Yankee Obama loving liberal left wing Democrat Bastard. You are holding up traffic.”
Time for a family update. Yup, just as I predicted, I have heard from both the Owl and Papa Dragon Most Senior and they are both alive and well. Papa Dragon and Mrs. Papa Dragon went to Mrs. Papa Dragon’s Sister’s house to ride out the storm. Their house is approximately 70 miles inland from where Papa Dragon lives so they figured it would be a safer haven than where they were at. As it turns out, the reverse was true. They got harder hit than Papa Dragon’s house did. See, Papa built his house on a slight rise and was basically the highest land point in his neighborhood, so when he arrived back home on Wednesday, they had no flooding in their house at all. And because of the steel shutters he installed before they left, there was no broken windows or significant damage to their house at all. They got their electricity back later that morning and with it their TV, so they knew what was going on, but they didn’t have land-line telephone and because of a technological issue, Papa Dragon couldn’t be reached by cell phone. So, other than some trees down on the property, he is doing quite well.
Cassandra, head of procurement for DL&LL Enterprises whose favorite phrase is, “You want it when?”
Marriage is like a casino. You go in all excited and optimistic, and you stumble out broke, drunk and talking to yourself.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now. I don’t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.
A large dog walks into a butcher’s shop with a purse in its mouth. He puts the purse down and sits in front of the meat case. “What is it, boy?” the butcher asks, joking around with his customers. “Want to buy some meat?”
“Woof!” barks the dog.
“Hmm,” says the butcher. “Well, what kind of meat? Liver? Bacon? Steak?…
“Woof!” interrupts the dog.
“And how much steak? Half a pound, one pound…”
“Woof!” says the dog. The amazed butcher wraps up the meant and finds the money in the dog’s purse.
As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow. The dog enters an apartment house, climbs to the third floor, and begins to scratch on the door. With that, the door whips open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog.
“Stop!” yells the butcher. “What are you doing? That’s the most clever animal I’ve ever seen!”
“Clever?” counters the man. “This is the third time this month he’s forgotten his keys!”
Karma, Kismet, Fate…whatever you wish to call it, when you see it in action it is well worth the watch.
How Politics Work
I told my son, “You will marry the girl I choose.”
He said, “No.”
I told him, “She is bill gates daughter.”
He said, “Yes.”
I called bill gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son,”
Bill gates said, “No.”
I told bill gates, “My son is the C.E.O. Of world bank.”
Bill gates said, “Ok.”
I called the president of world bank and asked him to make my son the C.E.O.
He said, “No.”
I told him, “My son is bill gates son-in-law”
He said, “Ok.”
This is how politics work.
We need to send some democracy to North Korea.
This is not normally where I’d end my issue, but today pain is a real problem, so this is what you get. I hope you guys have a great week until we meet again.