7 years?! Damn, I need a raise! Thanks for reminding me Impish, we’ll discuss my raising my rates later after I mop of all that Shineola you spread on with a trowel. But seriously pal thanks for the kind words. Truth told were it not for my promise to you to have your back as long as you were set on doing this I’d probably have bailed long ago. In fact I seem to remember we almost did bail once about 3 or 4 years back.
See folks, we honestly thought we’d be making at least some money at this by now, at least enough to cover the bare minimum expenses, when we switched over to the blog format. Instead we’re begging for the funds to keep it going year after year.
Ah. well as Robbie Burns said long ago “the best laid plans o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley.” Or as my Yiddish speaking friends are so fond of saying at a time like this- “Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht” its an old Yiddish adage meaning, “Man Plans, and God Laughs.”
Speaking of laughs, let’s get to them shall we?
She’s Naked on the Beach
Three guys are walking down the beach when they see this beautiful woman lying naked on the beach.
Well, the first guy goes over to her and starts having sex with her, when she says, “What will we name the child?”
The guy freaks and runs away.
So the second guy goes over to her and starts “doing his thing” when she says, “What will we name the child?”
He freaks out also and runs away.
The third guy has been watching all this.
So he puts on a condom and goes to do his thing.
When she says ‘what will we name the child?’
He ignores her and keeps on going. She keeps asking, but he keeps going.
Finally he finishes and pulls off the condom, ties a knot in the end of the rubber and throws it in the ocean.
He turns to the girl and says, “If he gets out of that, we’ll call him Houdini.”
Even as a wee one I was serious about me fishing!
Just discovered a couple Youtubes of a local Connecticut Band that was exceptionally good as well as fairly big in New England about the time I graduated High School. Really takes me back.
There once was a young man from Densil,
Whose cock as was sharp as a pencil.
On the night of his wed,
He jumped into bed,
And shattered the bedroom utensil.
There once was a woman begat
Who had triplets called Nat, Pat and Tat.
It was easy breeding,
Though it was hell feeding,
When they weren’t enough tit for Tat.
There once was a barmaid named Gale
On whose breasts was the menu for ale.
But since she was kind
For the sake of the blind
On her ass it was printed in Braille
There was a Young Man from Kent
Whose Rod was so long it bent.
So to save himself trouble
He bent it in double,
And instead of coming — he went!
Normally I try to only post the best 2 or 3 of the 14 of these I see a week. However with so much happening of late there were just too many on point ones to make choosing easy this week so I upped it to 5. I’ll try not to do this too often.
I’d like to point out that yet again it was a Liberal who resorted to violence for not getting his way. Again a (presumably gun/Second Amendment hating/banning) Liberal chose a firearm to express his displeasure and not getting his way like a spoiled child. I wonder- could it simply be Liberals want to abolish the Second Amendment because those at the top of the Democratic Party know in the hearts for certain that their membership cannot be trusted to act like responsible adults with guns?
I’ll bet you’re wondering now too aren’t you?
Their Husbands’ Nicknames
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives. One woman said, “I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does.”
The second woman giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft.”
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, “Say, what do you call your husband?”
She frowned and said, “The postman.”
“Why the postman?”
“Because he always delivers late, and half the time it’s in the wrong box.”
The Irish Ballerina
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit, and, as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar she asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
The bar went silent as patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, “Give the ballerina a drink!”
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, “Give the ballerina another drink!”
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, “Tell me, Paddy, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?”
The drunk replied, “Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!”
Apparently the little tab that keeps the handle pulled was frozen so in a spark of Darwinism she used her lighter to thaw it.
What’s the latest scam making the rounds?
We’re talking about misleading ads popping up online and on social media sites. The ads claim that you could be eligible to receive monthly payments from the Tobacco Master Settlement Agreement (MSA) of 1998.
The MSA was a settlement for a lawsuit brought by 46 states in the U.S. against the tobacco industry. The agreement requires tobacco companies to pay roughly $10 billion annually to the 46 states and the District of Columbia perpetually.
The misleading ads seem to be targeting retirees and claim to offer individuals a “tax-free portion of this settlement.” Consumers are told they are guaranteed to receive $2,300 every month, tax-free, forever.
Warning! These ads are a scam.
How the scam works is, in order for you to receive the payments, you must first sign up for a “Private Briefing membership.” It’s basically a subscription to a newsletter that costs between $5 and $130 every month. It’s promoted by an investment advice company named Monday Morning.
The fact is, individuals are not eligible to receive money from the MSA. The settlement requires tobacco companies to pay states, not individuals. So if you see anything claiming you could be eligible to receive funds from the settlement, it’s not true.
You know Impish somehow I get the impression they are talking about us in this next one:
DAMNED BLOODY WELL SKIPPY WE CAN!
Same holds for securing our Southern border too!
Impish’s Response (this take place prior to his seeing my comments here): Or handle the zombie apocalypse….just sayin’.
My response to Impish: I said dealing with the securing of the Southern border.
As for the Z.A. I’ve decided we shouldn’t handle it as much as manage it.
Let them kill all the liberals and slowly starve on liberals lack of brains for food. That way, not only is the problem self correcting but we gain an upside as well- the decimation of the Liberal population via a natural(?) event .
I mean, we can’t be going and actually shooting the Zombies with GUNS now can we?
We’d likely be offending Liberals thrice, once over the possession/use of guns, again
over our callous disregard for Zombie rights and finally for not respecting/murdering undead life.
We could claim we were blameless because we honored those things they always railed at us about and tried to outlaw for us. Plus, any surviving Liberal would have the benefit of a fantastic practical example, not only of the idiocy of their positions, but what happens when we abide by their stupidity and only save those of like minded beliefs to ours.
Frankly I can’t see a downside to this approach.
Ah… the memories!
Molly claims it’s the female version of war paint.
What was once thought outlandish (in 1960) is now real life.
Rodman Edward Serling (1924-1975) was an American screenwriter, playwright, television producer, and narrator known for his live television dramas of the 1950s and his science-fiction anthology TV series, The Twilight Zone (156 episodes, 1959 to 1964). He was known as the “angry young man” of Hollywood, clashing with television executives and sponsors over a wide range of issues including censorship, racism, and war.