Step right on in folks its smaller on the outside, plenty of room for all inside. Please move to the back of the TARDIS and for the love of the universe keep your hands in your pockets please! I want you all there to witness what’s about to happen.

We’re taking a quick trip back in time to yesterday and then we’ll be right back to the current now. See this is all necessary because Impish unselfishly each year makes my Anniversary announcement only about me when his is just 2 days after mine. It really would be easier if he just announced both but I’m not going to complain when I have friends with toys like this to uh…borrow. OK! Ready? We’re off! <10 seconds of strange noises and blinking lights ensue>

And we’re here! Welcome to Tuesday June 16th again. 

<Lethal hefts a large shoulder mounted tubular device which bears a certain resemblance to a shoulder fired missile launcher but is some how different..less well..deadly looking. You seriously wonder how deadly weapon painted in Orange and Green Camo can be, particularly one with a dragon in a clown suit painted on the blast shield depicted belching with the launch tube for a mouth.>

Come people, let’s now keep the man of the (reclaimed) hour waiting. Now when the door opens I want 1/2 of you lead by Ginny to rush out and surround Impish, he thinks he’s alone and nobody knows he’s in the conference room. He’s going to be very startled, especially when he sees me so his first reaction will be to flee for the door. That where those of you led by Diaman come him you guy rush to congregate in front of the doors blocking his exit until we can get him to take a breath and relax.

What? NO WAY! We come to praise Impish not kill him to paraphrase the Bard. IT’s just every time Impish sees me with something with a big bore  he goes..well frankly I have to call it all squirrelly. Now I’ll grant you a great deal of the time he has ample reason to do so because he’s generally provoked and annoyed me to the point I am shooting at him to get my point across, but that not the case today I promise. What is this? Well if I told you it would spoil the surprise now wouldn’t it? Still not convinced? OK look if Impish get seriously injured by it I’ll let you all draw straws to see who uses it on me fair enough? ok? Good. then Let’s Roll, them leaders take your places, everyone remember their team and assignment now, LET’S ROLL!

As you race out the door of the TARDIS and into the Conference Room intent on reaching your assigned position you all find a very surprised Impish Dragon plopped in the middle of the cheap seats having what appears to be a private moment with an impossible large Pastrami Sandwich and giant pickle.

“What ? How? Where? What are you guys doing here? OH NO!”

After shrieking like a 6 year old girl the first thing he does is attempt to snatch up the sandwich and flee crying out

“NO! It’s MINE! ALL MINE! I found it unattended after someone slipped a note under my door and it’s MINE now I don’t care if Lethal lost it! Back off and nobody has to become a walking Pork Cracklin’ you hear?”

Almost immediately he realizes he’s trapped while simultaneously spotting Lethal and his…”device” while searching for a way out.

“Look Lethal pal finders keepers right? I mean it was abandoned and I got this note slid under my door and everything. How could I resist as Pastrami sandwich with your pastrami this size? I never get this much of your pastrami at one time. Even when I whine! Seriously Dude I swear the note is in my office! Ask Terrance! TERRANCE! I’ll bet he set me up that treacherous traitorous Troll! Don’t shoot me! Shoot Terrance! Beside if you shoot me you’ll mess up the sandwich right?”

“Relax Impish I purposely placed the sandwich here for you myself. I wrote the note and gave it to Terrance with instructions precisely when to slide it under your door as well. IT’s for you you deserve it and so is this!”

Lethal suddenly swings the cannon onto his shoulder, squeezes the trigger and fires the weapon, even from your perspective, over well over Impish’s head. A large multi-colored orb lobs out of the device traveling to a point about 15 feet above Impish’s head where it explodes into confetti, sparkles and streamers. You notice at the same time all the displays in the room sudden light up and the sound system erupts into music and party horns. On the display you see the message:

Nine years ago on this day, Impish who was delusional and thought he was some guy named Bob, decided there was too much BS in the World and he had to draw a line in the sand. He felt compelled to do something to combat it and to bring some mirth and cheer into the lives of friends, family and those who served. On that day DragonLaffs started out as a group email. Soon it was too much to be done just from an email program and so DragonLaffs graduated to a Yahoo group. Five years ago he met a funny little green guy quick of wit, wise of council and word, companionable in point of view. Most importantly this little green guy had an urge to help him when he was struggling to met the demands of this fantasy he stubbornly clings to that he’s some guy named Bob with a wife & kid and devote enough time to make DragonLaffs happen.

What I like to think as the second great era of DragonLaffs began with that collaboration and lasted a little over two years. Once again, we were confronted with growing pains. At that time we had over 800 members in the Yahoo group but we were looking to make thing better to avail ourselves of thing Yahoo would not allow us to do and to reduce the amount of time it took to create an issue as well as be able to see what it would look like before it posted. The little green dude counseled Impish,

“You should consider converting to a blog format. Everyone else is and it really seems to be the wave of the future.”

Impish harrumphed and pondered this, but didn’t do or say much. The LGD persisted,

“With a freeware WYSIWYG editor you can create an issue in 1/2 the time and preview it before it posts to the blog! Heck you can ever schedule blogs posts to happen automatically if you manage to get them done ahead of time instead of rushing in the morning to get it out in between slurping enough coffee to appear moderately sentient and running off to your fantasy day life!”

Impish began wondering if the LGD didn’t have a serious point, after all he’d already talked Impish through several serious technical issues and shown him how to make what he thought were pretty good cyber security defenses ever better and used his knowledge to have a literally crazy person permanently banned from the Yahoo group after she kept rejoining under different names to harass the group. He decided he’d nose around a bit and see what was involved and how hard it really was.

Then one day Impish called excitedly to LGD,

“DUDE! See what I have! I now own the domain name ‘DragonLaffs.com’! “

LGD was guardedly optimistic that Impish might be starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. He ran to the end of the tunnel to rig a blower fan with several urns of brewing coffee behind it to help his friend Impish find the end of the tunnel faster.

A short while later, Impish again came the the LGD and said,

“Dude! Check it out! Click this link! Let me know what you think. I’m so excited!”

LGD did as he was bid and what he saw brought a tear to his eye and pride to his heart, Impish had trusted him enough to take a chance. He was looking at a still under construction but actual DragonLaffs Blog site! A very short time later came the great announcement at the yahoo group. Honestly this was met but the Luddites with a great uprising there was much crying wailing and gnashing of teeth over the change. Many didn’t care what it took to do things the old way or how hard it was on  us they demanded their ancient technology status quo.

Despite this we made the switch and tried to appease them by posting notices of each new issue on the old site until they became comfortable with the change. Alas the comfort never changes and the whining and cajoling continued. However for every whiner and cajoler there was someone approving mightily and enthusiastically of the change. Impish and LGD stayed their course slowing figuring out both the intricacies of the program they now used to create the issues as well as the controls for the web host’s page. We lost many readers in the switch and have never managed to return to the numbers we once had but in the process of the move we discovered something more precious our true friends.

So today on the occasion of Impish’s 9th Anniversary I ask you raise your coffee with me and toast Impish, his dedication, his vision and his friendship without which we’d all be the much poor for! 

Now folks if you’d be so kind as to step back into the Tar…uh magic box we’ll get back to the issue! No, that ok Impish you finish what we interrupted and we’ll ah.. see you again in a moment I promise. Come on folks step it up tick tock literally and all that you all fit before you can do it again! A quick trip forward in time to the present and then we’ll be right back to the current now. OK! Ready? We’re off!

<10 seconds of strange noises and blinking lights ensue> And we’re here! Welcome to Wednesday June 17th.  Now though we were about 10 minutes in the past from the prospective of those here we’ve been absent only about a minute. So I want you all to move quickly and silent out the door and to your seats. If we do it right nobody will be any the wiser, especially Impish, which could get really complicated and cause him serious problems ok? Do it for the Big Blue Guy!

As you all quickly exit the box and silently dash for your places you attempt to conceal your conspiratorial grins and smirks amid 10 seconds of strange noises and rotating beacon> as Impish can be heard  raising a commotion coming down the hall,

“I’m telling you Terrance there is nobody,just CyberLethals in the Conference…<he enters the room doors flying back as you all turn to look>..Room?”

Come on in Impish! Grab your seat please and put a jiggle in it as you’re late, I was just about to say the magic words:

Spoken by the dragon who thinks the ‘Wide Load” sign attached to the back of his jeans is a brand label!

The Top 5 Quotes from Donald Trump’s Campaign Announcement Speech

Once again, Donald “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow” Trump might announce that he’s going to run for President and he’s scheduled to make some kind of announcement on June 16th.

1. “First thing, I’ll add 93 stories to the White House and rename it Trump House.”
2. “Tippecanoe and toupee too!”
3. “My first act as president will be to fire the 49.999% of Americans who voted against me.”
4. “I promise I will also verify the death certificates of any deceased Presidents.”

And the Number One Quote from Donald Trump’s Campaign Announcement Speech…

1. “I’ll agree to be your President if you all sign this pre-nup.”

There is a great cautionary tale there…as well as a HELL of a story about how Impish’s ‘Lil Impish’ wound up permanently blue too!

Actually having one there nearly every night at some point (though usually a mirror image of that one) is what keeps me from having emotional breakdowns..or becoming a serial killer!

Christopher Lee Dies at 93; Actor Breathed Life Into Nightmarish Villains

Christopher Lee, the physically towering British movie actor who lent his distinguished good looks, Shakespearean voice and aristocratic presence to a gallery of villains, from a seductive Count Dracula to a dreaded wizard in “The Lord of the Rings,” died on Sunday in London. He was 93.

Christopher Lee played villains masterfully, from the evil wizard Saruman in “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy to one of the scariest of villains, Dracula himself, in a series of British Hammer films. He was a James Bond baddie in “The Man With the Golden Gun” and a Dark Side convert in the “Star Wars” prequels. On the side, he was an operatic and heavy metal singer, releasing a number of albums including the award-winning “Charlemagne: By the Sword and the Cross.” Lee died June 7, 2015, and we’re looking back on a brilliant career.

He had a very famous group of relatives. He was related to Civil War icon Robert E. Lee and to the author of the James Bond series, Ian Fleming.

Lee famously portrayed the titular character in The Man With the Golden Gun‘ the villain Francisco Scaramanga.

Lee was also asked by Fleming to play Dr. No in the James Bond’s first film outing, but was overruled by the film’s producers. He was also considered for Bond himself.

He hosted Saturday Night Live in 1978 after a string of American hits. Many thought it was beneath him, which he said was precisely why he agreed to do it.

For those curious, Meatloaf was the musical guest.

His stint on SNL both paid off and blew up in his face in a way.

Steven Spielberg said that he cast Lee in 1941 after seeing he could do comedy on the stage. He was also offered Leslie Nielsen’s role in Airplane! but turned it down since he was already doing a comedy. He called that the biggest mistake of his career.

Lee was a member of the Special Operations Executive during World War 2, better known by it’s nickname; the Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare.

Lee and his comrades would run raids behind enemy lines. And not just your rinky-dink destroy-an-entire-German-airfield type raid (yes they did that too), but more along the lines of a destroy-the-secret-Nazi-Nuclear-program-in-Norway, type of mission.
He was, in many ways, the real James Bond.

Lee was an accomplished musician as well. He released multiple heavy metal albums, including Christmas versions as well. Here’s a link to his renditions of the Little Drummer Boy and Silent Night.

Lee was knighted in 2009, so when you all start your Lee movie marathons this weekend, remember to tip your hat to Sir Christopher Lee.

Truly a modern legend.

Wings without the mess

We have a love-hate relationship with wings. The taste is great; the mess, not so much. So we set out to find a solution. The result? Buffalo chicken meatballs. These bites are spicy, tangy and perfectly tender, but infinitely more white summer wear friendly.

Makes: 6 to 8 appetizer servings   Start to Finish: 40 minutes

Ingredients

4 tablespoons olive oil, divided
2 celery stalks, finely minced
½ white onion, finely minced
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 tablespoon mustard
1 pound ground chicken
1 cup bread crumbs
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
6 tablespoons butter
¾ cup Buffalo-style hot sauce
1 cup blue-cheese dressing (optional)

Directions

1. In a small skillet, heat 1 tablespoon of the olive oil over medium heat. Add the celery and onion, and cook until tender, 3 to 4 minutes. Let cool to room temperature.

2. In a medium bowl, mix the cooled celery mixture with the egg, mustard and ground chicken to combine. Add the bread crumbs, salt and pepper; mix to combine.

3. Form the mixture into 1-inch balls. Heat the remaining 3 tablespoons olive oil over medium heat. Add the meatballs and cook until golden brown all over, 2 to 3 minutes per side (8 to 10 minutes total). Shake the pan to roll the meatballs around in the hot oil to ensure they’re fully cooked through.

4. In a medium pot, melt the butter over medium heat. Add the hot sauce and whisk to combine until smooth. Toss the meatballs in the sauce to coat.

5. Serve the meatballs warm with a side of blue-cheese dressing (if using).

Note: The meatballs can be made up to two days ahead and gently reheated on the stove or in the microwave.

I use a  round bottomed scoop from an old coffee canister to auto portion the meatballs and this causes me to get about 16 one ounce balls per batch. So right off you can tell I’m making double batches and usually 2 of those when I make this.

I’ve also found that a get a better meatball, texture , integrity and flavor wise using 1# of ground chicken to 1# ground dark meat turkey in my double batches. Because I’m making large amounts and two different meats, I use a stand mixer with a paddle attachment. This more thoroughly incorporates everything (mix the meats for a minute before adding other ingredients) and gives me a firmer denser texture meatball which not only in more reminiscent of the chicken wing but stay together much better when skewered and lifted out of pan.

Personally when doing this recipe for a party I continue up to step 3 then refrigerate the meatballs. The day of the party I make the sauce, place the cold meatballs in in the pan of sauce to coat and then into a crockpot to finish heating/warming and absorbing the sauce.

Keep extra sauce on had (or a beer) as you might need to add it to the crockpot as the sauce thickens to keep it from sticking/burning or the meatballs from drying out.

Don’t limit these to just appetizers or buffet item either! Put a couple of them in a taco shell or hot dog bun have a tray with appropriate toppings (blue cheese crumbles or Ranch & Blue Chees Dips/Dressings, Coles Slaw shredded, chopped or thinly sliced celery and extra sauce work well). They work well as a slider using corn bread muffins too, just flatten them a bit with a fork before placing on a muffing and topping them.

Finally if you don’t have buffalo sauce or are not a fan of it, use Picante that you’ve spun in a blender in place of it in the recipe.

Berry Lemonade Slush

Prep Time: 10min.

Total Time: 10min.

Servings:

4 servings, 1 cup each

Ingredients:

• Country Time Lemonade Flavor Drink Mix

• 1 cup fresh or frozen strawberries, blueberries or sliced peeled peaches

• 1 cup water

• 2 cups ice cubes

Directions:

1. Measure drink mix into cap to 1 quart line (1/2 cup).
2. Let guests choose their fruit then blend water, drink mix and fruit in blender until smooth. Add ice; blend on high speed until thickened.
3. Serve immediately.

Frozen fruit makes this way easier and faster to do with the added bonus of using fruit that might not be in season. Need I mention the ‘adult beverage possibilities’ that exist with this mixture? Don’t over look adult add ins like Peachtree, Mead, Lemoncello,  or Fruit/Sparkling wines. Just remember, higher proof= more alcohol= faster melting time so this is a time when the alcohol should be added to individual glasses and not to the blender/pitcher. Keeping the glasses small and chilling them or using insulated ones should also help.

Mama K’s Camper Style Potatoes

Ingredients:

2 pounds red potatoes, thinly sliced

16 ounces Summer Sausage, thinly sliced

12 ounces Shredded Cheddar Cheese, divided

4 ounces  Sour Cream

2 teaspoons  Iodized Salt

1 teaspoon  Ground Black Pepper

1 teaspoon  Garlic Powder

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375°.
2. In a large mixing bowl, combine potatoes, sausage, half the cheese, sour cream and seasonings.
3. Place mixture on a double layer of 12×12-inch pieces of aluminum foil. Top with remaining cheese. Fold the corners together to make a pouch.
4. Bake for 35-45 minutes or until potatoes are tender.

TIP: The aluminum foil pouch can also be cooked on a closed grill or simply placed directly into a campfire.  If making in a campfire, place a large flat rock on the edge of the fire, about ½ way in the fire, and rotate potato pouch after about 20 minutes

Works well with ham too (I use a pre-sliced like Hormel’s Cure 81 which does seem to have as much salt) or partially precooked breakfast sausage patties, even good quality smoked rope sausage (slice on severe bias). The ham and sausage versions are always in demand at the annual family river rafting trip to accompany eggs for breakfast. I even get potato slicing volunteers if I’ll make it. 

Am I getting to be That Age?

Today I was in a store that sells sunglasses and only sunglasses. A young lady walks over to me and asked, “what brings you in today?” I looked at her, and said, “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator.”  She didn’t quite know how to respond.

When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?”

Just once I want to say, “No, it’s for company!”

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency.

I think you should write, “An ambulance.”

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today

is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. 

Since I can’t afford one, I’m wearing my garage door opener.

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it

“Pumping Rust”.

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

Birds of a feather flock together, and then poop on your car.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me …. They were cramming for their finals

As for me, I’m just hoping God grades on the curve.

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL?

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

Did you ever notice: When you put the words “The” and “IRS” together they spell “Theirs”?

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their “odometers.”  Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Top 12 ‘dirty’ fruits and vegetables

Published On: May 01 2014 11:47:26 AM CDT Updated On: Jun 12 2015 01:00:00 AM CDT

EWG analyzed pesticide residue testing data from the U.S. Department of Agriculture and Food and Drug Administration to come up with rankings for these popular fresh produce items. All 48 foods are listed below from worst to best (lower numbers = more pesticides)

Note: EWG analyzed pesticide tests of 48 popular produce items. Domestic and imported versions of two items – blueberries and snap peas – showed sharply different results, so we have ranked those domestic and imported items separately. As a result, the full list of foods ranked by the Shopper’s Guide displays 50 entries.

1  Apples
2  Peaches
3  Nectarines
4  Strawberries
5  Grapes
6  Celery
7  Spinach
8  Sweet bell peppers
9  Cucumbers
10  Cherry tomatoes
11  Snap peas – imported
12  Potatoes
13 Hot peppers +
14  Blueberries – domestic
15  Lettuce
16  Kale / collard greens +
17  Cherries
18  Plums
19  Pears
20  Green beans
21  Raspberries
22  Winter squash
23  Tangerines
24  Blueberries – imported
25  Carrots
26 Summer squash
27  Broccoli
28  Snap peas – domestic
29  Green onions
30  Bananas
31  Oranges
32  Tomatoes
33  Watermelon
34  Honeydew melon
35  Mushrooms
36  Sweet potatoes
37 Cauliflower
38  Cantaloupe
39 Grapefruit
40 Eggplant
41 Kiwi
42 Papayas
43 Mangos
44  Asparagus
45 Onions
46 Sweet Peas (frozen)
47  Cabbage
48 Pineapple
49 Sweet Corn
50  Avocados