Well here it is the start of another week and I find myself once again preparing for possible seriously bad weather. While I write this on Monday its mostly overcast dreary and an occasion short lived shower. However Tuesday is supposed to being us a cold front moving through the area swiftly. The result of this is that ahead of the front it’s pushing some powerful storms with high winds, precipitation in the one to three inches of rain per hour category and a fair probability of Tornadic activity. Singing ‘Happy Happy Joy Joy’ over this I am not.
Anyway moving on, a housekeeping notice of a sort. The latest episode of Impish and my behind the scenes adventures will be concluding in todays issue. OH QUIT THAT CHEERING ALREADY! This will make way for the recounting of Impish’s annual attempt to breech the security designed to keep him out of the kitchens at DL-LL Digital Media during Thanksgiving week so that he doesn’t ‘taste test’ the entire meal before anyone else can even thing about a plateful in next Wednesday’s Thanksgiving issue.
After that with the holidays nearly upon us I expect we’ll both be too busy to be spending time with our muses creating a new story until possibly after the New Year. We’ve a possible project earmarked but it’s too early as yet to say if it will come to fruition or not before Christmas
In honor of PAulK9’s Birthday on Monday here is an on point item that I found only after his roast posted:
You Know You’re Old When…
You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room.
You enjoy watching the news.
The only reason you’re still awake at 4 am is indigestion.
People ask what color your hair USED to be.
You’re proud of your lawn mower.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn’t breaking any laws.
You start singing along with the elevator music.
You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.
You’ve owned clothes so long that they’ve come back into style–TWICE.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
8 AM is your idea of “sleeping in.”
You write thank you notes without being told.
You start Christmas shopping in August.
You paint walls for a reason other than getting your deposit back.
You don’t like to drive after dark.
You say the words “Turn that music down!”
You point out what buildings used to be where.
You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.
You rake the yard without being told to.
You can’t remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.
The service station attendant lets you pump your gas before paying.
You start your conversation with; “When I was younger”.
The highlight of your week is playing bingo.
You understand the dangers of drinking.
Some asks you; “What did you used to do?” or “How did they used to do it when you were my age?”
Pogo sticks look more like a form of punishment than fun.
You have your chiropractor on your speed dial.
SPEAKING of PaulK9- we received this thank you note from him via Pony in Distress [them Pony Express ponys are really old as are their riders but Paul doesn’t like the new fangled USPS apparently]
Thanks for the Birthday wishes.
We went out roller skating, then Gin took me Bungee jumping and kept insisting that the guy should put the Bungee around my neck so I wouldn’t hit my head. He wouldn’t buy it, but I did hit the water three times (and the water’s cold this time of year). He said that has never happened before, then I saw Gin slip him a fifty.
Well, another year under my belt, thats why I look fat. Yea, yea, that’s it, that’s the ticket.
I’m pretty sure Paul was pantsless when he wrote that. What makes me think so? If he dad been wearing them he could have looked at the waist band of his skivvies for help remembering his name to sign it with.
Well its not a handcuff story but this is a good place to get back to our story. When last we left off Impish was wishing to be back home with his family to ensure their safety.
DL-LL All Hallows Eve Party Halloween night about 7 PM CST
Impish looks on less than bemusedly at dragonette Izzy dressed as a pirate replete with Brutus as her (furry) eye patched parrot expertly uses her real but well blunted cutlass to repel boarders in the form of an amorous admirer looking to bob for a kiss. Maybe she’s slightly better with her ninja skills than he’d given credit for he thought.
Mean time the Dire Wolves, recently relieved of security/bodyguard duty now that Impish’s family had been brought safely (via magical means and methods unknown to him which he’s been meaning to ask Lethal to exlpain) to the mountain, are doing a surprisingly good cover of Michael Jackson’s Thriller while Frankie Stein and the Four Shrouds take a break. Even Mrs. Dragon, attired as Stevie Nicks, got into the spirit of things with a decent rendition of ‘Stop Dragging My Arm Around’.
Impish scans the room for Lethal and finds him in a back corner in the raised private area at a table. Heading in that direction he sees that Lethal is apparently sharing a tankard of something with two guests dressed similarly in costumes of robes both carrying some carved staves and one a sword. However the most notable accessory to their costumes are the pair of Irish Wolf Hounds lounging in front of the table snacking on what appear to be grilled sausages obtained from a platter on the table.
At Impish’s intrusion Lethal does his host’s duty of introductions as he pours from a earthenware jug which he slings over his shoulder into a large tankard for Impish, “This Atticus O’Sullivan & Granuaile MacTiernan, the grey Wolfhound is Oberon, he’s Atticus’s and cream colored one is Orlaith, she’s Granuaile’s. Atticus and I go back, uh… a long long time. They uh…provided an alternate means of safe transport for your family I’m sure the evil witch wasn’t expecting as well as are here to consult on a few matters related to the not so much fun last night we need not speak of here in the open. My Lady, Gentleman, Stud and Bitch, I give you Impish Dragon, my partner in this particular venture, but also one of my oldest clients on several levels, as well as good friend and left hand in chicanery.”
The first thing Impish noticed were the eyes of those he was introduced to. All were remarkable in some manner. Atticus’s for the age, wisdom, sorrow and power that he saw there. Granuaile’s for their color, as well as love of life, mirth, quiet confidence.
Most off all it was the two dogs eye’s that drew his attention. They had paused their sausage devouring ,not at the sound of their names, but at the start of the introductions to regard him. When each of their gazes met his what stuck him was the force of intelligence behind that gaze, almost as if they actually understood what had been said to them. Impish was reminded of the same epiphany he’d had with Brutus a short while back when he realized that Brutus did in fact understand what he was saying. Oberon looked at his sausage then the other dog before getting up and coming over to give Impish a thorough sniffing over. When Impish made to push Oberon away from the base of his tail where he seemed intent on burrowing his greasy with sausage wet nose Oberon simply gave him a piercing glare and showed him a fang that was impressive even by Impish’s standards before calmly returning the his mission. Once he had completed his investigation of the newcomer, he returned to the rug beside the other hound only to find the rest of his sausage missing. It now lay between Orlaith’s paws though as yet unmolested who was regarding Oberon neutrally.
When Oberon looked at Atticus and whined in obvious appeal for intervention in the theft of his sausage, Atticus chuckled and said ‘I told you pal, when it comes to the battle between the sexes your on your own, Trolls, Ghouls, Vampires, Shape shifters, Skin walkers, Evil Angry Fae &/or Fairies I’ve got your back till the bitter end but when it comes to women- good luck your on your own pal. I would however think carefully about haw badly you want that sausage compared to how badly you want to sleep with a companion tonight before I acted though.” Oberon seemed to regard these words for a moment before lowering his ears and tail to return to his spot on the floor and sigh dejectedly.
Impish, never one to miss an opportunity to make brownie points, particularly with a new acquaintance grabbed a sausage off the platter and made as if to sample it before ‘accidentally’ dropping it on the floor where it lay, while both he and Oberon silently regarded it. Impish looked at Oberon a moment, until the wolfhound sensed the gaze upon him and looked up to meet it, at which point Impish winked sighed theatrically and said “Can you help me out here Oberon? Bending at the waist isn’t a strong point of mine… if you get my drift.”
The requested help was immediate and exuberant in its forth coming, nearly bowling Impish off his feet. Orlaith seeing her possession of Oberon’s former sausage was now secure, got up and started towards Impish only a split second later to whip around and snarl at Oberon who was reaching to sniff his old sausage with one currently in his mouth but hastily retreated at the confrontation, to the guffaws of laughter from the table.
Impish steeled himself for another privacy invasive sniff, exam but instead was pleasantly surprised when the female wolfhound sat carefully before him and regarded him a moment, head cocked to one side, before turn to apparently silently communicate something with her mistress who softly chuckled and nodded agreement while Oberon grumbled between bites of sausage which caused Atticus to bust out laughing. Then Orlaith slowly and solemnly offered her paw to Impish. Impish threw a glace at Lethal who sudden felt the need to exaggeratedly straighten his tie before gesturing with his chin towards the dog. A light dawned inside Impish’s head and he stiffened his stance clicking his heels and bowing over the proffered paw as he took it saying, “A great pleasure to meet you ma’am.” before kissing the paw just prior to releasing it. A very happy Orlaith nearly knocked Impish over with her tail as she spun around happily on her way back to her stolen sausage.
Impish pulled out the dragon sized bench seat at the table and sat down saying “I think it best I sit before they do manage to clean me off my feet entirely” garnering a chuckle from the table as Lethal smiling somewhat mischievously, slides the tankard he had been pouring earlier in Impish’s direction which he accepts gratefully having found his mouth very dry after his meeting the two very large wolfhounds.
Sniffing the tankard to determine what is in the jug Impish had never before seen in Lethal’s possession he smelled heather and lavender honey, tart apples, cranberries and to his nose the out of place trace of…raisins? Still all in all finding the scent of the drink quite pleasing and not inappropriate for the evenings festivities as well as the harvest season, Impish proceeds to take a dragon sized swing…much to his sudden dismay.
His first sensation, post swallow, was that several of his curled horns had suddenly straightened themselves, his first thought was that he’d never again be plagued by unsightly nostril hairs or the need to constantly and painfully trim them, as he’d just experienced the liquid equivalent of laser hair removal all the way up into his sinus cavity. Then came the sure knowledge that his next breath was not only going to be a deep and explosive one, but that it was surely going to burn as badly as one he’d take after expelling a dozen back to back gouts of dragon’s breath. He swore if he could see his inner pilot light right now it would be burning white hot not red, yellow or blue. In fact right at this moment he could almost comprehend the human concept of heartburn.
We’ll have more about of the story later but for now lets get on with the issue shall we?
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters of Atticus O’Sullivan & Granuaile MacTiernan, nor Oberon & Orlaith ( and what characters those last two are!). They are the property of author Kevin Hearne and all found in his Iron Druid series. They are used strictly in a fan fiction sense.
Additionally I neglected to post a disclaimer early on in this piece regarding the Characters of Harry Dresden (aka Wizard Dresden or Warden Dresden), Major General Toot-toot and the Faire Army. Again I do not own the rights to these characters they are the intellectual property of Jim Butcher and his The Dresden Files series of novels. They too are used strictly in a fan fiction sense.
As for the recipe for Apple Ginger Beer, its real and that I do own as do I own the concept of the magical jug and the drink known as An déantóir na giúmar maith’ in the old tongue, The Maker of Good Moods” .
Thanks to my darling Molly for pointing out my accidental omission of this disclaimer ( with a slap to the back o me head) and its necessity to keep both authors from writing their next works about the ugly hideous and painful demise of one Lethal Leprechaun. Or even worse turning loose a pack of Ghoul like lawyers on me.
No worries lad- then it still won’t be a wasted life. Frustrated maybe but not wasted. ‘Tis the chase that’s 90% o’ the fun after all!
GUN CONTROL – Bruce Willis, Ice T, Sandy Hook victim, Veteran, speak up –
Ask yourselves- Do you really think that a Government that…
A. Experimented nuclear radiation on US soldiers ( Exercise Desert Rock I)
B. Conducted a biological warfare experiment releasing whooping cough bacteria (1955)
C. Smuggled Nazi war criminals into U.S (operation Paperclip).
D. Experimented mind control on unwitting citizens (MK-Ultra).
E. Smuggled firearms to Mexican drug cartels (Fast and Furious).
F. etc… [Iran Contra, Benghazi, Watergate, Veto of Keystone XL Pipeline, Iranian Nuclear Deal or pick from anyone of a hundred others – L.L.]
Really cares about YOUR WELL BEING? Think Again!
Then, what’s the real reason behind “GUN CONTROL”?
290 million people killed by government
USSR 1917-1987 61,911,000 Killed by Gov’t
Germany 1933-1945 20,946,000 Killed by Gov’t
Japan 1936-1945 5,964,000 Killed by Gov’t
Cambodia 1975-1979 2,035,000 Killed by Gov’t
China (PRC) 1949-1987 76,702,000 Killed by Gov’t
Western Colonialism (combined) 50,000,000 Killed by Gov’t
…and on and on.
The United States Gov’t has stockpiled 1.6 BILLION hollow point bullets. Why?
George Mason said it well…
“To disarm the people is the most effectual way to enslave them.”
Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Protect our 2nd Amendment. Protect your right to defend yourselves!
Shawn James | American Hearts (In A Wolf Sanctuary) – A. A. Bondy Cover
Watch what incredible thing happens after these two guys start singing in a wolf sanctuary!
Happens to Impish ALL the time reading my issues!
Obama rejects Canada-to-U.S. Keystone pipeline
WASHINGTON – The Obama administration has rejected Canadian energy giant TransCanada’s application to build the Keystone XL pipeline.
That’s according to three sources familiar with the decision who aren’t authorized to comment publicly and spoke on condition of anonymity.
The decision caps a 7-year saga that became one of the biggest environmental flashpoints of Barack Obama’s presidency.
Killing the pipeline allows Obama to claim aggressive action on the environment. That could strengthen his hand as world leaders prepare to finalize major global climate pact next month that Obama hopes will be a crowning jewel for his legacy.
Yet it also puts the president in a direct confrontation with Republicans and energy advocates that will almost surely spill over into the 2016 presidential election.
YOU HAD A HUNCH THE NEWS SYSTEM WAS RIGGED AND YOU COULDN’T PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT, HUH?
THIS MIGHT SOLVE THE PUZZLE.
ABC News executive producer Ian Cameron is married to Susan Rice, National Security Adviser.
CBS President David Rhodes is the brother of Ben Rhodes, Obama’s Deputy National Security Adviser for Strategic Communications.
ABC News correspondent Claire Shipman is married to former Whitehouse Press Secretary Jay Carney
ABC News and Univision reporter Matthew Jaffe is married to Katie Hogan, Obama’s Deputy Press Secretary
ABC President Ben Sherwood is the brother of Obama’s Special Adviser Elizabeth Sherwood
CNN President Virginia Moseley is married to former Hillary Clinton’s Deputy Secretary Tom Nides.
And now you know why it is no surprise the media is in Obama’s pocket. Think there might be a little bias in the news ? This may also explain the cover up of Benghazi , etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.,……..
Isn’t it interesting that every place you look in Obama’s administration people fill positions because of who they know, not what they know or how competent they are —- and you wonder why our country has so many problems.
THIS IS AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE “GREAT CHICAGO WAY” …… NEPOTISM AT ITS BEST. THE EASIEST WAY TO COVER YOUR LIES IS WITH FAMILY !
An Irishman and his dog walk into a pub…
THAT boys and girls is an Irish Wolf Hound. A SMALL one by the look o’ it.
Police could soon be strapping this little gadget to their guns
Law enforcement is a job full of risks. When officers head off to work each day, their lives are in danger. It’s something that just comes with the job.
For police, a situation can turn deadly in the blink of an eye. Decisions must be made in split seconds, and calling for backup isn’t always an option.
This was the case for Detective Sgt. Loran “Butch” Baker, and Detective Elizabeth Butler, two officers who were killed in the line of duty. With almost 40 years of experience between them, the pair was investigating a possible assault when the assailant suddenly began firing. Sadly, the two were killed before they could request any backup.
The tragedy led Santa Cruz County Sheriff Phil Wowak to begin questioning if the event could have been avoided. He wondered if there was a way that help could have been called automatically, and that’s when he discovered Yardarm.
Yardarm is a small sensor that fits into the butt of police firearms. It works a lot like a FitBit, only instead of tracking steps, it tracks the motion of the gun. The sensor detects when the firearm has been unholstered and if it was fired. When triggered, it reports a time stamp and GPS location for where the event occurred, allowing backup to be notified immediately.
The developers of Yardarm are hoping to take the technology even further. In the few past years, several instances of police cruelty and excessive force have been in the news—the deaths of Eric Garner and Michael Brown, just to name a few. These events have placed law enforcement officers right in the spotlight, and under extreme scrutiny.
Because of this, many police departments are exploring ways to better protect their officers, as well as the public. Purchasing body cameras for every officer seems to be the most popular option, but that causes many officers to be concerned for their own rights to privacy.
This is where Yardarm believes it can help. The developers plan on improving the sensors so they sync with body cameras. Doing so would allow the camera to be turned on in the event a weapon was drawn, providing critical details of the shooting.
See more about the technology here: http://www.yardarmtech.com/
With Thanksgiving looming next week I thought I’d give you a couple of easy to make but serves a lot of people dessert ideas
Pumpkin Pie Bars
- 10 min prep time
- 2 hr. 30 min total time
- 9 ingredients
- 12 servings
1 can Pillsbury™ refrigerated crescent dough sheet
1 can (15 oz) pumpkin (not pumpkin pie mix) or homemade pumpkin puree
1 cup whipping cream
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup corn syrup
1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice
1/2 teaspoon salt
Sweetened whipped cream or additional pumpkin pie spice for garnish
Heat oven to 350°F. Line 11×7-inch pan with cooking parchment paper, leaving about 1 to 2 inches paper hanging over sides of pan.
Unroll 1 can Pillsbury™ refrigerated crescent dough sheet in bottom of pan; press with fingers in bottom and up sides. Set aside.
In large bowl, beat 2 eggs, 1 can (15 oz) pumpkin (not pumpkin pie mix), 1 cup whipping cream, 1/2 cup packed brown sugar, 1/4 cup corn syrup, 1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice and 1/2 teaspoon salt with whisk until smooth and well blended. Pour mixture into pan over dough.
Bake on middle oven rack 45 to 50 minutes or until center is set. Remove from oven to cooling rack. Cool completely, about 1 hour 30 minutes.
Using hanging paper, lift from pan. Cut into 4 rows by 3 rows to make 12 bars or 4 rows by 4 rows to make 16 bars. Garnish each bar with whipped cream or a dusting of pumpkin pie spice. Store in refrigerator.
These are great for the people who like to nibble a whole bunch of desserts or those who like pumpkin pie filling but hate the crust
Peach Slab Pie
- 20 min prep time
- 2 hr total time
- 6 ingredients
- 24 servings
1 box refrigerated pie crusts, softened as directed on box
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup cornstarch
2 tablespoons lemon juice
9 cups frozen sliced peaches, thawed and drained (from 4 10-oz bags)
1/2 roll refrigerated sugar cookie
Heat oven to 375°F. Remove pie crusts from pouches. On lightly floured surface, unroll and stack crusts one on top of the other. Roll to 17×12-inch rectangle. Fit crust into ungreased 15x10x1-inch pan, pressing into corners. Fold extra crust even with edges of pan. Crimp edges.
In large bowl, mix brown sugar, cornstarch and lemon juice. Stir in peaches to coat. Spoon mixture into crust-lined pan. Break cookie dough half into coarse crumbs; sprinkle evenly over filling. (Wrap and refrigerate other half of cookie dough for another use.)
Bake 55 to 60 minutes or until crust is golden brown and filling is bubbling. Cool on rack 45 minutes. Cut and serve.
I’m not so sure the 24 servings on this is realistic I’m guessing more like 12 to 18.
The Top 5 Rejected Presidential Primary Candidate Merchandise
5. Martin O’Malley “Hello, I’m…” nametags
4. Hillary Clinton hard drives
3, The Benjamin Carson West Point Scholarship
2. Rick Santorum tipless condoms
And the Number One Rejected Presidential Primary Candidate Merchandise…
1. Ben Carson sedatives
Hamtramck elects Muslim-majority city council
Hamtramck makes history by becoming the first city in the U.S. to have a Muslim majority on its City Council, as Yemenis and Bangladeshis replace Poles.
Hamtramck residents have elected a Muslim majority to the city’s six-member city council, symbolizing the demographic changes that have transformed the city once known for being a Polish Catholic enclave.
In Tuesday’s election — with six candidates running for three seats — the top three vote-getters were Muslim, while the bottom three were non-Muslim. Two of the Muslim candidates, Anam Miah and Abu Musa, are incumbent city councilmen, while newcomer Saad Almasmari, the top vote-getter, also was elected. The seat of another Muslim incumbent councilman, Mohammed Hassan, was not up for re-election, and incumbent City Councilman Robert Zwolak came in fifth place.
Some believe the city is the first in the U.S. with a Muslim majority on its city council. Four of the six council members will be Muslim: three of them of Bangladeshi descent and one Yemeni.
“Hamtramck has made history,” said Hamtramck community leader Bill Meyer. “The election was far from close, with the three Muslim winners each gaining over 1,000 votes, while the other three candidates garnered less than 700 votes each.”
Councilman Musa, who came in second place, told the Free Press that he will work to represent everyone in the city regardless of background.
“I’m a very good Muslim,” said Musa, an immigrant from Bangladesh. “I try my best to pray five times (a day), but when I get elected, every single ethnic votes for me, not (only) the Muslim vote for me, but Christians, every single ethnic group, African-Americans, Polish. I’m a good friend of the Polish.”
“I represent every single citizen in Hamtramck,” he said. “I’m serving all city of Hamtramck.”
Formerly known for its Polish population, Hamtramck is now about 24% Arab (mostly Yemeni); 19% African American; 15% Bangladeshi; 12% Polish; and 6% Yugoslavian (many Bosnian), according to U.S. Census figures.
The percentage of residents who are Muslim is unclear since the U.S. Census does not ask about religion. Estimates of the Muslim population range from one-third to more than one-half of city residents.
Almost all of the Yemeni Americans in Hamtramck are Muslim, while the growing Bangaldeshi-American community in Hamtramck has Muslims, Hindus, and Buddhists. The city has a Bangladeshi Hindu temple and Bangladeshi mosques.
On Friday, Gov. Rick Snyder attended the opening of Bangla Town, an area that will celebrate Bangladeshi-American culture in Hamtramck and bordering Detroit neighborhoods. About 41% of the city are immigrants, the highest percentage among cities in metro Detroit. Pope John Paul II, who was Polish, visited Hamtramck in 1987; a statue of him commemorating his visit is in a city park.
Three of the Muslims on Hamtramck’s City Council are of Bangladeshi descent, while Almasmari is of Yemeni descent. The council’s only other Arab-American Muslim in its history was Abdul Algazali, who died in February.
The issue of Islam has sometimes come up in recent years as the Muslim population grows. After contentious debate, the city allowed in 2004 the Muslim call to prayer to be broadcast publicly five times a day from mosques through loudspeakers.
The call to prayer has drawn complaints from residents who say it’s loud and intrusive, waking them up early and bothering them. City Council candidate Susan Dunn, who came in fourth place, raised the issue during the campaign, prompting a response from Almasmari during a city council meeting last month.
“We all want to live peacefully and respectfully,” he said to the council during the October meeting, according to a video he posted to his Facebook account. “Our special thing is … the diversity in this town.”
Almasmari said the call to prayer “is not as loud as (Dunn) thinks.” Moreover, if “we are considering the call to prayer as noise,” then so would “the loud music all night long while we are sleeping.”
“We as Muslims respect our neighbors and we don’t like to bother anybody,” he said. “As the Prophet Mohammed said: he who believes in Allah and the last day, let him not harm his neighbors.”
Meyer, who is not Muslim, said that Muslims in Hamtramck “have helped bring stability, security and sobriety while lessening the amount of drugs and crime in the city.”
Doesn’t sound too bad on the surface right? Wait it gets rapidly worse.
Muslim political comments about Hamtramck causes concern
A eyebrow-raising video has some in the Hamtramck community concerned about being divided. [Click the link above to see the video]
HAMTRAMCK, Mich. – History in Hamtramck as voters elected the first majority Muslim city council in the country.
But rather than ease racial tensions, the comments from a Muslim organizer threaten to divide.
It was a historic moment Tuesday, but followed by a controversial comment that may create or widen the rift between the growing Muslim and shrinking Polish community in Hamtramck.
“Today we show the Polish and everybody else,” said Ibrahim Algahim in cell phone video.
The comments touched a nerve.
It came after Hamtramck voters elected America’s first Muslim majority city council in a town where the Polish community held the power for decades.
Cathie Lisinki-Gordon, a former councilmember, was one of Tuesday’s losers and was surprised at the comment.
“I’m shocked that he said that. I’m a very good friend of his,” she said. “I cannot believe that he would ever profile any select group. Especially when his community has felt ostracized and profiled for many years.”
The statement was immediately rebuffed by many present at the Muslim candidates’ victory lab
Saad Almasmari, the top vote getter, was one of them.
I only have one thing to say to the Polish community of Hamtramck with regard to these Muslims ‘showing you now”:
OOGAHWASSA! OOGAHWASSA! Beat them in the head with a big Kielbasa!
The pork content alone will scare the crap out of them!
GET YOUR ‘MUSLIM IN A MINUTE’ TSA DISGUISE HERE!
Remember what I said in the opening banner about why I prefer flying rainbows? Go ahead scroll back and look back I’ll wait… back? Good! Well since that only works for Fairies , the Fae and Leprechauns, here is a little something to help the rest of you out with your TSA groping your privates problem.
You know how humiliating it is passing through TSA security checks these days! You’re tired of having your tingly parts felt up by $7 an hour perverts and waiting in long, hot lines full of fellow American would-be terrorists and Jews! Now AngryWhiteImam Products, Inc. has the answer!
It’s the ‘Muslim For A Minute” TSA Disguise!’ Now you can easily bypass the long, insulting TSA security lines waiting to be groped by using your very own ‘Muslim For A Minute’ costume! That’s right! In seconds you can change your appearance from an mild-mannered infidel to the most hardened Muslim terrorist!
The Muslim For A Minute TSA disguise comes complete with:
– One disposable black burqa
– One Hijab head covering
– One authentic looking Koran cover to put over your latest novel
– One pair of sandals with patented “Dust of Mecca” coating
– Four pounds of authentic looking temporary body hair (*three pounds for women’s disguise)
– One can of goat scent that will frighten away even the most determined TSA agent
– One CAIR membership card
With your Muslim For A Minute disguise, you’ll be easily able to pass by TSA without a care! If an agent mistakenly pulls you aside for inspection, you can flash your CAIR card, shout “Islamaphobia” and go on your way! It’s as easy as decapitating a Jew! The only thing the TSA hates more than bombs on jets is being called Islamophobic by Muslims dedicated to killing Americans by putting bombs on jets!
So why go through long lines and invasive pat downs with all those ordinary Jews and Christians? With your ‘Muslim For A Minute’ costume, you’ll declare a politically correct jihad on time-wasting pat downs by unemployable TSA goons! Once through the TSA checkpoint, you can easily dispose of your ‘Muslim For A Minute’ disguise and return to being a regular Satanic infidel dog!
But wait, there’s more!!! If you order now, we’ll throw in your very own bomb vest crafted by hand in Syria by real ISIS Imams! It’s so compact only you will know you’re wearing it as you will be safely ushered through the long lines of infidel travelers waiting to receive their full-body inspections!
But wait!!! There’s still more!! Act now and you’ll receive not one…but two beheading knives! They slice, they dice, they circumcise! (female circumcision only, please!)
Don’t waste your valuable travel time being stripped searched or having your naked body scans placed on the internet! You’ll look and smell so authentically Muslim in your ‘Muslim In A Minute’ disguise that you’ll be praising Allah and shouting Shama Lama Ding Dong as you board the plane!
So call now and get your Muslim For A Minute TSA disguise for only $19.99!!** Our operators are standing….bye!
**AK-47 and IED exploding device sold separately.
Eskimo with a Turbo on his dog sled.
VIRAL VIDEO: University of Louisville swim team has fun at the airport
Team was stuck at North Carolina airport for seven hours.
The University of Louisville swim and dive team decided to have some fun with the people movers at the Raleigh-Durham International Airport.
The team was stuck at the airport for seven hours and chose to make the funny video.
Since posting it on Facebook, the video has been viewed close to 2 million times.
I’m worried that one of these days our Mythical Creatures Vet will say that about poor Impish! Wait! You don’t think it’s already happened do you? It would explain so much!
Man Was “Packing” And Wearing Hoodie When Cop Pulls Him Over… Media Refuses To Report Story
A black man wearing a hoodie and carrying a gun was recently pulled over by police Tuesday [10/27/2015] because his vehicle had a broken headlight. No one was killed or injured during during their exchange and that’s probably why you won’t hear about it in the mainstream news.
Steven Hildreth was headed to work when Tuscon, Arizona, police officers pulled him over for a broken headlight.
Hildreth was wearing a hoodie and was also carrying a concealed weapon — two things that would land him in a heap of trouble if you believe the current narrative about police brutality against black men.
However, instead of a violent confrontation, these men had a respectful exchange that ended well.
Hildreth, a member of the National Guard, is legally able to carry a concealed weapon. Hildreth also respects the law, so when he was pulled over, he complied with the police.
When asked if he had a weapon, he told the officers he did. They removed the weapon for the safety of everyone involved as they ran Hildreth’s license and registration.
They left Hildreth a bit shocked when he returned.
“I’m a black man wearing a hoodie and strapped. According to certain social movements, I shouldn’t be alive right now because the police are allegedly out to kill minorities,” Hildreth wrote.
“Maybe … just maybe … that notion is bunk,” he added. “Maybe if you treat police officers with respect, they will do the same to you.”
Please share this story to spread some positive news regarding the police and how they handled this American citizen with respect.
Wow imagine that, a Black man with a gun treated a police encounter where he was guilty of doing something wrong with calm, respect and co-operation. In response he received the same in return.
Make you wonder when the gang bangers, the ‘yo gots to be showin’ me sum respect while I disrespect you’ crowd, the ‘I ain’t taking responsibility fo muh crime but don’t tase or shoot me when I attack yo azz ta be makin muh getaway bro’ posse and the ‘Black Live Matter liberal entitlement/payroll ‘crowd are going to wake the hell up!
Seriously! How hard is the so old its literally biblical concept ‘that which ye sow so shall ye reap’ to fricken understand?
Well that’s it for the week folks…What? Huh? OH! THE STORY! Okay, here’s the rest of it. Quitcherbitchin already sheesh!
Still smiling mischievously, eyes twinkling with mirth Lethal in full brogue asked, for the obvious benefit of the table, “Is the punch not to you’re liking Impish darlin’?”
“Wha…wha…wheeze…what the hell is that stuff? An organic paint stripper?” queried Impish peering suspiciously into his tankard.
Atticus replies with faux indignation “‘Tis an ancient recipe handed down master to apprentice in our profession for thousands of years…and I can say that with great certainty. I will not give it away, but to say it contains Mead, Honey Wine, Hard Cider, Apple Jack and Poteen which is the Irish version of Moonshine among other things. We call it ‘An déantóir na giúmar maith’ in the old tongue, The Maker of Good Moods”
“I didn’t know the profession of house painting had been around” so long mumbled Impish as he again sniffed his tankard before taking a much smaller more cautious sip only to discover that in addition to everything else, the drink was apparently also effervescent. Not only that, but he discovered that he had no need to swallow it, for as he was rolling it around his tongue to get the full flavor profile, it seemed to seep right into his tongue. Impish knew this was a sign that it had such low a vapor point the heat of his own body, which was several degrees higher than a human’s, had caused it to vaporize right in his mouth. Granuaile chuckled at this while taking several swallows from her tankard much to Impish’s amazement. “Mayhap its that forked tongue of your doubling the impact it has.” she suggested merrily.
Impish reached to help himself to a sausage, some bread and cheese hoping to slow the burn presently eating it’s way through his first stomach with food. “I’m pretty sure you in violation of the Hazardous Materials Transportation Uniform Safety Act by transporting that stuff in an unmarked non fire proof container.”
“Bah!” retorted Atticus, ” I don’t see a single one of the 5 or 6 placards that should be affixed to you to be legally in compliance with the HMTUS when moving about Dragon. Besides, the jug is actually empty. It only fills when we pour from it and then only enough ta fill the tankards o’ those present. ‘Tis how we insure that the recipe remains our secret.”
Impish takes another cautious sip and finds each one burns slightly less. Before he can say anything else Lethal interrupts him. “I asked Atticus and Granuaile here to consult on your campground’s….defacement problem. They were kind enough to offer to pick up your family and the Dire Wolves to see them safely transported here by a means as far as we can tell is thus far blocked to Hillary and her ASSHAT minions.”
“So you’re what then, some sort of magical lawn and landscaping business?” ask Impish before he even thought the better of it. Frowning at the tankard which was now only about half empty he pushed it away, turning to beckon one of the disguised as wait staff virgins over requesting one of the beverages Lethal had come up with for the party, an Apple Ginger Beer. He looked back at the two robed figures and said “My sincere apologies. I meant no affront. Clearly that is not a drink fit for Dragons or at least not this one, as I generally have manners much better than that. You brought my family to me safely in times of severe threat and deserve my thanks and gratitude, not my sass and attitude.”
“No offense is taken, while inaccurate, your categorization is not totally off base, just extreme in its over simplification. You could accurately say we’re Naturalists, experts on the subject without peers. Magical ones in fact.”
“So then your Dr…” Impish’s question is sudden cut off by a bullet pass completion of a Nerf football from Lethal’s costume to his open mouth. “Ixnay on the ‘D’ word Impish. There are those of serious power and muscle who would like to see these two dead as badly as Hillary wants us out of the picture. Understand? They’re just Atticus and Granuaile a couple friends of mine who stopped by to join our celebration with their very large very fierce and capable hunting dogs. Very large very fierce and very capable hunting dogs. Are you picking up what I’m putting down here?”
Impish nods before quaffing his Apple Ginger Beer deeply while sparing a sidelong glance at the two dogs whose attention is now focused on him. He swallows deliberately a final time. “I’ve got it. But seriously Lethal, there really should be a briefing memo on what is and isn’t permissible to say around you friends before new ones arrive. So many have do’s and don’ts that are too easy to run afoul of.”
To Impish’s shock Lethal erupts into howls of laughter. Wiping his eye he says “That is quite true Impish and had I meant for you to be apart of this impromptu meeting I’d have briefed you. However your point is well taken for the next time.”
“You’re unusually happy and relaxed. Maybe you should keep that jug around and intersperse your cups of coffee with tankards of it on a daily basis.” responds Impish as he looks around suspiciously. Usually when Lethal is in this good a mood, Impish is about to be the fall guy in some prank or joke of Lethal’s devising. Halloween and the party in particular would be a perfect time for such a thing my Lethal’s devious standards.
“Why shouldn’t I be happy? I’ve learned Obama will, in the coming week, shoot literally every Democrat’s campaign in the foot by vetoing the Keystone XL pipeline. This will have the effect of hijacking the entire election making it about Energy, American Independence from Foreign Oil, American Jobs and the failing of the American Oil Industry as a whole, all subjects Republicans love.
I’ve gained solid evidence of a conspiracy of nepotism &/or an old boys network between the White House and the Liberal Lame/Blame Stream Media which I’m going to make public Wednesday. Hamtrack, a Detroit suburb has elected a Muslim majority City Council that’s already making noise about finally sticking it to and showing the Polish community majority, which will also wind up hurting the liberals and their let everybody in and give them entitlements so they vote for us practices.
I spent a good part of the day in contact with some of my more esoteric research resources and learned how Hillary is controlling the Flying Monkeys. Seems there is an object, namely Gayelette’s Golden Cap required to control them and a pretty large limitation on that control. That information has been passed on successfully to a faction calling themselves ‘Friends of Fred’ who are already taking steps to achieve a measure of vengeance for Fred’s death and at the same time hopefully remedy this situation.
Finally your campground now shows no signs of the damage it did earlier from the attack and has gained a ‘protector’ of a sort. OH! And here’s a briefing bullet point on that for you:
Absolutely no major alterations or digging of any kind whatsoever in the Campground or the surrounding forest at any time under any circumstances w/o first letting me know so that Atticus or Granuaile can be present for it. Failure to heed this is a sure recipe for a major batch of unpleasantness that I will not be able to do anything for you about.
I’d say that’s not a bad half a Saturday’s work and that while Hillary might see last night as winning the battle by the end of Wednesday’s issue we’ll have come back nicely and be well on our way to winning the war. All in all certainly reason a a rather jovial outlook and a wee bit of celebrating, wouldn’t you say my friend?” said Lethal holding his tankard up as if in toast towards Impish.
Impish stared at Lethal for a moment digesting all that he’d just heard, then looked down at his half full Apple Ginger Beer. Sudden he reached out and grabbed his old tankard refilling his Apple Ginger Beer to full from it. Banging his against the other three, he happily responds “I’ll can drink to that pal, I’ll can sure as hell drink to that.”
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters of Atticus O’Sullivan & Granuaile MacTiernan, nor Oberon & Orlaith. They are the property of author Kevin Hearne and all found in his Iron Druid series. They are used strictly in a fan fiction sense.
Additionally I neglected to post a disclaimer early on in this piece regarding the Characters of Harry Dresden (aka Wizard Dresden or Warden Dresden), Major General Toot-toot and the Faire Army. Again I do not own the rights to these characters they are the intellectual property of Jim Butcher and his The Dresden Files series of novels.
As for the recipe for Apple Ginger Beer, its real and that I do own as do I own the concept of the magical jug and the drink known as An déantóir na giúmar maith’ in the old tongue, The Maker of Good Moods” .
Thank to my darling Molly for pointing out my accidental omission of this disclaimer and its necessity to keep both authors from writing their next works about the ugly hideous and painful demise of one Lethal Leprechaun. Or even worse turning loose a pack of Ghoul like lawyers on me.
13-15 cruises, so I know those injections well. We use to leave out of NY and I would go see the ship doctor as we passed the Statue of Liberty. My first cruise I had to get two shots a day, if was an all Italian crew WOO HOO. When we returned to NY the good doctor waved to me…he saw more of my ass then Paul. Then they came our with the patch you wore behind your ear. It made me realize how many people turn green. I felt like it was a cult and we should have a secret handshake. We always booked mid-ship and usually the deck above the crew….again the back and forth and side to side…..barf bags please! It was tough on Paul….when your partner is a light side of green and making promises when we hit land. All of this and I still say a cruise is the
best vacation. The minute you step on the ship….the fun begins So I look forward to the LSS Grace O’Malley
Lethal, so how is your ARK coming? With the weather you have been having, I would hope it’s near completion. So start picking your 2 X 2 animals and your “cruise” staff. You are the cook hands down, Paul K9 can keep any eye on Impish that he is properly steering the ark, Ginny’s request…watch for speed bumps! I tend to turn a bright shade of green…NO CAN DO with Lethal in the galley. Just .spotted Diaman, the official cruise director of the ark, planning all our entertainment,. So drop anchor and lets get the hell out of Houston…..
Great Issue another winner! The swim team at the airport really cracked me up. The pumpkin bars started my knees off for the holiday season. Again, thanks for the laughs and food for thought!
I have a modified (to a close top) one of those WW II ‘Duck Boats’ to get me to the Harbor where my Megayacht,
the LSS (Leprechaun’s Survival Ship) Grace O’Malley is berthed.
As for collecting animals, I think were full up with the Ninja Cat Clan, your dog, a couple Irish Wolf Hounds and a couple Irish Setters.
Regarding the crew, between the Dire Wolves, Impish’s wayward virgins and the ships complement we’re set. I should warn you however
Diaman is making noises about wanting to “drive” the ship.
The galley seems to be haunted by the (mostly) helpful ghosts of Chefs Justin Wilson, Julia Childs, & the Singing Chef (Opera) Pasquale Carpino.
All of them seem to get along well with my current (living) Chef Robert Irvine.
Being a Tri-Hull design the Grace O’Malley is fairly stable and smooth riding so I don’t think you have to worry TOO much about speed bumps,
unless we happen to skip over a whale or a surfacing submarine and catch some air. I would however ask you stay off the elevators on board and see
the Doctor of Quackery for something to calm your stomach (unless PaulK9 is willing to share what ever he’s been toking on with you)
before boarding my helicopter as its can be a wee stuff in there and we could do w/o any sympatric stomachs joining you in the use of
air sick bags.
OK seriously now, we actually made out surprisingly well. We got somewhere in the area of 3″ of rain over the 36 hour period but the rate
of rain fall backed off often enough that while we had some minor ponding during the heavy stuff, it drained off fairly quickly just as
soon as it lightened up. The winds from what I saw here never got quite up to the 60 Mph max they forecast though we did have a period of
30 to 40 sustained winds for about an hour before the front actually arrived, at which time I saw our temp drop 20 degrees in about as many
minutes from 74 to 54. There were no tornados that I am aware of though one short lived funnel cloud was spotted briefly someplace.
All in all the worst thing we endured was some truly impressive thunder that managed to rattle our new double pane windows and shook the
building for about an hour. The worst part of that was the lighting causing it must have been high up cloud to cloud because we never saw
any warning flashes of lighting just all the sudden BA-BA-BOOM…RUMBLE…KA-BANG!
Gee, I’m impressed regarding your Megayacht Grace O’Malley. I agree we have enough animals, but do watch Diaman, she was telling me how she use to be QUEEN OF SPEED on the N.J. Turnpike. The Doctor of Quackery sounds delightful…as long as he keeps me from upchucking my cookies. Your helicopter is of no concern….it’s the up and down and back and forth….umm what was I talking about….sex…NO…..the movement of your yacht….yes I remember now.
Glad you weathered your latest storm as well as your did…..It seems Mother Nature has been pissed at Houston Texas of late. Me thinks she is off her meds again!
To: Cabin Staff LSS Grace O’Malley
Re: Guest Accomidations for Jersey Ginny
Doctor of Quackery should be standing by dock side to shoot her in the bum with anti nausea and anti motion sickness drugs.
See to it her room does not have a water bed is an iside cab in amidships and has extra motion sickness bags.
Also descretely leave some little blue pills for her husband Paul. She seems to think she’s having sex on the voyage.
SEX? Did someone say SEX?
I got so excited with the up and down and back and forth…..what was I thinking mentioning SEX
with you two boys!
There it was again! Somebody said SEX!