Guess what day it is!
GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! … no wait…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! … um …

Crap!

It’s April Fools’ Day…and I’m sure I’m screwed.  There is No One better at pranks than Lethal Leprechaun.  NO ONE.

So, my plan is to go into hiding and finish this issue from the safety of … well … let’s just say a fun location that he’ll never find.  In the meantime, let’s take a look at the history of the day.

The following is from a cool site I found called wonderopolis.org.  Here’s a link, you should check them out!

If you see footage of penguins flying, check your calendar. There’s a good chance it’s April 1! The first day of April each year is celebrated as April Fools’ Day (sometimes called All Fools’ Day).

Although it’s not a legal holiday, April Fools’ Day is celebrated all around the world as a day filled with practical jokes and general silliness. You may want to be a little more cautious or skeptical on April 1, since family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and even teachers may try to tickle your funny bone with a practical joke or a hoax of some kind.

So how did this tradition of craziness begin? In truth, it remains a mystery, although there are many theories about how April Fools’ Day got started.

Some believe the first association between April 1 and playing tricks can be found in Geoffrey Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales from 1392. In “The Nun’s Priest’s Tale,” a fox tricks proud rooster Chauntecleer on syn March bigan thritty dayes and two.

Although Chaucer probably meant 32 days after March (May 2), many readers apparently misunderstood the line to mean March 32 — or April 1.

Others believe that April Fools’ Day was the result of a desire to celebrate the turning of the seasons around springtime. In fact, many cultures have historically held such celebrations around the beginning of April.

For example, the ancient Romans had a festival named Hilaria on March 25. The Hindu festival called Holi is held in March and celebrates the arrival of spring.

Still others believe April Fools’ Day got its start because of the adoption of a new calendar in 1582. Many ancient cultures celebrated New Year’s Day around April 1.

In 1582, Pope Gregory XIII ordered the use of a new calendar, known as the Gregorian calendar, which celebrated New Year’s Day on January 1. According to legend, many people refused to recognize the new calendar or simply didn’t know about it. These people continued to celebrate New Year’s Day on April 1.

Eventually, other people began to make fun of these backward “fools” by sending them to look for things that did not exist (called a “fool’s errand”) or tricking them into believing something false.

And there’s more…lots more.  The Link above will take you to the rest of the article.  It’s worth checking out.

But now, it’s time to get to the rest of the issue, so…

 

I can tell you all about high winds.  Living in a cozy little cavern in Northern Indiana the wind blows often and hard.  I recently showed you pictures of where the wind blew over 70 mph and blew down my fence, but this is ridiculous!

This is the third time that The Cape Town Cycle Tour, an annual 68-mile race in South Africa, was cancelled due to extreme weather conditions. Witness the force of nature that brought these bikers to a halt.

Ginny has been sending me these Health Capsules and some of them are so darned interesting.  This next one for example:

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $20 and a note in his mouth, reading: “10  lamb chops, please.”

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in  the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a   green light, look both ways, then trot across the road to a  bus-stop.

The dog checks the timetable  and sits on the  bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front  and looks at the number, then boards the bus.

The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog  takes in the scenery.

After a while he stands on his back paws to push  the “stop” bell, and then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the  step.

He barks repeatedly. No answer.

He goes back down the path, takes a big  run, and  throws himself (Whap!) against the door. He does this again and  again.

No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the  garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front  door.

Eventually a small guy opens it and starts cursing  and shouting at the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: “What the  hell are you doing? This dog’s a genius!”

The owner responds, “Genius, my arse. It’s the  second time this week he’s forgotten his  key!”

This is a very rare picture of Impish Dragon’s cousin, Foolish.  Foolish Dragon is difficult to find, hence the rarity of this picture.  He’s difficult to find because he doesn’t spend his time in the usual dragon fashion.  Instead, Foolish spends most of his time pecking for seed in the yard since he truly believes he’s a chicken.

Hey Wheats, buddy, this one’s for you!

Back to School!  The party time celebrated by parents for many years.

I have the weirdest damn relatives.  I swear to goodness.  My red brother, dressed in his Halloween Costume. 

So, it’s been a tough week for me hiding out from Lethal, but still trying to get things done.  I’m halfway through the week…today is Wednesday, and I’m getting ready to go into complete lock down before Saturday.  I’m headed down to the executive dining room for lunch and you guys carry on with the issue.  I love this ap that Lethal put on my phone, I can order food and have it ready for me when I get there..

Damn Culinary Department and their item count and weight limits…the food ordering process has become such a pain in the butt.  How am I going to order enough food to get me through the weekend unless I some how hack the system?  And if I do that, then Lethal may know that I’m planning something.

Here’s a story from a teacher about a little girl who tells her class about the birth of her brother.

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years.  I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.  She holds up a snapshot of an infant. “This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.  First, Mommy and Daddy made him as a symbol of their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my mother’s stomach, and Luke grew in there.  He ate for 9 months through and umbrella cord.” She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had a video camera rolling.  The kids are watching her in amazement.

“Then, about two Saturdays ago, my mother starts going, ‘Oh, oh, oh!” Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. “She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!”  Now the kid is doing this hysterical duck-walk, holding her back and groaning.  “My Father called the middle wife.  She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man.  They got my mother to lay down on the bed like this.”  Erica lies down with her back against the wall.  “And then, pop!  My mother had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!”

The kid has her legs spread and with her little hands is miming water flowing away.  It was too much!

“Then the middle wife starts going ‘push, push, push’ and ‘breathe, breathe’. They start counting, but they never even got past 10.  Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.  He was covered in yucky stuff they said was from the play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there.”

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.  I’m sure I applauded the loudest.  Ever since then, if it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder – just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ come along.

 

What the hell is this?  I’m not supposed to get unknown phone calls!  Lethal fixed all that up for me!

Impish here. If you’re a telemarketer please, know that I will actively hunt you down flush the BS out of you with a fire hose then flame broil you alive before eating you.

Yeah, you better hang up!

Download?  What download?

What the hell is this, now?

Ummm, Campers, something is going on.  Probably something that has to do with Lethal.  I’ll catch up with you later. There are things that I have….

[NOTICE: Under protocols originally set up by the owner of this blog, any article in the queue will auto-publish on the next Saturday at 1:45 a.m. which is fifteen minutes earlier than the normal program time when certain perimeters have been reached.  This article has reached those perimeters and has been posted under these protocols and with the following, preprogrammed message.]  

Impish Dragon here – if you are receiving this message than something has happened to me in either my human form/life or my dragon (mythical) one.  There have been so many enemies over the years that I hesitate to speculate as to who may be behind my demise in the mythical world.  If it ends up being a problem in my human world, then, well….it’s been fun and I love you all.  Either way, contact Lethal Leprechaun.  He is the only person who I have no doubt forever has my back, my best interest, and my safety in the forefront of his mind.  I trust him implicitly and know that, no matter what, he would NEVER compromise me.