Good Morning Campers,
It’s been one of those weeks around the Dragon Household. I’m still recovering from Lethal’s St. Patrick’s Day party. Very pious all day, and then as soon as the sun starts going down, the food appears! It seemed like miles of food. And the beer, I tried more of those types of beer than I ever imagined and more food, and toasts with some really good Irish Whiskey. Stuff that didn’t even have a real label on it, from somebody’s private stash and more food and more drink and dancing. And sad songs and happy songs and….
you get the idea. Mrs. Dragon is either still missing or still sleeping, I’m afraid to go in the bedroom and look.
I woke up this morning on the living room floor with the Izzy Dragon looking down at me and shaking her head. Her disgust was so loud in its silence that it made my head hurt worse. And I didn’t think that was possible.
So, while you guys are here, I’m going to go look and see if Mrs. Dragon is there. You guys go ahead and start and I’ll catch up with you soon.
Dang! That’s the same advice that MY doctor gave ME!
Murphy a furniture dealer from Dublin, wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris
to see what he could find.
After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.
Before long, a very beautiful, young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.
He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.
They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.
To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.
One of my favorite all time screen wall papers.
Okay, so I’m a bit confused. I found Mrs. Dragon in bed, sound asleep with a big smile on her face and a ring of flowers in her hair. I’m sure there is something about that I should be upset about, but quite frankly, I can’t think enough to figure it out.
I’m sure Lethal will let me know when I see him later today.
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment had been to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship. Little Sally led off. “I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $100,” she said proudly. My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit, and I credit that approach for my obvious success.” “Very good” said the teacher. Little Debbie was next. “I sold magazines” she clarified. “I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up to date on current affairs. I sold heaps and I made $200.” “Very good, Debbie” said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a boxful of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$1000!” he exclaimed. $1000″ cried the teacher! “What in the world were you selling?” “Toothbrushes.” answered Little Johnny. “Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher. “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?” “I found the busiest corner in town,” explained Little Johnny. “I set up a Dip & Chip stand, and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample. “They all said the same thing. ‘Hey, this tastes like dogshit!’ “Then I would say ‘It is dog shit …..wanna buy a toothbrush?’ “I used the POLITICIAN’S method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it’s free, then making you pay bunches to get the bad taste out of your mouth…”
Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment!
Little Johnny is now running for office.
More of our security personnel. We don’t take any chances.
Okay, so this first one is very funny. It looks like it comes from a movie.
I’d have helped her with that bra and gotten shot myself. It would’ve happened!
And for this next one, I really want one of these!
If catastrophe happens and our planet is in trouble, there’s one place in the world that’s ready to help out. Hidden in the Norwegian Arctic, this vault stores as many seeds as possible, so civilization can go on in a time of crisis.
British Humor. Since some of this is not likely to make sense to some of you rednecks out there, I’ll try to explain as necessary…
Years ago it was suggested that, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” But, since
all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works great!
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque… They’ve told the public not
to panic as they’ve managed to push it inside.
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor
balcony, shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, “What’s up Abdul, won’t it start?”
An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her
colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, “I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah.” To which the call centre employee replied, “Remain calm and stay on the line.”
Just before I die I’m going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels.
My cremation is going to be EPIC!!
And that is the same exact excuse I’m sure so many are using nowadays! No respect. For others AND themselves.
THAT’S IT!!!!!! I KNEW there was something!
And none of them see anything wrong with that! Can you say “reverse discrimination”?
I can get behind Odin for president! He’s the only one who fulfilled his promises. Odin For President! Odin in 2016!
Really Good Questions!
Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds; when they already know you’re broke?
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose cruel idea was it to put an “s” in the word “lisp”?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
And A FAVORITE:
If they’re OK..then it’s you!
So, we had a run of Japan there. That’s what happens when you put things in alphabetical order.