Dragon Laffs #1462


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Good Morning Campers,

I want to start out, first thing, with a shout-out to Ginny who got it absolutely right with this picture:
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Now, since Mrs. Dragon is not from Jersey, I expect everyone of you to not show this picture to her.  Right?

The holidays are coming.  Thanksgiving is just a couple of days away and Christmas is just around the corner.  How many of you can we expect for the Thanksgiving feast next weekend?  Okay, keep your hands up, Ginny dear, can you go around and count and get names for us?  Thanks, hun.

Well, I’m very sure there is a lot of excitement about this years party.  The kitchen staff is already making stuff.  Some of it is for the party, some of it is for samples to go to Lethal’s office for his approval.  They won’t send me samples because they know that I love just about everything.

And again, Lethal is determined to keep me out of the kitchen!  He won’t let me have anything to do with preparing the Thanksgiving meal!  I don’t think that’s fair! Especially since nobody, and I mean NOBODY knows turkey better than I do!  I’ve been hunting turkey all over the world before the pilgrims even thought about eating with Indians. 

But, will Lethal let me in the kitchen?

No!

But, I have a plan this year.  Last year I ALMOST made it!  I was this close!  So, building on my successes from previous years…heh, heh, heh!  Let’s just say that he’s in for a BIG surprise!

Now, while I put the finishing touches on this great plan of mine, you guys go ahead and start the issue:

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I know this is a lousy way to start a humor blog, but as you know, we also bring you stuff that is supposed to make you think.  This new section, Can You Believe This Crap?!  (CYBTC) is also a section, like everything else in Dragon Laffs, that you can submit stuff to.  Just sayin’.

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THE ENTITLED GENERATION IS NOW MARCHING TO GET MORE FREE STUFF

It can be agreed upon that the student loan debt is out of control.   It has more than tripled in the past ten years.   Competition for limited jobs, and the need for increased education just to be competitive only begins to explain the reason for the mounting problem.    But, is the answer to increase the tax burden on working Americans to provide free college (or an increased minimum wage) for students?

We are raising a generation of entitled, spoiled brats who don’t see the value in hard work – at least not their own hard work.  They want others to work hard so they don’t have to.

Read the rest of the article here: http://minutemennews.com/the-entitled-generation-is-now-marching-to-get-more-free-stuff/

It is unbelievable to me the number of people in this country, young and old, who feel like the rest of us owe them a free-ride!  Day after day I read about a $15 minimum wage, Free college, Free food, Free housing, FREE, FREE, FREE!!!

How can you possibly think that me working harder so you don’t have to work is fair?  I’m sure, according to you, the Entitlers, that I should do like you do and stop working and have some other citizen pay me!

That is outrageous!

And as far as the $15 minimum wage goes, you really DO need more schooling if you think that is going to work out economically in ANYBODY’S favor.  Minimum wage is there for minimum skills.  You want a higher paying job, get yourself some higher paying skills!!!

My son, you know him as the Whelpling, needed a better paying job to feed his family.  Did he hold his hand out and ask for it to be given to him?  HELL NO!!  Because I raised him better than that!!!  He, with the help of his wife, put himself through school, he got his CDL, and now he’s making the money that he needs to make.

Why the hell should he have to pay for someone else who’s not willing to make, at least, the same effort that he has?

To the Entitlers out there… Get off your lazy asses, stop being so childish to think that Mommy and Daddy America is going to take care of you for the rest of your life! You make me sick!!!  Leeches.

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Gotta love the little devil.  He’s been hanging around the campground lately, so I put him to work.

 

! BIRDBRAINS Drop-In Template.ai

I was going to put a groaner alert before this one, but it’s not really that bad. 

Okay, so maybe it is.

 

Wife: “Where the hell have you been?” You said you’d be done with golf by noon!”
 
 Husband: “I’m so sorry, honey, but you probably don’t want to hear the reason.”
 
 Wife: “I want the truth, and I want it NOW!”
 
 Husband: “Fine. We finished in less than 4 hours, quick beer in the clubhouse,golf hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the button, but on the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she’s offering me money. Of course, I refuse it, but then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton – and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer. She’s such a sweetie, I said ‘yes.’
 
Before you know it, one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. Now I’m in her room… clothes are flying… the talking stopped… and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30pm. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. There, you wanted the truth, you got it.”
 
 Wife: “Don’t lie to me. You played 36 holes, didn’t you!?!”

 

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Our little playhouse on the property of DL&LL Enterprises does a play every year for the staff and members of Fun Mountain.  This is a picture of the time we did the Sound of Music.  It was a great performance.  The lead, seen above, went on to a great career in Hollywood, to include roles in the Hobbit movies, some of the Disney movies and others you probably know.  We are quite proud of his success.

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The Manhattan Commuter train was packed.  Suddenly there was a jingle on the floor.  Most necks were craned.  One elderly gentleman, however, bent down and picked something up.  He then asked, “Did anyone drop a half dollar?”
 
“I did,” answered three men at once.
 
“Well,” said the elderly gent with a smile, “here’s a dime of it.”

 

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Yes, it’s a gross and disgusting picture.  Yes, it is over the top sensationalism.  Yes, it’s necessary to make the point.  So, tell me again how Islam is a religion of peace.  Tell again, the people of Paris how Islam is a religion of peace.

Now, tell me why our President is still trying to back these monsters.

There is only ONE place that I go that I’m not armed.  And no, it isn’t church.

Campers, it’s coming to our America, sooner than you might think.

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Izzy Dragon, being a normal teenage girl, had been talking on the phone about half an hour, and then she hung up. 
“Wow!” exclaimed her father, Impish Dragon, “That was short.  You usually talk for two hours.  What happened?”
“Wrong number,” replied Izzy.
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Okay, so there are 28 items in the following list.  How many of them apply to you?
You Know You’re Old When…
You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room.
You enjoy watching the news.
The only reason you’re still awake at 4 am is indigestion.
People ask what color your hair USED to be.
You’re proud of your lawn mower.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn’t breaking any laws.
You start singing along with the elevator music. 7i
You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.
You’ve owned clothes so long that they’ve come back into style–TWICE.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
8 AM is your idea of “sleeping in.”
You write thank you notes without being told.
You start Christmas shopping in August.
You paint walls for a reason other than getting your deposit back.
You don’t like to drive after dark.
You say the words “Turn that music down!”
You point out what buildings used to be where.
You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.
You rake the yard without being told to.
You can’t remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.
The service station attendant lets you pump your gas before paying.
You start your conversation with; “When I was younger”.
The highlight of your week is playing bingo.
You understand the dangers of drinking.
Some asks you; “What did you used to do?” or “How did they used to do it when you were my age?”
Pogo sticks look more like a form of punishment than fun.
You have your chiropractor on your speed dial.

Okay, so I hit 22 of them.  Almost 79%.  Yeah, I’m old.

 

! BIRDBRAINS Drop-In Template.ai

 

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So, I’m not going to tell you which of our lovely ladies is riding on the back of my tail.  Nope.  Not gonna say a word.

 

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For this alone, I’d vote for you!

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Just ask Lethal.  He’ll tell you.

(Yes, Lethal.  That was an underhanded slow pitch to you.  I’m SURE you’ll have a response for us either in the comments or in your next issue.)

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Papa Dragon Most Senior sent me this great idea:

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 55.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.’ We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10am. Us old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell?

Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical goat fucking, son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however… I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push-ups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too… I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50…in menopause!!!

You think MEN have attitudes??

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They’ll have it secured the first night!

 

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Ginny was telling me that she had visited her daughter the other night and asked if she could borrow a newspaper.

Her daughter, ever the new age child answered her by saying, “This is the 21st Century, mom.  We don’t waste money on newspapers.  Here, use my iPad.”

Ginny then told me, “Man, I can tell you this…that freaking fly never knew what hit him!”

 

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 I once took a sex education class in college and a funny thing happened one day. The professor arrived and said we’d be discussing positions that day and asked us how many positions did we know. I sat there too embarrassed to speak but one gal a couple of seats over said, “Twelve.”
 
 The professor nodded approval but as he got ready to call on another hand there was a loud call from the far back row of the 150 seat auditorium, “A hundred and one.”
 
 The little professor looked over his thick glasses but couldn’t make out who had spoken. Finally he called on a fellow down in the front row who replied, “Seven.”
 
 And once again from the very back was heard, “A hundred and one.”
 
 Finally he called on a very shy lady sitting next to me. At first she acted like she wasn’t going to answer. Finally she said, “Only one sir.”
 
 And the professor said, “Well young lady that is unusual. And what position would that be?”
 
 “With the man on top and woman on the bottom,” she replied.
 
 And from the back of the room came that same voice, “A hundred and two!”

 

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This is definitely one of Lethal’s kitties.  Only they would have this much attitude.

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A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra.
A boy is grown up when he starts removing it….!!
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We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes….!
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Having a cold drink on hot day with few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks – PRICELESS….!
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Breaking news: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s husband….!!
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Arguing over a girls breast size is like choosing between Kingfisher, Fosters, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available….!!
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A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, “You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station.
 Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets.
 Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole.
 Bell 3 rings and we’re ready to go on the trucks.”
“From now on,” he said, “we’re going to run this house the same way.”
 “When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked.
 When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed.
 When I say Bell 3, we’re going to make love all night.”
The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, “Bell 1!” and his wife took off her clothes.
 “Bell 2,” and his wife jumped into bed.
 “Bell 3,” and they began to make love.
 
After two minutes his wife yelled, “Bell 4!”
“What the hell is Bell 4?” the husband asks.
“Roll out more hose,” she replied, “you’re nowhere near the fire!”

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This really, really needs to happen.  And soon!

 

Okay, let’s get serious here for a second.  It’s Wednesday evening, and I’m just getting ready to go to bed and I thought I’d check a couple of emails first.  I opened one called the most disturbing refugee video you’ll ever see.  I thought, okay.  I’ll watch this last video and go to bed.

Now, I don’t feel like going to bed because I know I’ll have nightmares.

This video must be seen by every American.  We can NOT let what is happening in Europe happen here in our beautiful country.  We can not let what Obama and his bastards are trying to do happen here.

We must stop this and stop it now.

You thought the attacks on Paris were horrible?  No way.  Not even close.

This is a must watch video.

http://buzzpo.com/this-is-the-most-disturbing-muslim-refugee-video-you-will-ever-see/

And may I say right now, that I’m sorry to be the one to show it to you, but it must be seen.  By everyone.

 

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This is so good.  66 Old Movie Dance Scenes, dancing to one of my favorite songs.  Mark Ronson – Uptown Funk featuring Bruno Mars.

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Amen, my brother.  Amen!

 

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Andy Griffiths Peaceful town of Mayberry

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married – Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass,
Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, and of course Opie – all single…….!
 
The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
 
Just saying…

 

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This IS the way it should be to all our enemies around the world.  We should NOT be catering to them, paying them, bargaining with them.  The should be crapping their pants terrified of pissing us off.

 

Okay, this is a test.  And I really want people to respond in the comments section.  It’s an important test.  Reply in the comments whether or not you “get” this next picture…
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Okay, that’s it….now go comment.

 

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11 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1462

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    I know what they’re doing in that photo! Obama is showing Putin his plan for dealing with ISIS!

  2. Maggie says:

    another outstanding issue,,, the refugee vid is the scariest thing I’ve seen lately,,, we cannot allow that to happen here!!!!! not sure if I get the bit about the picture,,but I bet it was Vlad that tossed the missile. Hoping that the entire gang of ID and LL have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. I’m with you folks all the way.

  3. Ginny says:

    OMG…Mary will hate me. You know Lethal, he probably sent it directly to your wife’s email. I’ve been fulfilling my assigned duties, looks like a full house for our Thanksgiving festival next week. Order lots of Turkeys….who is doing the cooking? Great issue as always….lots of fun and deep thoughts too. Wishing you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving.

    • impishdragon says:

      Relax Ginny, I’ve been monitoring Mary’s email for years. Nothing will get through to her that…
      Excuse me for a second…
      Yes honey, I’m in the office on the computer.
      No, honey, I don’t think Jersey girls are hotter than you are…
      Ouch!
      No honey, I didn’t try to block
      Ouch!
      Really darling, I
      Ouch! Oh!
      I gotta go. (ouch!) Put the damn frying pan down!
      Wham!
      Ow! Not on my head!
      More later!

  4. Leah D. says:

    Still laughing over Mayberry…
    Thanks for putting it AFTER the Islam refugee video.

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