Leprechaun Laughs # 286 for February 19th 2015


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As you get off the elevator you see a large sign directly across from it:

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You see that the hall has a double runner down its length to deaden foot falls. As you approach the conference room you hear a few low moans and can smell coffee.

Upon entering the uncharacteristically dimly lit room, your jaw drops in shock. Your first impression is that a tornado sucked up the contents of a The Party Store franchise someplace and dumped it all here. Confetti, party hats, feathered masks and boas, various garments obviously from both sexes, empty cups and bottles lay literally strewn all over the place. A semi torn down banner over the stage touts something about Marti Gras in gold and purple glitter. The projection screen over the bead draped podium is down and seems to be split into 4 sections. Despite the beads hanging off the projector attached to the ceiling you manage to make out 4 different views of what you take for the French Quarter of New Orleans showing very little if any activity.

Nurses and a doctor all in surgical scrubs seem to be attending to the party’s survivors though you think it might be a bit premature to say anyone survived. Small bottles of Gatorade are passed out by one of DL/LL Enterprises staff along with the recipient’s choice of over the counter analgesic for headache relief, dark wraparound sunglasses and ear plugs.

Several hooded, robed and sandal shod monks are working their way about the room checking wrist bands and a applying a smudged sign of the cross to the heads of those Catholics they find out of small bowls of what appears to be muddy ashes.

You spot Diamen and Ginny whose costumes seem to at one time largely have consisted of body paint now totally smudged each nearly drowning in beads in a tangled heap with who can only be No name judging by the balaclava and camo body paint. Unless you’re greatly mistaken Ginny is sporting hand and leg cuffs and Diamen’s body paint had been done to resemble a Dominatrix’s leathers and that’s a cat o nine tails next to her.

Paul Bader seems to be snoring loudly from his recliner in the Patron’s Section, which seems so normal as to be out of place for the scene. That is, until it dawns on you that the snores are emanating from the foot rest end of his recliner and he’s in it upside down.

K2 not to be out done by Paul has taken 4 of the recliners tipped them forward and arranged them and a table cloth into a tent under which he is quite happily ensconced along with toga clad Wednesday…with the exception of his feet which both sport party hats.

As you watch several recognizable mythical entities wake up, roll over and manage to crawl or stumble to a circle in the corner before disappearing with a groan

clip_image003 The doctor and nurses work hard at checking everyone over before establishing rehydration IV with a vitamin B-12 complex piggyback and giving all O2 masks. The large medical cart they are obtaining their supplies from is emblazoned with the logo of a famous facility for the treatment of epic hangovers. Apparently Lethal as usual was well prepared.

Speaking of your host, you spot him slumped against the front of the Podium a crown tilted jauntily to one side and several Gatorade bottles empty nearby. The head of a curvaceous Redhead in a dress that appears to be primarily made of feathers rests in his lap. He appears to be gently trying to wake up the lady. The redhead however seems to be reluctant to co-operate with Lethal’s intentions, momentarily raising her tiara festooned head to glare at him…and growl before dropping her head back in his lap and resuming snoring softly!

Lethal sighs, shrugs and motions over one of the nurses. After a brief discussion the redhead (whom you presume to be the legendary Molly) gets a rehydration IV with a vitamin B-12 complex piggyback and an O2 mask carefully tucked between Lethal and her face. When the nurse moves to start the same on him Lethal waves her off, accepting the O2 and gesturing to the coffee pot besides which sits a liter sized mug. The nurse crosses reads what must be mixing instructions on the mug and in short order returns with it brimming full to Lethal who swigs deeply from it accepts 3 Tylenol and waves her away. The moment her back is turned his ever present flask appears and is upended into his cuppa. After quaffing deeply again from it he suddenly starts looking slightly less the worse for wear.

When he notices you he calls softly to two of his employees, gestures at you all standing in the doorway and then to the top of the podium and makes typing motions. One moves to the podium and retrieves a wireless keyboard and Lethal’s noise canceling headphones from it then moves to refill Lethal’s coffee tankard. The other approaches you with a finger to his lips gestures for you to remove your shoes and to take your seat.

Lethal begins typing furiously on the keyboard stops and cranes his neck in an attempt to see the big screen. Someone catches his attention and shoots him the thumbs up indicating he has control of it and he goes back to typing.

SHH!!! That sign in the hallway isn’t a joke! Welcome friends, please excuse the mess. We had a little Marti Gras party last night in honor of Fat Tuesday…ok so we had a LOT of party last night in honor of Fat Tuesday. Well no that’s not quite right either it was more of an all-day all night lot of party.

Anyways- we’ve got a lot of terminally hung over people and more than one or 2 mythical deities in disguise with nearly terminal hangovers so I’ll be typing out things this morning to avoid any unpleasantness with or for anyone.

I’d like to take a moment to address…

(off in the distance you can hear a blood curdling scream followed by the loud plaintive bellow PIE! Just one pie! PLEASE! I just need one to take the edge off! Lethal buddy? Terrance my left hand? Diaman my favorite Cali Beach Bunny? Ginny muh Jersey home girl? PLEASE! I gotta have just ONE! <sobbing and quieter now> It’s ONLY pie!”

Lethal sighs deeply, heaves on his O2 a moment then wipes a tear from the corner of his eye before gently patting fondly a stirring at the noise Molly and murmuring words of reassurance to her then continuing

…as I was saying to address the issue of Impish and my actions last Wednesday and Saturday as some of you perceived them. Allow me to speed this along by reprinting some of the comments made after Saturday’s Shaving Cream pie incident:

Ginny Submitted on 2015/02/14 at 20:01

My heart was breaking as you were searching for PIE, I so wanted to ease your pain……so I called a top notch bakery and placed my order for one dozen, they will arrive next Saturday, just in time for your issue. I can’t believe Lethal being so cruel with his shaving cream pie….and you call him your friend?????? J

Just pay him back on his upcoming holiday….dragons don’t get mad….they get even…right????? Your VD issue was fantastic…. BUT my one worry….is my friend Diaman ever going to walk again? I must say, DL/LL Digital Media Enterprises really knows how to PARTY!

lethalleprechaun Submitted on 2015/02/17 at 13:24 | In reply to Ginny.

Ginny as mean as I appear I do have good and valid reasons for my actions which I assure you are in Impish’s best interest and will become clear in tomorrows issue. As for my method of announcing the onset of the event,- considering the effort that more than a few had to mount to get him back having gorged himself on Roofied Pies, (after I have repeatedly told him not to accept pies from strangers w/o having them checked out first) coupled with his near derailment of the negations to keep him free and his head attached to his neck because “hiding out is boring and lonely”, to say nothing of his incessant interruption of my introductions with his new annoying theme song, wasn’t I deserving of a little fun at his expense? Besides he challenged me! He thought he was untouchable and had to be shown he wasn’t!

Mean while the congregation of Knights of St George thanks you for your generous pie donation to them. Your pies will be rerouted upon arrival to them before ever reaching the mountain.

As you can clearly see, Impish’s fondness for pie has passed from fondness to obsession and on to uncontrolled addiction. There have been several ugly encounters between Impish and the baking staff as well as anyone unlucky enough to be caught just taking a short cut past any of his ever expanding pie vaults or even eating a slice outside the commissary.

The final straw was when it became clear to No-name and myself that his addiction presented a security risk both to him and to DL/LL Digital Media Enterprises. If he wasn’t so deep in his Pie Addiction even Impish with his near total lack of shame would be embarrassed at the ease with which A.S.S. got to him under his own roof and waltzed him right out of here and into Gitmo.

Hence what you witnessed Wednesday and Saturday last or heard just now was not and is not my being mean to my dear friend. It was in fact a somewhat comically staged announcement of an intervention. As you can see from my response to Ginny above I did have my own slightly selfish reasons for doing it in that manner I’ll freely admit. Aside from the selfish reasons, just a scant 3 days earlier I had incinerated all his pies, did any of you really think I was going to lose my mind enough to sit down in an enclosed area with Impish and proceed to inform him he was the subject of a one Leprechaun intervention and that I was not going to allow him access to anymore pies? Seriously? I mean that’s like liberal level moronic!

As I recently told Impish over the PA (last time he saw me he tried to flame broil me)

I might not be all hearts and flowers when it comes to taking care of or dealing with you. But I’m your Paddy and I take that responsibility very seriously. I’ll always have your back, your best interests at heart and a plan.

In a rare second of lucidity Impish managed to acknowledge that I was a great Paddy to him and that he understood this was for his own good…right before he promised to make an Offal Pie out of my guts.

I know I could be sending Impish off to some sanitarium or clinic or wellness center or any of a half dozen other euphemisms for addiction treatment centers currently in vogue. Truth is I want him to do this cold turkey. I want this to be hard on him. I want it to hurt, physically, mentally and emotionally.

See the problem with all these cure centers is they make it easy and relatively painless. You got the crawlies? Hey not problem we got a pill or a shot for that. We got activities and head shrinking to take your mind off your addiction. We’ll fill your head with bullshit about forgiving yourself because you’re sick. As a result you see all these people go in and dry out for 30-45 or 90 days come out and in 6 months they are a bigger mess than when they went in the first time. It becomes an endless cycle in which the only benefits are to the treatment center’s bank account. I want the memory of Impish’s quitting and getting straight to be so horrific for him that even the mere thought of having a slice of pie will cause him to break out in a cold fear sweat. THAT is the ONLY way he’s going to remain in control of his problem. Hard? Yes. Harsh? Admittedly. Seriously tough love? Definitely. Regrettable? Most certainly. This hurts me as much as it’s hurting my pal. The truth is I bought every one of those pies because I couldn’t get the bakers to agree to promise not to sell to him. I could with a single blast text have enough pies here inside 3 hours to fill one of his vaults but I won’t because as much as it would make Impish happy it would be doing him and our friendship a grave disservice. THAT is what being a Dragon’s friend means, you protect him from himself even when it hurts you and makes him want to make Offal Pie out of your insides.

Now I’d appreciate it if the rest of you would stop jumping to conclusions and/or trying to sneak him pies!

Ginny- I’ll use your upturned butt for a set of Conga drums while doing my Desi Arnaz ‘Babalu’ imitation- the long version where the drum solo goes on 5 minutes straight. It’s been quite a while so I’ll probably need to do it about a dozen times before I get it right.

Diaman- don’t test me, I know you tried all night to reverse positions with Ginny and get in those hand & leg cuffs yourself. I might grant your wish which is something you’d do well to be carefully of having granted by me.

As for the rest of you, I’ll drug you, smear pie filling on your face and you’ll wake up in Impish’s round rubber walled cell with a note pinned to you saying that I sent you with a pie for him. I don’t think given his current state I have to explain that scenario any further than that.

Unfortunately the strain on Impish has been considerable despite the sedation we have been able to slip him. His concentration is  currently shot and his last issue draft consisted of the names of all 125 variations of pie and their sub types. DO NOT have high expectations for Saturday’s issue.

So for now, I’d like a nap- let’s get the issue started shall we? And QUIETLY!

 

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Since yesterday was Fat Tuesday that means today  (if your Catholic) is Ash Wednesday and the advent of the Holy Season leading up to Easter lets start out with a solemn video appropriate for Catholics shall we?

 

FYI: The former alter boy from my days of serving during the Latin Mass in me wants desperately  for me to tell you that their chant “pie jesu domine, dona eis requiem” translates “Merciful Jesus, give them rest.”

What? Shocked I speak some Latin? Liber est autem non?

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Hmm…that ‘pie jesu domine, dona eis requiem’ chant just might apply to the North East and the snow too. Except I think they bang snow shovels against their foreheads in New England about now!

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Adam & Eve’s Pets

Adam and Eve said, “Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.’”

And God said, “I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

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And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”

And God said, “I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”

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And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

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After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, ‘Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.’

And God said, “I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.”

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

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And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

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And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.

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And God was pleased..
And Dog was happy.

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And the Cat . . . 

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didn’t give a shit one way or the other. (Please excuse the cat’s language!)

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important msg

PSA

Gun safety IS NO LAUGHING MATTER! The life you save JUST MIGHT BE YOURS OR A LOVED ONES. If its not in your hand or on your person then its unloaded and stowed securely always but especially in a house with young kids. Teach your kinds about guns gun safety and gun respect. By doing so your not fostering the next generation of gun crazed fanatics, you’re preventing the next generation of gun related tragedies!

 

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The Top 5 Words That Need to Be Part of the English Language

5. FPMS (noun) – A temporary chemical or mental imbalance that makes you want to go all “Call of Duty” on someone’s ass

4. Misclaimer (noun) – Denial of a tendency immediately preceding a statement confirming said tendency, such as “I’m not a racist, but…”

3. Narcistick (noun) – The pole for holding a cell phone to take a selfie

2. Roobella (noun) – Any disease caught by someone too stupid to follow basic medical advice

And the Number One Word That Need to Be Part of the English Language…

 

1. Beastmodel (noun) – A person who is clearly the best person for the job even though someone else got it instead

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Cheese Boat

I cannot emphasis the importance of having a good fresh bread for this recipe. Don’t limit your self to just the French or Italian bread suggested in the recipe either. Just choose a good fresh bread you like. I prefer Sourdough, Rye or Pumpernickel when I make it. The reason for making a point out of this is once you’re done with the contents of your bread bowl you them have the yummy bread bowl itself to eat where the cheese and everything have soaked into the bread! Deli Corned Beef, Pastrami, Capicola (Hot or Sweet) Imported Boiled Ham and Turkey Pepperoni (the other kind is too greasy in this) as well as Finely dices and sautéed Spam or Canadian Bacon all work well in this. I’m thinking jerky might too but I have not tried it as yet. Don’t use a summer sausage they are either too greasy or basically dissolve when heated. IF you like the summer sausage idea leave the meat out of the recipe and spread the cheese mixture on a cracker then apply some summer sausage to it. Same goes for non turkey pepperoni

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Total Time: 50 min
Prep: 20 min
Cook: 30 min
Yield: 10 servings
Level: Easy

 

Ingredients

1 loaf French or Italian bread
Two 8-ounce packages cream cheese, at room temperature
10 ounces sharp Cheddar, grated (about 2 1/2 cups)
6 ounces corned beef, such as Carl Buddig, finely chopped
1 bunch green onions, finely chopped
1 medium tomato, finely chopped
1/2 red bell pepper, cored, seeded and finely chopped
1/2 teaspoon hot sauce, such as Tabasco
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
Large corn chips, for serving

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Cut an oval in the top of the load of bread, scooping out the bread in the center and make a “bread boat.” Place the bread on a cooking sheet.
In a large bowl, mix the cream cheese, Cheddar, beef, green onions, tomatoes, bell peppers, hot sauce and chili powder until fully combined. Spoon the mixture into the hollow center of the bread loaf. Bake for 30 minutes, until bubbling, and serve warm with corn chips.

Got left over? (unlikely but possibly) Spread some on the inside of a pita fill with any of the Deli meats listed in my comment above and toast in a toaster oven for a great lunch sandwich with a bowl of soup.

Slow Cooked Cuban Sandwich

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Total Time: 6 hr 20 min
Prep: 20 min
Cook: 6 hr
Yield: 6 to 8 servings
Level: Easy

 

 

 

Ingredients

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon kosher salt
2 teaspoons ground cumin
2 teaspoons dried oregano
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper
3 to 4 cloves garlic, minced
Juice of 1 lime (2 tablespoons)
Juice of 1 orange (2 tablespoons)
3 to 3 1/2-pound boneless pork shoulder
One 24-inch sub roll
Yellow mustard
1 pound Swiss, thick-sliced
1 pound honey ham, thinly sliced
2 cups dill pickle chips
2 red onions, thinly sliced

Directions

Mix the oil, salt, cumin, oregano, black pepper, red pepper, garlic, lime juice and orange juice in a small bowl. Make slits in the pork with a paring knife and rub liberally all over with the oil mixture. Place the pork in a slow cooker and top with the remaining juices from the bowl. Cover and cook on low until tender, flipping once halfway through, about 6 hours.

Remove from the slow cooker and let cool slightly. Shred the pork into thick chunks with 2 forks. Set the pork aside and keep warm in the cooking liquid.

Slice the roll open and smear both sides with mustard. Layer on the Swiss, ham, pulled pork and pickles. Place the onions over half the sub and cut into portions. Or, start on opposing ends and race to the middle.

Better to spread the mustard on one side (bottom) and dip top in the pork juices!

Chicken Tamale Pie

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Total Time: 1 hr
Prep: 5 min
Inactive: 15 min
Cook: 40 min
Yield: 6 servings
Level: Easy

 

Ingredients

3 cups diced cooked chicken (about 12 ounces)
1 1/2 cups prepared salsa
One 15-ounce can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 1/2 cups chicken broth
1 tablespoon chili powder
2 scallions (white and green parts), sliced
3/4 cup cornmeal
1 cup shredded sharp Cheddar cheese
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
Sour cream, for serving

Directions

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.
Heat the chicken, salsa, beans, 1/2 cup of the broth and the chili powder in a 10-inch cast-iron skillet over medium heat, stirring, until simmering. Stir in the scallions and remove from the heat.
Meanwhile, combine the cornmeal with the remaining 1 cup broth and 1 cup water in a medium pan. Bring to a simmer over medium heat, stirring, until very thick, 5 to 7 minutes. Remove from the heat and stir in the cheese and butter. Season with 1/4 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper.
Spread the cornmeal mixture over the filling and bake until cooked through, about 30 minutes. Let stand for 15 minutes. Serve with sour cream.

I don’t like black beans and would rather starve than eat them. Considering I have eaten things in my life time that were considered National delicacies where I was but would make a Billy-goats retch any place else, in the world that’s saying something. I replace black beans with pinto beans and in soups sometimes kidney beans all of the time.

Here is an important two part tip for you. When it comes to cooking the corn meal;

1.) Never stop stirring or you’ll be sorry!

2.) Use a nonstick pot that way when you ignore my first tip you’ll still have an easier clean up time.

Finally forget the butter, use bacon or sausage grease for a more authentic taste.

Old-Fashioned Potato-Beef Casserole

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Total Time: 1 hr 25 min
Prep: 40 min
Cook: 45 min
Yield: 6 servings
Level: Easy

 

 

 

 

Ingredients

3 pounds red potatoes, peeled and sliced 1/4-inch thick
Salt
Vegetable oil, to coat pan
1 pound lean ground beef
1/2 onion, chopped
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
Black pepper
2 cups milk
2 cups grated sharp Cheddar
1/2 cup unseasoned dry breadcrumbs

Directions

Place the potatoes in a large saucepan with water to cover by 1 inch. Add a generous pinch of salt and cook for 15 minutes, or until tender. Potatoes cook quickly. Test often for tenderness and don’t overcook them. Alternatively, cook the potatoes in a pressure cooker for 5 minutes, releasing the pressure immediately to prevent overcooking. Drain the potatoes and arrange them in a 6- by 9- by 2-inch casserole dish.
In a large skillet, add a little oil to coat the pan. Combine the beef and onion and cook together over medium heat until the beef is browned and the onion softened, about 10 minutes. Drain excess fat.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Melt the butter in a medium saucepan and whisk in the flour to make a roux. Cook over medium heat, whisking constantly, until the mixture bubbles and the flour turns light brown in color. Gradually whisk in the milk and continue to stir while cooking over medium heat. When the mixture thickens, season with salt and pepper, then stir in the cheese and browned beef and onions.
Pour the ground beef mixture over the potatoes and bake the casserole for 20 minutes, until heated through and bubbling. Sprinkle the breadcrumbs on top of the casserole and bake until the crumbs are toasted, about 5 minutes longer.

I find it easier to microwave the potatoes to almost done prior to slicing if you don’t have some sort of a mandolin slicer. Just cut a small flat side on the bottom so it sits stabile when you’re cutting your 1/4 slices. Plus if the skins are thin enough you can go right from slicing to assembling and save a pot you’d have to wash later!

I always add sliced fresh mushrooms when I am making this and top it with more cheese real bacon bits and Panko bread crumb for the last step.

 

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Slow Cooker Peach Cobbler

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Total Time: 3 hr 30 min
Prep: 15 min
Cook: 3 hr 15 min
Yield: 4 to 6 servings
Level: Easy

Ingredients

6 ounces dark brown sugar
3 1/2 ounces rolled oats
4 ounces all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground allspice
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 cup unsalted butter, at room temperature, plus extra for the cooker
20 ounces frozen peach slices

Directions

Combine the sugar, oats, flour, baking powder, allspice, nutmeg and kosher salt in a large bowl. Add the butter and work into the dry ingredients until a crumbly texture is formed. Fold in the peach slices.
Butter the bottom and sides of a 3-quart cooker. Add the mixture to the slow cooker and cook on low for 3 to 3 1/2 hours. Serve immediately.

You can substitute other fruit for the peaches. Frozen Apples meant for Pie filling work well too. I’ve even had it done once with Pumpkin pieces. Hmm…come to think of it this might be something to try with sweet potatoes if you like them with marshmallows or drowned in Maple Syrup! I suppose in the case of the sweet potatoes or Apples a drizzle [Molly’s definition of that is less than 1/4 of the bottle] of Maple Syrup wouldn’t be out of place either

Crock pot liners are your friend when it comes to this recipe! Don’t forget the ice cream! French Vanilla, Bailey’s flavor or something with caramel streaks in it works really well.

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Yup, there goes Ginny knees! She’s on the floor again!

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breaking news 2

Superstition alert: 2015 to bring 3 Fridays the 13th

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[Ms.. Fortune the Ninja Kitty Clan’s resident Gypsy and Master of the Malocchio or evil eye.]

By The Associated Press LACEY TOWNSHIP, N.J. >> Get ready for superstition — times three.

Last Friday was the first of three Friday the 13ths this year.

Each year has at least one Friday the 13th, but there can be as many as three. 2012 was the last year with three Friday the 13ths; the next will be 2026.

Here’s a look at the mysterious date through the eyes of a numerals-obsessed educator who calls himself Professor 13; a British journalist moving her family to a new home on Friday the 13th — while wearing a four-leaf clover; a physics professor who used to tempt fate by breaking mirrors and walking under ladders on Friday the 13th; and a New Jersey woman whose cat rescue operation finds it hardest to locate homes for black cats.

PROFESSOR 13

Thomas Fernsler, a professor at the University of Delaware, has studied Friday the 13th extensively; he even went by the nom de plume of Dr. 13 — until he learned of a comic book character of the same name and decided to change his to avoid legal trouble. He now goes by Professor 13.

He says one of the most common explanations for the origin of the date being associated with bad luck stems from the Bible. There were 13 people at the Last Supper — Jesus and his 12 apostles. The Crucifixion took place on a Friday, and the two have been linked ever since. But Fernsler also says Norse mythology asserts that the god Loki went uninvited to a party of 12 other gods and caused the death of the most beloved one, Baldur.

To this day, parties are wary of having 13 members, he says. In Paris, there are businesses that will rent you a professional 14th dinner guest, called a quatorzieme.

Fernsler’s career at the university began in a numerically auspicious manner.

“I got the call to come in and interview on Friday, Aug. 13, at 1:13 p.m. — the 13th minute past the 13th hour,” he said. “U.S. 13 is the route I had to take to get there. I bought a paper that day, and 103 was the winning lottery number. So I put a bet on a horse named Lucky Friday, who was running in the 13th race.”

His horse naturally won, right?

“No,” Fernsler said. “He finished 13th.”

THE MOVER

British journalist Ellen Widdup is moving her family to a new home on the beach in Sussex, England, on Friday the 13th.

“I would never dream of opening an umbrella inside or putting new shoes on the table,” she said. “I salute magpies. I throw salt over my shoulder if it gets spilled. I never walk under ladders.

“I think we are all a little superstitious,” she said. “It’s human nature to try to exert some kind of control over our little corner of the world, especially one in which there is so much terror and turmoil. We look for ways to minimize any perceived threat. Of course it’s all nonsense, but that doesn’t stop us doing it.”

Case in point: Widdup will be wearing a locket containing a four-leaf clover as she makes the move.

“I hope nothing goes wrong; I shall blame Friday 13th if it does,” she said. “But this is a big move for us to a dream home. We feel lucky. We feel excited. And an insignificant superstition shouldn’t tarnish that. “

THE DEFIANT ONE

Eric Carlson never put much stock in Friday the 13th. In fact, the Wake Forest University professor once led a group called the Carolina Skeptics, who would gather every Friday the 13th and encourage people to do “unlucky” things, just to prove that the world wouldn’t end as a result.

“We would deliberately challenge superstitions,” he said. “At 13:13, I would stand under a ladder. We’d have a fake black cat (I’m allergic to real ones.), and break a mirror and spill salt while standing on a crack. We like to have control in our lives, and it’s very discomforting that bad things happen that we can’t control, so we try to find ways to control these bad things. Superstition gives us a sense of being in control.”

He says nothing bad ever happened to him during or after tempting fate on Friday the 13th.

“I have a good life,” he said. “I have a wife and two children, and all of us are healthy.”

Besides, he adds, “It’s bad luck to be superstitious.”

THE CAT LOVER

Rebecca Weber runs a rescue operation for stray cats at the New Jersey shore, placing them in foster homes until someone permanently adopts them.

“Black cats are the hardest to place for adoption,” she said. “People will call up and say, ‘I want a cat, but I don’t want a black one.’”

On Friday, Weber’s group will be holding a “Black Friday” adoption drive for black cats.

She recently placed one named Peyton (after football player Peyton Manning) in the Lacey Township, New Jersey, home of Debbie Grondin, who calls herself a foster cat mom.

“I guess some people consider black to be an evil color,” she said. “But I’ve had black cats as pets before, and nothing bad ever happened to me.”

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That’s kind of why I keep Impish around but I had to substitute a halter top for the t-shirt because of our limited advertising budget and the fact t-shirts and wings don’t mix well. HE says the halter makes him look like a drag queen but I keep telling him it’s the body glitter, eye shadow and lip stick not the halter!

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Guess we’re all going to have to wait until after Easter to follow the advice in this next video.

Uhh <groan> I think after last night Charlie Sheen could bloody well take a few lessons from us!

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When we last left our zero err hero(?) he had just retired for the evening after being introduced to the allure of gold. We rejoin him the following morning.

Stayed in bed today. Cat says it was so I could look at SPARKLY gold on pillow. I say I’z just tired. Oh, and I ated a troll.

Troll left me feeling a need to clean out the digestive system. Ate more black rock. Flaming troll belches…yech. Still, fire!

Having trouble sleeping because my back was very itchy. Asked cat to scratch it and shed some skin. Turns out I have wings!

So far wings do not equal flying. Wings equal falling less fast. On the upside, landed on a gryphon and ated it. Most yummy!

Still not flying. I hope these wings aren’t just decorative. I like being pretty as much as the next dragon, but want to fly! How else am I going to ated more gryphons? Or hippogryphs? Oh, and I want to try Roc too. Cat says birdies are ated heaven.

Cat says that dragons don’t really fly with their wings, they fly with their minds. Confused. How do you flap your mind?

Tried cat’s suggestion about flying with my mind. What’s the sound of one mind flapping? It’s “Aieeee—thud.” Stupid cat.

Rainy day. No flying. Ated a knight, two squires, four horses and a page. Napping now. Zzzzzzzz.

Said to cat “If cat so smart/ let cat fly with mind. What the sound of one cat flapping? “Buzzzip, buzzip—we can fly, we just don’t.” Stupid cat.

Cat says if I bring home big fishies, cat will teach me to fly with my mind. Still think it would be easier to just use wings.

Woke up hungry from flying attempts. Ated princess. Better than mime, but not as good as knight. Need to find new knight bait.

Monk came by to talk about evils of ateding thinking beings. Lots to ponder there. BTW, monk tastes better than knight.

Brought cat fishes to teach me flying. Said I had to put my mind in opposition to the ground. Still not flying. Stupid cat.

Okay, maybe cat not so stupid after all. Mind in opposition to ground plus flapping wings really hard is working. Flew after a feathered serpent and ated it.

BTW, flying snake tastes …like chicken…. Only more feathers to get caught in your teeth. Ptui.

Hungry, check. Want sparklys, check. Need a new princess, check. Flying, check. Time to find a castle. Cat agrees. Sparklys!

Found a pretty castle full of happy singing people. Tried to ated them, but they were plastic. Ptui. Cat says: Stupid Disney.

Tried another castle. Downside, everyone ran away so I only ated 2 knights. Upside, they left their sparklys. Yay sparklys!

Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly gold and sparkly silver. Sparkly jewelry and sparkly gems Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly! Whee!

Not sure why, but cat’s been muttering about dragon-nip and attention span since we brought the sparklys home. Silly ca—Ooh…Sparkly! Sparkly Sparkly!

Cat says that gold doesn’t exist until you count it. One-two-three-Sparkly. No. One-two-three-Sparkly. Damn it! One-two-three-Spa-argh! Stupid cat.

Five-hundred-and-twen-sparkly. Argh! OK, that’s it, going to ated the stupid cat… And…sigh, nope. Still tastes like friend. Sorry cat.

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I don’t think Impish’s Friend ‘Cat’ is too happy with all this licking and tasting! I’ll be back with more of Impish’s embarrassing hatchlinghood next week!

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About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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16 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 286 for February 19th 2015

  1. Ginny says:

    Well you promised a great issue, and boy did you ever deliver. You truly made us all understand Impish Dragon’s pie addiction. You are right….the best way is going cold turkey. The peach cobbler brought me down as expected, but while I was down on the floor, I found MONEY. Paul K
    must have dropped it….so as the saying goes….FINDERS KEEPERS…LOSERS WEEPERS.
    Loved the videos and jokes….super duper job!

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      I love the feeling putting on a sport coat or winter jacket and finding a couple dollars in the pocket you had forgotten about.

      Sadly here in Houston the Urban topography makes being a near totally financially plastic or one line household faar more practical than a hard currency one with the exception of about $20 in small bills and quarters (small bills are Ones & Fives for tips and the homeless car window washers while quarters are for gas station air compressors and laundromat).

      • impishdragon says:

        {Moan!} Pie!!!!!!
        PPPPIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Suck it up Impish! It shouldn’t take more than another week to 10 days before you start to feel better. Now how about a nice big salad in the mean time? Eat it and I’ll give you some nice oatmeal cookies for dessert!

      • Ginny says:

        That’s a good Dragon…hang in there…you can do it!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        “Good” + “Dragon” = Oxymoron!

      • Ginny says:

        You are quick my little green friend…..you should work on a comedy routine….you would pack the comedy clubs. Always cracks me up with the oxymoron of JUMBO SHRIMP!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        I don’t need a comedy club- I have a blog and the best straight man anyone could possibly ever want- Impish!

      • impishdragon says:

        Where am I? Lethal? Are you there, buddy? Oh, here’s a light switch.
        WHAT!?!?!?!
        I’m ….. I’m …. I’m in an abandoned pie vault!
        An EMPTY abandoned pie vault!!!!!
        No!
        No!
        It’s too much!
        I can’t take it, anymore!
        (Thud!)

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Yeah No-name? Lethal here. He’s down and still finally. Perfect position for a rump shot with the tranqulizer rifle.

        Well just tell them to be fast on the door, toss the Knock out gas canisters up near his head first, then just fire both barrels at the same time while aiming for the base of his tail. Yeah his tail- its the closest main artery to his brain. The way he’s flopped they’ll be hard pressed to hit much other than his backside in the first place. One guy on the door, one on the KO canisters and one shooting they should be able to do it in like 10 seconds. No he won’t get too far if he does get out I’ve seen to it already. No tell them they really don’t want to use that unless they have a death wish. Yeah I know- pure genius right?

        No unfortunately he’s still not doing all that great the damned stubborn saurion. Now he’s whining about being stuffed in an unfinished pie vault though lord only knows how he knows its a pie vault its 4 bare walls, 2 lights and a door nothing else in there.

        Possibly having delusions? You forget who were discussing here? It’s Impish Dragon! On his BEST MOST FOCUSED day he’s barely not delusional! Tell the sedation team to get a move on it please this is hard enough on the poor guy w/o needless suffering on his part we can ease.

        NO! NO DRUGGED PIES! Thats just too cruel. Just tell them to do it my way or they can get smeared with pie filling drugged and tossed in with Impish! Yeah I thought they would.

        Ok. Lemme know when its done.

      • impishdragon says:

        Hey! An open door!
        What the…. (cough! cough!)
        ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        This is Lethal. Yeah No-name, is it done? Good. Casualties? Complications? Unforessen Events? No? Great!
        Shots on target? No? Turned towards the door huh? Where did they get him then? Neck? At the foreshoulder? OK. That should work though he’ll likely whine about the bruises when the sedatin wears off.

        Ok now that he’s in a receptive frame of mind start that subliminal messaging program to reinforce the anti addiction stuff we’ve been playing him when he’s awake and not moaning screaming or crying. Yeah that whole 20 minute period’s worth of time.

      • Ginny says:

        Sick puppies you are….but we all love ya!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Hey Jersey Ginny!

        Ever hear the phrase “The pot calling the kettle black” ? NO?
        It’s an idiom used to claim that a person is guilty of the very thing of which they accuse another.

        NOW- my weather app says its pretty darn nasty and cold there in the Superfund Clean Up Site state.
        So why don’t you go sit quietly next to the fire until you get the urge to whistle and let some steam off?
        Then we’ll all have a nice cuppa tea. Don’t grumble or say I messed the saying comaprison up- both Impish
        and I are alrger than you so were being chilverous and calling you by the name of the smaller vessel

      • Ginny says:

        Yes, I admit, it tis’ a bit freaking COLD! Also getting some more of that white fluffy “sh#% tomorrow…and watcha me “Willis”….. Clean Up Site state. Don’t forget we are THE GARDEN STATE. We grow the best tomatoes and your fab Texas probably has them shipped in. Yes, I guess we all are a few cards short in our decks….but that’s what makes us friends and Dragon Laffs brought us all together.

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Actually I get my tomatoes from Molly’s family farm most of year or trucked in from Mexico..

        YEah Garden State of Superfund Cleanup Sites disgusied as parks!

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