Just a reminder to those still trying to see the issue in their e-mail, that dog don’t hunt here no more. You want to see the issue? Go to the blog like we intended and pay good money for you to be able to do. Http://dragonlaffs.com
Due to apparent unforeseen technical difficulties on the part of WordPress, publication of todays issue was unknowingly delayed. We regret that you had to wait for your laughs!
Ahem! Now that the proprieties have been observed, lets get down to business shall we?!
As a few of you already know early last Wednesday morning I was the victim of an attempted Home Invasion &/or Burglary.
Everyone is fine. Once they heard me come screaming for their blood down the hall and the slide on my pistol wracking they lost all interest in stealing my office tech and found a sudden interest in surviving the encounter with me.In fact I never actually saw anyone only the broken glass and the opened window behind my office couch. Steps are being taken to to correct the revealed security deficiency not only in my apartment due to puts particular placement but in all similar apartments situated in a similar manner to mine.
The Property Manager assured me that within 6 to 8 weeks the property will be sporting real time monitoring security cameras as well.
You all also are aware that on Friday I suffered a Computer/Privacy Invasion by Impish Dragon who let a surprise new feature I had planned on revealing today out of the bag by stealing not only my newly designed header but my scheduled first feature as well. Well a Julian Assange or Edward Snowden Impish most decidedly is not. Rest assured that starting with today and continuing the rest of the month I will be using that very same new feature to exact my retribution on Impish! They say the pen is mightier than the sword, well we’re going to find out if it hurts ore than the buses he keep getting run over by too!
OK enough of the serious stuff! Grab your coffee fasten your seat belts, return the flight attendants to their original up right positions, and lets launch this puppy shall we?
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big breast.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big breast, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now and I am looking for a girl with big breast.
This is what happens when a woman engineer has way too much time on her hands!
The Nude Men Clock
Be sure to click on the clock to make it digital. It’s actually the correct time even counting the seconds!!!
What kind of computer engineer mind thinks of these things? Yikes!!
THE NUDE MEN CLOCK – A MUST SEE FOR YOURSELF
And it is NOT X-rated.
This is a masterpiece!!! This is extremely clever and it does actually work, in BOTH formats!!!! Digital and Analog. And it’s actually on YOUR correct time.
This human clock is fantastic.
http://lovedbdb.com/nudemenClock/index2.html
Click anywhere in the clock and it becomes digital, another click and it returns to normal.
College Football Season has Begun!
Here’s a recap of last year:
Alabama beat Arkansas and Arkansas fired their coach.
Alabama beat Tennessee and Tennessee fired their coach.
Alabama beat Auburn and Auburn fired their coach.
Alabama beat Notre Dame and the Pope resigned.
So: how do we get Alabama to play Congress?
manualsonline.com – Blender on the fritz? Oven isn’t behaving? What do you do when you reach for the manual and can’t find it?
This site has thousands of manuals ready for download. You can find almost every brand name and appliance, so yours is probably in there. You can even upload manuals to help others.
beta.billboard.fm – It’s easy to flick on the radio and hear the top songs of today, but what about years gone by? Since 1946, the Billboard music charts have been documenting the popular music of each year.
Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public Website – Do you know who all your neighbors are? One or more convicted sex offender could be living in your area!
This morning Impish was beaten up by a woman… here at DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises HQ. He apparently was in an elevator when this busty woman got in.
Impish (predictably) was staring at her boobs, when she said, “Would you please press 1..?”
So he did.
He claims he doesn’t remember much after that point.
WHAT? That’s my Dragon Prairie Oyster Harvesting Knife!
Pumpkin Brownies
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Makes: 12 brownies
Ingredients
1 box brownie mix
2 c. pureed fresh pumpkin or 1 can (15 oz.) pumpkin
1/4 c. walnuts, coarsely chopped
Instructions
Preheat oven to 350°F. Spray an 8″ x 8″ baking dish with nonstick cooking spray.
In a medium mixing bowl beat brownie mix and pumpkin—no eggs, no oil, no water.
Batter will be thick. Spread mixture evenly in the prepared pan. Sprinkle with walnuts.
Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until center is set.
Nutritional Information
Calories: 190, Total Fat: 3g, Saturated Fat: 1g, Cholesterol: 70mg, Sodium: 100mg, Carbohydrates: 34g, Dietary Fiber: 2g, Sugar: 24g, Protein: 3g
Scalia says Satan is ‘a real person’
The Evil One on the mind of Supreme Court justice
Author: By Daniel Burke CNN Published On: Oct 07 2013 12:05:18 PM CDT
(CNN) — As the Supreme Court begins its new term Monday, the devil is not on the docket — but the Evil One apparently is on the mind of Justice Antonin Scalia.
New York magazine has published a fascinating new interview with Scalia in which the outspoken jurist tackled a number of topics. But none seemed to surprise Scalia’s interviewer, Jennifer Senior, more than his views on Satan.
The interview was conducted on September 26, the 27th anniversary of Scalia’s swearing-in as a justice on the high court. He is one of a record six Catholic justices on the Supreme Court.
After Scalia and Senior discussed heaven and hell (he believes in them; she doesn’t), the justice said in a stage whisper, “I even believe in the devil.”
“You do?” Senior replied.
“Of course! Yeah, he’s a real person. Hey, come on, that’s standard Catholic doctrine! Every Catholic believes that,” Scalia said.
[Ok, I was raised Catholic and I’m fairly certain that while doctrine is that Satan exists it doesn’t say he’s a living breathing person. Oh. Wait. That would explain Obama wouldn’t it?!]
Senior asked Scalia if he’s seen evidence of Satan’s work recently.
“You know, it is curious,” Scalia answered. “In the Gospels, the devil is doing all sorts of things. He’s making pigs run off cliffs, he’s possessing people and whatnot. And that doesn’t happen very much anymore. … It’s because he’s smart.”
Scalia said the Devil has gotten “wilier” and convinced people that he and God don’t exist. The justice added that he doesn’t think that atheists are Satan’s minions, but that disbelief in God “certainly favors the devil’s desires.”
Senior asked if it’s “frightening” to believe in the devil, which seemed to annoy Scalia.
“You’re looking at me as though I’m weird,” he answered. “My God! Are you so out of touch with most of America, most of which believes in the devil? I mean, Jesus Christ believed in the devil! It’s in the Gospels! You travel in circles that are so, so removed from mainstream America that you are appalled that anybody would believe in the devil! Most of mankind has believed in the devil, for all of history. Many more intelligent people than you or me have believed in the devil.”
Scalia, whose son, Paul, is a Catholic priest in Arlington, Virginia, also said Pope Francis is “absolutely” right about the church needing to concentrate more on mercy and outreach than on fighting the culture wars.
“But he hasn’t backed off the view of the church on those issues,” Scalia said. “He’s just saying, ‘Don’t spend all our time talking about that stuff. Talk about Jesus Christ and evangelize.’ I think there’s no indication whatever that he’s changing doctrinally.”
Finally, Scalia said he has not “softened” his views on homosexuality.
“I still think it’s Catholic teaching that it’s wrong. OK? But I don’t hate the people that engage in it. In my legal opinions, all I’ve said is that I don’t think the Constitution requires the people to adopt one view or the other,” Scalia said.
But apparently it is constitutional to allow the government to force health care on We the People and usurp our right to pick, choose and manage our own heath care providers and treatment choices.
This is the guy we trust with interpreting and protecting the Constitution? A man who takes his interpretation of the Bible and Christian Dogma to literal lengths?
Can we get him to see/believe that Satan’s name is Barrack Obama?
Speaking of the Supreme Court, I say we should make good use of one of their latest Rulings…
Six Basic Rules For Good Health
1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, every day is even better.
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing don’t eat too much … Go for more liquids.
5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level !!!
SO …. REMEMBER …
FISHING is good for your health and soul …
And may the Good Lord cleanse your Filthy Mind!
You arrive at your hotel and check in at the front desk. Typically when checking in, you give the front desk your credit card (for any charges to your room).
You go to your room and settle in. All is good.
The hotel receives a call and the caller asks for (as an example) room 620 – which happens to be your room.
The phone rings in your room. You answer and the person on the other end says the following: ‘This is the front desk. When checking in, we came across a problem with your charge card information. Please re-read me your credit card number and verify the last 3 digits numbers at the reverse side of your charge card.’
Not thinking anything wrong, since the call seems to come from the front desk you oblige. But actually, it is a scam by someone calling from outside the hotel. They have asked for a random room number, then ask you for your credit card and address information. They sound so professional, that you think you are talking to the front desk.
If you ever encounter this scenario on your travels, tell the caller that you will be down to the front desk to clear up any problems. Then, go to the front desk or call directly and ask if there was a problem. If there was none, inform the manager of the hotel that someone tried to scam you of your credit card information, acting like a front desk employee.
ANYONE travelling should be aware of this one!
More on it here: http://www.snopes.com/fraud/phishing/hotel.asp
I can tell you I have stayed in at least 2 different Hotels in the last year where despite Snopes assertion call are put through to room numbers when asked for by room number. Additionally this does not stop ‘internal dialing from a ‘house phone’ which would bypass the switch board entirely.
Wow Impish I’m impressed! The President actually wants to be your pal? I had no idea you’d fallen that low though I do approve of your pet name for him!
Well it seems my surprise for you guys isn’t really much of one after a certain thieving dragon went snooping around my desk again in the odd moment Friday & I were both out of my office.
He does this periodically in an attempt to locate my secret recipe for blending Brown Gold. Too bad he’s never going to find it in my office. It’s actually buried someplace in the mountains of paperwork in his office.
Anyway, Impish was bemoaning that there were more songs about leprechauns (I personally know of exactly 3 and one of those is rather obscure as opposed to 2 for Dragons one of which is by the same obscure performer) and has been begging me to annoying the shit out of me ever since he saw that Barney/Congress rewrite to do something about Dragon.
Impish you should really beware of what you harass people for, you just might get it! Also in retaliation for your invasion of my creative privacy later in the issue I’ll be publishing a photo I lifted from the security cameras in your home.
Today’s Purloined & Perverted Prose- Simple Simon
Next Week’s Purloined & Perverted Prose:
“Puff the Magic Dragon” or as I retitled it “Impish the Gluttonous Dragon”.
And now as promised, that candidly candid photo from Impish’s security cameras. It appears the littlest Dragonet with the aid of Mrs. Dragon is preparing to spread her wings for a first outing with a potential suitor.
Funeral processions suck, regardless of whether you’re the guy in the box or just a guy stuck in the traffic.
[Header image involuntarily courtesy of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart]
You know night after night I sit and watch TV with Molly and have to hear about how the Government Shutdown is ALL the Republican’s fault, how the Republicans do give a rats ass about us and how they refuse to play ball. Then I come in here and see crap posted but or token resident Loony Liberal whom I thought I had blocked from posting so much as a cough spouting Democratic Crapola about how the Republicans are Terrorist and are refusing to accept Obamacare as the law of the land even after a questionable (in my opinion and even more so in light of Justice Scalia’s comments above about Satan being an actual person) ruling by the Supreme Court.
I’ll stipulate the the fact that the Republicans reasoning for refusing to fund might be a last ditch stand though when a preponderance of polled people say they don’t want it, one has to wonder who is really championing the will of the people here.
However all those talking heads and all those Liberal Lemmings and the Democrats are all avoiding one very important fact because is inconvenient for them and stand in the face of them forcing a health care system it seems nobody really wants down the throats of We the People so more undocumented Democrats will vote for them and they can continue to destroy our country.
The entire article as it appears in its original formatting can be found by clicking the title hyperlink below. The underlining highlighting of text & font as well as the comments in green are my editorial comments.
Who Shut Down the Government?
Here are the real facts of the Government shutdown sans Liberal media spin, hype and blatant lies. Thomas Sowell is an American economist, social theorist, political philosopher, and author. He is currently the Rose and Milton Friedman Senior Fellow on Public Policy at the Hoover Institution, Stanford University.
Thomas Sowell | Oct 04, 2013
Even when it comes to something as basic, and apparently as simple and straightforward, as the question of who shut down the federal government, there are diametrically opposite answers, depending on whether you talk to Democrats or to Republicans. (But there is only one truth)
There is really nothing complicated about the facts. The Republican-controlled House of Representatives voted all the money required to keep all government activities going — except for ObamaCare.
This is not a matter of opinion. You can check the Congressional Record.
As for the House of Representatives’ right to grant or withhold money, that is not a matter of opinion either. You can check the Constitution of the United States. All spending bills must originate in the House of Representatives, which means that Congressmen there have a right to decide whether or not they want to spend money on a particular government activity.
(Note that the House is the branch of government that is closest to the people)
Whether ObamaCare is good, bad or indifferent is a matter of opinion. But it is a matter of fact that members of the House of Representatives have a right to make spending decisions based on their opinion.
ObamaCare is indeed “the law of the land,” as its supporters keep saying, and the Supreme Court has upheld its Constitutionality.
But the WHOLE point of having a division of powers within the federal government is that each branch can decide independently what it wants to do or not do, regardless of what the other branches do, when exercising the powers specifically granted to that branch by the Constitution.
The hundreds of thousands of government workers who have been laid off are not idle because the House of Representatives did not vote enough money to pay their salaries or the other expenses of their agencies — unless they are in an agency that would administer ObamaCare.
Since we cannot read minds, we cannot say who — if anybody — “wants to shut down the government.” But we do know who had the option to keep the government running and chose not to. The money voted by the House of Representatives covered everything that the government does, except for ObamaCare.
The [democratically controlled] Senate chose not to vote to authorize that money to be spent, because it did not include money for ObamaCare. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid says that he wants a “clean” bill from the House of Representatives, and some in the media keep repeating the word “clean” like a mantra. But what is unclean about not giving Harry Reid everything he wants?
If Senator Reid and President Obama refuse to accept the money required to run the government, because it leaves out the money they want to run ObamaCare, that is their right. But that is also their responsibility, NOT THE REPUBLICANS! It is Senator Reid and President Obama’s refusal of what the House has offered them which is within the House’s mandate and legal rights according to the Constitution that has shutdown the Government and effectively held these workers hostage.
You cannot blame other people for not giving you everything you want. [unless you’re a liberal welfare lover that is] And it is a fraud to blame them when you refuse to use the money they did vote, even when it is ample to pay for everything else in the government.
When Barack Obama keeps claiming that it is some new outrage for those who control the money to try to change government policy by granting or withholding money, that is simply a bald-faced lie. You can check the history of other examples of “legislation by appropriation” as it used to be called.
Whether legislation by appropriation is a good idea or a bad idea is a matter of opinion. But whether it is both legal and not unprecedented is a matter of fact.
Perhaps THE BIGGEST OF THE BIG LIES is that the government will not be able to pay what it owes on the national debt, creating a danger of default. Tax money keeps coming into the Treasury during the shutdown, and it vastly exceeds the interest that has to be paid on the national debt.
Even if the debt ceiling is not lifted, that only means that government is not allowed to run up new debt. But that does not mean that it is unable to pay the interest on existing debt.
Now don’t misunderstand me I hold both sides to blame for this impasse. As my mother used to constantly tell me when I pounded on my brother for various things ‘it takes two to tango’ and or ‘two wrongs do not make a right’. This is not a staring contest/game of chicken between to ideologically opposed parties. The Republicans (as granted apparently was their well founded in legal precedent and Constitution right have taken Obamacare hostage with announced the intent of holding it so for one year. The Democrats have responded by taking the Government hostage and in a demonstration of their distain for anything or one aside from their brain washed lockstep lemming followers are deliberately financially harming over a million federal employees many of whom have already been severely harmed by the Sequestration fiasco.
None of Sowell’s simple truth is rocket science. But unless the Republicans get their side of the story out — and articulation has never been their strong suit – the liberal’s lies will win. More important, the whole country will lose.
Since Obama holds the liberal lame stream media in his pocket, I sincerely doubt that even if the Republicans suddenly found an articulate tongue among them the media would allow their position to get out.
There Judge Scalia is your Satan (Obama) and his minions (the media).
The way to defeat this evil both is clear and the same. VOTE THEM ALL ON BOTH SIDES OUT! Send them a clear message that they govern by our sufferance and we will suffer their governance no longer!
Dragon Laffs 