Welcome to another edition of your favorite on line media source. Not your grandfather’s e-zine! Okay, well…since at least one of the main characters and about half the mythical staff have grand kids, maybe it is your grandfather’s e-zine.
When somebody says that such-and-such is not your grandfather’s – whatever, what they mean is that it is new and modern and hip and all those other buzz words that mean modern. But we can do anything we put our minds to. I know we have at least a great-grandfather who reads our e-zine, anybody out there who can beat that?
So, tomorrow is Easter. Our dear Lethal Leprechaun spent some time in his last issue telling us all about how the holiday came about and the history of the special day. That means that I get to pick on the Easter bunnies, Easter dragons, Easter baskets and eggs and all the really non-serious stuff about this holiday. As we go through today’s issue, you will learn how important dragons have been in the Easter history and tradition. I want you to understand, right from the beginning, that the information I am bestowing upon you concerning the relationship between dragons and Easter is possible to get you into trouble in the mythical realm of suspicion and secrets. Most mythical creatures are very secretive. Lethal and I are amongst the small minority who believe that openness in human/mythological creature relations is not only warranted but important. Granted, we know that many, many humans not only won’t believe but will molest those that do.
Now, pull up a log, refill your coffee and I’ll tell you the true story of Easter and how it all really started.
Long ago, before Christendom hijacked this holiday, when dragons ruled the world and had nothing more to fear than the occasional slayer sneaking into the lair whilst we slept or an unusually powerful wizard focusing his attention on us; actually wizards have never been much of a problem, dragons are unusually resistant to magic and wizards aren’t wizards if they wear any armor or use most physical weapons. Normally, they would have this great plan, have this fantastic new spell, get into position to monologue, go on and on about how they were there to defeat the “evil dragon” and after an appropriate build up, they would fire off this great spell. The spell in question would harmlessly bounce off us or do something completely different then they thought and then they would be dragon snacks.
Oh, and while I’m digressing, let me stray just a little more off track-evil dragons? Not so much. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there are evil dragons, but it’s nothing at all like what you’ve been told. Smaug? I’d eat the damn hobbit if he interrupted my sleep and then tried to rob me of what I’d rightfully earned! Probably a damn democrat hobbit wanting to “share the wealth.” And Thorn? Completely misrepresented in the book Eldest, he wasn’t vicious or evil, Paolini would twist his tail every single day before he started writing “to get everyone in the proper mood.” I’d have eaten him straight out, but Thorn, being a VERY young red, had no idea how to deal with the problem and ended getting a reputation he didn’t deserve. Now, Puff on the other hand. Yeah, Puff. The one who played with “little Jackie Paper”? One of the biggest drug pushers in the mythical realm! I know you’ve heard the rumors how the song has a lot to do with smoking marijuana and such. If that was the only thing he ever pushed he’d be an angel compared to what he really was. Let’s just say that the Mexican cartels learned a lot from him.
Easter started out as Ease-Her. Yup, it was a day, just like it sounds, for male dragons to give female dragons the day off. Ease-Her Day would start with the ladies putting their feet up, easing back in the lazy-boy while the guys would do the housework, take care of the kids, catch and make the meals, all that stuff. Kind of like your Mother’s Day, but different…and for dragons.
It was all designed to give her a relaxing day off, so we could talk them into the complete mating ritual the next day. Normal dragon sex is, well, normal. But, once a year we went through the whole ritual, which involves having sex while flying and trying NOT to crash into hard objects on the ground. You know how men get, the get so involved and forget where they are and before you know it, your skull is buried in the side of a mountain while your manly parts are buried…well, let’s leave the rest of that to your imagination. So, by giving the ladies the time off the day before, it helps them pay a little more attention, since they are so rested, so hopefully you don’t both end up a smoking hole in the granite. How in Tiamat’s name the eggs and bunnies got involved is anybody’s guess. But the original holiday was ours.
I lost a lot of good buddies after we lost that holiday!
Okay, so now I’m pissed off, so story time is over. Grab another cuppa and …
Let’s start today with a different little Johnny…
“What’s your name?” asked the teacher.
“Mohammad” answered the kid.
“You are in America now. From now on, your name will be Johnny,” replied the teacher.
That evening, when Mohammad returned home. “How was your day, Mohammad?”, asked his mother.
“My name is not Mohammad. I’m in America and now my name is Johnny.”
“Are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!” and she beat him. Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Mohammad returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises, she asked, “What happened to you, Johnny”?
“Four hours after becoming an American, I was attacked by two Muslims.”
For all you Game of Thrones Geeks out there, here’s the smooth version of the theme song…
Aww, ain’t that just the cutest thing ever!
This is just too good to pass up. Thanks to Ginny for this one!
Can anyone tell me what movie this was originally from?
Impish Dragon, tired of being as round a dragon as he was, calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5 lbs weight loss program.
The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”
Without a second thought, Impish takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, our rotund dragon weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10 lbs program. The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, “If you catch me you can have me”.
Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10 lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.
“Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone. “This is our most rigorous program.” “Absolutely,” Impish replies, “I haven’t felt this good in years.”
The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, “If I catch you, you are mine.”
Impish Dragon lost 33 lbs that week…
But I didn’t get caught.
After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.
In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen
a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.
‘How ’bout that! he exclaims, ‘Here’s a picture of my Fadder ….’
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn’t like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after
her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, ‘So that’s the ugly bitch he’s running around with.’
See under the picture for the translation…
“99.9% of males won’t notice the mouse on the donut !”
This is a great demonstration of how precise the new big machines are:
And yes, if you can’t tell, I am bashing Obama today. I believe he has been the worst thing for our country since … well … ever! Him and his administration should all be put in jail for treason! Call it an Easter wish of mine.
May you all have a wonderful Easter and truly celebrate it in whatever manner you find best.
The headline from this article grabbed my attention immediately and the first thing I thought was, “Have you never raised teenagers?” And then as I read the article I got angrier and angrier! As usual, my comments are in blue!
(See what I mean? Isn’t that the first thing that comes to mind? ALL children, especially teens and pre-teens and tweens, are confrontational at times! They are testing their limits and their boundaries, so for them to be called terrorists? Puh-leese! Anyway, here’s the article:)
Obama adviser tells parents to be suspicious of their own kids
Paul Joseph Watson
April 18, 2014
White House counterterrorism and Homeland Security adviser Lisa Monaco gave a speech this week in which she urged parents to watch their children for signs of “confrontational” behavior which could be an indication of them becoming terrorists. (If that isn’t the dumbest statement I’ve ever heard in my life, then I’m a purple potato!)
During the speech at at Harvard University’s John F. Kennedy School of Government on Tuesday night, Monaco, who replaced John Brennan last year in overseeing the executive branch’s homeland-security activities, said that parents need to be suspicious of “sudden personality changes in their children at home.” (Okay, I agree with that last statement, 100%!! But sure as hell, not for the reasons this bimbette is talking about! Sudden personalities changes in kids is indicative of several things, things that ALL parents need to be well versed in spotting. Drugs, bullying, peer pressure things of that nature. Especially drug use. But terrorism? Are you out of your friggin’ mind?)
“What kinds of behaviors are we talking about?” she asked. “For the most part, they’re not related directly to plotting attacks. They’re more subtle. For instance, parents might see sudden personality changes in their children at home—becoming confrontational.”
Monaco lamented the fact that, “The government is rarely in a position to observe these early signals,” encouraging parents to act as watchdogs to detect radicalization in line with President Obama’s goal of combating homegrown extremism. (Okay, is it just me, or is that an oh so subtle hint that the government needs to be in more of a position to observe our children? Of course they are rarely are in a position to observe signs in our children! The government needs to stay the hell away from our children, and our children’s teachers!)
Over the last decade, the federal government has broadened its definition of what constitutes potential terrorism to such a degree that the term has lost all meaning and is clearly being used as a political tool to demonize adversarial political activism. (Clearly being used as a political tool…which just goes to show, NOTHING is sacred. Now they are telling us that our children are terrorists. Returning veterans, people who hang a flag, gun owners, supporters of Cliven Bundy, people who own gold, display political bumper stickers, and I love this one, which is coming up in the article, Americans who are suspicious of centralized federal authority” and “reverent of individual liberty”!!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me??? The government is saying that it’s okay that they go against the constitution, that they lie, steal, cheat and if we question them or are even suspicious of them, WE are the terrorists! What the hell, people? How much of this crap are we going to take before it’s too much?)
Indeed, only yesterday Senator Harry Reid caused outrage when he labeled supporters of Nevada cattle rancher Cliven Bundy “domestic terrorists”.
Although such tactics pre-date the 2009 release of the MIAC report, the Missouri Information Analysis Center document was perhaps the most shocking in that it characterized a whole swathe of conservative Americans as domestic extremists, including Ron Paul supporters, people who own gold and people who display political bumper stickers.
A Homeland Security study leaked in 2012 upped the ante even further, demonizing Americans who are “suspicious of centralized federal authority,” and “reverent of individual liberty” as “extreme right-wing” terrorists.
Lisa Monaco’s speech and the federal government’s track record in assailing both banal behavior and political activism as potential “terrorism” serves as a reminder that the war on terror has now been focused inwardly against innocent Americans, making it all the more harder to detect actual terrorists. (Quiet or activistic, we are potential terrorists. Well, that pretty much includes everyone. Folks, we are being set up. You mark my words, that things are now only beginning. The other shoe has yet to drop. I don’t know that even voting out the incumbents this November will make a difference, because, if past evidence denotes future behavior, the vote is gonna be rigged anyway. It may come down to this…it may cost us our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor to fix this problem.)
So, how many of you campers, are ready to act?