Dragon Laffs #1545–Happy Father’s Day!


Fathers Day 2

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Tomorrow is Father’s Day!  And as important a day as that is, there is another important day I wish to bring up first.

Wednesday, June 14th was the 7th Anniversary of Leprechaun Laffs!  Seven wonderful years of laughter, mirth and great times spent with my bestest buddy, my gold standard friend, my brother from another mother and brother in arms, Lethal Leprechaun.  I can honestly say, that if it wasn’t for him, there would not be, at this time, a Dragon Laffs website and a twice weekly blog/e-zine being published.  There just wouldn’t be.  He has had my six for so long that I wouldn’t be here without him.

Thank you, Lethal, my brother, for the years you’ve been with me on this great literary experiment.  Thank you for the love, friendship and commitment that you’ve given me over the years.  And Happy Anniversary!

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Now, all of you rabid readers out there, send Lethal a special toe tappingcongratulatory email, or message or text or whatever.  Go on!  Do it now, I’ll wait.

 

Now, back to Father’s Day…

The nation’s first Father’s Day was celebrated on June 19, 1910, in the state of Washington. However, it was not until 1972–58 years after President Woodrow Wilson made Mother’s Day official–that the day honoring fathers became a nationwide holiday in the United States.

Throughout the rest of the issue, we’ll talk a bit more about the History of Father’s Day and have some Father’s Day pictures and cartoons.  So, without further ado…

let's laugh

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3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep.  The other wants to know if penguins have knees!

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public service

Another great article and Public Service article from our friends at Kim Komando’s website.

3 worst places to swipe your debit card

With the recently reported data breaches of fast-food giant Chipotle Mexican Grill and retailer Kmart, it seems like we are risking our debit and credit card information to hackers and identity thieves each time we use them. In fact, security researchers think that nearly half of the credit cards in the U.S. are at risk.

It makes us wonder if it’s time to stop using debit and credit cards altogether and switch back to cash.

While we don’t think you should abandon plastic entirely, there are some places where using cash is better for security. And it shouldn’t be much less convenient than using a card.

Before we talk about that, however, we do have a bit of security advice that might strike you as ironic. The place you go to get cash could be stealing your information. We are talking about your ATM.

Criminals have perfected disguising and installing what are called “skimmers.” These fit over the card reader on an ATM and snag your account data when you swipe your card. Then, a small camera over the ATM keypad records your PIN when you punch it in.

Spotting a skimmer is hard. Your best defense is to get your cash from a teller. If the bank isn’t open, only use an ATM that’s in a restricted-access foyer.

You should also hold your hand over the keypad when you enter your PIN. This blocks any camera from seeing what you’re doing. Click here to see how effective this simple trick is.

Now that you know how to safely get cash, here’s where you might want to use it. These are three of the most common places where your credit card information can get stolen.

1. GAS STATIONS

ATMs aren’t the only places criminals can install card skimmers. In fact, gas stations are a favorite target for thieves.

The tiny, almost invisible skimming devices are installed inside or on a gas pump’s debit or credit card slot. When a customer swipes a card, the skimmer reads the account information from the magnetic strip.

The criminal then retrieves the information every few days by driving by the compromised gas stations and remotely grabbing the card data wirelessly via Bluetooth. Since you still have your card with you, you won’t even know that your information was stolen until unauthorized charges start appearing. Alarming stuff indeed.

Bonus tip: Click here to learn how to spot and avoid credit card skimmers.

Security experts recommend never putting in a debit card PIN at a gas pump. Use a credit card instead if you must since credit card transactions are easier to reverse, and you’re only liable for up to $50 of fraudulent purchases.

You can also pay inside the gas station with a card, which is much less risky. For the ultimate safety though, pay in cash.

2. RESTAURANTS

The vast majority of waiters and waitresses are trustworthy, hard-working people, so be nice to them and tip well for their good service. But today I’m talking about the few servers who aren’t so trustworthy.

Over the past few years, there have been a number of stories about unscrupulous servers bringing handheld card skimmers to work. They swipe customer card information and use it to make fraudulent purchases later.

Low-tech thieves just write down the card number or take the card outright, which usually doesn’t end well for them.

From local hole-in-the-wall diners to high-end New York eateries, no place seems to be safe. I know a few people who had their card information stolen at a range of pizza shops.

Even if the employees are trustworthy, many restaurants use older point-of-sale systems. These are easy for hackers to install card-swipe software on, like in the Target hack.

3. STORES

Restaurants and gas stations make juicy targets: a steady stream of customers, some not from the area. The same goes for stores. In fact, credit card skimmers are constantly being found even at retail stores.

For small purchases, cash is the way to go. Use cash at the grocery store or while buying clothes. For larger purchases, use a credit card instead of a debit card. Again, you have less liability with a credit card.

We’ve already stated that it has better fraud protection systems in place. Plus, a hacker can’t overdraft your bank account with a credit card. You don’t need to be fighting overdraft fees on top of everything else.

Also, to protect yourself from in-store card skimmers, newer point-of-sale technology is rolling out to retail stores. If possible, use the method of paying with your card’s EMV microchip instead of swiping. This is safer since each EMV transaction issues a unique code and it changes every time, unlike the permanent information on a magnetic strip.

Another way to prevent store skimmers is to use contactless payment methods like Apple Pay or Android Pay. With this method, you don’t even have to take your card out of your wallet, all you need is your phone or your watch. Like EMV, contactless methods like these issue a unique code for each transaction and is definitely safer than card swiping.

And all of these are places where I use my cards all the time.  I guess I’m going to have to seriously rethink my spending habits.

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The “Mother’s Day” we celebrate today has its origins in the peace-and-reconciliation campaigns of the post-Civil War era. During the 1860s, at the urging of activist Ann Reeves Jarvis, one divided West Virginia town celebrated “Mother’s Work Days” that brought together the mothers of Confederate and Union soldiers.

However, Mother’s Day did not become a commercial holiday until 1908, when–inspired by Jarvis’s daughter, Anna Jarvis, who wanted to honor her own mother by making Mother’s Day a national holiday–the John Wanamaker department store in Philadelphia sponsored a service dedicated to mothers in its auditorium.

Thanks in large part to this association with retailers, who saw great potential for profit in the holiday, Mother’s Day caught on right away. In 1909, 45 states observed the day, and in 1914, President Woodrow Wilson approved a resolution that made the second Sunday in May a holiday in honor of “that tender, gentle army, the mothers of America.”

*Most of the history of Father’s Day information presented today comes from the history.com website.

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Things to think about today instead of other things

♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

♦ I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “ Sag Harbor ”

♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

♦ I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

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And now a golf joke for my dad.  Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes.
 
“Boy, I’d give anything to sink this putt”, the golfer mumbles to himself.
 
Golf pinJust then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, “Would you be willing to give up a quarter of your sex life to sink the putt?”
 
Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says, “Sounds good to me,”   –  and promptly sinks the putt!
 
Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, “Gosh, I wish I could get an eagle on this one.” golf1
 
The same stranger is suddenly at his side again and whispers, “Would it be worth giving up another quarter of your sex life to make an eagle?”
 
Shrugging, the golfer replies, “Okay.”   And, amazingly, he makes the eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, “Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?”
 
“Definitely,” the golfer replies, and, sure enough, he makes the eagle  –  and wins the match.
 
As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks along beside him and says, “I haven’t really been fair with you because you don’t know who I am. I’m Satan, and from this day forward you really will have  no sex life at all.”
 
“Nice to meet you,” the golfer replies.   “I’m Father O’Malley.”

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Dragon

Dragon Pix

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The campaign to celebrate the nation’s fathers did not meet with the same enthusiasm–perhaps because, as one florist explained, “fathers haven’t the same sentimental appeal that mothers have.”

On July 5, 1908, a West Virginia church sponsored the nation’s first event explicitly in honor of fathers, a Sunday sermon in memory of the 362 men who had died in the previous December’s explosions at the Fairmont Coal Company mines in Monongah, but it was a one-time commemoration and not an annual holiday.

The next year, a Spokane, Washington, woman named Sonora Smart Dodd, one of six children raised by a widower, tried to establish an official equivalent to Mother’s Day for male parents. She went to local churches, the YMCA, shopkeepers and government officials to drum up support for her idea, and she was successful: Washington State celebrated the nation’s first statewide Father’s Day on June 19, 1910.

Slowly, the holiday spread. In 1916, President Wilson honored the day by using telegraph signals to unfurl a flag in Spokane when he pressed a button in Washington, D.C. In 1924, President Calvin Coolidge urged state governments to observe Father’s Day.

Today, the day honoring fathers is celebrated in the United States on the third Sunday of June: Father’s Day 2017 occurs on June 18; the following year, Father’s Day 2018 falls on June 17.

In other countries–especially in Europe and Latin America–fathers are honored on St. Joseph’s Day, a traditional Catholic holiday that falls on March 19.

Father

At a church service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. “Tom was unable to hold me or the
children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain.”

“We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.”

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Tom Smith.” The entire congregation held its breath. I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.

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Growing old is hard work…the mind says “yes!” but, the body says “what the hell are you thinking?”

 

Now this is a dad that’s got it going on!

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Three Elderly Ladies from Florida

     

This is a detective story So Pay Close Attention!!!


Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.

They smuggle a bottle of13

into the ball park.


The game is very exciting
and they are enjoying themselves immensely…mixing the Jack Daniel’s with soft drinks. 13a


Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.

Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?


https://dragonlaffs.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/arrow-down-7.gif

Think!
 

        
https://dragonlaffs.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/arrow-down-7.gif
     
Think some more!!

 
 
https://dragonlaffs.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/arrow-down-7.gif

     


You’re gonna love it .


Answer:
It’s the bottom of the fifth 13band the bags are loaded!

 

Fantasy

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father's day brew

 

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There are more than 70 million fathers in the United States.

 

Father's Day 1

Critter

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Many men, however, continued to disdain the day. As one historian writes, they “scoffed at the holiday’s sentimental attempts to domesticate manliness with flowers and gift-giving, or they derided the proliferation of such holidays as a commercial gimmick to sell more products–often paid for by the father himself.”

During the 1920s and 1930s, a movement arose to scrap Mother’s Day and Father’s Day altogether in favor of a single holiday, Parents’ Day. Every year on Mother’s Day, pro-Parents’ Day groups rallied in New York City’s Central Park–a public reminder, said Parents’ Day activist and radio performer Robert Spere, “that both parents should be loved and respected together.”

Paradoxically, however, the Great Depression derailed this effort to combine and de-commercialize the holidays. Struggling retailers and advertisers redoubled their efforts to make Father’s Day a “second Christmas” for men, promoting goods such as neckties, hats, socks, pipes and tobacco, golf clubs and other sporting goods, and greeting cards.

When World War II began, advertisers began to argue that celebrating Father’s Day was a way to honor American troops and support the war effort. By the end of the war, Father’s Day may not have been a federal holiday, but it was a national institution.

In 1972, in the middle of a hard-fought presidential re-election campaign, Richard Nixon signed a proclamation making Father’s Day a federal holiday at last. Today, economists estimate that Americans spend more than $1 billion each year on Father’s Day gifts.

fathers-day-greetings-1

   This is very interesting.  The History of The Emoji.

fathers-day-quotes-12

Philosophers Of the Century …??
 
~ Betsy Salkind…
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
  ~ Jean Kerr…
The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
  ~ Prince Philip…
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.

~ Harrison Ford…
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.

   ~ Spike Milligan…
The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree.
  ~ Jean Rostand…
Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror.
  ~  Arnold Schwarzenegger…
Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.
  ~ WH Auden…
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
  ~ Jonathan Katz…
In hotel rooms, I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
  ~ Johnny Carson…
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
  ~ Warren Tantum… (School photo album).
I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical.
  ~ Steve Martin…
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
  ~ Jimmy Durante…
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

.   ~ George Roberts…
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
  ~ Jonathan Winters…
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.  

  ~ Robert Benchley…
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
  ~ John Glenn…
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
  ~ David Letterman…
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
  ~ Howard Hughes…
I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I’m a billionaire.
   ~ Old Italian proverb…
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.

Happy%20Fathers%20Day

Now that’s the kind of spa package I could go for!

Motivate

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Military Dads are very special creatures, indeed!  As I’m sure this soldier in the next story was a dad who, like most dad’s, starts off being polite and then goes …. well, you’ll see…

And American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed, middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.  The war weary soldier asked, “Please, ma’am, may I sit in that seat?”

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, “You Americans.  You are such a rude class of people.  Can’t you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?”

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, “Please, lady.  May I sit there?  I’m very tired.”

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, “You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant.  Imagine!”

The soldier didn’t say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked, railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

And English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, “You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.  You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand.  You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.  And now, Sir, you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out the window.”

happyfathersday

 

And keeping with the Father’s Day theme, how about a video from my Dad that’s called: “Replacement for golf on rainy days.”

 

One day God was looking down at Earth, and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So He called one of His angels, and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God, “Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving, and only 5% are not.”
God thought a moment and decided, “Maybe I had better send down a second angel, to get another opinion.” So God called another angel, and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned, he went to God and explained, “Yes, it’s true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.”
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail contained?  Okay… I was just wondering, because I didn’t get the e-mail, either!   11

I wanted to show another picture of Lethal’s little cabin…I think it is one of the coolest pictures I’ve seen in a long time and I think this is an awesome way to end the issue.  I hope all of you have a great Father’s Day or at least a wonderful weekend.

Be well.

Cheers Impish

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1545–Happy Father’s Day!

  1. Paul Bader says:

    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY AND HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT FATHER’S DAY

  2. Kris says:

    Congratulations on the 7th Anniversary of Dragon Laffs. Thank you so much for entertaining us – it’s not easy putting this together, but somehow, you’ve managed. Happy Father’s Day to you & all the dads out in Dragon Land

  3. Leah says:

    A big thank You and Congratulations on the 7th anniversary of Dragon Laffs! And to all the men out there, may you have a Happy Father’s Day!

  4. Ginny says:

    Happy Father’s Dad…..enjoy your day!

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