Dragon Laffs #1501


Dragon Laffs 4

Campers
Let me just throw this in before I forget…remember on Wednesday when Lethal had this little poster, right up at the top of his issue, where he normally has coffee themed things going? 

There was a picture of a full coffee cup sitting on a bed of coffee beans and it said: “A New Study Has Linked Drinking Coffee With a Longer Lifespan” at the top and “Awesome. I’m gonna be immortal” at the bottom.

Well, that got me to thinking about us immortal (or mostly so) mythological creatures…could it possibly be the coffee? 

And if that’s the case, can you imagine, in your deepest and most strongly held beliefs, down in the bowels of your mind, can you IMAGINE what kind of powers Lethal’s Brown Gold Coffee recipe can bestow?

I’ll be back in a bit, I’ve got to go find my buddy Lethal and get some coffee!!!

Let's Laugh

Well, I didn’t find my buddy Lethal, but I did find this special notice on my desk with instructions to post it here:

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The scroll goes on to say, “Thanks for your time and kind attention.  I now return you to your previously scheduled frivolity and insanity.”

Well….. I guess that answers all our questions about that!  Now, let’s get this party started!  Pay attention, because there is going to be another special announcement in today’s Last Word.

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That sounds like as stupid as my GPS is.

Ever been told to go fly a kite?  See what happens when the kite decides it’s time to fly YOU!

And this one is just for fun.  Two guys with a super slow motion camera and nothing else to do….  How about we try to explode glass!  And film it at 343,000 FPS.  That’s Frames Per Second!

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You know, my dad would have killed me if he found out that I had gone through his pants pockets.  I mean D*E*A*D Dead!  I remember once he had punished me and took my car keys away.  They were on his dresser.  Not out of sight, not hidden in a drawer.  On top of his dresser right next to his bedroom door, that I could see easily every time I walked down the hall.
Well, I don’t remember WHY I took them back, just that I did.  You have no idea and words have not been invented to describe the trouble I was in.  And I knew it would happen…I guess…somewhere in the back of my mind…that by taking those keys, even though they were my keys to a car that I had paid for, that I had dared to cross that threshold into his personal space.  How dare I!
And I understand – now – how a parents word, a parents will, is sacrosanct.  My brother could have been poisoned with the only known antidote on top of that dresser and that he would be dead without it in less than a minute, and I wouldn’t have been able to get it.
Like I said, I can’t remember what I took the keys for, I can’t remember what I did to get them taken away, I can’t remember anything other than I took MY keys off HIS dresser and I brought down the wrath of the heavens unto my head.
Yeah, good times.
LOL!

Dragon PicWaterdragon(1)I do have some wet friends.  Who do you think we call when the security guys need some “wet work” done?

I know, “Yuk! Yuk!” very funny.

2171Ah, it’s as if someone was watching me play golf.

Okay, I’ve tried to get to some of the funny stuff before I got into the serious stuff, but let me tell you, today it seems to be impossible!  Too much has been headed my way in regards to the state of the country, the election, democrats, and other anger-making topics.  So, first, we’re going to start with a couple of videos.  The first one is entitled “I thought you should know”.

 

Now, if that wasn’t gut wrenching enough, this next one lays it out on the line.

 

So, a huge video section this time… They just keep showing up and I just have to share them with you guys. This one is quite interesting.  How not to get stuck in traffic…

Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. She decided to write him a letter saying she was tired of him and didn’t want to live with him anymore. After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home. When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it.
 
After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number.  His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting with someone.

“Hey babe, I’m just changing clothes then I will join you,” he said. “As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and I had met earlier. See you soon, honey!” 
 

Then he hung up and walked out of the room.
In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter.

Through teary and bleary eyes, she read:

I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy some bread.

 

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My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”

She said I wasn’t funny; but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too.. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what live animal was my favorite.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why; so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal’s office.

He laughed and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military person I admired most.

I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”

Guess where the fuck I am now…

2173

Ain’t that the truth!  If I were elected president, that would be one of the rules I would adopt!  That ought to bet me elected. 

Fantasy

2016071705

Ginny and Paul K9 at last year’s Halloween Party. Great costume, right?  Would you believe they only took third place in the costume competition?  Yup, although Ginny did take runner up in “The Creature I’d like Most to Go Home With.”

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Yes, Diaman and Ginny, I hear you.  “It’s just lucky it’s easy to do.”

The Justice Department refused to okay the FBI to investigate the Clinton Foundation e-mails urging State Department access for donors. It was ever thus. The moment Hillary was born, the doctor slapped her with a subpoena, and the next day the doctor died under mysterious circumstances. 
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The Treasury Department complained Tuesday that there are billions of dollars in circulation in America just from change lying around people’s homes and cars that will go unspent. We need to get organized. Late last night, Michael Phelps found an Olympic gold medal in his couch cushion.

 

2176

Politics

And again this week it’s been too easy to find stuff to be pissed off about.  I’ve seen videos on how easy it is to hack the election, read articles about how Hillary is held to a different standard and how anyone who crosses her suddenly commits suicide or ends up the victim of a robbery gone wrong.

So, some of these are funny, some are scathing, but most are scary as hell.  Because even the funniest of political cartoons are based in truth.

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And if any of you campers out there don’t think this is the honest truth, then…well…I got a bridge to sell you.

4v

Some Tim got Broom Stick 2.  I hear it doesn’t have near the nice amenities that Broom Stick 1 has.

4x

Can I have what’s behind door number three, please?

4y

No shit.  And the article I read this morning (Friday) says that someone in the administration has now admitted it.  Therefore, the president lied right to our faces.  So, why are none of you campers surprised?

4z

Yeah, I got nothin’ but a chuckle for this one.

4b

Like we needed the likes of him to tell us that…

And I love this next one.  I want this as a tee-shirt or something.

4a

That’s SO COOL looking.  LOL!

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Yeah…no…I’m not touching that one with a 10 foot pole…or even a 10 foot American.

Here’s a thought that ought to put you away for a day or so…

If you’re forty-something, enjoy your life now, because the generation who will pay for your retirement, is chasing Pokemons! 

Kinda scary, right?

2178

The Olympics were marred over the weekend when the water in the diving pool turned green with a rancid smell and had to be drained and refilled. Officials explained that chemistry is not an exact science. That’s true, ask anyone who has ever blown up the trailer while cooking crystal meth. 
 

2179

Hillary Clinton drew criticism from the Wall Street Journal for her plans to increase federal spending Tuesday. Enough is enough. The Postal Service announced Tuesday it lost a billion and a half dollars in the second quarter, making it by far the most profitable branch of the U.S. government. 

2180

Critter

a1

Okay, this picture looks innocent enough, but in actuality, it is a hidden camera shot of Lethal’s Ninja Kitties in training.  Outside of training, this “pherocious pounce” is a patented NK move is done in full Ninja gear, which means that they are practically invisible.  So, you can now understand how rare a photo this really is.

a2

Again, this picture looks innocent enough, until you realize that this is the look I got from Brutus when he found out about me taking and publishing the last picture.

Okay, so now for the real topper, this next picture is of the super secret …

Hi folks, sorry.  This is Terrance writing to you to let you know that Impish had to suddenly pay a visit to the emergency room.  I’m not really sure what happened, but I understand that he should be back before the end of the issue. 

When I spoke with the doctor on duty he told me that he had NEVER seen a creature with that many scratches on him, causing that much blood loss, that was still able to move under his own feet.  I’m guessing he must’ve fallen into the rose garden which is just below his personal balcony.  In all honesty, I have warned him before about not keeping his attention on what he was doing when launching from that balcony.  So, yeah, that must’ve been it.

Yeah.

I’ll fill in for him until he gets back.

a5

Okay, so the part that makes that above picture funny is that it is about the game Pokemon Go, not about taking a walk.
Ha, Ha.
Pretty funny, right?

a60

Impish?  If you’re out there, Brutus says that you’ll find that last one especially funny.

a61

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Lethal swears that Impish actually tried that with a friend of his….I’m not sure he really understands what the delivery portion is about.

Here’s another great video.  Grab the tissues:

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I … ah … I got nothing.  I’m not sure what … Okay, Okay, I’m leaving, I’m leaving!

I’m back campers, don’t worry.  Also, don’t let all these bandages fool you.  I’ll be fine.  The Vet says so.  I’m sure you want to know exactly what happened…well … um … you know I have this bush beneath … ouch! … I mean, yeah, this rose bush below my window …ouch! … balcony!  It’s below my balcony!  Oh man, let’s just get on with the issue.

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Let’s move on to my favorite part of the issue…or, at least, one of my favorite parts.

Motivational

Love

love2

Lovely View

See how that one slipped right in?

Love's worth

LSAT

And then we just had to go and ruin the whole thing.

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News

Joe Biden On the Hillary Campaign Trail is the Must-See Comedy of the Summer!

Joe Biden revisited his boyhood home, Scranton, to campaign with Hillary —>

Joe said, in reference to Trump, “he doesn’t have a clue.”

Joe went on to say that he’s been around since the Polk administration and has “never seen a presidential candidate from the two major parties less prepared to deal with national security.”

The fact that Joe Biden failed to win a presidential primary has given his statement, at first blush, a little credibility.

But, no. Joe need not look any further than-

A: —His boss. Barack Obama has destabilized the entire world by turning America into a feckless also-ran in the world theater.

B: —-The crunt standing to his right. Hillary Clinton made us less secure with her secret server, the one she needed to cover-up the criminality. She destroyed emails that showed that the state department made pay-for-play deals. “Suggestions” were made that people”donate” to the Clinton Foundation and their “requests” would be fulfilled.

Joe said that Hillary Clinton has forgotten more about foreign policy than Trump’s entire team will ever know.

That doesn’t sound like a compliment.

That sounds like Hillary has a memory problem. Or a server wipe problem. Or a deletion problem.

He said that Hillary knows one thing (again, poor choice of words) that Trump doesn’t know- that it’s “never, ever, never been a good bet to bet against America.”

When did Trump bet against America?

He said Trump can’t be trusted with the Nuclear Codes. This, from a guy who isn’t allowed to touch the TV remote in the oval office.

He said he wouldn’t have let his son Beau serve in the military under Trump, he would have thrown his body down in front of him.

“If my son were still in Iraq, and I say to all those who are there, the threat to their life has gone up a couple of clicks. It’s gone up a couple clicks,” perhaps forgetting that the Butcher of Benghazi was sitting right next to him.

The guy is an abject moron.

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That is so perfect!!!

And it’s the perfect lead-in to….

Last Word

Well, it’s that time of the year again when we have to pay the bills.  I got the bill in email the other day, so that is the kick off of “Donation Season”.

You know what “Donation Season” is, right? 

That’s the one time a year where we beg, cajole, plead, ask, and threaten in order to get donations to keep the blog up and running for another year.  And you know what?  I don’t wanna do that again this year. 

I feel crappy begging you guys for money.  It ends up taking away, for about a month, the free-flow of ideas that we try to play with around here.  Our membership hasn’t really changed over the past couple of years, I get notified that this email address or that email address is added to our rolls, but the total hits don’t really change, no matter what we try to do.

Lethal and I talked about giving away monogrammed pens, coffee cups, having different layers of gifts, but that’s never really worked in the past either.  Maybe we’ll try that again next year.

So, what we’ll do, I’ll ask here…and ask again a couple of more times probably, but I’m pretty sure the same couple of people are going to donate, and that’s okay, you know we love you guys, we also know the group who, for whatever reason, can’t donate, and that’s okay too. 

And the last group who simply won’t…well….that too is okay, we love you guys also (probably just not as much, LOL.)

Anyway, the link to PayPal on the right hand side works still, even if it hasn’t been used since last year, I checked it, it works.  And for those of you who like to click on links inside the blog, here it is: click here

And finally, if you don’t want to use PayPal (even though you don’t need a PayPal account of your own, just a bank account, credit card, debit card, etc.) you can drop me an email at impishdragon@gmail.com and I’ll be happy to give you my new human address and you can send me cash, check, money order, valuable antiques, or virgin sacrifices. 

May you all have a wonderful week until we speak again!

Cheers

Impish

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1501

  1. Ginny says:

    The videos and the complete blog were great as usual.

    Yes, it is that time, where I get my pom.poms out to CHEER for the yearly donations to keep Dragon Laffs going. Times are tough for a lot of us, so even a $1 bill would be good. If everyone did it would be FANTASTIC. We all turn to Lethal and Impish every week to make us laugh and forget for a bit. So don’t make them beg….THIS IS FOR ALL OF US!

    PRETTY PLEASE XOXOXO

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