Dragon Laffs #1479


Header1478

Good Morning Campers,

It’s been one of those weeks around the Dragon Household.  I’m still recovering from Lethal’s St. Patrick’s Day party.  Very pious all day, and then as soon as the sun starts going down, the food appears!  It seemed like miles of food.  And the beer, I tried more of those types of beer than I ever imagined and more food, and toasts with some really good Irish Whiskey.  Stuff that didn’t even have a real label on it, from somebody’s private stash and more food and more drink and dancing.  And sad songs and happy songs and….
you get the idea.  Mrs. Dragon is either still missing or still sleeping, I’m afraid to go in the bedroom and look.

Me?

I woke up this morning on the living room floor with the Izzy Dragon looking down at me and shaking her head.  Her disgust was so loud in its silence that it made my head hurt worse.  And I didn’t think that was possible.

So, while you guys are here, I’m going to go look and see if Mrs. Dragon is there.  You guys go ahead and start and I’ll catch up with you soon.

 

Lets laugh

1859

Dang!  That’s the same advice that MY doctor gave ME! 

Murphy a furniture dealer from Dublin, wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris

to see what he could find.
5
After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.5a

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.5b

Before long, a very beautiful, young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him  something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.5c

He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. 5dShe nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. 5eThey left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.

They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.5f

She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.5g

To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.

1860

 

Dragons

Skull Dragon

One of my favorite all time screen wall papers.

1861

Okay, so I’m a bit confused.  I found Mrs. Dragon in bed, sound asleep with a big smile on her face and a ring of flowers in her hair.  I’m sure there is something about that I should be upset about, but quite frankly, I can’t think enough to figure it out.

I’m sure Lethal will let me know when I see him later today.

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment had been to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship. Little Sally led off. “I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $100,” she said proudly. My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit, and I credit that approach for my obvious success.” “Very good” said the teacher. Little Debbie was next. “I sold magazines” she clarified. “I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up to date on current affairs. I sold heaps and I made $200.” “Very good, Debbie” said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a boxful of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$1000!” he exclaimed. $1000″ cried the teacher! “What in the world were you selling?” “Toothbrushes.” answered Little Johnny. “Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher. “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?” “I found the busiest corner in town,” explained Little Johnny. “I set up a Dip & Chip stand, and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample. “They all said the same thing. ‘Hey, this tastes like dogshit!’ “Then I would say ‘It is dog shit …..wanna buy a toothbrush?’ “I used the POLITICIAN’S method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it’s free, then making you pay bunches to get the bad taste out of your mouth…”
Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment! 

 

Little Johnny is now running for office.

1862

 

This ended up being very important to me since a large part of my day is spent behind a computer.  I’m going to ask for a sit/stand desk at work.
6

Fantasy

f2010042402

More of our security personnel.  We don’t take any chances.

1863

 

Movie Night

Okay, so this first one is very funny.  It looks like it comes from a movie.

I’d have helped her with that bra and gotten shot myself.  It would’ve happened!

And for this next one, I really want one of these!

If catastrophe happens and our planet is in trouble, there’s one place in the world that’s ready to help out. Hidden in the Norwegian Arctic, this vault stores as many seeds as possible, so civilization can go on in a time of crisis.

 

British Humor.   Since some of this is not likely to make sense to some of you rednecks out there, I’ll try to explain as necessary…

Muslims have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who’s English..
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9. Okay, this one is easy…it’s funny because Manchester is now mostly Muslim.  Get it…only 8 or 9 English persons? Alright, never mind, you’re on your own for the rest of them.

Years ago it was suggested that, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” But, since
all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works great!  

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque… They’ve told the public not
to panic as they’ve managed to push it inside.  

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor
balcony, shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, “What’s up Abdul, won’t it start?”

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her
colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, “I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah.” To which the call centre employee replied, “Remain calm and stay on the line.”

1864

 

Critter

a15

a16

a17

a18

a19

1865

Just before I die I’m going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels. 

My cremation is going to be EPIC!!

 

1866

And that is the same exact excuse I’m sure so many are using nowadays!  No respect.  For others AND themselves.

Politics

1a

1b

1j

THAT’S IT!!!!!!  I KNEW there was something!

1k

NO shit!

2e

And none of them see anything wrong with that!  Can you say “reverse discrimination”?

2f

2h

2i

I can get behind Odin for president!  He’s the only one who fulfilled his promises.  Odin For President!  Odin in 2016!

President Obama in his press conference with Prime Minister Trudeau denied any blame for the rise of Donald Trump. That’s very true. At the time Donald Trump began his meteoric rise in the polls last year, President Obama was too busy denying any blame for the rise of ISIS.

1867

When I asked Lethal about the flowers, all he did was laugh.  The more I asked the harder he laughed to the point he ended up sitting on the floor with tears running down both his fat little green cheeks.  Now, I’m really confused.
 

 Really Good Questions!

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?

Aren’t  they just stale bread to begin with?

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren’t people from Holland called  Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why is  a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
         

If it’s true that we are here to help  others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen  defrocked, then doesn’t it follow that electricians  can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners  depressed?

Do Lipton Tea employees take ‘coffee breaks?’

What  hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald  men?

I  thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, Toothpicks?

Why do  they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?  Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Why,  Why, Why do we press  harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds; when they already know you’re broke?

Why is it that when  someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an “s” in the word “lisp”?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained  about the heat?

And A FAVORITE:
The statistics on sanity say that one  out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental  illness. Think of your three best friends.

If they’re OK..then it’s  you!

REMEMBER, A day without  a smile is like a day without  sunshine!

And a  day without sunshine is,  like………..night!!!!

 

Motivational

constitution

Japan

Japan2

Japan3

Japan4

Japan5

So, we had a run of Japan there.  That’s what happens when you put things in alphabetical order.

1868

Last Word

Finally, some feel good, nice news for a change.  I saw this article and just had to share it and felt like the Last Word was the perfect place to do it.
1

Florida Town Offers ‘Super Hero’ Parking Spots For Veterans And First Responders
Sarah Sicard

 

 on March 15, 2016

Cocoa Beach, Florida, has added “super hero” parking spaces reserved for for veterans and first responders.

The city of Cocoa Beach, Florida, has found a new way to honor veterans and first responders —  by designating “super hero” parking spots.

In Nov. 2015, local councilman and veteran Tyler Furbish proposed the idea to fellow veteran and city manager John Titkanich. Just a few days later, three of these spots were opened at City Hall, according to USA Today.

“We always need to honor our first responders and our veterans for what they have done and what they continue to do on a daily basis,” said Furbish. “ … I thought that’s just a great thing and we should do it.”

The spots are denoted by large signs that read “Super Hero Parking Only.” They are intended for use by active-duty service members, veterans, police officers, and firefighters.

“I would like to see it spread across the county,” Furbish said.

Although use of the space by super heroes exclusively can’t be enforced, the parking spaces have so far been successful, existing on an honor system.

If you go to the article here: http://taskandpurpose.com/florida-town-offers-super-hero-parking-spots-veterans-first-responders/ there is a nice video clip at the end that I can’t seem to get embedded.  It’s worth watching.
CheersImpish Dragon
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1479

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    The reason Izzy was disgusted with you was because you kept knocking on her bedroom door saying you were too drunk to drive would she give you a lift.
    Ordinarily a commendable thing except she is too young to drive and you wanted a ride home which you already were.

  2. Great issue! I especially liked the ending article. I even went so far as to share it on my FB page.

  3. Ginny says:

    Well you have done it again…..outstanding issue! Glad you physically survived Lethal’s Party. Hope Mrs. D is OK and Izzy too. Hope you have a better week coming. Have a great
    weekend.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: