Dragon Laffs #1500


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Campers

1500 issues.

Wow!  I wouldn’t have bet that I would have ever reached this level.  1500 issues and over 10 years of bringing you, gentle camper, the best bullshit busting laughter that is possible for one single mythological creature to bring.

As crazy as it sounds, it doesn’t seem like it’s been that long.  Or that many issues.  And you know what?  I couldn’t have done it without a lot of help. 

First and foremost, I have to thank my brother, compatriot, friend.  The man I have grown closer to than any other man on this earth.  The one guy who I KNOW I could call at any time of the day or night and he would drop everything to be there for me.  Of course I’m talking about Lethal Leprechaun.  Thanks buddy.

There’s also Diaman, Ginny, Paul, Wheats, The Whelpling, Papa Dragon Most Senior, Jeannie/Gracie, and so many, many more.  Thanks to all of you for helping us get to where we are!

I can’t go on any more.  There is so much I want to say, but it all amounts to this:

Thank you.

And ….

Let's Laugh

2153

So, we started today with a quick smile.
That’s great.
But there are so many incredibly horrifying things going on in our country that I can’t help but load up with political stuff…both funny and scary.  Let’s start with this one from Jeannie.  It falls under the funny category.

2016 Revised Political Dictionary
 
brinkmanship, n. A hardball political strategy whereby members of Congress hold the parents hostage in order to pick the child’s pocket.
 
Congress, n. The only whorehouse that loses money. — D.C. proverb
 
 
electoral college, n. A prestigious college that issues no grades to its enrollees but perpetually flunks democracy.
 
inauguration, n. A scepterless coronation with bleacher seats.
 
lie, v. What a politician does with his mouth when he is not eating.
 
political language, n. Speech designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable. — George Orwell
politics, n. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. — Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
 
debate, n. A nationally televised forum in which moderators provide candidates with alternating, 30-second opportunities to evade questioning.
 
donor, n. In a democratic republic, the primary instrument for expressing the will of the people; not to be confused with a voter.
radical, n. A man with both feet planted firmly — in the air. — Franklin D. Roosevelt
 
recount, n. A process by which the fruits of a democratic outcome are jettisoned in favor of the pits left over after the lawyers and rented mobs have had a good chew.
running mate, n. A comfortably inferior politician who can complement the shortcomings of your candidacy without compromising your ego.
 
senator, n. A call center operator with her own driver and stationery.

voters, n. Lost souls who repeatedly select the lesser of two evil roads only to find themselves right back in the ditch where they began.


Our words and our language is changing on an almost daily basis and I believe these “new” definitions are quite on the mark.

2154

9

Well, it is the Olympics, after all.

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If you’re going to be in advertising, you might as well enjoy it.

Dragon Pix

d2016072803

Me sitting with Diaman when we were both much younger.

2156

Hillary Clinton’s health came under question Friday over the skull fracture she suffered three years ago when she fainted while standing in Bill’s office and hit her head on his desk on the way down. This defies the laws of physics. Every other woman hit her head on his desk on the way up.

2157

Yeah, ain’t that the truth!

President Obama called on Congress to create a government-run health insurance plan as the Affordable Care Act continued crumbling. The president makes you one guarantee. If you like the doctor you lost due to Obamacare, you can keep the doctor you’ll never get with Mutual of Obama.

2158

9a

2159

Fantasy

2016071703

I swear!  This is exactly what I saw when I went swimming in the moat the other night.  Why doesn’t anyone believe me?

2160

So, Ginny swears when she sends this to me that it is NOT a story about Paul and his brother Willy.  So, of course, we have to believe her…..right?

Little Johnny and Willy were twins, and for their 13th birthday, Willy got a bicycle while Little Johnny got a little portable radio.

Willy hopped up on his bike and went to town. On the way he sees the Gerald’s house on fire, fire trucks, the whole bit. He spins around and peddles as fast as he could back home.

“Little Johnny! Little Johnny! Guess what? I saw a fire at old man Gerald’s! There was fire engines! Firemen! and EVERYTHING!!!”

Little Johnny looks up and says, “Yeah, I know, I heard about it 10 minutes ago on the news on my radio.”

Willy scowls and jealously mutters, “You and your fuckin’ radio!” and storms off, to go riding again.

In town he sees just about the most exciting thing ever! Police, sirens, and all kinds of excitement, because the local bank had been robbed. He races home as fast as he can, starts hollering before he’s even completely in the door, “Little Johnny! Little Johnny! Guess what?”

Little Johnny dryly interrupts with, “The bank was robbed?”

Willy scowls and storms off, muttering, “You and your fuckn’ radio!”

Well, this time he pedals clear through town, and out into the countryside on the other side. A few miles up the road he sees a poor little pig with its head stuck in a fence. He grins, parks the bike, climbs down the bank, pulls his pants down and gives it to the porker. Then he races as fast as he could all the way home… “Little Johnny! Little Johnny! Guess what? I just had my first sexual experience!”

Little Johnny looks up, dismisses Willy with a wave, “Bah! In a pig’s ass you did!”

“You and your fuckin’ radio!” mutters Willy, as he cycles off.

2161

Not sure why I didn’t have that one with the Motivational posters, but I didn’t so you get it here.

1) Media hates Trump.
2) Media makes polls.
3) Polls hate Trump.
4) Media hates Trump.

Relax folks.

2162

Yeah, I have that same problem over and over again.

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones,
But Words Will Never Hurt Me.
The morons at #NeverTrump are more hurt by Trump’s words than by the things Hillary has done.
ABSOLUTE FOOLS

2163

Hey Lethal!  I found just the place we’ve been looking for!

Critter

a55

a56

a57

a58

a59

Just arrived in Ginny’s mail.

2164

That really should have gotten a groaner alert.  Sorry.

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!” “Oh,” I replied, “so now you want me to stay!”
 

2165

Political

I’m currently going through my emails, trying to catch up.  (Good Luck with that, Impish!) and I’m seeing more and more political stuff, so we might as well just jump right in to this section, which, by the way, is beginning to grow out of hand!  I have so many saved pictures in my political file that I think I could fill up the next 5 issues with just those pictures.  And by that time, I’d have it filled up again.  So, here we go:

4l

Well, I’m sure to you, that makes perfect sense.  The only class of people who are inherently racist due to the color of their skin and NOBODY is saying a thing.  We need our own cause.  #WhiteLivesMatter.  Oh shit.  Sorry.  That’s racist.  How about White History Month?  Crap, that’s racist, too.  The NAAWP?  Yeah, don’t even bother.  I know.  Racist.  There is no White Congressional Caucus, White TV Channel or anything even like that.  Yet, we’re the racists.
Right!

4m

4n

4o

Donald Trump asserted that courts striking down voter ID laws could lead to a rigged election this fall, claiming people without ID could vote ten times. He’s concerned. The Fox News poll on Friday has Trump down ten points and the MSNBC poll said Hillary’s been president for three weeks. 

4p

4q

4r

4s

4t

4u

Okay, that was ten quick ones from the old file.  The new ones will have to wait.  By then they will be the old ones and some other incredible stupid shit will have come up.  But before we leave, let’s watch this video about the body count surrounding the Clintons.  This is just the last 5!  You guys know I’ve said for a long time that the bodies are piling up behind the Clintons.  It’s unbelievable that Law Enforcement accepts this BS “suicide” excuse.  Right.  Like that many people have committed suicide right before they are due to testify or unload some information about the Clintons.

And yet so many people believe it.

Sigh

2166

Russian Olympic pole-vaulter SvetlanaGevenskaia says she doesn’t know what all the fuss is about.

10

 

Jon Dorenbos is a football-Playing Magician, and he’s really quite good.

Okay, so one more quick one from the same guy.

Motivational

Look closely

Looting

losing

Lost Control20

lots o guns

2167

QUOTE OF THE DECADE:
 
“A liberal’s paradise would be a place where everybody has guaranteed employment, free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only law enforcement has guns. And believe it or not, such a place does indeed already exist: It’s called Prison.”
Sheriff Joe Arpaio

2168

Last Word

This is such a great essay, that I’m sure I don’t have to change a single word nor add any commentary.

It’s entitled “The New Military” and it was sent in by my dad.

A couple of West Pointers address the new military. Bit of a rant but worthy of note.

For two years as a senior combat trainer (observer/controller) at the National Training Center and another two as the G3 of the 1st Armored Division in Germany, I was fortunate enough to be responsible for their training as around 50 Armor and Infantry branch Lieutenant Colonels led their battalions through the most rigorous, realistic large unit training the US Army has ever offered. I conducted the formal after-action review for every battle and so was very familiar with what took place and why. If the “battles” we fought had taken place with real ammo instead of lasers, artillery simulators, and subjective mine field and air attack assessments, every single one of those battalion commanders would have lost (dead, wounded, captured or destroyed) the equivalent of at least three complete battalions worth of men and equipment over the space of just two weeks. Every single one that is except Fred Dibella.

At the National Training Center, Fred’s battalion soundly defeated the best “Soviet Armored Regiment” that ever strapped on tanker boots in 5 consecutive battles! And it was not even close!  Lt Col Dibella understood tactical warfare and how to prepare his leaders and their men before they ever arrived on the battlefield. They came to the NTC
with a mutual understanding of how every single piece of the task force affected every other piece and they understood that every leader’s battle plan must support the plan of the entire task force.

The manner in which Lt Col Dibella had prepared and trained his leaders and soldiers before the first shot was ever fired was the best I have ever seen. The manner in which they actually fought the NTC battles was unequaled!

My entire experience with Lt Col Fred Dibella was over the course of those two weeks. But I can tell you that he knew more about how to fight and how to train his people to fight than any other battalion commander I had the opportunity to help train. So pay attention to what he writes in the article that follows.

Mac Johnson

In a 2015 memo by the Secretary of the Army to worldwide Army Commands, the Secretary dictated that ‘Commanders and soldiers will balance lactation support and readiness.’

(Note: I had to look up ‘lactation support’ – it has to do with supporting those who are breastfeeding!  Martin)

YESTERDAY, 29 JUNE ’16,  SEC DEF, ASHTON CARTER, ANNOUNCED THE IMPLEMENTATION OF THE  NEW TRANSGENDER MILITARY….

In response, COL (Ret) Fred Dibella, USMA Class of ’69 and former TAC of Company F2 at West Point wrote:

“Ok, I’ve had all I can stomach. I’m done.

Scroll down and read this *)!* right now, if you think I’m kidding, then come back to my remarks, if you haven’t puked your guts out. (USMA ‘69 forum, feel free to permanently ban me from your rolls, but I’ve had enough.)

Obama and his lackeys have now systematically laid the groundwork to accomplish what no battlefield enemy has ever done; that is, to emasculate the United States Military. I honestly don’t know how he could have done it more effectively. He’s dangerously downsized the force; he’s rooted out warriors like Stan McChrystal and Carter Ham from the General and Flag Officer ranks and installed puppets like George Casey and Martin Dempsey; he not only obliterated ‘Don’t ask, Don’t tell’; he searched long and hard to find an openly gay (and utterly unqualified) man to be Sec Army; he opened not just combat arms to women, but the absolute tips of the spear in Infantry, Armor and Artillery, and the predictable result is directives like “balance lactation support and readiness?”

Seriously? SERIOUSLY??? Balance lactation support and readiness!?

Sorry, I’m old school, but I THOUGHT READINESS WAS NEVER, EVER COMPROMISED… let alone for “lactation support”.

Have we gone completely mad?!? Do you think for a moment that the greatest fighting force the planet has ever known is immune to emasculation? That there’s nothing that Obama can do to significantly degrade its lethality?  That somehow we will magically prevail, despite all this shit?

Here’s the blunt truth, and if you think this flies in the face of political correctness and/or liberal theology… congratulations.

The most important reason the US Military has been so dominant, so lethal, and so unbeatable over that last 200 years is that we subscribe to a WARRIOR ETHOS! We’re not quite Sparta, but we ain’t been far behind. That is, until now. Up to now, we have recognized the blatantly obvious: That battles and wars are won by Alpha Males. And
why is that? Uh… because men and women may well be equal in the eyes of God, but they damned sure ain’t identical in the laws of physics and psychology. Men are, by and large, bigger, stronger, faster, more aggressive, more violent, more ferocious, more intense, more powerful, more brutal, more belligerent, more destructive, AND THEREFORE MORE LETHAL than women. (JUST THINK OF HOW A WOMAN WOULD FARE IN HAND TO
HAND COMBAT WITH A 200 LB. RUSSIAN SOLDIER)…

You don’t buy that? Tell you what – pick 50 men at random from anywhere and 50 women. Put ‘em in a big ring and tell ‘em to fight to the death. Have a problem immediately predicting the outcome? If you do, I can’t help you.  You’re an idiot or a flaming liberal who believes that “Laura Croft, Tomb Raider” is real.

Why do you think Martin Dempsey, Obama’s personal lackey in uniform, issued his famous proclamation? You know the one: “If women can’t pass the standards at Ranger school, SEAL school, and other similar training programs, then the standards will have to be justified to me”.

God help me, but am I the only one who sees through that (*&#? I guess the Rangers at Point du Hoc weren’t good enough, huh Martin? Neither were the SEALS at Benghazi? I guess Delta’s incredible successes are not sufficient.   ‘We must reassess the standards’. Total crock of )(&!. Scrape away the BS, and here’s the residue: We’re gonna lower the bar ‘till the women can get over it, period. Think that’ll have any effect on lethality? BTW, how’d you like to be the Ranger School Commandant who goes to Massa Dempsey’s office to ‘splain why women aint’ makin’ it? Think he might avoid that by “adjusting” things a bit?

But it’s more than physicality. It’s about the laws of nature. That is, when young men and women are put together they respond to hormones rather than ‘good order and discipline’. 1976:  Women are introduced to West Point.   Regulations strictly prohibited fraternization among cadets. Hahahahahahaha. Written by some idiot, no doubt.  They were bangin’ each other like rabbits. Trust me, I had a ringside seat. But that wouldn’t happen in a Ranger squad, or a SEAL team, right? If you said, “Right”, then you’re an idiot. The squad/team leader is messin’ around with a female and there’s no degradation to good order and discipline, right? The previous “Brotherhood” that formerly bonded warriors together won’t be affected, right?

So we now have a female Commandant of Cadets at West Point. See how freaking enlightened we are? We can appoint females to the leadership roles at the nations’ premier School for Warriors. That is, the nations’ FORMER premier School for Warriors. West Point is now the tip of the Political Correctness spear. We have gay marriages at the cadet
chapel, we have kindness and compassion seminars, we even have Sensitivity Officers, for crissake, on cadet staffs – right next to the Operations and Logistics Officers – to ensure that Alpha Males do not behave like Alpha Males. We dumb ‘em down now. We used to
understand that good warriors were a little rough around the edges. We tolerated that, because we knew ‘em for what they were… Patton comes immediately to mind.  Instead, now we intentionally extract the fangs from the sheepdogs, just about the time when the wolves from Islam are stalking the flock…

Obama gave us Obamacare, which is now sinking under its own sick formula. Good thing, because the gutless Republicans couldn’t bring themselves to defund it. Obama has given us Sotomayor and Kagan, two flaming Liberals who will sit on that bench for a generation of Looney Tunes. Obama has demonstrated his racism, his socialism, his disdain for law enforcement and even his proclivity for Islam (the “peaceful” religion… what a laugh).  He’s been the single most divisive and destructive POTUS in my lifetime. America, thanks to him, is at war with itself. GOP vs ‘Crats, Blacks vs Whites, Haves vs Have-nots, Women vs Men, Armed vs Unarmed, you name the category… we have two sides at war with each other.

The debt is approaching $20 Trillion. That’s such a ridiculous number that even economists can’t fathom it. More than half of it generated on Obama’s personal watch. We have no national border. None. Agents have been defanged, and the illegal aliens come across at will. The problems in Arizona and Texas are ignored by Obama.  Israel has gone from being our most trusted and respected ally in the Mideast to being openly discredited, condemned and insulted by him. The nuclear deal with Iran was and is a joke. Un-vetted Syrian male “refugees”… well hell, come to America! It’s all so transparent. You elect an utterly unqualified candidate with dangerous background affiliations in his past, and this is what you get: a self-inflicted wound.

But it all pales, in my humble world, to his destruction of the American Military. These are the guardians of our way of life. These are the warriors. These are the “rough MEN who allow us to sleep soundly, because they stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm”. But go ahead, America: let this ideologue continue the systematic defanging of our fighting force. Let him feminize it. Let him drag it into the political correctness cesspool.

Let him continue the social engineering and tinkering. Keep putting high heel shoes on male cadets, so they can “empathize”. Forget all our hard-fought lessons at Khe Sanh, the Chosin Resevoir, Bastogne, Belleau Wood, Gettysburg, and Bunker Hill. Let the idiots tell you that war is “push button” now, so anyone can be a warrior…

Go ahead…

Historians won’t have a difficult time analyzing this disintegration. We were just too timid to put a stop to the madness… ”

Dibella

Colonel Dibella, Sir,
You have stated the problem eloquently and succinctly and I am happy to say that I couldn’t have said it better myself.  I salute you, sir.  You are a true American Hero.

CheersImpish Dragon Large

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9 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1500

  1. Jeannie/Gracie hehe says:

    WHOO HOO!!! 1500! Wow, Impish, where did the time go? Thank you, THANK YOU for the smiles and insight you have given all of us. It’s been a great ride and I look so forward for MORE to come! Congrats, my friend!

    • impishdragon says:

      Thanks to everyone who sent well wishes for my 1500th issue. It is deeply appreciated. I can’t really believe it either, it has been a great ride and I hope…..
      ….!
      Holy — !
      …!
      Holy crap! Did you see that tennis player!!!!

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    Impish my brother from a (slightly scrambled) egg-
    Congrats on the milestone & a great issue to mark the occasion.
    May you find it in you to make it to the 3000 mark.
    That will insure you 1500 more weeks of my continued presence

  3. Leah D says:

    WOW! I used to end out a page once a week, but had to choose between that and something else I wanted to accomplish. Several times I have made it my New Year’s resolution to do it again, but I only get through a few weeks before it gets dropped.
    So I greatly admire your fortitude! And am so glad you have kept it going. When I open my mailbox, if there is one from you, it is the first one I open.
    I can’t imagine life without you ….

  4. Maggie says:

    Hey Big Blue,,, Congrats on 1500 issues,, keep em coming,,, I look forward to every issue from you and the Green Fella,, I enjoy every one of them and love how you both express the political views of the times. Continue the marvelous work you fellas do.
    Maggie

  5. Joe says:

    Congratulations. Quite an accomplishment. 1500 issues keeping us informed of things we need to know with enough humor to keep us from banging our heads through the wall. Keep up the good work.

    • impishdragon says:

      Thanks Joe!
      What a great motto: Keeping you informed of things you need to know while adding enough humor to keep you from banging your head through the wall.
      Nice.
      Although, I’m not sure it will fit on the header.
      Impish

  6. Ginny says:

    Congratulations 1500 issues! You give so much to all of us and I for one greatly appreciate all your efforts, I watched the video about the Clinton body count…that is outright scary. It is going to be a long and grueling trip to election date in November. I daily say…WTF…she gets out of
    another scandal. You certainly made your 1500 issue very special!

    • impishdragon says:

      Thank you dear Ginny, I’m truly glad that you enjoyed it.
      I am looking forward to election day with great hope and great horror. I don’t think that our country will ever get back to our once greatness.

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