Dragon Laffs #1396


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From across the campground you hear the thump, thump of what is very recognizable as 01Dragon coffee 2the tread of Impish’s overgrown back feet.  Interspersed with the thumps you believe you can hear the grinding of gears and the sounds of clashing metal.  The closer he gets, the louder the sound and as you watch, appearing over the crest of the small hillock between the campgrounds and the back yard of the corporate headquarters comes our shining blue hero dragon, with one of the iLethal robots clenched in his fists where his neck would be, immediately below the screen where the head appears.  He is plodding towards the central campfire where he normally pontificates from. 

Diaman motions him over to the coffee table and hands him a steaming mug while whispering to him and pointing to the mechanical mess he seems to be dragging with him.  You imagine her asking Impish what he’s doing with the robot.

Loud enough for you all to hear he says, “I know Diaman, but this is the last bloody one left that’s working and it’s not leaving my side until I hear more than a damn raspberry come out of its speaker!”

She whispers something else to him and you hear his reply, “No, there all in pieces in the damn dungeon.” Noticing that a lot of you were paying attention to his conversation, he raises his voice a little so as to make it easier for all to hear. “Yes, you see there were…um..safety issues…yes, Safety Issues…with the iLethal robots being … um … underfoot all the time, and well MOSHA (the Mythical Occupational Safety and Health Administration) had come in for their … um…semi … no, no annual inspection and decided that the iLethals were a hazard and had to be… um … safely stored away somewhere and I have them all put away, perfectly safely, in one of the … downstairs, …uh … underground storage rooms.  And I have kept this one here by my side so I can be available to that fuc… fabulous Leprechaun.  In case he, you know, wants to give me another chance at those GPS coordinates that were, quite accidently of course, destroyed on Wednesday on the cake.”

Diaman continues to shake her head as Impish expounds on his story.  She then hands him a donut, that he looks perturbed at, since he has one hand on the coffee and the other on the iLethal neck.  Looking back and forth between the donut, coffee and mechanical neck, not being able to decide what to do, Diaman sighs heavily and puts the donut in Impish’s mouth which immediately disappears.  As he wonders up to the center area you get a glimpse of Diaman surreptitiously counting her fingers.

 

Good Morning Campers!
I’d like to give a very special thanks to my brother the Owl, Daiman, Ginny, Karl, Henry and all the rest who’ve given to baby June either on their own or in the name of Dragon Laffs.  Sadly, they are still only 12% of their goal with time running out.

Remember folks, every little bit helps.  Here’s the address again, in case you’re interested:

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/8lv4/baby-june-s-fight-against-cancer

This poor family has suffered so much, it’s unbelievable.  I was told some things today by one of the guys helping out with raising money.  Things that were told to me in confidence, so I shan’t share them here, but believe me when I tell you, these people have suffered more in the last year than most people will face in their entire life times.  So, if possible, reach down a little bit a give a buck or two.  It’s a really good cause.

Thanks, now let’s get this party started:

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Let’s start out with some poignant laughs, shall we?

 

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Latino refugee outside an Arizona immigration office.


“Good man,” the fairy said, “I’ve been sent here by President Obama and was told to grant you 3 wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and eight children.”
 
The man told the fairy, “Well, where I come from we don’t have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe with a lot of gold in them.”
 
The fairy looked at the man’s almost toothless grin and – ZING! – he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth! “What else?” asked the fairy, “Two more to go.”
 
The refugee claimant now got bolder. “I need a big house with a three-car garage, on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here” — and Zip ZING! — in the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three-car garage, a long driveway, and a walkout patio with a BBQ, in an upscale neighborhood overlooking a lake.
 
“One more wish,” said the fairy, waving her wand.
 
“Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes, and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero…. And I want to have white skin like Americans” — and Zip ZING ! — The man was transformed – wearing worn-out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt, and a baseball cap. He also had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon “What happened to my new teeth?” he wailed. “Where is my new house?”
 
The fairy said: “Tough shit, Amigo, now that you are a white American, you have to fend for yourself!”

5i

 

5j

You know… I’d love to know the answer to that question myself!  What the hell is wrong with us, letting them get away with that?

 

WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People —
What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color..
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

coollogo_com-83606855DragonPapa1 (267)Hi.  It’s Impish, I know it’s a little late, but I’m bring Daiman home from our date.

 

 

Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
·If Sheila, Candy and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each
other Sheila, Candy and Sarah.
·If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each
other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .
EATING OUT
·When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20,
even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit they want change back..
·When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
·A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
·A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
BATHROOMS
·A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
·The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A
man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
·A woman has the last word in any argument.
·Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
·A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
·A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
·A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
·A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
·A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
·A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
·Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed..
·Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
·Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.
·A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people
remembering the same thing!

5k

5l

 

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you damned proud to be an American!
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A woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell. The party waiting behind her was a group from Washington, DC,  that included Barack Obama.
     Barack quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet. She thanked him and started to leave, when he said, “I’m Barack Obama and I hope you’ll support Obamacare.
She laughed and quickly said, “I fell on my ass, not my head!!”

 

5m

And an even better question than that might be…why the hell are you employed in the first place?

 

When I read this to Mrs. Dragon she laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes!  But she did say that she was glad that we weren’t like that with each other and she’s right.  We have a very atypical marriage, as I strongly believe Lethal Leprechaun does as well.  And I think any of you who can say the same thing, probably did like I did and married your best friend.  But, let’s laugh at this couple…

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! egg dropOh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them.. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’ The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’ The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’

 

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Okay, so some of you are probably going to be pissed at me for saying that I laughed like hell at this.  But, come on.  They got scared, but nobody got hurt.  So, you tell me…

 

999

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God, that was awful!  I should be ashamed.  But, I’m not.

 

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5c

The Navy intercepted a boatload of people off the Texas coast today. 
This placed the Navy in an awkward position as the boat was not heading to the USA, but towards Mexico and Central America. 
Another surprise finding was the people were white American retirement age seniors.  Their claim was that they were trying to get to Central America or Southern Mexico as they wanted to return to the US as illegal immigrants.  Then they would be entitled to far more benefits than they were receiving as legitimate American retirees. 
It is believed the Navy gave them food, water and fuel and assisted them on their journey. 
We are booking on the next boat out.  Let me know if you want to join us.

 

5a

 

A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbor strolls over.

 
The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds.
 
Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is.
 
“Well,” the man says, “I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I’m in the doghouse.”
 
“What kind of question?” the neighbor asks.
 
“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly.”
 
“That’s easy,” says the neighbor. “You just say, ‘Of course I will.'”
 
“Yeah,” says the other man, “that’s what I meant to say. But what came out was, ‘Of course I do.'” 

 

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5b

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Everynight

fact

family

federal prison

for sale

helping

 

5f

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Today’s Last Word is an essay by a Rabbi from Teaneck, New Jersey.  A more succinct explanation of the problems with the electorate in our country I have not heard.  Please read this great explanation.

Please take a moment to digest this provocative article by a Rabbi from Teaneck, N.J. It is far and away the most succinct and thoughtful explanation of how our nation is changing. The article appeared in The Israel National News, and is directed to Jewish readership. 70% of American Jews vote as Democrats. The Rabbi has some interesting comments in that regard.
 
 
 
Rabbi Steven Pruzansky is the spiritual leader of Congregation Bnai Yeshurun in Teaneck, New Jersey.
 
The most charitable way of explaining the election results of 2012 is that Americans voted for the status quo – for the incumbent President and for a divided Congress. They must enjoy gridlock, partisanship, incompetence, economic stagnation and avoidance of responsibility.
 
And fewer people voted.
 
But as we awake from the nightmare, it is important to eschew the facile explanations for the Romney defeat that will prevail among the chattering classes. Romney did not lose because of the effects of Hurricane Sandy that devastated this area, nor did he lose because he ran a poor campaign, nor did he lose because the Republicans could have chosen better candidates, nor did he lose because Obama benefited from a slight uptick in the economy due to the business cycle.
 
Romney lost because he didn’t get enough votes to win.
 
That might seem obvious, but not for the obvious reasons. Romney lost because the conservative virtues – the traditional American virtues – of liberty, hard work, free enterprise, private initiative and aspirations to moral greatness – no longer inspire or animate a majority of the electorate.
 
The simplest reason why Romney lost was because it is impossible to compete against free stuff.
 
 
Every businessman knows this; that is why the “loss leader” or the giveaway is such a powerful marketing tool. Obama’s America is one in which free stuff is given away: the adults among the 47,000,000 on food stamps clearly recognized for whom they should vote, and so they did, by the tens of millions; those who – courtesy of Obama – receive two full years of unemployment benefits (which, of course, both dis-incentivizes
looking for work and also motivates people to work off the books while collecting their windfall) surely know for whom to vote. The lure of free stuff is irresistible.
 
The defining moment of the whole campaign was the revelation of the secretly-recorded video in which Romney acknowledged the difficulty of winning an election in which “47% of the people” start off against him because they pay no taxes and just receive money – “free stuff” – from the government.
 
Almost half of the population has no skin in the game – they don’t care about high taxes, promoting business, or creating jobs, nor do they care that the money for their free stuff is being borrowed from their children and from the Chinese.
 
They just want the free stuff that comes their way at someone else’s expense.
 
In the end, that 47% leaves very little margin for error for any Republican, and does not bode well for the future.
 
It is impossible to imagine a conservative candidate winning against such overwhelming odds. People do vote their pocketbooks. In essence, the people vote for a Congress who will not raise their taxes, and for a President who will give them free stuff, never mind who has to pay for it.
 
That engenders the second reason why Romney lost: the inescapable conclusion that the electorate is ignorant and uninformed. Indeed, it does not pay to be an informed voter, because most other voters – the clear majority – are unintelligent and easily swayed by emotion and raw populism.
 
That is the indelicate way of saying that too many people vote with their hearts and not their heads. That is why Obama did not have to produce a second term agenda, or even defend his first-term record. He needed only to portray Mitt Romney as a rapacious capitalist who throws elderly women over a cliff, when he is not just snatching away their cancer medication, while starving the poor and cutting taxes for the rich.
 
During his 1956 presidential campaign, a woman called out to Adlai Stevenson: “Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!” Stevenson called back: “That’s not enough, madam, we need a majority!”
 
Truer words were never spoken.
 
Obama could get away with saying that “Romney wants the rich to play by a different set of rules” – without ever defining what those different rules were; with saying that the “rich should pay their fair share” – without ever defining what a “fair share” is; with saying that Romney wants the poor, elderly and sick to “fend for themselves” – without even acknowledging that all these government programs are going bankrupt, their current insolvency only papered over by deficit spending.
 
Similarly, Obama (or his surrogates) could hint to blacks that a Romney victory would lead them back into chains and proclaim to women that their abortions and birth control would be taken away. He could appeal to Hispanics that Romney would have them all arrested and shipped to Mexico and unabashedly state that he will not enforce the current immigration laws.
 
He could espouse the furtherance of the incestuous relationship between governments and unions – in which politicians ply the unions with public money, in exchange for which the unions provide the politicians with votes, in exchange for which the politicians provide more money and the unions provide more votes, etc., even though the money is gone.
 
Obama also knows that the electorate has changed – that whites will soon be a minority in America (they’re already a minority in California) and that the new immigrants to the US are primarily from the Third World and do not share the traditional American values that attracted immigrants in the 19th and 20th centuries. It is a different world, and a different America. Obama is part of that different America, knows it, and knows how to tap into it. That is why he won.
 
Obama also proved again that negative advertising works, invective sells, and harsh personal attacks succeed. That Romney never engaged in such diatribes points to his essential goodness as a person; his “negative ads” were simple facts, never personal abuse – facts about high unemployment, lower take-home pay, a loss of American power and prestige abroad, a lack of leadership, etc. As a politician, though, Romney failed because he did not embrace the devil’s bargain of making unsustainable promises.
 
It turned out that it was not possible for Romney and Ryan – people of substance, depth and ideas – to compete with the shallow populism and platitudes of their opponents. Obama mastered the politics of envy – of class warfare – never reaching out to Americans as such but to individual groups, and cobbling together a winning majority from these minority groups.
 
If an Obama could not be defeated – with his record and his vision of America, in which free stuff seduces voters – it is hard to envision any change in the future.
 
The road to Hillary Clinton in 2016 and to a European-socialist economy – those very economies that are collapsing today in Europe – is paved.
 
For Jews, mostly assimilated anyway and staunch Democrats, the results demonstrate again that liberalism is their Torah. Almost 70% voted for a president widely perceived by Israelis and most committed Jews as hostile to Israel. They voted to secure Obama’s future at America’s expense and at Israel’s expense – in effect, preferring Obama to Netanyahu by a wide margin.
 
A dangerous time is ahead. Under present circumstances, it is inconceivable that the US will take any aggressive action against Iran and will more likely thwart any Israeli initiative. The US will preach the importance of negotiations up until the production of the first Iranian nuclear weapon – and then state that the world
must learn to live with this new reality.
 
But this election should be a wake-up call to Jews. There is no permanent empire, nor is there an enduring haven for Jews anywhere in the exile. The American empire began to decline in 2007, and the deterioration has been exacerbated in the last five years. This election only hastens that decline. Society is permeated with sloth, greed, envy and materialistic excess. It has lost its moorings and its moral foundations.
 
The takers outnumber the givers, and that will only increase in years to come.
 
The “Occupy” riots across this country in the last two years were mere dress rehearsals for what lies ahead – years of unrest sparked by the increasing discontent of the unsuccessful who want to seize the fruits and the bounty of the successful, and do not appreciate the slow pace of redistribution. If this election proves one thing, it is that the Old America is gone. And, sad for the world, it is not coming back.
 
==============================
 
Then this next came a few minutes later! ! !
 
—————————————————-
 
If you are part of the 47% don’t read or forward.
 
Something’s wrong here !!!
 
This is exactly why Mitt Romney said that 40 something % of the people are too dependent on the government. They have learned to work the system.
 
A Ford Dealer’s Report – From Tom Selkis’ (Latham Ford) Facebook – True story yesterday at the dealership.
 
“I’ll try to make this as short and to the point as I can. One of my salesmen here had a woman in his office yesterday wanting to lease a brand new Focus.
 
As he was reviewing her credit application with her he noticed she was on social security disability.
 
He said to her you don’t look like you’re disabled and unable to work.
 
She said, well I’m really not. I could work if I wanted to, but I make more now than I did when I was working and got hurt (non-disabling injury).
 
She said the gov’t sends her $1500.00 a month in 1 check. And she gets $700.00 a month on an EBT card (food stamps), and $800.00 a month for rent..
 
Oh yeah, and 250 minutes free on her phone. That is just south of $3500.00 a month.
 
When she was working, she was taking home about $330.00 per week.
 
Do the math and then ask yourself why the hell should she go back to work.
 
If you multiply that by millions of people, you start to realize the scope of the problem we face as a country.
 
Once the socialists have 51% of the population in that same scenario, we are finished.
 
The question is when do we cross that threshold if we haven’t already, and there are not enough people working to pay enough taxes to support the non-working people? Riots?? Be prepared to protect your homes.
 
She didn’t lease the Focus here because the dealer down the road beat our deal by $10.00/month.
 
Glad to know she is so frugal with her hard earned money.”
 
How passing info on to others in America is having an effect…
 
PASS THIS ON TO 10
 
10 pass it on to their 10 
100 then pass it on to their 10 
1,000 then pass it on to their 10 
10,000 then pass it on to their 10 
100,000 then pass it on to their 10 
1,000,000 then pass it on to their 10 
10,000,000 then pass it on to their 10 
100,000,000 then pass it on to their 10
 
Yes, through the power of the Internet America is becoming aware. So, we realize this doesn’t seem like were doing much when we pass these on to our 10 . but take a look at the polls.
 
Yes, we CAN help by getting the word out. Media refuses to cover such issues.
 
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO YOUR 10!
I passed this on to my 442!  Now it’s your turn.
cheers3
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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1396

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    HEY! You you New Jersey Newt! You know full well, MOSHA don’t hold no say here in the mundane world! Since the OSHA guys from this realm won’t even come here prefering to just fine us $5 mil annually for not having you locked up after you tried to eat 2 of them I’m calling BULLSHIT on your excuse Boyo. Not only that buy them iLethals wouldn’t have been under foot if you let them alone instead of corralling them all in your office with 6×6 posts placed across the thresholds of the doors! Pretty damned strange with their mobility that the only person they were a hazard to was you huh?

    Well I’m billing you for every one you’ve broken or destroyed! And my upgraded Telepresence Mobility Units are already arriving. Lets see you screw with them!

    And another thing! Stop carting the head of that last remaining iLethal around like I was some bloody electronic version of Jose Jalapeno on a Stick! [Identify the gratuitous reference anyone?]

    How about I tell them virgins how you’re buying cheap Health and Beauty supplies and refilling the expensive bottles they think they’re getting? Or that Dragon saliva is worse for their skin than excessive suntanning?

    I’ve told you mess with me and I’ll mess back! Just for this I’m taking another week off!

  2. Chris Schwemm says:

    Hi, Great issue as always. I did, however, find the new font difficult to read.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Lethal here Chris-
      Thanks for the praise on behalf of that Telepresence Terminating Dragon but I’m not sure what you mean by new font since I’m not aware in of any changes to the default font. It still should be Georgia. Now granted
      I’m checking from a nice location on my tablet but it looked the same as the last
      Three issues from here. Maybe someone changed the font on your browser?

  3. Kenneth says:

    This Rabbi knew what he was talking about. I thought no way he could be reelected with his DISMAL record but the free handouts won the race. Shame on the receivers of handouts who don,t deserve it. He was very well said.

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