Dragon Laffs #1365–A continuation of snowpocalypse


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dieGood Morning my friends.
So, we ended up with almost 2 feet of snow fall over the week.  And then starting on Friday, the temperature went up, it started to rain and now we are all worried about flooding.

Well, not ALL of us.  LOL!

I’m on high enough ground that I should be fine, adding just a bit of pain in traveling and such.

And speaking of pain.  My knee is doing better.  I had my staples pulled out on Thursday. I took a really short video for those of you who might be interested.  

I’m so glad I had such a cool surgeon.  Allowing me to take pictures and showing me things that he really didn’t have to.  He’s a really good guy.  And now…let’s move on.

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After this week of really lousy weather, let’s do some laughing today.  What do you think?  Yeah, I thought so, too!
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Ain’t that the truth!  Lord, the amount of time I’ve lost (and that you guys have gotten the benefits from) of following one video to another and another and another…

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A true story. A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

“Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof.”

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

“First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.”

It was not revealed what grade the student got.

Snopes.com has some really interesting things to say about this “story”.  It actually is a bit of a legend.

Variations:

  • This piece commonly begins with a statement meant to authenticate the story: “An actual question given on University of Washington chemistry midterm,” “from a Yale professor,” and “Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997” have been spotted so far. 
  • Sometimes the student’s comments culminate in the assertion that hell must be exothermic because a girl he’d been chasing had sworn it’d be a cold day in hell before she’d sleep with him, and he’d so far been unable to get to first base with her. 
  • Often the story concludes with “The student received the only ‘A’ given on the exam.”


Origins:   The piece quoted above appears to have begun its Internet life as a joke posted to the newsgroup rec.humor in 1997. Its roots, however, are far older: It has antecedents in a 1920’s-era piece written by Dr. Paul Darwin Foote, a scientist noted for his pioneering work in the field of high temperature measurement, which appeared in the house organ of the Taylor Instrument Company. In that article, “The Temperature of Heaven and Hell,” Foote drew scientific deductions from descriptions of the states of various material substances as described in the Bible to conclude that Heaven was hotter than Hell. That item was penned as a humor piece and was written at a time in Foote’s career when he was well established, thus any notion that it was the work of a cheeky student out to impress his professor should be dismissed.

The same item subsequently appeared as a story published in a 1962 book (The Mathematical Magpie, which reprinted it from a 1960 magazine article), and as a parody published in a 1972 edition of Applied Optics
which was attributed to “an unnamed environmental physicist of several decades back”:
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp#TVoDOwQdBVRUUkXJ.99

There is more to the story if you’d like to click on the above link and read about a professor who proved that Heaven is hotter than Hell.  Pretty good really, but let’s move on.

 

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Gotta love the windows jokes.

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There is no way that I have EVER seen a Nativity Scene like this.  Dare I say the word, Geek?

 

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StinkerYou know that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other, and finally hey got married, and had a little sweet potato, whom they called ‘Yam’. Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn’t get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like ‘Hot Potato’, and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots. Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn’t stay home and become a Couch Potato, either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins. When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn’t get scalloped. Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn’t associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, ‘Frito Lay.’ Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that’s Potato University) so that when she graduated she’d really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Mr. and Mrs.ashamed Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn’t possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he’s just a… just a… just a COMMON TATER!!!

So, I tried to warn you!  This one is so really bad, I feel the overwhelming need to apologize!  So, I’m sorry.  Please accept my humblest of apologies for this stinker.  I promise to never always bring you more of these as I find them!

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I’m sure there are better jobs out there…none come to mind, but I’m sure there are.

 

Blonde, dumbA blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special — $99!” So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, “I’d like the $99 cruise special, please.” The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Somehow drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, “Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?” The second blonde replies,”They didn’t last year….”

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Finally, proof of the old joke!  You know the one.  Where Mickey goes to court to divorce Minnie.  The judge tells Mickey, “You can’t divorce your wife because she’s stupid.” and Mickey replies, “I didn’t say she was stupid, I said she was fucking Goofy!”
And now, thanks to my little brother, the Strike Owl, who happens to work for the mouse, we have proof!  Poor Mickey.  Cuckolded by a dog…or a whatever the hell Goofy is!

 

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Fantasy Pic

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At a recent dinner party, one of the guests, a particularly obnoxious male guest, who was overly impressed with his financial status and bragged about it to anyone who would listen, tried to make some clever remarks. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked, and thinking he was being witty, asked loudly, ‘Is this pig?’ Another guest, sitting at the table, commented quietly, ‘That depends on which end of the fork you’re referring to?’

I’ve had those same type of experiences at dinner parties.

 

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This is my cousin Guido’s place.  He doubles as a hit man.  He also thinks it’s hilarious that no one from law enforcement has caught on. 

Mrs. Dragon cannot ride in a car without telling whoever is driving what to do, when to do it, etc. She is, bar none, the worst back seat driver in the world. I have long thought this, though she would deny it. She claimed she seldom, if ever made comments about my driving. I, of course, claimed the opposite. Now I have proof. The other day we were headed for the mall and our little daughter dragonette piped up, “Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive?

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six-year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

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Poetry1

A PARENT’S POEM”

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my mind!

I pray I find a little quiet,
Far from the daily family riot.
May I lie back and not have to think
About what they’re stuffing down the sink.

Or who they’re with, or where they’re at,
And what they’re doing to the family cat.
I pray for time all to myself,
Wait! Did something just fall off a shelf?

To cuddle in my nice, soft bed,
Oh, no! Another goldfish dead!
Some silent moments for goodness sake,
Hey, did I just hear a window break?

And that I need not cook or clean,
Well, heck, I’ve got the right to dream!
Yes, now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep.
But as I look around I know,
I must have lost them long ago!

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Now why am I not surprised at all over this one?

 

Motivational

He choked

home security

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laziness

My girlfriend

Oh give

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy.’ So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy.’ One little boy stood up and offered: ‘If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.’ ‘No,’ said Obama, ‘that would be an accident.’ A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy. I’m afraid not,’ explained Obama. ‘That’s what we would call great loss.’ The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. ‘Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’ Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: ‘If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.’ ‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Obama. ‘That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?’ ‘Well,’ says the boy, ‘It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss… and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.’

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Believe it or not, there are some questions that even “Dear Abby” can’t answer.  Here are some of those letters:

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
My 40-year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

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A sixth grade child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. Here is what he wrote:

The Children’s Bible in a Nutshell.

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, “The Lord thy God is one,” but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, “Give me a light!” and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden … Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor’s stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don’t have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, “Close the door! Were you born in a barn?” It would be nice to say, ”As a matter of fact, I was.”)
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

As a point of fact, my own sixth grade dragonette pretty much agreed with the whole thing.  She told me that she would have written it the same way.  Whereas the original young man was probably suffering from a bad case of naivety, I believe my own daughter is suffering from a bad case of smart-assery.  But, you see my point.

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It’s the best first line I’ve EVER heard in my entire life!  and the rest of the video ain’t bad either!

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Is Dragon Fruit the Next “It” Food?

Heck yes!  It is!  By name alone, it must be!  But, let’s take a little closer look at this great fruit and see how else it might more closely deserve the name, “Dragon!”

8So, for starters, that is one beautiful looking fruit!  Let’s take a little closer look.  Here’s what the Food Network has to say about it:

There’s a new super food in town.   Is the oddly gorgeous dragon fruit poised to be the next pomegranate?See that?  Super food!  And oddly gorgeous!  If that isn’t the perfect description of a dragon, than I don’t know what is!
Dragon fruit has recently been making appearances in everything from herbal teas to yogurts. Dragon-fruit-infused liquors are showing up on cocktail menus — and the scent is even being featured in candles and dish soap.
What Is Dragon Fruit?
Dragon fruit, also known as pitaya, is a white-fleshed fruit adorned with petite black edible seeds. Vibrant green leaves shoot from its fuchsia skin. Some varieties have yellow skin and darker flesh.
Fresh, dried and canned dragon fruit can be found at some specialty markets and online. The fruits can get expensive, with some fresh imports selling for more than $10 apiece.  Well, of course we’re expensive!  What did you think?  Dragon!
Dragon fruit is low in calories and high in vitamin C and fiber. The seeds contain a small amount of heart-healthy fats and the flesh boasts cell-protecting antioxidants like lycopene and the lesser known phytoalbumins. Of Course!  Expect only the best!
Despite its show-stopping appearance and ferocious name, dragon fruit has a mild watermelon-like flavor with a soft and somewhat grainy texture. It pairs well with the sweetness of berries, kiwi and honey.  Most of us are just big teddy bears underneath.  Teddy Bears that like virgins and razing villages.  It’s to be expected, right?
Dragon fruits are in season from late summer through December. The fruit — which forms from a nocturnal cactus plant that blooms at night (under a full moon no less) — is native to Central and South America and is now domestically grown in Hawaii, California and southern Florida.  Well, the full moon sounds right, but unlike the fruit, this dragon is available all year round!

Have a great day my friends!

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1365–A continuation of snowpocalypse

  1. Henry says:

    Very good post today.

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