As you enter the Conference Room your noses tell you something is off. Sure you smell coffee, but that is all you smell. In fact you notice the entire Kraft table is missing only the coffee set ups to either side are in place. A bunch of DL/LL employees are scurrying around the room as is Lethal shining lights into dark recesses checking behind curtains and apparently give the back stage area quite the once over. Shortly calls of ‘CLEAR!’ can be heard as each completes their assigned area’s inspection. Several more employees come in behind you carrying what appear to be 6×6 garden landscaping timbers and disappear back stage one timber to each side.
When one team returns and shoots Lethal the thumbs up before exiting Lethal taps on his headset and says “Cookie Team- GO! GO! GO!”, then calls off stage to the side where the employees with the timber have yet to return from “Stand By They’re Enroute”. He then gestures to the 4 CyberLethals at the heavy doors you enter through. Two begin pull from the outside as two push from the inside. Shortly the doors are closed, barred, braced against possible siege from without and guarded by the four CyberLethals, two from without and two from within. As murmurings begin to run through the assembled readers, Lethal make take it easy gestures while continuing to glance off stage.
Suddenly a call is heard from off stage of “Arriving!” followed by the sound of a freight elevator being opened and lot of crosstalk as movement of something from the elevator is co-ordinated.
Shortly as the most wondrous smell of freshly baked piping hot cookies makes it’s way to your noses there is the sound of frantic hammering off stage. As a giant table laden with freshly baked Christmas cookies appears like a Christmas miracle from off stage, a cry of triumph is head from back stage ‘Got it! Freight Elevator #2 secured!’
Once he has supervised the moving of the table down in position between the twin coffee stations and shagged a couple cookies Lethal returns to the podium. “Sorry about all that folks it was sort of unavoidable however. See I couldn’t take a chance…..” He’s interrupted by the sound of objects crashing into the door and of a bellow of “Get out of my way this is an Emergency I smell fresh Christmas cookies! Why is this door locked?” (The door suffers several blows shaking in its frame.) “Lethal?! You open this door RIGHT NOW!”
In between threats to his person and while he appears to be texting a message Lethal manages to complete his interrupted statement with a terse “well can you see what I was afraid of happening?” just before Impish starts up again with “COME ON! OPEN THIS DOOR YOU LITTLE GREEN GRINCH BEFORE I MAKE A CHRISTMAS TREE TOPPER OUT OF YOU WITH A CHRISTMAS TREE SUPOSITORY! I was only joking about needing a dozen dozen cookies! Seriously! Can’t you take a joke? OPEN THIS…. damned phone! A text message? Three dozen cookies and a cup of Brown Gold in my Office? HARUMPH! Get them before you tell the office staff they are there?! (heard as Impish’s voice recedes down the hall) “DON’T YOU DARE THOSE COOKIES ARE MINE! ALL MINE!”
Enjoy the cookies and the issue. You’ll find its an extra long one this week, since due to Holiday obligations and logistics here at Keebler Towers, next week’s issue may possibly be somewhat abbreviated in length, though I still plan on putting one out. Also rest assured I will continue my tradition of the DL/LL Digital Media Christmas Edition including a version of ‘A Soldier’s Silent Night’ in honor of all our Deployed/On Duty/Home but mentally still Deployed troops.
I don’t know why but this cup of mine frightens the hell out of a lot of people.
As you can see our Christmas event coordinator, Holly Evergreen has been hard at work decorating both here in DL/LL HQ and over at our Recreation Center. More photos of her efforts later on in the issue.
Especially Ginny (WOW! You were NAUGHTY a freaking LOT), Diaman and Impish!
SPEAKING of Diaman, our favorite West Coast Minx has been under the weather for a while now due to a health issue. She’s stoically undergone several procedures to alleviate/correct the issue but so far is not seeing the promised results from them. To make things even worse the accompanying medication that is used in conjunction with the procedures to correct the problem is bringing on other undesirable issues as well!
She was enduring all this in silence right under our noses not saying a word until I got to wondering what mischief she was getting into because she was so quite (something I’ve learned from being around puppies, toddlers and cats- if its too quite something is most likely wrong and you don’t know it.)
Diaman is the first to offer prayers, well wishes, commiserations and a humorous word any time any one is sick. It’s about time she was on the receiving end for a change!
You guys know what to do, lets see those comments pile up faster than Impish’s calorie count from Christmas cookies consumed!
One of Impish’s Virgins helping out Holly Evergreen by trimming one of the myriad of trees that have been put up have in her Christmas Stockings. I must say she really does deck our halls quite nicely! Hope she remembers to hang my favorite ornament:
Sadly others are having a much harder time with the decorating as seen here:
So Molly and I have this system when it comes to buying Christmas presents for each other. See I love her dearly but even she acknowledges that she is bad at the buying me presents thing. To be fair, while I have never had a problem in this area Molly can be harder than most of my previous female nonfamily Christmas present recipients to buy for.
See in my case she basically has no idea other than guns, ammo, knives and gift cards to places like Think Geek, Amazon or Cyber Guys. Oh for sure she knows that Bushmill’s and artisan Game Summer Sausages are always a hit, but her problem is these things are never a surprise.
As for me with her, we long ago made an agreement not to buy each others clothes. She tends to be a bit fussy about jewelry. This is partly a taste thing (though I think I’ve gotten that figured out pretty good after 14 years of gift giving) and that she is afraid to wear expensive jewelry to work because she breaks necklaces and loses earrings like nobody I’ve ever seen. Since we rarely go to fancy places where she’d wear it otherwise (that’s just not who we are) it would just sit in the box in the safe.
So the deal we made is exchange e-mails something Thanksgiving Day with a list of items and links to them. There needs to be about a dozen ranging in price from stocking stuffers to serious gift. We’re free to buy off list as well (usually these are gag gifts or in store ‘OMG! That SO …. ‘moments)
I was shocked this year when Molly said there was a chair she wanted. Doubly so when she confessed it was an antique and would probably have to go in my home office , which is soon to be our home office. I got her a desk w/ built in bookcase, office chair, lamp and I’m currently in the process of clearing out a lateral file cabinet drawer for her to use so she no longer has to do school work from her Lazy Boy unless she wants to. ( ok I’ll admit this also means I can go back to watching TV at night fro the couch while she is studying but that’s just a benefit she’s been saying she wanted a desk for months now)
That is I was shocked at least until I saw the photo of the chair she wanted.
She claims that since its treadle powered (its on the other side) that it is an exercise device.
2015 Johnson Family Dubstep Christmas Light Show – Featured on ABC’s The Great Christmas Light Fight
Behind the scenes tour of the Johnson Christmas light show
Honestly this make over is so extreme I’m not really certain where this is. I think it’s in the reception area of the Recreation Facility.
New Religious Sect, Discovered in Alaska!
Winner of ABC’s “The Great Christmas Light Fight” World’s best LED Christmas light show
Champagne Punch Perfect For A Christmas Or New Year’s Party
Champagne Holiday Punch
1 cup water
1/2 cup sugar
3 cinnamon sticks
4 whole cloves
2 cups cranberry juice
1/2 cup pineapple juice
1 bottle champagne (Korbel Brut works great)
Small amount of Grand Marnier (or any orange liqueur you prefer)
In a saucepan, bring water, sugar, cinnamon sticks and cloves to boil.
Reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes.
Discard cinnamon and cloves.
Cool to room temperature and pour into a large pitcher.
Add cranberry juice and pineapple juice.
Chill in fridge until ready to serve.
At serving time, add 1 bottle of chilled champagne.
When serving, put the red sugar, green sugar and Grand Marnier in a three-part dish or in three separate bowls. Dip the rim of the champagne glass into the Grand Marnier (or whatever orange liqueur you’ve using) then into one of the sugars.
If having a party, I recommend at least doubling, tripling or quadrupling this recipe, because it’s a huge hit and folks keeping coming back for more.
A miniatures bottle of Grand Mariner or Southern Comfort is about all you’ll need to rim glasses for roughly 2 batches. They’ll be cheaper than a whole bottle and you wont have it hanging around after. If you do have left over I recommend putting it in a hot cup of tea with some honey to warm you up.
If you stare at it long enough you will find a Christmas spirit hidden in the picture.
I finally got Holly Evergreen to stand still long enough to snap a photo of her! She’s been very busy, Molly has even talked her into
attacking err…decorating our residence in Keebler Towers:
Even my private study was invaded!
Troops Surprise Families for the Holidays
I’ll bet Impish is working on a similar letter right about now too! Santa has repeatedly told me it’s one of the highlights of the holiday season for him. Seems thinking back to the letter helps get him belly laughing on cue.
The Godfather’s Godson.
A shot of what I am informed is a partially finished great room at the lodge area of the Recreation Facility. I understand more decorations and some furniture moving is yet in store so that the Patrons can gather in comfort for our Annual Christmas Eve gift exchange and the Great Eggnog & Grog Guzzle.
Well I see Impish’s Virgin have found another creative use for Christmas lights!
Speaking of creative usage of Christmas lights, have any of you seen Santa’s new wheels rollin’ out shopping?
Told you we’d see more of Holly Evergreens tree trimming assistant. She appears to be hard at it to. Man are halls decked!
This one is courtesy of Jersey Ginny
Coincidentally that was the last time Ginny went to a Christmas Party alone, drank too much spiked Egg Nog then rode home with her bare bum hanging out the sunroof of the limo! – Or at least that’s what Impish told me.
Speaking of the Ginster she sent this one along too:
This Looks Like A Normal Grocery Store, But When The Lights Go Out? Awesome.
It took a team of cashiers, 13 different hidden cameras and a whole lot Christmas spirit to pull off this epic holiday surprise!
Edeka, Germany’s largest supermarket chain, decided to surprise its shoppers with a seasonal treat. In an attempt to liven up the otherwise boring chore of grocery shopping, these cashiers opted to delight their patient shoppers with a choreographed orchestra that beeped the holiday classic, “Jingle Bells.”
That’s Molly’s idea of the perfect Christmas Tree. Me not so much. Now this tree idea however, I could really get behind.
Mog’s Christmas Calamity
Ladies pay attention! It’s the prefect gift! One size pretty much fits all and even it it don’t we ain’t gonna complain. Plus even if we just opened one we’re extremely happy to get another!
Damned liberals! That’s just taking the war on Christmas too far!
To begin my comments, you did an outstanding job on this issue by making our Christmas start 10 days in advance. Next up, Diaman and I work very hard to make Santa’s naughty list. We don’t need Santa, we buy our own “STUFF”. Now Ms. Diaman, I think you know how we all love and care about you. You may live on the west coast and I’m clear over on the east, but we have a connection….friends are sometimes the best meds. So please feel better and don’t forget that phone number GOD-1000.
I’m still laughing at the chair Molly wants for her home office. The Johnson’s light show was awesome. I think the town they live in must dim down when darkness falls and they start
Again, thanks for the laughs and where was the weak knee warning before bringing in the tables of Christmas Cookies.????
I agree Ginny, ’twas an excellent issue. I enjoyed all the troops arriving home to surprise their families. A real tearjerker. Thank you for your usual remembrance of our troops. I said I worked this last weekend, and the weekend before that, but what you all might not know is that I was training some troops to deploy overseas. They are leaving their family and friends before Christmas and will not return until sometime next year. Prayers for them and all our men and women who have selflessly volunteered to protect you and I.
And speaking of prayers, more and continued prayers go out to our original #1 Dragonette, Diaman, for her health, happiness and well-being.
Again my brother, great issue!