Dragonlaffs #1441


header113

Good Morning Campers,

Quite the week I’ve had.  I’ve been busy every day.  Lots and lots of things are going on in the Dragon household.  I really, really hope that in my issue on Wednesday (yes, I’m doing the Wednesday issue this week, as Lethal told you last Wednesday) that I have a HUGE announcement to make.  But, I don’t want to announce early for fear of jinxing things. So, stay tuned!

Lethal Leprechaun will be doing a grand Independence Day Issue on Saturday.  I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait!  And then the Huge 4 day party!!!

AND!!!! The Grand Opening of the new recreation mountain!!  We’ve been talking about it for months!  It all started with Ginny’s affair with Santa and getting him to build us a very special pool…and it just took off from there.  You REALLY want to get invited to this party!  Of course, all our sponsors, those who’ve donated to the blog (even just a $1!) have a standing invitation.  Not only that, they will have use of the facilities any time they want.  Donation time (our annual begging for cash) is coming around soon.  Just think, you can get use of the recreational mountain, too.

Anyway, Lots of stuff for you to laugh at today, lots of things for you to ponder.  So, before we get too maudlin …

coollogo_com-130663134

This one is from my dad….and it’s called “The Old Cowboy, When You’re Over Seventy, Who Gives A Crap!”  I think you’ll catch on pretty quick.

Cowboy: “Give me 3 packets of condoms, please.”

Cashier: “Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

Cowboy: “Nah… She’s purty good lookin’…..”

When you are over seventy who gives a crap?

***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,

“If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your

hair cut, you’d look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I’d be talking to your friends over

there instead of you.”

When you are over seventy who gives a crap?

***********

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess

what day a woman was born on just by feeling her boobs.

“Really” she said, “Go on then…try.”

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose

patience and said, “Come on, what day was I born?”

I said, “Yesterday.”

When you are over seventy who gives a crap?

***********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you are over seventy who gives a crap?

***********

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing

on a table. I said, “Good legs.”

The girl giggled and said, “Do you really think so.”

I said, “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed

by now.”

When you are over seventy who gives a crap?

1449

This is another one from my dad…it’s really good.  Read first then watch

A short video of a Pakistani pile driving construction technique.

Notice that the pile driving only becomes effective when the extra man jumps on.    Very finely tuned!    The chant is also catchy!

If you want to analyze the engineering here:

6 men x 180 lbs = 1,080 lbs static force.    Jumping up and down will create a 3 times dynamic effect = 3,240 lbs/jump = 1.6 ton thumps. If the pile is tapered to 2 in x 2 in, cross section at the tip  = 4 square inches.

So, dynamic pressure/thump at pile tip = 3,240/4 = 800 psi.

“Add a man” feature will increase to 950 psi, so buy the option !

Increase the chant and dynamic force goes up to 5 times to bring max. pressure/thump to 1,600 psi for a 7 man team.  

Quite good and will penetrate hard clay and sandy soil but not hard rock. 

Pretty ingenious.  and very, very cost effective . . .

And, to think not a single one of these seven chaps attended Georgia Tech, MIT,  Cal Tech or even Virginia Polytechnic Institute . . . !

PS:    The foreman is the guy on the tambourine.

 

1450

 

As a special section for my Dad (Papa Dragon Most Senior) and all the others of you who participate in this despicable habit, I present to you….
coollogo_com-218104401

6

6a

6b

6c

6d

Tune in next time for more fun!  Fun and chasing a little white ball around a countryside…sounds kind of oxymoronic to me, but what do dragons know from golf?

 

I now quote the sexy fairy who gave me this article, “I couldn’t take enough drugs to believe this one.”
7a

 

coollogo_com-64761097

 

d2015042514

When I was but a wee lad, I had a beautiful nurse maid who took care of me.  This is an artist’s rendition of that time, since there were no cameras back then.  (Yes, I am THAT old).  Honestly, this picture does not really do her justice, but you get the idea.

 

coollogo_com-1375815503

 

Chitty, Chitty – Bang, Bang is in her garage and she is very confused over what Mr. Blue just implied.  He was ready to say something important when we got interrupted.

“But, we don’t have much time.  As soon as that light turns red, our conversation is over and if I have to explain why I gave away secrets to my partner to Mr. Green, then I will do that, but you’re right.  As my partner you deserve to know the truth.  And the truth is that no, I’m not that stupid.  But it is a VERY good front and façade for people to think that I am.  I’m actually….” 

And then that “IT” guy walked in and he didn’t finish his thought.  He played it right cool though.  Very cool.  Too cool for who he is.  Or maybe it’s who he pretends to be.

And then not a minute after Impish left, “Mr. IT” makes some half-hearted excuse, after looking around and not really DOING anything, and then HE leaves.  I can’t figure out what’s…

Suddenly the small people door, as CB2 tended to think of it, opens and Mr. Green himself walks in.  This ought to be interesting, she thinks.

“Hrumph!  Ahem… Good Afternoon, Miss Bang.  And how are you this fine day?” Lethal Leprechaun, a.k.a. Mr. Green, enters her living space and settles himself down on her couch, all the while looking around her room surreptitiously.  She decides to call him right out on it.

And a Good Afternoon to you too, Mr. Green.  Is this just a social call or is there something you need?  You seem to be looking about for something…”

Mr. Green seems to be a bit startled and taken aback as he answers, “No, no not at all.  Just a visit.  Checking up on the troops, as it were… so … well … how are you Miss Bang?”

“I’m quite well thank you. And yourself?”

Mr. Green stands up and begins moving around the room, picking up and examining some of the little knick-knacks that Chitty has picked up over the years, moving about the room in a distracted manner. “Well good.  Good.  Glad to hear it, I am.”

As Mr. Green’s wanderings become more focused, he seems to have completely tuned out CB2.  He picks up a little statue of the Eiffel Tower, turns it over and peers at the bottom and then shakes it while holding it close to his ear.

“Mr. Green?”

Startled, Mr. Green places the statue back in its place with a little thump, looking like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  He quickly moves back to the couch and sits down.

“Mr. Green, is there something wrong?  Is there something I can help you with?”

“Ahem.  Well, actually, there is something you can help me with, I think…”

After a long pause, that becomes almost uncomfortable in length, Chitty prods him, “And that is…?”

“Yes, quite.  I’m not sure exactly how to put this… did I just seem Mr. Blue leaving your home?”

“Well, I’m not sure how you could’ve seen him leaving since he left several minutes before you did, unless … Mr. Green, are you spying on me?!”

“No! Well…yes … in a manner of … what? No.  Not like what you’re implying…”

“Mr. Green, I can’t think of any other way you would have known he was here talking to me…”

“Miss Bang, you must understand that I have everyone’s security at risk here and it’s my responsibility-“

“To SPY ON US??!!”

“Chitty, it’s not like that at all.”

“Look me in the eye and tell me that my quarters, my PERSONAL quarters, aren’t bugged.”

With a dead stare, Lethal looks at Chitty, Chitty – Bang, Bang and answers, “No ma’am.  You’re personal quarters are not bugged.”

“I’m not sure I believe you.  I’m sure you’ve had to learn to lie convincingly with your numerous professional dealings. But, I’ll not pursue it.  I do want you to be absolutely clear on this, that if I ever do find out you’ve lied to me about this or any other matter, it will be the end of our personal AND professional dealings.  And I like you, Lethal.  I really do.”  CB2 pauses and settles herself, the movements of the car coming across as quite human.  “Now, forgoing the matter of HOW you knew, my partner, Mr. Blue was lately present, what’s the problem?”

Mr. Blue pauses, then begins speaking, “To put it not too bluntly, I think there is something wrong with our dragon.”

 

5a

5a1

Oh yes, the obligatory democrat bashing.  So sorry, I just can’t seem to help myself.

 

You know, it annoys the crap out of me when someone parks in a handicap parking spot that doesn’t deserve it.  Well, I guess if you do that in Brazil, things can happen.  Karma?  You tell me.

 

100

As a public service, I’ve added this posting.  Most of the people I eat seem to enjoy it though.

 

coollogo_com-64781197

f2009122001

In the distant past, some of my relatives got regulated to not so impressive positions in the government and military fields.

 

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. ‘Fred,’ he replies.
‘Fred what?’ the officer asks.
‘Just Fred,’ the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. ‘Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’
The biker replies, ‘It’s a long story, so stay with me.’ I was born Fred Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.’
The officer walked away in tears, laughing

 

101

 

I sat with my infant son in front of the TV, hostage to my husband’s channel surfing. He eventually settled on an R-rated movie in which the actress was soon topless. ‘Honey, change the channel,’ I said, shielding my son’s eyes. ‘He shouldn’t see this.’ ‘It’s okay.’ my husband replied. ‘He probably thinks it’s the Food Network.’

 

1451

 

My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?” Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They’ve got Mom! And they want money!”

 

1452

 

A big game hunter went on a safari with his wife and mother-in-law.
 
One morning, while still deep in the jungle, the hunter’s wife awakened to find her mother gone.
 
She woke her husband, and they both set off in search of the old woman.
 
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was standing face-to-face with a lion
 
“What are we going to do?” his horrified wife asked.
 
“Nothing,” her husband replied, “The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.”

 

coollogo_com-20590563

Flying3 (2)

Humor

Hungry Hippos

hydration

 

Hygeine

 

 

Budweiser has the greatest commercials.  From the Clydesdales to this gem…

 

1453

 

A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Qantas from Sydney to Auckland.
 
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
 
The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
 
So the little guy walks up to the galley and asks the flight attendant, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
 
The flight attendant responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me that?”
 
The boy said, “Yes, she did.”
 
“Well then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Qantas always pulls out on time, and ask her to explain that to you.”

 

1454

 

During a recent survey, women were asked… “What would you do if you woke up and had a penis?” Here are their actual responses…
“I would walk around and prod my husband all night long with it, whatever he is doing I’ll be there prodding him with it.”
“I would write my name in the snow.”
“I would go into my boss’ office and lay it on his desk and say: ‘Where is my raise?'”
“I would find my ex-boyfriend, go to bed with him and tell him to roll over and try something new.”
“I would want a big one and show it off to everyone.”
“I could grab myself in public and not be embarrassed.”
“I would not lift the lid on the toilet seat while peeing.”
“I would measure it both ways.”
“Pee off of a tall building.”
“I would speed to the hospital and have it surgically removed.”
“I would treat women better with it.”
“I would love him, and squeeze him, and play with it all day.”
“Demonstrate to my husband and my two sons that it is possible to hit the water and not pee all over everything.”
“Pin my husband down and slap him in the face with it.”
“I would play with it and then make him roll over into the wet spot.”
“Go to an adult store and try out all kinds of stimulants to see what was the best.”
“Stand up and jump up and down and watch it swing all around.”
“See how many donuts I could carry with it.”
“Check out my boyfriends gag reflexes!”

 

1455

 

I have a new pick up line that works every time. It doesn’t matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner, and  I always end up in bed with them. Here’s how it goes, ‘Excuse me, love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?’
1456
Now, a few short words to think about:
A 3% tax on tea eventually led to the American Revolution.
Now, you pay up to 70% of your earnings to a De Facto corporate government.  You are grouped a the airport, surveilled on the street, spied upon in your own home, fed propaganda by the media, lied to by your representatives, have your rights eroded, your currency devalued and are on the verge of an overt police state.  What the hell happened to the land of the free and the home of the brave?
Election time is coming sooner than you think.  Make yours count.

coollogo_com-72712862

Now this is technology at work for the good of us all.

Samsung attaches screen to semi-truck to show the road ahead
7

Getting stuck behind a slow, smelly semi-truck is no fun, but big vehicles are often too hard to pass on a narrow two-lane road. But Samsung just came up with a very clever solution to this problem.

The Argentinian arm of the South Korean tech giant is showing off what it calls a Safety Truck, a semi truck with a wireless camera mounted on the front, displaying the road ahead on a screen tacked on to the back of the truck. The move is a part of an effort to reduce head-on collisions from passing.

The front-mounted camera broadcasts its signal to four monitors on the back of the truck to give drivers behind the truck a good view ahead. In addition to making passing safer, Samsung says that this would let drivers see any obstacles in the road ahead, preventing the need for sudden emergency braking.

Samsung said the truck used for testing isn’t currently operational anymore, but it is working with government and non-government safety agencies to develop the tech further.

It seems like it would work well on two-lane roads, but it wouldn’t really have much use on multi-lane highways. The screen could also prove to be a distraction, and image quality issues could be a concern as well.

It’s an innovative approach to road safety, but Samsung hasn’t provided much of a timeline for its development, so who knows when, or even if it will be adopted.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dragonlaffs #1441

  1. JOHN Z says:

    I always think you can not get this zine any better, but you do, love it

  2. Ginny says:

    So glad to hear the pool is open, it was so worth letting Santa have his way with me. Great issue my friend, it was jammed packed with laffs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s