As you enter the Conference Room you see that while CyberLethals abound as normal, Lethal himself is not in evidence anyplace. Abruptly you hear a ding from someplace off stage announcing the arrival of an elevator apparently followed by the unmistakable throaty growl of an American made Iron Horse. Lethal rolls in from off stage left clad in green leathers and looking ore than a little wind blown.
A little fussing with the suicide shifter (miraculously this bike appears to have a reverse gear in addition to the side car) and he gets the bike turned around so he’s close to the podium, shuts the bike down but doesn’t get off it.
Morning-I-found-a-spare-can-of-liquid-schwartz-in-that-Big-Helmet-costume-I-bought-from-Rick-Moranis-for-Halloween. Seems-a-little-might-have-accidentally-found-its-way-into-my-whiskey-flask-while-I-was-putting-the-rest-in-my-bike.-I’m-so-pressed-for-time-with-my-school-schedule-I-had-to-find-a-faster-way-to-get-around-and-all-my-assignments-done. Midterms-are-starting-and-I-need-all-the-study-time-I-can-get. So-you-folks-enjoy-the-issue-I’m-for-to-write-a-paper-do-a-programing-lab-and-watch-some-video-I’m-supposed-to-analyze-for-touchy-feelie-subtext-clues….hopefully-all-at-the-same-time-thanks-to-liquid-schwatz. I’ll-be-glad-when-this-is-all-over,- I’m-sure-as-hell-doing-the-next-semester-way-differently-that’s-for-sure! You-know-it’s-a-good-thing-there-is-so-little-of-this-around-other-wise-it-might-put-coffee-growers-and-energy-drink-makers-right-out-of-business! Gotta -go! See-ya!
With that, he fires the big bike back to life, points a remote off stage in the direction he came from and then roars off, presumably to ride the elevator once again to the ground floor and off to school.
It’s a sure thing I won’t get any from my Professors!
Edna and Bill were quite the item at the nursing home. Even thought they were both 90 they would sit together every every night.
And even though they were too old to make love she would hold his penis in her hand as they sat together.
One night Bill didn’t show up. He didn’t show up for the next two nights either. Edna assumed he was dead, but then she saw him happily wheeling about the grounds. She confronted him and said,
“Where were you these past couple of nights?”
He replied, “If you must know, I was with another woman.”
“Bastard!” she cried. “What were you doing?”
“We do the exact same thing that you and I do,” he replied.
“Is she prettier or younger than I am?” she asked.
“Nope, she looks the same, and she is 90 years old.”
“Well then, what does she have that I don’t?” Edna asked.
Bill smiled and said, “Parkinson’s disease.”
Poor Paul B got inadvertently left out last week so I’m going to make sure I make up for it this week
The Top 5 Super Scary Campfire Stories for Adults
- The Thanksgiving When Grandma’s Glass Eye Got Lost in the Bowl of Pearl Onions
- The Hootie &The Blowfish Reunion Tour
- The Mysterious, Short, Dark Hair in the Soup
- The “Shaking Swords” The Kids Found in Mommy’s Pajama Drawer
And the Number One Super Scary Campfire Story for Adults…
- The Tell Tale Colonoscopy
I think this holds true for Tests & Class Discussions too.
Fireball BBQ Chicken
Sweet mustard chicken with a hint of cinnamon and whisky.
12 chicken thighs
4 tablespoons yellow mustard
4 tablespoons brown sugar
4 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
4 teaspoons Fireball Whisky (for the rub)
1/8 cup Fireball Whisky (for the sauce)
12 oz of your favorite BBQ sauce
Your favorite BBQ Rub
In a bowl mix the mustard, brown sugar, Worcestershire sauce and 4 teaspoons of Fireball Whisky. Partially remove skin and fully coat chicken with 1/3 of the mixture and sprinkle on your rub. Put skin back on and coat with the rest of the mustard mixture and more rub. Grill chicken until done. In a separate pan, mix BBQ sauce and 1/8 cup Fireball Whisky on low heat until sauce is well mixed and warm. Use this as a dipping sauce or coat chicken with sauce.
In case you don’t have a favorite BBQ rub, here’s one especially for Chicken –
Chef Paul’s Chikky Rub
This is a great all purpose rub with loads of flavor.
1/4 cup sugar
2 tablespoons paprika
1 tablespoon onion powder
2 tablespoons seasoned salt
1/2 tablespoon garlic powder
1/2 tablespoon chili powder
1/2 tablespoon lemon pepper
1 tablespoon sage, dried
1/2 teaspoon basil, dried
1/2 teaspoon rosemary, dried
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
Mix and store
Almond Caramel Cheesecake Triangles
Prep: 25 minutes
Cook: 55 minutes
Yield: 2 dozen triangles
- No-Stick Cooking Spray
- 1 (17.5 oz.) package Sugar Cookie Mix
- 1/2 cup cold butter
- 3/4 cup sliced almonds, coarsely chopped
- 1 cup milk chocolate toffee baking bits
- 2 (8 oz.) packages cream cheese, softened
- 1 teaspoon Instant Coffee Crystals
- 2 tablespoons All Purpose Flour
- 1 (12 oz.) jar Caramel Flavored Topping
- 2 large eggs
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- HEAT oven to 350°F. Coat bottom of 13 x 9-inch baking pan with no-stick cooking spray. Place cookie mix in large bowl. Cut in butter with pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Reserve 1 1/2 cups crumb mixture for topping. Press remaining crumb mixture into prepared pan to form a crust. Bake 10 minutes.
- COMBINE reserved crumb mixture, almonds and toffee bits in small bowl; toss with fork. Beat cream cheese and coffee crystals in large bowl with electric mixer on medium speed until fluffy. Add flour, 3/4 cup caramel topping, eggs, vanilla and salt. Spread cream cheese mixture over hot crust. Sprinkle with crumb mixture.
- BAKE 40 to 45 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool in pan on wire rack. Cover and chill 2 hours. Cut into 3-inch squares. Cut diagonally into triangles. Drizzle with remaining caramel topping just before serving.
Well I guess that’s one way to try and preserve your dignity anyhow. Not sure it’s not getting him more attention rather than less though.
The Church Organist
Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something..!
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.
“Miss Bea,” he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” (pointing to the bowl).
“Oh, yes,” she replied, “isn’t it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know… I haven’t had a cold all winter.”
Bloody bonkers Dragon now thinks I editorialize at his fecking command because he tosses a Gordian knot made of razor wire in my lap without so much as a ‘by your leave’ or a heads up? One that has sounded the death knell of many a fine officer’s career for addressing honestly and square on? Just wait until he tries passing that pissed off porcupine I chocolate coated and tricked him into swallowing!
What am I going on about? Saturday Impish ended a featured article that had the title below with the thought(?):
I’m going to let our own Former Marine (there are no ex-Marines!) Lethal Leprechaun to make comment on this article if he chooses.
Standards Must Be Maintained – Especially in the Military
Before I even could comment another fellow Marine picked up the battle standard and forged his way directly into this politically correct morass.
Howard SbrBiker Zang November 1, 2014 at 11:55 says:
Okay, I have to chime in here. Having served in the USMC from 1976 – 1983 and having actually been responsible for the training at several different units, at several different levels, I think I have an exceptional grasp of the Marine Corps training requirements and the purposes they serve. I was the Training NCO at Battalion, Base, and Brigade levels. That being said, Here is my take on the idea of reducing the requirements in order for women to be able to pass them. First off; Training is conducted to ensure that an individual is not only proficient at a task, but also competent enough in order to successfully complete that task. Secondly; Pass/Fail standards are set in order to adequately evaluate those who have received the training and to eliminate those who fail to qualify. Lastly; the whole purpose of all this training, and the qualifications, is to ensure that our personnel are fully capable of performing their primary function of protecting our country and themselves! Lowering these standards, which the Marines keep high so that they remain the finest fighting force in the world, would only serve to enable improperly trained or unqualified individuals to fulfill roles to which they are incapable of successfully serving. Thus reducing the effectiveness of our forces and diminishing our ability to properly fulfill our missions. Doing so simply to allow women into these roles is an insult to our country, our military and our service members, both male and female. Besides, how can you demand equal treatment, yet expect that the standards be lowered in order for you to be able to be “equal’? To paraphrase another statement, “equal is, as equal does..” It’s a bad idea, in my book, and a true disservice to ourselves! Okay, end of rant… Thanks for the great work, and keep on keeping on!!
Thanks for establishing the beach head and holding the line before reinforcements arrived Howard. Now here are my thoughts on the thorny issue as I posted them Saturday:
Thanks for putting me in the commentator’s spot light w/o so much as a heads up you flying sand bagger! You just remember ,Paybacks (@ exorbitant interest rates)…yadda yadda yadda. Next time you go flying have them show you how the ejection seat works and the time AFTER that the parachute! I suggest doing it over the Everglades so the gators can cushion your landing too.
As far as women in the military in combat roles. There are quite a few that go/fly in harms way. I seem to recall a Meg Ryan movie about a female para rescue chopper pilot who got a medal for what she died doing. Many are undertaking combat pilot roles. I seem to recall there being photos making the rounds of an all female KC-135 flight crew about 2 years ago. There are female troop commanders, base commanders, ship Captains and Generals.
LtCol Sarah Deal Burrow, United States Marine Corps, became the first female Marine selected for Naval aviation training, and subsequently the Marine Corps’ first female aviator in 1993. Vernice Armour is a former United States Marine Corps officer who was the first African-American female naval aviator in the Marine Corps and the first African American female combat pilot in the U.S. Armed Forces. She flew the AH-1W SuperCobra attack helicopter in the 2003 invasion of Iraq and eventually served two tours in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. Maj. Elizabeth Okoreeh-Baah, is the first female Marine V-22 Osprey tilt rotor pilot. Lt. Col. Jenifer Nothelfer, a CH-46E (twin rotor) helicopter pilot now in the Individual Ready Reserve. On 19 November 2010, Lt Col Ali “Rocky” Thompson made history by becoming the first woman Marine pilot to command a squadron. Lt Col Thompson, a CH-53E pilot, took command of HMH-464 on board MCAS New River, NC. Major Anne McClain was qualified in the OH-58D Kiowa Warrior in December of 2005 and graduated number one in her flight school class. She deployed in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom in July 2007 and spent 15 months as a maintenance platoon leader and Squadron intelligence officer, flying 900 flight hours as pilot in command in the Kiowa Warrior.
These were ALL jobs they were given the equal opportunity to qualify for, they were given the opportunity to show they could do the job equally well as those whom were already performing it by passing the same test(s) they did. I have no problem with these military personnel whatsoever, they have proven themselves and earned the right to their job and rank.
What I DO have a problem with is when people try to tell me that ‘Equal Opportunity’ (the policy of treating employees and others without discrimination, especially on the basis of THEIR SEX, race, or age.) should be interpreted as affirmative action (an action or policy FAVORING those who tend to suffer from discrimination, especially in relation to employment or education; positive discrimination) with regard to gender in the military.
IT IS A PURELY SCIENTIFIC FACT THAT WITH REGARD TO PHYSICALITY MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT CREATED EQUALLY. Yes you have those female steroid sucking body builders that might well be stronger than some men. Those women want to, enlist in the Corps, pass the Marine IOC (Infantry Officer Course) and its initial CET (Combat Endurance Test) and prove themselves capable of humping a 124# combat pack 9 miles in 3 hours then I have no problem with them joining a Marine combat team.. If they can’t then they got their shot, the same Equal Opportunity as the rest of the Marines.
The key point being missed here is not about the fact that SWAN feels women are left out-trust me we fight on our soil against an invasion force I have full confidence every 3rd partisan is going to be a (as the same people who are whining about this would call them) ‘gun happy female’. The point is that passing this test on an EQUAL Opportunity under EQUAL CONDITIONS tells your team mates something extremely important to fellow Marines.
Namely that you are worth and capable of being trusted with their lives and can be counted on under extreme conditions. If you can’t hump a 124# combat pack 9 miles in 3 hours can anyone you are teamed with count on you to carry, assist in carrying their wounded body to safety under hostile conditions? That level trust in an integral part of any Marine Combat team.
Further if we apply the ‘Affirmative Action’ interpretation that SWAN demands to ‘Equal Opportunity’ by (in the example given) lightening their load to lets say 100# that means the other members of her 4 man fire team have to carry and extra 6# that she cannot or do without. That 24# is likely to be ammo, w/o ammo a fire team is combat ineffective or in other words DEAD MEAT. SO she’s endangering 3 other people lives to be there but the feminist are happy about her being there. Wonder if they will be equally as happy when she is responsible for the death of that entire fire team for not being able to carry her weight because she got there NOT through ‘Equal Opportunity” but rather though mislabeled ‘Affirmative Action’. Wonder if the feminists will step up and demand Equal Opportunity make those death notifications their mislabeled ‘Affirmative Action’ is responsible for?
In summation- prove you belong where you are and have ALL the skills, AT A LEVEL EQUAL TO EVERYONE ELSE IN YOUR JOB. Then I have no problem with you, until you screw up or prove otherwise. Get there through the Liberal’s version of Equal Opportunity which is actually mislabeled and misplaced Affirmative Action then yes I have a HUGE problem with you and will do everything I possibly can to protect those in my command from the threat you pose to them.
THAT IS ALL DISMISSED.