As you get off the elevator or people mover you hear distant shrill sounds of someone using an industrial grinder and a very large air compressor.

Lethal is uncharacteristically, once again for the second time in a month, smiling and excessively jovial. However you cannot help but notice that once again Impish is missing from his normal spot reclined on the stage and wonder if this has something to do with Lethal’s happy demeanor.

Once you’re all inside the conference room doors close and the din lessens to the point where you can not only hear yourselves think but Lethal speaking to you as well.

“Morning Folks!

Sorry about the noise. We’re not really under construction despite what it sounds like. What you’re hearing is actually Impish getting the Draconian equivalent of a Mani-Pedi  treatment, abet Industrial Grade.”

Lethal appears to suffer a giggle fit and takes a moment to regain his composure and wipe his eye before proceeding.

“You see, [he manages to contain another giggle fit- barely] while the vast majority of Impish has reverted to our much beloved and familiar Blue hue, his claws on all for of his appendages [several snicker escape despite his obvious attempts to remain professional] have remained bright shocking pink despite the 18 coats of Goth Black Epoxy he has applied!

Lethal pauses to sip his cuppa, an obvious ploy for time to help him keep his composure.

So now, he’s graduated to wet sandblasting, grinding and acid washing in an attempt to remove the bright shocking pink from his claws, or at least do something which allows him to paint over it. [more stifled giggles ensue]. Let’s get this issue started as it appears I’m going to need a moment to regain my professional composure.”

He just manages to press a butt on the podium before collapsing behind it and rolling around on the stage as he gives into a fit of giggles and guffaws the like of which, not only have you never heard out of him before, but that you also find highly infectious and unable to avoid joining in.

A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the hostess, “My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale.”

And the hostess said, “I’m sure he’ll understand when you tell him about all the great bargains.”

The lady said, “Normally, yes. But he just broke his leg, and he’s waiting for me to take him to the hospital.”

Ok Easters over, now what do you do with all those colored eggs? Chances are even if you didn’t make any yourself some desperate to be rid of them relative you can’t say no to without causing a family fracas foisted some off on you. No worries, as usually I’m going to help you good folks out with my personal Super Deluxe Egg Salad recipe to see you though. 

Lethal’s Super Deluxe Egg Salad

Prep Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour, 10 minutes
Yield: 4 sandwiches

Ingredients

2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill2 tablespoons whole-grain, horseradish or Dijon mustard
4 oz. cream cheese, room temperature
2 Tablespoons celery, minced
    2 Tablespoon Mayo (or more if desired)
    1 Tablespoon Red onion, grated or 2 scallions chopped
    1/2 teaspoon lemon juice
    1 tablespoon minced fresh or 1 teaspoon dried parsley leaves
    1 teaspoon dried dill
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    1/8 teaspoon pepper
    1/8 teaspoon garlic powder or to taste
    6 hard boiled eggs, finely chopped or squished with a fork.
    Croissants, Pita, Bagels, English Muffin or Multigrain Bread
    Paprika or Cayenne (optional)
    Dill Pickle Relish or Minced green olives – well drained (optional)
    Bacon (optional)
    Minced radishes (optional)
    Lettuce Leaves

  Instructions

  In a medium bowl, cream together mustard and cream cheese until smooth.
  Stir in celery, mayo, onion, lemon juice, garlic powder, parsley, dill, salt and pepper until well blended.
  Add eggs and any of the optional ingredients. Mix well.
  Cover and chill for 1 hour or longer.

Serve on Croissants, Pita, Bagels, English Muffin or Multigrain Bread atop the lettuce leaves.
– Sprinkle with paprika or cayenne if desired.

To store: Place in an airtight plastic container with a folded paper towel on one side of the egg salad and clear wrap placed down over the top so no air gets to it. Will last 1 to 2 days.

I personally love this  with all the options and just a wee dusting of cayenne, open faced on top of a lightly toasted everything bagel or loaded into pita pockets. If using pitas and taking for lunch, be sure to line with lettuce cups to prevent any sogginess when lunch time arrives or assemble when ready to eat. Placing the egg salad in a small Ziploc style bag and snipping the corner off when ready to eat makes a great way to swiftly and neatly fill your pita pockets

Also here’s a tip for you: If you use the whipped cream cheese in the tub when a recipe like this calls for creaming it with other ingredients the creaming process becomes a snap. It also, assuming the recipe lends itself to it allows you to introduce other flavors into the dish by using a flavored cream cheese.  (Think chive or vegetable here for example). Measuring is very easy as a tub is 8 ounces so half a tub gives you the 4 ounces you need no fuss no muss no bother.

Tippurr one of the Ninja Kitties in training checking for a concealed safe.

It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775.”

“Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'”?

Again, no response except from Martinez: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”, said Martinez.

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Mexicans.” “Who said that?” she demanded.

Martinez put his hand up. “Jim Bowie, 1836.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”

The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”

Again, Martinez says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”

Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”

Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001.”

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re in BIG trouble!”

Martinez said, “Saddam Hussein 2003.”

THE MEDICAL DISTINCTION BETWEEN “GUTS” AND “BALLS”

We’ve heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”,  or with “Balls”. Do they, however, know the difference between them?

Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.

GUTS – It is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts”  too ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS – It is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say:  ‘You’re next, Chubby.’

I trust this clears up any confusion.

As the resident Dr. of Quackery I can say with a certainty that:

Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome;

both are fatal…

Why Aliens Hide Their Existence From Us

(With apologies to both Johnny Cash and Home Free, as well as admiration for the song ‘Ring of Fire’ and much love for my buddy Impish Dragon of the bright shocking pink claws to whom this is dedicated)

Being Big Blue is a wondrous thing-
And having scales just makes me sing.
But because of my attempt at comedic satire-
I ran afoul of a Martian’s ire.

I turned into a furry thing of pink.
From atop my head the color did sink.
Then he made me furry, that Martian fink.
And it shames, shames, shames-
To be furry & pink,
To be furry & pink

The sound of laughter to me is sweet,
When humors like ours meet.
I fell for it like a child,
Oh, but then my mouth ran wiiiiillld.

I turned into a furry thing of pink.
From atop my head the color did sink.
Then he made me furry, that Martian fink.
And it shames, shames, shames-
My claws still are pink.
My claws still are pink.

My claws…
Stillllll pink.

Copyright 4/2017 Lethal Leprechaun for DragonLaffs.com

Think this is a joke? Can’t possibly be real?

Think again, its available on Amazon.

I’m fairly certain Impish just ordered one to assist him in dealing with his bright shocking pink claws.

My guess is it’s either a motorcycle helmet, or crash gear for the Eater Bunny.