Dragon Laffs #1361


Young thug dragon

Well, if you are reading this, then it is about a week after my surgery.  Since I’m writing it before my surgery, I sure hope everything turned out all right.  lol. 

Well, it’s a couple of days before Christmas. 4 days to be exact.  A day to be rejoiced over for what it stands for.
For what it truly means.
Let’s review the true meaning of Christmas with the indomitable words of Linus:

I couldn’t have said it any better.
Thanks Linus.
You’ll notice, that there won’t be a Christmas issue per se on Wednesday.  There is a twofold reason for this.  #1. We’ve given the entire staff of Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs Electronic Media, LLC the week of the holidays off work.  The Dwarves, Goblins, Elves, Gnomes, and all the others have worked very hard on our behalf over the year and we are very appreciative of their incredible efforts.  And B) No one is going to read an issue on Christmas Day anyway.  We know this and expect all of our brothers and sisters out there to spend time with their families and enjoy the holiday.

Personally, I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly thank my partner, co-writer, and one of my very best friends in the whole world, Lethal Leprechaun.  I could never have done any of the things that I personally have done with this blog without his unending support and assistance.  He is the BEST!

Now, without any further ado…

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You know the honeymoon is over, when the comedians start.

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree…and think 25 to life would be
appropriate.
–Jay Leno


America needs Obama-care like Nancy
Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
–Jay Leno


Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s’
new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you
has to pay for it.
–Conan O’Brien


Q: What does Barack Obama call
lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
–Jay Leno


Q: What’s the difference between
Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers,
and threats to society. The other is for housing
prisoners.
–David Letterman


Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were
on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it
started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America!
–Jimmy Fallon


Q: What’s the difference between
Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
–Jimmy Kimmel


Q: What was the most positive result
of the “Cash for Clunkers” program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper
stickers off the road.
–David Letterman

 

Solution to the problem in Egypt:
They want a new Muslim leader, Give them ours.

6h
When talking about the government: ”When they tell you not to panic, that’s when you run!” from the movie 2012

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Okay, so last week it was Karl giving us his wisdom of his age, today it’s my Dad…

Something for seniors to do to keep those “aging” grey cells active!
1. Johnny s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. …What was the third child ‘sname?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers.…What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, …what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole …that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language …is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. ….How is this possible?

7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. 
…Why not?

8. What was the President ‘s Name…in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, …and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say,… “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, ….how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Here are the Answers

1. Johnny s mother had three children. The first childwas named April The second child was named May. What was the third child ‘sname?

Answer:Johnny of course

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer:   Mt. Everest; it just wasn ‘t discovered yet. [ You ‘re not very good at this are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer: Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere

7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

Answer: You can ‘t take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the President ‘s Name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now – Barack Obama [Oh, come on ….]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1) You can‘t count your hair.
2) You can‘t wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can‘t breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.
Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can‘t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.

10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
You have received this e-mail because I didn‘t want to be alone in the idiot category.

Now THIS, is the way to play chess!

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Here’s one of my favorite videos of all time:

And I found this one at the same time:

Okay, so one more, because, it too, is really cute:

 

 

coollogo_com-83581496_thumb2 Santa baby

A very small, mousy man was hired as a bartender in the Old West. The saloon owner advised him, “If you ever hear that Big John is coming to town, drop everything and run for your life.” The bartender worked for six months with no problems. Then one day a cowboy rushed in shouting, “Big John’s a-comin’!” In his hurry to get out, he knocked the small bartender to the floor. Before the bartender could recover, in came a giant of a man with a black, bushy beard. He rode in through the swinging doors on the back of a buffalo, using a rattlesnake for a whip. The man tore the doors off of their hinges, knocked over tables, and slung the rattlesnake into the corner. “Gimme a drink,” he yelled as he split the bar in half with a pound of his massive fist. The bartender nervously pushed a bottle toward the man. He bit off the top of the glass bottle with his teeth, chugged the contents in one gulp and turned to leave. Realizing that the man wasn’t hurting anyone, the bartender asked if he’d like another drink. “Ain’t got no time,” the man roared. “Big John’s a comin’ to town.”

706Every keyboard needs one of these keys

In Marine Corps basic training, I soon learned that everything we recruits used belonged to our drill instructor. For instance, she referred to the stuff in our footlockers as “my trash” and to the racks where we slept as “my racks.” One time when we were all whispering in the bathroom while making “head calls,” our drill instructor must have overheard us. To our surprise, she suddenly yelled, “Why do I hear voices in my head?”

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cats
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I know its right before Christmas, and I said I really wasn’t going to do a Christmas issue, mostly because of the surgery and having to get this issue done so far in advance, but here’s a tiny part that actually brought tears to this old Dragon’s eyes.

Okay, and this one is just adorable!
Not Christmas.
Just Great!

707

 

Barack Obama, David Cameron (UK) and Helle Thorning-Schmidt (Denmark) take a selfie during Nelson Mandela’s funeral.

5b

IN 2016 CAN WE PLEASE ELECT AN ADULT?

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Dear Santa
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One of my favorite cartoons over the years has to be these two guys.  Reminding me so much of my own son growing up and me as his sarcastic dad.  A dear friend has been sending them to me for quite some time now and I have decided that this is the time to showcase them.  So, I give you:
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baby Pic

6e
6f
6g
6i
6j

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5f

5e

coollogo_com-83394237_thumbWhen I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!

Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that ugly burned biscuit.

He ate every bite of that thing … never made a face nor uttered a word
about it!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom
apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Honey, I love burned biscuits every now and then.”

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he
really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides – a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!” 

As I’ve grown older, I’ve thought about that many times. Life is full of
imperfect things and imperfect people. I’m not the best at anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults, and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. 

And that’s my prayer for you today … that you will learn to take the good
the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He’s the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn’t a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the
base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship! 

So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine. 

“Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil – it has no point.”

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1361

  1. Rd says:

    hope your healing well
    have a happy and safe holiday season
    Rd

  2. Good issue, I especially love the closing story!!!

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