Dragon Laffs #1406


donation

Good Morning Campers,

I can see that we have a few more people in the favored section than we had on Wednesday.  That’s really good!  Great even. 

I see also, that the word has gotten out that our Vets and the disabled are also welcome in this special area.  I think you’ll all agree that they have all already paid the price of admission.  And some of them have paid way more than was necessary to get there.

And you know…let’s talk about that.  I’ve had SO MANY people write to me with a donation (you’ll be able to see the list below to see who they are that I’m talking about) who were sad and apologetic that and said something to the affect of “I’m really sorry that this is all I could send.  I really wanted to send more, but ___” and you can fill in the blank.  And although we deeply appreciated the donations that were in the $5 and up range, all we ever asked from everyone is $1.  With our subscribers each giving one dollar, we would have made our yearly nut.  It was more about the support then it EVER was about the money. 

We tried to ask you to rate us by stars, to show us your support.  I think if we figured it out we probably average somewhere between 5 and 8 stars per issue.  Certainly not more than 10. 

We tried to ask you to make comments, to show us your support.  And there are issues that go by that aren’t commented on at all.  Is it that you agree with everything we print and you think there’s no reason to comment?  I really doubt that, just as much as I doubt that you disagree with everything and don’t think it’s worth the effort to comment. 

So, if our issues aren’t even worth the effort of clicking on a star, even a 1 star if you didn’t think it was a good issue still tells us that someone is out there reading us, nor worth making a comment on…then I have to wonder if we’re not just wasting our time.

Let me tell you how this whole Dragon Laffs thing started…oh…about the year 2000.  I know.  I count the anniversary of Dragon Laffs from 2006, that’s the year it kind of went beyond it’s roots.  It started out as a newsletter, jokes list to family.  My wife comes from a very large family, my own is less than half her size.  But they were included, too.  Some of them are still subscribers…and have been with me since the beginning.  It was sent out as an email.  Well, before that, it was printed on paper and sent out through the mail.

But it was always something more than just a newsletter or a jokes list.  It was a family, staying together and helping each other by laughing through the bull shit that permeates our world and is so easy to get us down.  It was a part of me, part of my heart.  I agonized over every word, every joke. 

Then some of the family asked me if I could include the email addresses of some of their friends, not for the family information so much, as for the jokes and essays and stuff.  And I said sure.  At the time I was doing this I was working as a freelance writer as well as working full time.  I was getting stuff sold and really doing well so my craft was improving, just from the act of putting word to paper.  Well, my actual writing career got put on hold when the making of money for those luxuries like electricity, food and medicine weren’t being taken care of and I had to take a second (and at some points third and fourth) job to make ends meet.

But I never gave up this, because it was the interaction.  The support and payback that I got when someone would write to me and tell me that I helped them get through the day with a laugh or that an article that I wrote or included touched them in some way.

Well, to make a long story short, it took off from there.  Email addresses were added, by request only, and when it got to the point that my ISP was shutting me down because they thought I was spamming, I figured it was time to move on to a new level.   When I first switched from email to a yahoo groups format I had over 1000 subscribers.    I lost almost half of them with the first move.  But it was built back up eventually and through it all, the feeling that this was something more than just a “newsletter” or a “jokes list” persisted.

Along about this time Lethal Leprechaun joined in and took part of the weight off my shoulders and we decided that yahoo groups was a crappy place to be and we wanted to expand to bigger and better things and do more than what we’ve already done.  We wanted to touch more people.  We again lost about half when we moved to word press.  But we thought we’d found a home.

Due to financial problems we had to cut down to two times a week.  I know that both of us would love to have the money and more importantly, the time to give you more than that and we hope to someday be able to do that.

But, we need to feel needed. 

We need to feel like what we are doing here means something.

This is not just a blog, where the only thing we really care about is that we get enough hits so we can make extra money off the advertisers.  Nope.  We actually pay extra, every year, to keep the ads OFF our pages.  Because this is more than that.

At least to us.

We thought it was to you, too.  From our loyal readers and commenters, again, look at the list below, you’ll see who a lot of them are, and you others…the Vets, the retirees on fixed incomes, the disabled who worked their asses off just to see themselves get hurt and pushed off to the sides…we know we make a difference to you, because you’ve written and told us so.  We know you’re out there and we don’t want to give you up.

So, don’t worry about the donations.  (Of course if you still want to give, by all means hit the donation button for PayPal or write to me for the regular mail address and I’ll send it to you).  If you support us in your heart.  If we make a difference in your day twice a week.  Then I want you to do two things.  I want you to hit a star, even if it’s one star and I want you to click on the comments at the bottom of the issue and tell us we matter to you.  That’s all you have to say.  You can even cut and paste it from right here: You matter to me.

That’s it.

Because if we’re not reaching anyone with this…. well, then I can do more for my family by giving them the 10-12 hours a week that I put into this.  I could work a part time job and give my family a little extra something.  But I want to give this to you, my other family, all of you who already reside in my heart.  I want to give it to you, too.

Here’s that list of names I was telling you about:

Joseph C. Jersey Girl K2 Henry C. Leah H.
Fred S. Philip S. James C. Henry S. Henry H.
Jonathon J. Danny M. Laurie F. Gail B. Lona T.
Dale A. Diaman Ginny Don C. Robert B.
Jessica C. Ray T. Kristine M. Joseph C. again Susan W.
Donald M. Joe P. Bruce C. Vincent C. Kevin A.
Tom H. Margaret C. Garth B. Scott H.

Now,let’s get started!  I’ve got a couple of neat things that I want to try with this issue, so ….

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Let’s start right out with a picture send in by my brother the Owl:  He asks, “Do you think someone  was bored at work?
Yeah, I think so!
6

 

Have you guys heard of this great new comedian?  His name is Louis Farrakhan.  And he’s hilarious!!!  This guy is great!  Check out this headline:
The CIA created Ebola and AIDS to kill off black people.3
Is that not the funniest thing you’ve ever heard?
I’m sorry, Ginny is trying to get my attention, hold on a second.

As Impish steps down from his log, you can still hear his side of the conversation due to his mic still being on…
Uh huh….
Uh huh….
Seriously?  He’s a what?  What the hell kind of minister says shit like that?
Oh.  Of Islam?
Are you kidding me?  No…. well, geez, that changes thing quite a bit. 

Impish slowly returns to his usual position. Shaking his head, he looks up at you. 

Well, I guess it’s kinda of funny here, but … um … believe it or not, this Farrakhan guy is actually a minister of Islam.  NOT a comedian.  Geez.  You know, after reading that article I would’ve sworn he was a comedian, cause if he really believes the shit he is spouting and getting SO MANY well documented historical facts wrong, including who was president when and who their staff was, then he is one screwed up individual.

If that’s the case, I can’t believe he has much of a congregation.  Truly, who would listen to such an obvious moron.  He can’t possibly …

You watch this time as Diaman scurries up to our beloved dragon and whispers in his ear.  He leans back and exclaims:

Millions of followers!!!  Are you fucking kidding me??!! 

Hearing his own expletive echo across the campground, Impish sheepishly says:

I’m really sorry.  That was an accident.  I just can’t believe what I’m learning to be true.  I tell you what, here’s the article from the Liberty Unyielding website.  See for yourself why I thought he was a comedian:

Nut-job Louis Farrakhan’s latest: The CIA created Ebola (and AIDS) to kill off black people

 

 

 

Professional bigot and hater Louis Farrakhan has crawled out from under his rock once again to spew another hatred-filled tome. His latest revelation is a CIA weapon “that can be put in a room where there are Black and White people, and it will kill only the Black and spare the White, because it is a genotype weapon that is designed for your genes, for your race, for your kind.”

His latest rant is called “Justifiable Homicide, Black Youth In Peril,” and it’s a whopper. He talks about the U.S. government’s desire for world depopulation:

You guys really need to read the rest of this Dwarf Dung.  And you can here: http://libertyunyielding.com/2014/10/04/nut-job-louis-farrakhans-latest-cia-created-ebola-aids-kill-black-people/

Okay, I need to sit down for a few minutes…you guys go ahead without me for a while.  I’ll catch up.

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DragonPapa1 (269)

Editorial Meeting at Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs Electronic Media (DL&LLEM) LLP

 

This is quite thought provoking

CATCHING PIGS
There was a chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab, the professor noticed one young man, an exchange student, who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country’s government and install a new communist regime.

In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked a
strange question. He asked: “Do you know how to catch wild pigs?”

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line.

The young man said that it was no joke. “You catch wild pigs by finding
a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come every day to eat the free corn.“When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. “They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side.

“The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the
gate to eat that free corn again. You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.”

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees
happening in America. The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc. while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time.
One should always remember two truths: There is no such thing as a free lunch, and you can never hire someone to provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.

If you see that all of this wonderful government “help” is a problem
confronting the future of this great Republic, you might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life, then you will probably delete this email. But, God help us all when the gate slams shut!
Quote for today:
“The problems we face today are there because the people who work for a living are now outnumbered by those who vote for a living.” — Anonymous

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Okay, this is a truly awful one.  Feel free to blame Stephanie for the upcoming groan that will undoubtedly soon emanate from your belly section.
3a

 

In a recent survey carried out for Brut, a leading men’s toiletries firm, people from Detroit and Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

In the survey, 86% of Detroit’s and Chicago’s inner city residents said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.

The other 14% said they hadn’t been to prison yet.

 

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This is adorably cute.  This dog won’t come in because it thinks the door is closed….

 

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Just wanted to show you another member of the DL & LL Electronic Media Enterprises.  We have our own internal and external messenger service and this is the team captain.

 

May I present: 5 Unshakable Facts!  Submitted by the Owl

 

1. A  girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up  when he starts removing it.

2. We all love to spend lots of money buying  new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed  without clothes.

3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is  nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks –  PRICELESS.

4. Breaking News: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A  friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s  husband.

5. Arguing over a girl’s bust size is like choosing between  Coors, Fosters, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences,  but will grab whatever is available.

 

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8j

Okay, so this one isn’t so bad…get a tow truck…maybe some repair work..

 

8k

This is just plain mean…funny as hell … but just plain mean.

 

 

8l

Sure, I like this color…it’s nice.  Right?

 

 

8m

That’s one hell of an inconvenient sink hole.  I’m hoping it’s a sink hole because the only other alternative is that he parked there and that…. well….that’s just dumb.

 

 

8n

This one is just cool.  It’s pretty easy to see what happened and how it happened, but do you have any idea how fast he must’ve been going to get that kind of height?  You know it was down south and you also know what the last words were that he spoke before he hit the gas…. “Hold my beer and watch this!”

 

Okay, this is just plain crazy!  Try to figure out how nobody got hurt in this crazy car crash!

 

 

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1

Discovery  Announcement ~ The densest element in the known Universe has finally been  found.

Pelosium:
A  major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science.  The new element has been named Pelosium.  Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 223 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of  311.

These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

The symbol of Pelosium is PU.

Pelosium’s mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in voting concentration.

5d

 

I want to thank Leah for sending this one to me.  I finally got to it in my deep email box.  I would like to make a special announcement about this one.  It’s entitled Ronald Reagan: A Soldier’s Pledge.  Then it says: Listen, Learn, Remember.  I’d like to add…loud enough for him to hear:  HEY OBAMA!!!!  THIS OUGHT TO ANSWER ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ON WHY, WE AMERICANS, ARE THE WAY WE ARE AND WHY YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND US!!!!!

And if he doesn’t like it, then ……

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To tell you how bad it gets around here sometimes, we had a little problem last week at DL&LL Electronic Media corporate headquarters.  We had to have a doctor come in and administer a memory test to some of the staff after Ginny and Diaman came parading through in their bikinis. 

You see, the indoor water center is under construction and they were asked to try out some of the different swimming and sunbathing locations.  Well, you’ve all seen the  pictures that we’ve posted of their posteriors so you’ll understand why this memory test was so important.

So it was Myself, Lethal and Terrance who stood wide eyed in the hallway as they passed and it was soon after that the doctor was called in.

The doctor says to Lethal, “What’s three times three?”

And Lethal’s answer was, “274.” (Well, honestly, I’ve seen his billing and this might not really be such a bad answer for him.)

The doctor then asks Terrance the same question, “What’s three times three?”

“Tuesday”, replies the Troll.  (Did I forget to mention that Terrance is one of my assistants and he’s a troll?)

Then the doctor asks me the question, “What’s three times three?”

I reply, “nine.”

“That’s great, Mr. Dragon!” says the doctor.  “How did you come up with that answer?”

“It was easy,” says I.  “I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday.”

Yeah, it’s tough around here sometimes.

 

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Bad Day

gloryposter

Go Green

Go On

Go To Bed

 

 

Hey, attention all you potential thieves and robbers, I mean survivalists and other interested people.  Here’s a skill that could come in quite handy.  How to pick a lock with a couple of hair pins.

Yeah, I know…what are we teaching our youth?  Well, all you youth out there, forget what I just showed you.  It’s you older, honest people that this was for. 

Oh come on!  I AM from Jersey, after all.  I learned this ability a LONG time ago.

 

5a  Boy, ain’t that the truth.  And it works well with today’s Last word…which you haven’t gotten to yet, so keep reading.

 

This is one of the things that I have to respond to.  Watch to the very end and you’ll see what I mean.

 

It’s going to be a long day for some guys in my profession in Louisiana.

 

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Okay, this is the last video of the issue and it’s a doozy.  If this doesn’t make you laugh, then you’re dead.

 

 

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You know…we’ve been talking about this whole Ebola thing for several weeks now.  The man in Dallas has died.  If anyone he came in contact with or his family is going to start showing symptoms, that should be happening any day now. 

Now, I’ve got something else for you to think about and it comes in the form of the following article, reprinted in it’s entirety,  from the Common Constitutionalist.  I HIGHLY recommend you check out his website.  Just click on his logo and it ought to take you right there to his home page.

Capture

Maybe Now You Will Close the Border Mr. President

by: the Common Constitutionalist

Who’d have figured that the modern day plague (potentially) may be the cure for illegal immigration?

For years conservatives have struggled against the left and the Chamber of Commerce prostitutes, the establishment Republicans, to stop or at least stem the tide of illegals – to close the border.

No matter what the argument for closing the border, there were always politicians and interest groups standing in the way, trying to tell us what a great deal it will be – what a boon to our economy.

Pleas of stopping drug cartels, gangs and terrorists fall on deaf ears. Nothing can stop the flood.

But now we’re faced with an enemy we can’t see – an enemy we can’t arrest, detain or deport.

Despite the government and their dimwitted accomplices in the media, Ebola is for real and it’s already here. It may be isolated – it may not.

Marine Corps General John F Kelly recently quoted the CDC saying: “By the end of the year, they’re supposed to be 1.4 million people infected with Ebola and 62% of them dying, according to the Centers for Disease Control.”

He went on to describe that if Ebola makes it to Central America, “it’s Katy bar the door, and there will be mass migration into United States. They will run away from Ebola, or if they suspect they are infected, they will try to get to the United States for treatment.”  Okay campers, this is one that I hadn’t considered.  And it’s an all to real possibility.  These people are used to staying under the radar and will continue to infect other people until they die.  This is a very scary scenario. 

And then what do we do – with our border wide open? We already know that Central American governments have conspired over the last several months to export their citizens to America, with the help of Obama and the Mexican government.

We don’t really think they will try to contain the disease in their own countries do we? Of course not!

Illegal minors have already crossed our border spreading tuberculosis, dengue fever and swine flu. Many are beginning to suspect that the Enterovirus-68 was spread by illegal alien minors. EV-68 has already infected thousands of our children and killed at least two so far.  And EV-68 is like a butterfly compared to the freaking Godzilla-like monster that is Ebola.

Anyone and everyone who even suspects they’ve come into contact with an infected person will make a mad dash across our border. And then what?

Well, there’s always that miracle drug ZMapp. It appears to have cured three people so far. Yes, three whole people! And by the way, that’s all they had – enough for three whole people.

Just make more, one might suggest. Good suggestion – and the next batch should be ready sometime in 2015. Yes, it takes several months to produce. That’s why the Liberian Duncan didn’t receive treatment. There was none to give. It wasn’t a racist thing as Jesse Jackson has implied. They just had no more left.  Like we would expect anything less from Jesse.  Geez! 

Now unlike some I’ve heard, I certainly don’t believe president Obama wants an Ebola outbreak here, but I also don’t trust our government to tell us the truth – to be straight with us. They haven’t so far. It seems that CDC director Friedan has done nothing but obfuscate and tell half-truths. He’s more politician than scientist.

So I ask again. Will this be the issue that closes the border? And if not, how many cases of the disease will it take?

I sure hope we don’t have to find out the hard way.

And I’m truly, truly terrified we will.

I can’t see our government closing the borders, the way they NEED to be closed, with military force if necessary, over this.  Hell, I just read another article that says that Obama is warning of even deeper cuts into the military.  Well, here’s that second front that we are now no longer able to fight on and it turns out that it’s in our own back yard.  So, where does our military might go?  Even if they’re smart enough to make these choices, overseas to fight ISIS, who we all know must be destroyed before they make their way here, or close the borders before Ebola gets here first.

Damn, okay Lethal, it’s time.  Time to cash it ALL in and buy that island we’ve been talking about.  I’m in!

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14 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1406

  1. Jonathon says:

    You realize the opening “Wheel of Fortune” graphic has errors in it regarding the missing letters… The Dragon would not have allowed that to happen…

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Yup its been called to my attention- see my response to Ginny. That’s what I get for trying to be cleaver at 2:30 in the morning.
      Then again I’m not sure Impish can even SPELL Lethal Leprechaun w/o a spell checker

  2. Another great edition! Too many to comment on, as the list would be too long. I’m still trying to figure out a way to send a donation, but I don’t do PayPal (bad experience, ugly story). A PO Box would be sufficient, then I can just send cash. I’m sure a Jersey-ite would appreciate cash, LOL.

  3. Ginny says:

    Long day of cleaning, laundry and cooking. First time I had to sit and enjoy your issue.
    Farrarkhan and the Rev. Al Sharpton do lay dormant….but when they crawl out from the DWARF DUNG (love it) they both should be wearing pointed JOKER hats. Are they for real….do they believe their own shit? Your section of Pelosium was a favorite of mine. The woman is dumb as a brick, she actually turns my stomach wherever she opens her mouth. Maybe a 2X4 slap in the head would get rid of her phony smile as she looks at The Pres. with love in her eyes. Loved the Memory Test…..and WTG Impish in giving the correct answer. Finally, the lock…..I personally think a battering ram would work faster….so just ignore the music in the background from Cops….bad boy, bad boy whatcha gonna do?

  4. Jim Vernon says:

    What stars?

  5. lethalleprechaun says:

    1.) You can’t handle the Green! You barely make do with blue.
    2.) NOT SO FAST THERE BOY-O! Be gettin’ yer own bloody island yerself! You ain’t landing on mine- you might be diseased already and then I’ d lose a perfectly good island full of women, jerky, pies,coffee, cigars, Irish whiskey, and bacon.

  6. Don Graves says:

    Another Vet that appreciates your work. Keep it up!

  7. Henry says:

    Took me a while to figure out how to vote with stars. Getting to old, I guess.

  8. maggie culligan says:

    can I come with you????? please this is a great one today,, so glad I got to read it

  9. gailwynds331 says:

    You’d be missed. xoxoxoxox

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