Dragon Laffs #1404


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Good Morning Campers

Been a really rough week around here this week with work and other issues.  Been crazy and I haven’t had a chance to put as much effort into this opening as I had wanted.  Well, I’m out of time now, so the idea is to get this issue out to you guys.

Since it was a frustrating week, I did get a chance to send some lead down range today.  That was very relaxing and relieved a bunch of stress. 

I do have some bad news to bring out.  This is going to hurt Lethal Leprechaun a lot, but it’s best that we’re all here to support him.  Dear friend, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but someone defiled your marker that is in front of my podium.  The spray painted graffiti on it.

 

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I’m sorry old friend.  There have been several clues left.  The words are all spelled correctly so that lets out a whole host of creatures,  most dragons included.  The letters are nice and neat, straight, aligned…dude, that’s going to let out most of the rest of them.  I’ve already checked all the cameras and nothing was captured on the videos…although there was a flash on the screen at one point in time that really makes it look like they were tampered with.  And I’m afraid that if you take hacking abilities into account the only suspect we have is you.  So, I can’t imagine why you’d defile your own sign, but you know…to paraphrase Sherlock Holmes, whenever you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

And now, I want you to pay attention to the very important message at the end of today’s issue in the Last Word section. 

And now it’s time….

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Amazing things you can do with eggs.  Really amazing.  Yup.  Truly amazing.

Breaking News!

KIBBLER TOWERS – The reclusive multi-billionaire of the mythical realm, Lethal Leprechaun has purchased the world’s most luxurious Limo ever created.  A dragon in his corporate hierarchy who refused to be named has released this video of his newest purchase.  It has been determined that several famously named females of the non-mythical persuasion have been seen accompanying Mr. Leprechaun in his travels.  It is said that he as redesigned his famous yacht to accommodate this mystical wagon.  Here’s the secret footage that was just released.

It’s been determined that the two females are non other than the infamous female pair of Diaman and Ginny.  These two have been known to hang out with such notables as the God Thor and the mystical Santa Claus.  And as has recently come to light, both Jersey Girls.  One by birth and one by proxy.  This, as you all may know, gives them a reputation, well deserved, of unknown powers.  Whether they use their powers for good or evil is a coin toss at best and a forgone conclusion for the side of evil with the slightest provocation.  These two feme fatales have yet to prove to which side of the force they ascribe, but it needs to be noted here that Ginny has convinced Santa to build a world class swimming pool in the mountains associated with the DL&LL Electronic Media Empire that Mr. Leprechaun is the CEO of.

More to follow, so stay tuned to this channel for more information.

 

5d  5c

 

 

Dragon Rant2

This one begins with a news article.

Law enforcement bulletin warned of ISIS urging jihad attacks on US soil

A law enforcement bulletin obtained by FoxNews.com warned that Islamic State fighters have increased calls for “lone wolves” to attack U.S. soldiers in America in recent months, citing one tweet that called for jihadists to find service members’ addresses online and then “show up and slaughter them.”  How nice.  A call to find military members, break into their houses and slaughter them.  Gee.

There will be “a continued call – by Western fighters in Syria and terrorist organizations – for lone offender attacks against U.S. military facilities and personnel,” warned a July law enforcement intelligence bulletin from the Central Florida Intelligence Exchange, a state-run agency that gathers, assesses and shares threat information and works with the Department of Homeland Security. “These threats will most likely increase should the U.S. or its allies attack the Islamic State of Iraq and Sham (ISIS) in Syria or Iraq.”  Okay, so it’s not only a call, but probably something that is going to be encouraged in the future.  Isn’t this nice.

In one example cited in the bulletin, a British jihadist encouraged radicals still living in the West to use Facebook and LinkedIn to find and target soldiers.  Need I explain again my aversion to Facebook?

“You could literally search for soldiers, find their town, photos of them, look for address in Yellowbook or something,” the tweet read. “Then show up and slaughter them.”  Oh how nice!  Instructions included.

On Thursday, Peter Boogaard, a spokesman for the Department of Homeland Security, told FoxNews.com that “there is no credible intelligence at this time to suggest that there is an active plot by (ISIS) to carry out an attack in the United States.”  Yeah, no credible intelligence.  Right.  Yet in a related article it’s been calculated that there are over 1,000 pro-ISIS individuals residing in the United States.  That doesn’t even count the ones who would be pro-ISIS once the United States enters into this damn conflict the way we should be.  Wiping them off the face of the earth, salting the ground they walked on and burning the ground afterward.

Now let’s add this to the mix…since people who work on a military base are not allowed to carry weapons on to the base, it is almost impossible for them to carry weapons to and from work.  Since this is very common knowledge, said terrorists would know that this is the perfect time to strike since, even if they have weapons at home, which I would postulate that most military members do, then they wouldn’t have them with them.

The perfect time to attack would be easily discernable with very little effort and the military itself would be handing its members over on a silver platter due to its asinine rules concerning the carrying of weapons on a MILITARY INSTALLATION!!!  These are people who are paid to defend, i.e. kill the other guys, for a friggin’ living!!!  But, they can’t be trusted to carry weapons at work! 

Now, due to these stupid rules, we’ve made it easier for the evil bad guys to win.  Absolutely friggin’ moronic!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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We just love reading, being read to, reading to others, books in general.  It’s proven over and over again.

 

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So I went to confession on Saturday evening before Mass and started with the usual… 
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been 4 weeks since my last confession.
  Last night, I beat the crap out of an Obama supporter.” 
  The Priest responds, “My son, I’m here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service.”

5a

5a1

 

The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship’s narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below.

 
The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn’t room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone’s relief.
 
As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, “It’s okay, Mother, you can come down now.” 

 

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Okay, so just yesterday (as of the writing of this piece) a man climbs the fence at the White House, eludes the Secret Service (some say they weren’t doing their job, I tend to believe that they were ignoring this guy on purpose hoping that he might have a bomb and take out the whole first family, but I digress) and actually makes it into the front door of the West Wing.  At that point he was arrested.  I believe the creator of this next little picture states all of our thoughts:
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They should have given him a bedroom.  Lord knows there’s enough empty ones.

 

Okay, time for a short photo montage …

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5g

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5m

5n

5o

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Okay, take a deep breath.  Stop your derisive laughter and let’s get your mind off your anger with a few laughs.

 

So, this one probably won’t make you laugh, but it should make you smile.  What a great story.  Never judge a book by it’s cover or a football player by the uniform he wears…

 

Here’s a new section that might be lots of fun…and of course, we’re taking submissions for this and all the different sections featured in Dragon Laffs.  Here’s
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Help!  I need somebody.  Help!  Not just anybody.  Help!  I need someone…to open the damn door!

 

 

8a

“Hello boss?  Yeah, about the delivery…”

 

8b

“911, where is your emergency? … You’re where?”

 

 

8c

“Did you NOT see the sign that said ‘BUMP’?  Big?  Yellow?  Black words?”

 

8d

“Good news Honey!  The exterminator does drive thru!”

 

Our next section is a minor…VERY MINOR … spoof on our dear friend Lethal Leprechaun and his Cooking with Chef Lethal Leprechaun and the Celtic Kitchen and so on.  Now, let me preface this by saying that Lethal is one hell of a cook.  If you haven’t tried any of his recipes….
Why the hell not?!
But I digress.
This is Talking Food with The Impish Dragon and it’s not so much recipes as just odd questions or suggestions.  The whole pizza debate got me thinking of different food questions and I had no idea that other people had the same weird look about food that I do.  Let’s look at this first video.
I had no idea this was even a problem.  Someone says you want a sandwich, you automatically have a predetermined idea in your head what that means.  But, I guess it’s not the same for everybody, so somebody out there felt the need to set some rules.  Just watch:

So…for those of you who felt this was a dilemma, I hope you are now satisfied.

Our next gastronomical misadventure I believe is totally and completed understandable with no instructions.  Take a look at this delightful concept.
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You can bet your bottom dollar that these babies will be on the table at the next DL&LL Electronic Media Enterprises get-together!  Yum!  Yum!

 

Our kids nowadays are growing up with technology.  The children born today may not ever interact with some of the things that we take for granted now.  Think about it.  They may not even know what real money looks like with the way we are going towards electronic cash and debit and credit cards.  Ellen takes some kids and shows them some older technology, the results, as you might imagine are quite funny.

 

 

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get him quick

Get Out

Giant Saw Thing

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Girls Volleyball

 

Did you know that there is only ONE factory that makes footballs for the NFL?  Just one and they’ve been doing it for over 40 years.  It’s amazing how they do this.  One little manufacturing plant, in the United States.  No outsourcing here!  Watch this, it’s quite good.

 

4d

 

4f

Yeah…tell me how that works again?!

 

 

We’ve seen this next one before, I think.  But I believe it’s worth running by us again.

4g

 

4h

4i

4j

Ain’t that the truth!

 

Okay, so one last video.  They JUST talked about this on the news so I did a search and thought you guys would get a real kick out of it.  It involves one of my favorite football teams, one of my favorite comedians and my favorite late night TV host.  Definitely worth watching.

 

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Now, as promised, a special announcement.  Important enough to be put at the very end of the issue so it’s the last thing you think of as you finish today’s issue of Dragon Laffs.

It’s time for our annual pleading and begging and throwing ourselves prostrate on the ground asking for money to support this effort for another year. 

You may not realize it, but it costs money to keep this excellent blog running the way it does. Not to mention the time and effort that both Lethal Leprechaun and myself put in that we would love to see some compensation for.  Yes, we do love what we do or we wouldn’t do it, but there are still bills to pay.  There are 450+ registered readers, a buck a each would be more than enough.  But if history holds true, only a tiny percentage of you will actually help out and for you few we are truly thankful.

Please find it in your heart to support us.  In the upper right corner of the website you can find our donation link through PayPal.  When you click it you can use a credit card, debit card, bank account or another PayPal account to donate.

If you prefer to use a method other than PayPal you can write to me at impishdragon@gmail.com and I’ll give you my physical address.

Thank you in advance for all your support.  We only do a push once a year, so you won’t get inundated with pop-ups and requests over and over.  The month of October is the month that the bills for the website come due so that’s when we make our pleas.  We can’t afford to pay the bills ourselves.  For one thing, it’s not fair to our families when we give up our time from them to work on this, to ask them to give up what little cash each of us has to support the site as well. 

So, consider it an early Christmas present to your favorite mythical creatures and donate a little cash…and thanks.

Oh, and by the way.  Don’t forget to go back up to the top of the issue and rate us in stars.  Believe it or not, that’s pretty important, too.  It helps in a lot of different ways.

Cheers my friends,

Impish Dragon

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1404

  1. Ginny says:

    Another outstanding issue with Impish! The jokes and videos are so well placed in the issue to give us giggles, smiles and chuckles. As I am one of the Jersey girls, I promise no evil thoughts or devilish deeds….with the exception of your vast readers that ignore your plea for your annual website donation. Admit it people, Wednesdays and Saturdays have become something to look forward to. Impish and Lethal take time out of their busy lives to put Dragon Laffs together. Break open them piggy banks, look under the mattress, sofa cushions, your lumpy socks and give them some $$$$$. Yeah, Tony Soprano is no more….but in Jersey we don’t get mad, we get EVEN!

    • impishdragon says:

      Thank you dear Jersey Girl. From your lips to everyone else’s ears. So far just a few donations, but we’re hoping for more. We’ll keep reminding people over the next week or so and see what happens.
      Thanks for all your help, support and your own donation. It is deeply appreciated.
      Impish

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