Leprechaun Laughs #257 For Wednesday July 30th 2014


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<A new sign greets you outside the Conference Room door announcing its temporary double duty as both a Convalescent and Psychiatric Ward in addition to its Conference Room functions. You are instructed to keep your voices low and be respectful of the rooms two patients. Off to one side of the stage is a Craftmatic type bed in which Diaman is ensconced while one the room side of the stage a pair of California King sized foam mattresses barely manage to peek out beneath Impish’s broad bulk.

Diaman rouses herself as you enter, semi foggily smiles. She beckons you all in and points to the craft table asking that someone please bring her another cup of coffee as her last one was spilled by a groggy dragon’s tail stirring as he napped.

The whirring noises you’ve come to associate with Lethal’s telepresenced arrival commence shortly after you all arrive. However it seem to be coming from two separate directions and louder than usual. One source of the sound is definitely the hall leading to the conference room. The other seems to be from behind room divider screen partially hidden behind a row of potted plant a row of artificial potted plants. A pair of  identical iLethals  appear nearly simultaneously and in complete synchronization survey the room. As they make their way forward into the room 2 more appear behind them. Three take up various positions around the room and the 4th heads to the podium pausing to examine Diaman and softly wuffing Impish. Diaman grins and shoots iLethal a thumbs up at something she alone apparently can see on the screen. Satisfied iLethal #4 returns to the podium when he starts speaking the words don’t come through the PA system but softly through all 4 strategically placed iLethals.>

Morning boys & girls.

I’d be appreciative if we could keep the hubbub down to a minimum. Sorry about the paper plates and cups but to a Dragon, especially this one clinking tableware  is like a Fog Horn going off. Right now I much prefer Impish as he is.

Speaking of his condition I hasten to assure you that both Diaman and Impish are fine. See after I saw Impish giving Diaman as much of a tongue bath as her sense proprieties would allow for and his predictably whining about not getting his way with her either and his not being able to help himself due to the flavor of the scented lotion she was using I got an idea. While passing between here and there during a short lay over for some maintenance on Shamrock One I snuck into a basement lab and added a few things to an entire case of the lotions bottles. Now every time Diaman put the lotion on not only does a side effect moderate the pain of her injuries but the next tongue bath takes the edge off Impish’s stress for him See he had served me notice that the drugged donut thing as going a bit stale (honestly idk why since I’ve been suing it from day one and it never fails despite his telling me he’s wise to it). However I’d have to say from their condition at the moment Impish has talked her into applying a heavy coat for him to lick off in addition to her daily skin care regimen. This isn’t likely to be a problem since my vacation is slated to end this week anyway, unless I decide to extend it. See I’m STILL waiting for confirmation of my funding for schooling at this point despite today being the deadline.

Visions of Red Tape bound Academicians atop a pyre of burning forms and bullshit excuses dancing through my head makes keeping this Zen attitude I went on vacation to get in the first place pretty hard So I’m going to zip out of here and got try and regain it. Oh when Impish wakes up tell him I left him a bakery box under Diamen’s bed and if she tells me his retrieving it hurt I’ll let her join me and he can continue to be in charge until she’s better and I understand that’s at least another month to six weeks away.

Oh! Almost forgot! Tell him Tell him the GPS location for where I’ll be today and tomorrow are on the cake in the box.

<the iLethal at the podium slowly starts descending as two more pivot in place and quietly whirring make their way out the door while the fourth silently disappears behind the screen and potted plants. In doing so accidentally bumping one and causing it to make a very dishware like sound. Immediately Impish’s head shoots up ears swiveling to locate the sound even before his eyes full open you hear him…>

“Hey! Save some for me! I like what ever it is too! <Yawn>

What is it we’re having? Leprechaun Laughs? You guys started with out Lethal? He’s gonna be mad! Came and went? CAME AND WENT! Where the heck was I? Sleeping? I missed him? Which way did he go?” <he appears ready to give chase but looks baffled then a bit peeved when you point in 3 different directions>

“You know he’s been bad enough, with this solo vacation thing, his threats to extend it, but you guys really don’t always have to be on his side you know! Huh? How many iLethals were there? 4? But I locked away I mean sent out for repair because I accidentally broke them 6 already!” He sighs.

“He left me something? Where? Under Diaman’s beds? Yippee! What? He said bad things will happen if I’m not careful getting it? What another week’s worth of him hiding from me? SIX WEEKS??!! Umm can someone fish that out for me ? Yeah thanks!”

Mm! I smell cake! Yum! Hey there is writing on the box! ‘I swear by my pot of gold this cake contains n0 , artificial flavors, colors, additives, preservatives and most importantly ( at least from a certain dragons PoV) no sedatives’ (signed) Lethal”

<Box goes in his mouth and he swallows before a word can be said>

“What? I always eat it box and all my Vet is forever telling me I need more roughage in my diet and besides, that way you get any frosting that winds up on the box too. Man I’ll bet it was decorated pretty I can taste the jelly they use to decorate them and it tastes like there was a lot too. HUH! GPS co-ordinates and a map to join him? WRITTEN ON THE CAKE?! OH NO!”

<His head thuds down and you hear a whimpering and sniffling from him. Diaman reaches for a remote on her bed and the stage curtains which are never closed start to. She addresses you briefly before the close completely.>

“I’ll take care of this. It’s likely to take a while. Why don’t you folks go on about the issue and enjoy yourselves while I tend to Impish.

Impish? Impish? It’s time for my sponge bath! Do you want to help? That’s a good dragon!”

 

Opening Logo 19

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This weeks idealidic vacation setting might be getting to me a little more than I thought!

Another Saturday Night – Jimmy Buffett

Thought it was time for a little more summer time music. While the song might not be about summer this band sure as heck is about it…perpetually

 

Perverted Prose Header

To hear Impish tell it I haven’t thought about him the entire time I was gone. So unfair and not true! I even Purloined and Perverted the above song on his behalf! (With respect and apologizes to Sam Cooke & Jimmy Buffet)

Well its Sunday afternoon and I ain’t heard from the Dragon
I had a fantastic lunch and I just got laid
How I wish I had Impish to tell this to
I’ll bet he’s in an awful way!

I got in port a day ago, I seen a lotta girls since then
If I meet ’em I can bed ’em
That’s why I’m in the shape I’m in

Well its Sunday afternoon and I ain’t heard from the Dragon
I had a fantastic lunch and I just got laid
How I wish I had Impish to tell this to
I’ll bet he’s in an awful way!

Another fella told me he had a sister
& I never change her uptight mind
Instead of being my deliverance, I now call that Nympho mine

Well its Sunday afternoon and I ain’t heard from the Dragon
I had a fantastic lunch and I just got laid
How I wish I had Impish to tell this to
I’ll bet he’s in an awful way!

(Here it is another weekend and I ain’t got work
Man if I was back home I’d be wading through
Two stacks of files on my arm
Aww yeah
Listen to me huh)

Well its Sunday afternoon and I ain’t heard from the Dragon
I had a fantastic lunch and I just got laid
How I wish I had Impish to tell this to
I’ll bet he’s in an awful way!

This stiffie that’s my little fella, he really knows his way around
If I don’t find me a honey to help me bend this fella
I’m gonna have to do every girl in this town

Well its Sunday afternoon and I ain’t heard from the Dragon
I had a fantastic lunch and I just got laid
How I wish I had Impish to tell this to
I’ll bet he’s in an awful way!

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Speaking of Weirdos- here’s a few words from one of my “tribe.”

Impish Insights 8

Speaking of my tribe- here’s a little music for the my two slumbering tribe members on the stage there. Please remember not to disturb them too much!

Summer Breeze – Seals & Croft

 

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Shh! Don’t tell Impish but when he finally joins me after following those GPS direction on his cake these lil’ beauties are waiting for him!

News of the Weird

The Ironic Story of the Year Award goes to….

George Harrison memorial tree killed by beetles

10-foot-tall pine tree planted in 2004 will be replaced, Los Angeles says

Published On: Jul 22 2014 07:23:21 AM CDT

A tree planted in memory of Beatles songwriter and musician George Harrison has been killed by actual beetles.

The living monument fell victim to an infestation of the insects that couldn’t be thwarted, according to the Los Angeles Times.

Standing 10 feet tall, the pine tree was planted in the city’s Griffith Park in 2004 and accompanied by a plaque.

A new one will be planted in its stead shortly, Councilman Tom LaBonge told the Times.

Harrison died at age 58 in 2001. The tree was planted because Harrison spent his final days in Los Angeles, and was an avid gardener in his adult life.

 

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Otis Redding-Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay

OK so I have been doing this with a fishing pole live bait and a cooler full of Bass Ale and great deli food but its still a great summer  time past time!

 

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GoT vs Princess Bride 

First Class – Beach Baby

 

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Just a few cooking lessons today I’ll get back to doing recipes in a week or so. I actually used the first one after finding it to cook three dozen eggs for my ‘Huevos del diablo’ which are seriously kicked up deviled eggs and much in demand at since parties here since the binder isn’t mayo. The recipe? ROFL!

YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE RECIPE! 

At least not without a Tyvek suit, respirator, latex gloves, serious cross, ventilation and a permit from the EPA. These things are seriously hot even by TexMex standards. Kind hosts place Guacamole on the patter to help cool them down and locate the platter with them closest to the cold beer… and fire extinguisher decorated thermos of milk for the wusses. What? I kid you not! Here it is-

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SEE? TOLD YOU SO!

Alton Brown’s Oven Eggs

 

I like Scrambled eggs…especially for Sunday Breakfast with breakfast meat,  and fried potatoes of some form or other or in a Breakfast Burrito. It’s surprising how many people can seriously screw up this simple dish

How To Make Perfect Scrambled Eggs – 3 ways | Jamie Oliver

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JOHNNY RIVERS- “SUMMER RAIN”

 

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Dancing In the Moonlight

 

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Sure hope Impish didn’t misread them GPS co-ordinates and get lost because all these hot babes aren’t likely to wait on his arrival for ever!

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co·nun·drum kəˈnəndrəm/ noun

plural noun: conundrums

  1. a confusing and difficult problem or question.

    “one of the most difficult conundrums for the experts”

    synonyms: problem, difficult question, difficulty, quandary, dilemma; More

    informal poser- “the conundrums facing policy-makers”

    a question asked for amusement, typically one with a pun in its answer; a riddle.

    synonyms: riddle, puzzle, word game

Or we could just go with the entry from Lethal’s Dictionary which defines it as ‘the exercise of attempting to understand the liberal’s logic and/or point of view’. To wit:

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There are many more than six conundrums the Liberal Progressive Left can’t answer simply because the basis of the Liberal Progressive Collectivist ideology denies reality. Here are some good new examples of conundrums from Allen West. Enjoy.

From AllenWest.com:

The word conundrum is defined as a complex problem that is often puzzling or confusing. Here are six conundrums of our contemporary United States of America:

1. America is capitalist and greedy – yet almost half of the population is subsidized.

2. Half of the population is subsidized – yet they think they are victims.

3. They think they are victims – yet their representatives run the government.

4. Their representatives run the government – yet the poor keep getting poorer.

5. The poor keep getting poorer – yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about.

6. They have things that people in other countries only dream about – yet politicians (mostly progressive socialists) claim they want America to become more like those other countries.

And consider these following three observations about the direction of our current government and cultural environment:

1. We are advised not to judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but we are admonished to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics. Funny how that works, as we see the liberal progressives already jumping on the tragedy from Santa Barbara California. So what about the three victims who were stabbed to death, should we ban knives?

2. We constantly hear about how Social Security is running out of money. How come we never hear about welfare or food stamps on the verge of running out of money? Maybe the first group “worked for” their money, but the second didn’t. It is a simple case of printing money for political bribery and extortion.

3. Why are we cutting benefits for our veterans, giving no pay raises for our military and cutting our forces to a level lower than before WWII, but are expanding and increasing the benefits to illegal aliens? It is all about pandering for votes – and who cares about national security or veterans dying at the hands of their own Veterans Administration?

Well time for me to take that gaggle of smokin hot teeny weenie polka dot bikini babes back to my place for some Neked Twister and hot tubbin. One last night of Partying  before I have to pack up for my return, Anybody sees ol Scale Schnozzle tell him….never mind that too profane a message over his incessant harassment and then not showing up for me not to be deliver personally.

Mean time I’ll just hang on to this Zen thing I’ve got going…and the nearest babe!

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About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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