Dragon Laffs #1394


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You arrive at the campground on Saturday morning as usual, there’s coffee, as usual, and pastries, bagels, and breakfast sandwiches, also as usual.  You realize that the kitchen staff at Dragon Laffs campground is as efficient as ever, what you don’t see with your morning Dragon Laffs is Impish Dragon.  Other campers are milling around, grabbing coffee, putting smush on bagels, filling their plates and their cups; you ask around, but nobody seems to know where Impish is.  He’s normally the first one here…Okay, that’s not true.  You know that Diaman is ALWAYS the first one here, but knowing that she is still under the weather with a bum leg, you really wouldn’t be surprised to not see her, but upon looking around, there she is, seated in a comfortable lounger with a blanket thrown casually across her lap and legs. 

You decide to go over and check on her and she tells you that she had to go back into surgery on Thursday and also…

Thank you all for all your prayers…the surgery went well and today my leg looks much better. It just might be
ready for plastic surgery in 3 weeks, God willing. I’m so exhausted & wiped out so this is it for a few days.
Again, thank you, all, for your good thoughts & prayers.
Blessings for each & everyone.

Of course tell her that you, like everyone else here at Dragon Laffs Campground and you are quite sure all of Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs Electronic Media Enterprises, LLP will do the same.  You both get a chuckle out of the funny name that Lethal and Impish have come up with for their mostly mythological madness and mayhem (4M) and you finally broach the subject of Impish’s missingness. 

She tells you that she’s sure he’ll be along shortly.  You know he’s running the whole corporation right now with Lethal being on vacation.  A well earned and well deserved vacation, to be sure, but it’s been hard on the dragon these past weeks with Lethal being gone.  I even heard there was a fire, a small one, but a fire just the same.  Seems that Impish has been under such stress that while he was working at his desk the other day, his tale had slithered out, under the desk and had risen along the front side of it.  Well, when his tale poked itself up in front of his desk without his knowledge, he immediately panicked, went into fight or flight mode, fight won out and he used his best weapon.

You gasp and say, “You don’t mean…?”

“Yup, he flamed his own tail.  You know that dragon’s breath will burn anything!  It’s about the only thing they aren’t immune to or have a thick enough scaled hide to be protected against is each other’s breath weapons.  Well, he hurt himself so badly, that he leaped about, setting most of the stacks of paper on fire in his office and had to have the fire brigade come and put him out. Oh look, there he is now.”

And sure enough, you see a very bedraggled looking blue dragon slowly making his way into the middle of the campground, he seems to be mumbling to himself and as he gets closer, you can begin to make out some of the words.

You have to say it.  You have to.  No, you have to.  It’s only right.  What’s only right?  Only what’s left is right.  That’s silly and doesn’t make any sense. What do you sense? Something is wrong? Then it must be right, because what’s left is right, that makes what’s right being wrong, therefore it must be right.

He finally looks up and realizes, that there are people about.  You can see his tail is wrapped up in bandages that in some places are still smoking somewhat.  Some of them look freshly burned and the parts of his tail that is showing through looks really bad.  Charred in some places and your pretty sure that it used to be a little bit longer than it is now.  He seems to be looking around like he’s lost, finally, he wanders over to the coffee urn, puts his head directly under the spigot and takes five or six really big gulps until the urn runs dry.  He shakes his head and tsk, tsks, shoves a jelly donut in his mouth and heads back to the middle of the open area he uses for these Saturdays.  One of the kitchen staff waits until he heads off and then replaces the empty urn with a fresh one.

Good Camper Mornings Good…camp … morn…!

Here in Indiana, they say that the corn needs to be knee high by the fourth of July. Well, as you can see by today’s header (which was taken on the fourth of July, by the way) the corn is out doing itself this year. The corn is extremely happy, because it’s growing so well.  I know, because it told me right after I took that picture.   Everyone else seems very pleased by this as well … um … oh, and by the beans.  I think they are speaking of soybeans, but the beans aren’t speaking to me … snotty assed beans … and not being a real bean eater myself, I’m not really sure, but every sure seems happy.

I have to admit.  I’m not really feeling myself this morning.  I don’t know who else I might be feeling, but it definitely isn’t me.  Lethal’s been gone and I’ve been trying, really trying to be good.  Good Dragon.  At least I didn’t burn the place down.  He takes a long look at his tale.  Well, not most of it, anyway.  Now this guy he says, pointing at his tale, has done a crap up job of scaring people…well, dragon people anyway, and he caught a bunch of stuff on fire… Lethal is going to be so mad at me…a bunch of stuff on fire.  Dragon are people, people who can turn into dragons and turn back into people. Well, mostly my work, but I got it all caught up again.  Haven’t slept in a week … a long time.  But it’s all caught up.  It’s all fixed.  and now it’s time…

Impish stops in mid sentence and is standing there.  His tale planted firmly against the ground and with his two legs they form a very sturdy tripod.  As you wait for more from him you very faintly begin to hear him snore.  So, as your trusty narrator, it’s my job to tell you…

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A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F” (letters only).

He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T” (letters only).”

She looked at him, puzzled, and said, “T-G-I-F” again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S-H-I-T.”

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, “T-G-I-F” another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, “S-H-I-T.”

The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, “T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?”

The man answered, “Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.”

This is amazing!  I got to get me one of these for Christmas!  Santa?  You listening my friend?  I’ll promise to go easy on you at Tuesday night poker!  Promise!

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Are you kidding me?  How much more blatantly stupid can you possibly be.  This bullshit is getting completely out of control.

Holder DOJ Finally Finds A Scandal Worth Investigating – An Anti-Obama Parade Float

The Obamessiah shall not be mocked.

The U.S. Department of Justice sent a member of its “Community Relations Service team” to Norfolk, Nebraska, earlier this week, to look into allegations of discrimination over a controversial float in the town’s Independence Day parade.

A meeting was convened on Thursday with the DOJ CRS team member, the NAACP, the Norfolk mayor and The Independent Order of Odd Fellows – the group that organized the parade.

1obamatruckracist1The offending float included a zombie-like mannequin in overalls standing in front of an outhouse labeled “Obama Presidential Library.” This caused some of Norfolk’s citizens to cry racism.
Racism? Towards who? Zombies?  Are you serious?  What the hell is racist about that float?  Seriously, what am I not getting here?

Was the float in poor taste? Sure. Was it tacky? Oh yeah. Funny? That’s in the eye of the beholder, I guess. I found it cringeworthy myself. But racist? I’m not seeing it. I see political satire. You don’t like it? Write a letter to the editor. Come on, people.

Anti-Obama political satire is not only frowned upon in Obama’s America, it’s considered possibly criminal, because the Holder Justice Department – which refuses to properly investigate the IRS targeting of American citizens – actually saw fit to send an DOJ emissary to the town to investigate a stupid parade float.  Where are we going where it is against the law to say anything negative about the president?  What comes next? Men dressed in black, breaking into our houses and taking us away in the middle of the night?  This is pure crap!  If we’re not really careful, we aren’t going to like what the future holds for us. 

Take the example of myself and Lethal and scream it from the rooftops.  It’s time to wake up America!

Read More:  http://www.breitbart.com/

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Amid Border Crisis, Obama to Take 15-Day Vacation in Martha’s Vineyard

I’m about tired of Nero fiddling while Rome burns.  I haven’t had a vacation since long before his ass took office and yet, I’m paying for him to take off and not do his job?  If this was anyone who worked in your office, or if it was you, would your boss allow you this type of crap or would you be fired?  Just ask yourself that.
President Obama is taking a 15-day vacation in Martha’s Vineyard next month, despite the widespread criticism he’s received for not visiting the U.S.-Mexico border while it descends into chaos.

The Obamas will leave Washington on Saturday, Aug. 9, and stay at a $12 million vacation home in Martha’s Vineyard until Sunday, Aug. 24, the White House confirmed late Wednesday.

The president’s extended vacation comes as the flood of illegal immigrants continues to cripple the United States’ southern border.

Republicans and Democrats alike have criticized Mr. Obama for visiting two fundraisers during his trip to Texas this week without taking a trip to survey the ICE detention facilities holding thousands of immigrants.

Texas Sen. Ted Cruz jabbed the president Wednesday by tweeting Google Map directions to border towns from Mr. Obama’s planned fundraiser stops in Austin and Dallas.

 

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Politically Incorrect

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It’d be a whole lot funnier if it weren’t so true. 

 

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Okay, so some of these questions are funny, but it’s some of the great answers that really got me rolling…

 

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

 
In modern education and expanded government, however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Threatening the horse with termination.
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other countries to see how others ride dead horses.
6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Re-classifying the dead horse as “living-impaired.”
8. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
9. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase the speed.
10. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse’s performance.
11. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance.
12. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
13. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
14. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.
15. As a last resort, appoint it as Attorney General.

Well, you must admit, that it certainly worked out well for Eric Holder.

 

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A wife hands her husband a silk handkerchief and asks him: “Doesn’t this belong to your secretary?”

 
“Where did you find that?” he stutters.
 
“I didn’t,” she answers. “The mail man found it on your night-stand.”

 

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It’s Tuesday, Mrs. Dragon and my 19th wedding anniversary, and with our little Izzy Dragon being around the house, you might think that we couldn’t have celebrated too awfully much, but due to a little friend of hers having a birthday party and then taking her out to Circus City Days in Peru, she’s just now wandered in at about 9 pm.  (We dropped her off at noon).  Well, not to discuss how we spent our time, but when Izzy Dragon got dropped off at the house, she came totting in with this:
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It’s almost as big as she is.  She won it by throwing a baseball, hitting a superhero and having the ball bounce back into a basket.  She was the only one who won anything.  She’s pretty proud of herself, so I thought I’d share it here.  Besides, Pikachu is almost a Japanese dragon.  Okay, so not so much, but I can believe anything I want to.
Izzy Dragon just said she doesn’t like my opinion.
She’s says he’s supposed to be like a cat or something.
Does anybody know, what the hell a Pikachu is?

According to Siri, Pikachu is a mouse Pokémon, so there’s now 3 opinions.  What do you think?
Mrs. Dragon just piped in and said it could be whatever I wanted it to be since it was my blog.  So, it’s a dragon.

So there!

And you think your home life is strange…

 

Let’s now talk about how your job resembles a role playing game….

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A dire warning for the United States.  It’s happening to France, who went through the exact same thing we are currently starting.  THE EXACT SAME THING!  Be sure to listen all the way to the end and you can hear the comparison for yourself.
http://www.cbn.com/tv/3255110732001

Congress, are YOU listening?  Or are you too busy lining your own pockets?

 

WALKING ON THE GRASS

  The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.

The instructor said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.

Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.

Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

“Gentlemen, remember — you’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

“Yes?” said the Instructor.

“I was just wondering if it would be all right, if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

Brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

This level of sensitivity can’t be taught.

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This is the honest truth.  Every person who’s written that check to the United States of America for up to and including my life knows this deep in their heart.  It doesn’t matter how old you are, how long you’ve been out, whether you retired or just did a couple of years.  Once you’ve written that check, you’ve written it for life.

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Clever Volkswagen
If this doesn’t get the message across nothing ever will. The problem is how do you get it to those people who habitually engage in the practice of fiddling with their cell phones & talking on them when they are driving??
 
A movie theatre in Hong Kong encourages its patrons to leave their mobile phones switched on so it can teach a lesson.  And, well done VW.
 
What a clever way to communicate how risky it is to use mobile phones while driving.  More than 1.5 million views in 3 days.

I don’t drive near as much as I used to, but it still amazes me the number of people I pass on the road who are texting while they’re driving.  Not only is it illegal, it’s stupid and very, very dangerous.  I don’t think you should even use the phone unless you have some sort of hands free Bluetooth device.  It’s not just you who you might hurt.

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Apparently it is!  Go IRS!!  Lowering the bar for all of us!!

 

And in the same vein…

The odds of winning the Florida lottery are 1 in 22,957,480.
The odds of winning the Powerball is 1 in 175,223,510. 

The odds of winning Mega Millions is 1 in 258,890,850.

The odds of a disk drive failing in any given month are roughly one in 36. The odds of two different drives failing in the same month are roughly one in 36 squared, or 1 in about 1,300. The odds of three drives failing in the same month is 36 cubed or 1 in 46,656.

The odds of seven different drives failing in the same month (like what happened at the IRS when they received a letter asking about emails targeting conservative and pro Israeli groups) is 37 to the 7th power = 1 in 78,664,164,096. (that’s over 78 Billion) In other words, the odds are greater that you will win the Florida Lottery 342 times than having those seven IRS hard drives crashing in the same month.

And, the odds of a Democrat telling the truth are even higher.
Well, since this is the way we are rolling, let’s just roll right into today’s Last Word..

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What are you willing to fight for?  What do you believe strongly enough to actually not only get up off your butt and do something about, but actually FIGHT for?  Bare fists, weapons, throw yourself completely and utterly into the conflagration?  What would it take? z17

Threats to your family?  To your self?  To your children?

Seriously, what would it take for  you to be all in?

I’m here telling you that I think we are very, very close to that point.  Our families are being threatened.  Our children’s future is definitely being threatened.  My family, your family, all of our families.  Our American way of life is rapidly disappearing right in front of us and what are we doing about it?

We have millions of homeless, sick, under paid, under insured, men and women working 80 and 90 hours a week just to make ends meet.  People working well past the age of retirement because they can’t afford to stop.  Our military vets can’t get decent medical treatment for the wounds they suffered defending OUR rights and liberties…those we have left. 

The Emperor, Lord Obama is in the White House laughing at us, doing what he wants, when he wants.  Giving money away to every one but those who need it and deserve it. 

Did you hear about the $50 million contract given out to refurbish a resort in Texas for illegal teens that are making it across the border?  Indoor Olympic size pool, outdoor pool, Wi-Fi, spas, etc., ad naseum.

Then I read this…

Department of Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson shocked senators of both parties when he revealed that it costs $250 to $1,000 per day to house each of the immigrant children who have recently arrived at the border.

When Johnson reported that figure, “there was an audible gasp, a bipartisan gasp,” Senator Marco Rubio (R., Fla.) told National Review Online.

Senate Budget Committee chairwoman Patty Murray (D., Wash.) wouldn’t comment on the overall cost of housing so far. “It’s in the president’ request,” she said. President Obama asked Congress to provide $1.8 billion to the Department of Health and Human Services “to provide the appropriate care for unaccompanied children, consistent with Federal law, while maintaining services for refugees.”

$250 to $1000 a day per child!!!  Are you friggin’ kidding me!!!!  I’ll take a couple of kids and raise them in my home, pay me the average of what you are paying for them!  Between $91,250 and $365,000 a year per child!!!!  That averages out to $625 a day or $228,125 a year!  Oh hell yeah!  Funny how I can raise and keep 3 of us for less than a fourth of that!  Give me two kids and I’ll retire right now and show those kids a hell of a good time.  Put them in the best schools (along with my own, of course).  Nope, I’m just getting by with my paltry salary, while people that are here ILLEGALLY are being treated like gold…or future voters. 

See that’s the problem.  The reason the rest of the Americans (and I include the blacks in this, too.  I’ll explain that in a minute) aren’t basking in the $ fountain is because they know they’ve lost our vote and there isn’t anything they can do to get it back.  Even the blacks are being disenfranchised because of the illegal Mexicans garnering the new favorite child trophy.  

Do you know how many billions of dollars we give away every year to other countries?  A good portion of which are our outright enemies and many more who would be if we weren’t paying them off!  We have needy in OUR OWN COUNTRY!!!!

And he’s laughing and making jokes at us.  “So sue me!”

And Eric Holder (the first ever black Attorney General) gets interviewed on TV by a black man, talking about the president (the first half black, half white president) and has the unmitigated gall to say that the problems with our country and the reason the administration is struggling is due to racism.

YOU SELF-RIGHTOUS ASS, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH RACISM, YOU AND YOUR COHORTS SUCK SWAMP SCUM!!!  YOU AND YOUR ADMINISTRATION is the worst thing that has happened to this country EVER!!!  You should ALL be FIRED, IMPEACHED and thrown in JAIL! 

May I be so bold as to misquote Dan Aykroyd, “Eric you ignorant Slut!”  Get your head out of your ass, or better yet, get your head out of Obama’s ass and realize that you are a HUGE part of the problem.  DO! YOUR! JOB!  Your job is not to be Obama’s toady, you don’t even WORK for HIM, you work for US.

So…

what are you willing to fight for?

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1394

  1. Hank says:

    Great edition today. I hope America wakes up!

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