Leprechaun Laughs # 391


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As you get off the elevator or people mover you hear distant shrill sounds of someone using an industrial grinder and a very large air compressor.

Lethal is uncharacteristically, once again for the second time in a month, smiling and excessively jovial. However you cannot help but notice that once again Impish is missing from his normal spot reclined on the stage and wonder if this has something to do with Lethal’s happy demeanor.

Once you’re all inside the conference room doors close and the din lessens to the point where you can not only hear yourselves think but Lethal speaking to you as well.

“Morning Folks!

Sorry about the noise. We’re not really under construction despite what it sounds like. What you’re hearing is actually Impish getting the Draconian equivalent of a Mani-Pedi  treatment, abet Industrial Grade.”

Lethal appears to suffer a giggle fit and takes a moment to regain his composure and wipe his eye before proceeding.

“You see, [he manages to contain another giggle fit- barely] while the vast majority of Impish has reverted to our much beloved and familiar Blue hue, his claws on all for of his appendages [several snicker escape despite his obvious attempts to remain professional] have remained bright shocking pink despite the 18 coats of Goth Black Epoxy he has applied!

Lethal pauses to sip his cuppa, an obvious ploy for time to help him keep his composure.

So now, he’s graduated to wet sandblasting, grinding and acid washing in an attempt to remove the bright shocking pink from his claws, or at least do something which allows him to paint over it. [more stifled giggles ensue]. Let’s get this issue started as it appears I’m going to need a moment to regain my professional composure.”

He just manages to press a butt on the podium before collapsing behind it and rolling around on the stage as he gives into a fit of giggles and guffaws the like of which, not only have you never heard out of him before, but that you also find highly infectious and unable to avoid joining in.

LEts Roll Burst

 

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A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the hostess, “My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale.”

And the hostess said, “I’m sure he’ll understand when you tell him about all the great bargains.”

The lady said, “Normally, yes. But he just broke his leg, and he’s waiting for me to take him to the hospital.”

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Celtic Cupboard Banner

Ok Easters over, now what do you do with all those colored eggs? Chances are even if you didn’t make any yourself some desperate to be rid of them relative you can’t say no to without causing a family fracas foisted some off on you. No worries, as usually I’m going to help you good folks out with my personal Super Deluxe Egg Salad recipe to see you though. image

Lethal’s Super Deluxe Egg Salad

Prep Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour, 10 minutes
Yield: 4 sandwiches

Ingredients

2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill2 tablespoons whole-grain, horseradish or Dijon mustard
4 oz. cream cheese, room temperature
2 Tablespoons celery, minced
    2 Tablespoon Mayo (or more if desired)
    1 Tablespoon Red onion, grated or 2 scallions chopped
    1/2 teaspoon lemon juice
    1 tablespoon minced fresh or 1 teaspoon dried parsley leaves
    1 teaspoon dried dill
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    1/8 teaspoon pepper
    1/8 teaspoon garlic powder or to taste
    6 hard boiled eggs, finely chopped or squished with a fork.
    Croissants, Pita, Bagels, English Muffin or Multigrain Bread
    Paprika or Cayenne (optional)
    Dill Pickle Relish or Minced green olives – well drained (optional)
    Bacon (optional)
    Minced radishes (optional)
    Lettuce Leaves

  Instructions

  In a medium bowl, cream together mustard and cream cheese until smooth.
  Stir in celery, mayo, onion, lemon juice, garlic powder, parsley, dill, salt and pepper until well blended.
  Add eggs and any of the optional ingredients. Mix well.
  Cover and chill for 1 hour or longer.

Serve on Croissants, Pita, Bagels, English Muffin or Multigrain Bread atop the lettuce leaves.
– Sprinkle with paprika or cayenne if desired.

To store: Place in an airtight plastic container with a folded paper towel on one side of the egg salad and clear wrap placed down over the top so no air gets to it. Will last 1 to 2 days.

I personally love this  with all the options and just a wee dusting of cayenne, open faced on top of a lightly toasted everything bagel or loaded into pita pockets. If using pitas and taking for lunch, be sure to line with lettuce cups to prevent any sogginess when lunch time arrives or assemble when ready to eat. Placing the egg salad in a small Ziploc style bag and snipping the corner off when ready to eat makes a great way to swiftly and neatly fill your pita pockets

Also here’s a tip for you: If you use the whipped cream cheese in the tub when a recipe like this calls for creaming it with other ingredients the creaming process becomes a snap. It also, assuming the recipe lends itself to it allows you to introduce other flavors into the dish by using a flavored cream cheese.  (Think chive or vegetable here for example). Measuring is very easy as a tub is 8 ounces so half a tub gives you the 4 ounces you need no fuss no muss no bother.

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Tippurr one of the Ninja Kitties in training checking for a concealed safe.

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It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775.”

“Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'”?

Again, no response except from Martinez: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”, said Martinez.

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Mexicans.” “Who said that?” she demanded.

Martinez put his hand up. “Jim Bowie, 1836.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”

The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”

Again, Martinez says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”

Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”

Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001.”

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re in BIG trouble!”

Martinez said, “Saddam Hussein 2003.”

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THE MEDICAL DISTINCTION BETWEEN “GUTS” AND “BALLS”

We’ve heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”,  or with “Balls”. Do they, however, know the difference between them?

Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.

GUTS – It is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts”  too ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS – It is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say:  ‘You’re next, Chubby.’

I trust this clears up any confusion.

As the resident Dr. of Quackery I can say with a certainty that:

Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome;

both are fatal…

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Why Aliens Hide Their Existence From Us

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Perverted Prose 2

(With apologies to both Johnny Cash and Home Free, as well as admiration for the song ‘Ring of Fire’ and much love for my buddy Impish Dragon of the bright shocking pink claws to whom this is dedicated)

Being Big Blue is a wondrous thing-
And having scales just makes me sing.
But because of my attempt at comedic satire-
I ran afoul of a Martian’s ire.

I turned into a furry thing of pink.
From atop my head the color did sink.
Then he made me furry, that Martian fink.
And it shames, shames, shames-
To be furry & pink,
To be furry & pink

The sound of laughter to me is sweet,
When humors like ours meet.
I fell for it like a child,
Oh, but then my mouth ran wiiiiillld.

I turned into a furry thing of pink.
From atop my head the color did sink.
Then he made me furry, that Martian fink.
And it shames, shames, shames-
My claws still are pink.
My claws still are pink.

My claws…
Stillllll pink.

Copyright 4/2017 Lethal Leprechaun for DragonLaffs.com

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Think this is a joke? Can’t possibly be real?

Think again, its available on Amazon.

I’m fairly certain Impish just ordered one to assist him in dealing with his bright shocking pink claws.

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My guess is it’s either a motorcycle helmet, or crash gear for the Eater Bunny.

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About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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12 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 391

  1. Paul Bader says:

    From my wife’s position, neither is fatal, YOU WILL wish they were.

  2. Ginny says:

    Just heard executives in Word Press were mugged, beat up and put in the dungeon in Dragon Laffs for a unspecified time. Don’t they realize the havoc they created with NO DRAGON LAFFS ON SATURDAY AND TUESDAY? I’m so very happy you told them to get their shit together and saved us all with this funny and most enjoyable issue. That egg salad recipe looks yummy….you didn’t say if it had to be decorated Easter eggs or just plain white ones…please advise. When I finish here, I’m going on Amazon and order the SWEARING COLORING BOOK…great idea as a gift for family and friends. Please help Impish to make him BLUE again….kinda of like Trump saying lets make American great again.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      I think both Impish and I came very very close to ordering that coloring book yesterday.

      I sent my issue file to Impish last night so he could try posting it to prove the problem was not my lap top or on my end.
      He wound up playing around with the problem for so long this morning that he was an hour late to work because he knew you
      readers would be unhappy w/o your Wednesday dose of Leprechaun.

      To add insult to injury when I got around to trying to upload the issue this morning, (I had some more urgent things to do
      that I had put of yesterday when the problem resurfaced), it went up the fastest I’ve ever seen an issue go and on the first attempt.

      To say Impish felt a wee bit annoyed might have been an understatement as I heard him roaring at our WordPress “guests” from my office with is 10 levels
      above their “accommodations”.

      I sincerely hope we’ve seen the last of the problem (for this go a round anyway as this seems to reoccur periodically).

      • Ginny says:

        Hopefully this will be the end.of Word Press problems for Dragon Laffs. I know you both work very hard on your issues. You use your personal time to give us all laughs, giggles and new things like the swearing color book. We ALL may not say it every issue, but you both are a ray of sunshine for all of us….and it was getting scary without you.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      When it comes to the Egg Salad- eggs is eggs, just as long as they are hard boiled.

      • Ginny says:

        I was hoping to make you smile when I asked about the eggs. Now Chef Paul K would have
        asked you that question along with how to cook hard boil eggs….LMAO..

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        It hasn’t been a laughs kind of day.

        I awoke this morning on top of not being able to upload the issue to a strident piercing tone which I thought was our smoke alarm.
        Turns out it was the alarm on the battery back up I use for all my office stuff making an alert I’d
        never heard before. Apparently it’s suffered some sort of catastrophic failure and is no longer capable of doing its job
        and that’s how it goes about warning you- with a freaking heart attack.

        So now I’ll need to pop about $200 for it’s replacement plus another $70 for the bracket it mounts in as the new one isn’t shaped like the old one.

      • Ginny says:

        Oh Lethal, don’t let all this crap from Word Press and this alarm failure start dragging you down. You have been under a lot of pressure with the tax season and your customers.
        Cheer up, kick back with the Brown Gold, grab your Kindle and forget…..I would get a great deal of satisfaction in writing that alarm company.
        Tell them the audio warning that the alarm failed caused your heart to skip a beat or two and your wife had a mini melt down from fright.

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        The new one will have some sort of a status display and warning lights.
        As I understand it the only beeping will be during a power failure.
        It also comes with a cable and software so that it’s status and health can be monitored from your computer in real time.

        I’d guess that the steady state tone was implemented after complaints about the previous generation not giving any indication about
        the battery having failed until it either shut down sooner than expected or totally failed to provide backup power. I had in fact
        registered a complaint about this happening, I just never expected nor did the accompanying paper work warn of such an event
        (that I remember I bought it over 5 years ago).

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Thanks Brenda that means a lot, especially in light of all the recent trouble we have had making them and some of the “behind the scenes’ changes WordPress
      has been making to the blog host sans notice, explanation or chance for us to have any input.

      On top of all this to say that their 3rd World Help Desk sucks is a gross understatement to the extreme.

  3. lethalleprechaun says:

    There should have been more to this issue (Youtube videos in 3 places) which may show in places as references to things not found but I ripped things out late last night in an effort to get the issue to post to no avail.
    Frankly I didn’t put them back because I enver expected the issue to publish when I attempted it today however I’m glad you have what you do of it as going cold turkey on little notice would have been hard on all of us.

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