Dragon Laffs #1351


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Campers
It’s been a difficult week around here.  For example, today is Thursday and Mrs. Dragon had a bad night.  Well, that’s a bit of an understatement.  She had a really, really bad night and neither of us got any sleep.  So, I had to take the day off.  Which does have a silver lining, since I haven’t even started this issue until today.

You may remember Lethal’s prayer request for Diaman’s wonderful sister Jeanie on Wednesday.  Her six-year triumph over cancer came back for a rematch and Thursday she went under the knife.

Let me tell the next bit in Diaman’s own words: “Every prayer was answered…the doctor was so pleased that he found NO more cancer.  She was out of the surgery by 8:30a.m. and we just got home at 1p.m.”  That was on Thursday. 

And from Friday: “Please thank everyone for their prayers…every prayer was answered.  Yesterday was a miracle of a day…just to see the joy on the doctor’s face of the success of the surgery.  I’m doing fine taking care of what she needs.  We are just awed by all the good wishes and prayers.”

Prayers and good thoughts DO work.  From Lethal and I, thank you to each and every one of you who took the time, made the effort and passed on good wishes, blessings, prayers and lighted candles.

So, let’s go ahead and get to the laughter because I’m sure it’s more than me who needs it, I’m sure.

Let's Laugh

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Everyone has their favorites, but there are a few of us who know the truth.
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And anyone who’s ever spoken to Ginny or Diaman knows the truth of this next part……

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And finally, all of us agree, that we are so very, very proud to have these:

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Kids are great…mostly.

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Dragon Pic

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That look you get when someone is taking the last piece of pie.

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Two Brothers, a 6 year old Lethal Leprechaun and a 4 year old Impish Dragon are raking the yard.
 
Lethal asks, “You know what? I think it’s about time we started learning to cuss.”
 
 
The 4 year old Dragon nods his head in approval.
 
 
The 6 year old Leprechaun continues,”When we go in for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.”
 
 
Impish agrees with enthusiasm.
 
 
When their mothera walks into the kitchen and asks the Leprechaun what he wants for breakfast, he replies, “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.
 
 
WHACK! He tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
 
 
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, “You can stay in there until I let you out!”
 
 
She then comes back downstairs, leans over and peers into the dragon’s eyes and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”
 
 
“I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your ass it won’t be Cheerios!”

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Fantasy

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“Ginny!  Get in the house before you get hit by lightning!”

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I talked to a  homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, “Up until last month, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.”

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?”

“Oh no, nothing like that,” he said.  “No, no…. I was paroled.”

 

Ain’t that the truth!  When I was working as a dispatcher for the State Police, I worked part time in the county jail to help make ends meet, since the state didn’t pay its dispatchers enough money to keep a bird alive.  Here I am, scrimping and saving and counting pennies.  I have basic cable, like 14 channels and no special channels at all.  The inmates in jail?  Like 200 channels!  Makes perfect sense.

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The wife’s back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie   last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
 
I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
 
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or “foreplay”   as she likes to call it.

 
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Screw it, soldier on!”

I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I got   downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves
 
breakfast until 11:30.

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I’d slept with. I told her, “Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!”

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!”
“Oh,” I replied, “so now you want me to stay!”



A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.

I’ve just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she’s moving during sex.

 

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Critter

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Yeah, I’m way more the top one then the bottom one.

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Politics

Here There Be Truth!!!

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So, I got so involved and it was so much fun, that you got more of the political cartoons then normal.  If you have any complaints, then I can send you to the dragon who is in charge of complaints, for the rest of you, you’re welcome.

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My friends.  I would love to keep going with this issue, but I’ve run out of strength.  So, this is as good a place as any to stop. 

May you have a wonderful week until we meet again.

Cheers

Impish Dragon

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1351

  1. MIke says:

    You sometimes make me smile, sometimes make laugh and always make me think.
    Thanks for your efforts.

  2. dabayoubum says:

    My dear friend I hope that it is nothing serious with Mrs. Dragon.
    I shall say a prayer for her to feel better soon.
    You are my friend, and that makes you my family. Be safe my brother.

  3. Maggie Culligan says:

    Great issue,,, I hope both you and Mrs Dragon will feel better real soon.
    Glad to hear that Jesnie is doing well and of course all of us will keep up the prayers for her and add some for you and Mrs D.

  4. Ginny says:

    Oh no, what’s wrong with Mrs. Dragon? You guys taking turns between your bum hip and now her.
    Well considering the health problems you did a fantastic job on your issue. Feel better and try to get some R&R this weekend.

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