Dragon Laffs #1351


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Good Morning Campers.

I’m not exactly sure how much laughter you will get out of today’s issue.  Don’t get me wrong, there is an awful lot of funny stuff in here, but there is also a lot of ranting going on.  I can’t believe that our country is in the precarious position that it’s in.  And I’m sorry for saying this, but I blame Obama more than I blame anyone else.  I know it’s him that’s telling the democrats to not cooperate, it’s him telling the parks departments to make it as uncomfortable as possible on the people, it’s him that could have straightened out the whole military death benefit thing in literal moments.  The whole thing has me so disappointed.

I had someone ask me the other day, “So, what does defending the Constitution really look like?”  I asked him what he meant, I thought I knew, but I wanted to hear him say it.

“You know, we all had to raise our hands and among other things we promised to ‘defend the Constitution against all enemies, both foreign and domestic.’  What does that look like?  At what point do we say that the politicians have used the Constitution as toilet paper, they aren’t following the rules and the laws that it lays out and at what point do we do something about it and what does that do something look like?”

Well, says I, as for me, I know what my hard limits are.  I know at what point I’m not going to take any more and will defend her, with force.  That is what we’re talking about.  But, you have to decide that for yourself.

My friends… it’s being talked about.  And not in whispers.  And I know that the other shoe has yet to drop.

So, let’s try to take a little time, somewhere today to put a smile on our faces and …

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I’m disgusted with our Federal Government right now.  Did you hear or read about how they have refused to pay the death benefits, the travel to Dover AFB for the family and the burial expenses for five of our military members who died in Afghanistan over the last weekend?   Unbelievable!  I don’t give a flying donut round a dinosaur’s tail what is going on with the government shut-down/slow-down crap, we don’t abandon our military, or their families in any way!  That’s just wrong.  It’s dirty.  It’s disgusting.  And I am embarrassed for our country.  This is wrong on so many levels.  Especially as how it could be fixed so easily:
(I’m sorry the audio is so crappy)

It’s just wrong!

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Okay, I told you there was some funny stuff in here…Taking a break from the serious stuff for just a second, this has got to be the very best practical joke played on anybody!  And all for the sake of a movie!  LOL!

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Back to the government bullshit…This is a great piece by Neil Cavuto.  You can watch it here and read along below.

Mr. President, Fox News isn’t what’s making Americans sick about your healthcare law.  Your healthcare law is.    So, it’s time we set some things straight.

Mr. President, we at Fox News are not the problem.  I hate to break it to you, sir.  You are.  Your words are.  Your promises are.  We didn’t sell this healthcare law.  Sir, you did.  Remember this?

President Barack Obama:  If you like your doctor, you will be able to keep your doctor.  Period.

Mr. President, tell that to tens of thousands of retirees at IBM and Time Warner and dozens of others, who’ve been dumped from their coverage and told to find their own coverage.  Fox News didn’t break that news to them, Mr. President.  Their companies did.

Fox News didn’t push more of those firms to hire part-time workers.  Your healthcare law did.  Fox News didn’t incentivize fast food restaurants to scale back their benefits.  Your healthcare law did.  Fox News didn’t make doctors want to opt out.  Your healthcare law did.  Fox News didn’t make insurance premiums sky rocket.  Your healthcare law did.  Just like Fox News didn’t grant hundreds of exemptions to companies that needed them.  You did.  And Fox News didn’t delay one key provision after another, including online enrollment for those small business exchanges.  You did.

Just like it wasn’t Fox News that said we had to pass this to see what was in this.  You did.  Or was that Nancy Pelosi?  Sometimes I’m confused.  But of this I am not.  Fox News didn’t re-do basic math.  Sir, you did.  Fox News didn’t say you can cover 30 million more Americans and not see a hit in premiums.  You did.  Fox News didn’t say you could throw in those with pre-existing conditions and not have to pay for it.  You did.  Fox News didn’t all but say you could get something for nothing.  You did.  Fox News didn’t come back years later and say, oh yea, we did raise some taxes.  You did.

Here’s where you are right about Fox News, however, Mr. President.  We can do math.  And did.  You cannot.  And did not.  We said it, and proved it.  You didn’t.  And we’re all suffering for it.  Take it from the numbers guy at Fox.  Numbers don’t lie.  The number of Americans working part-time are nervous.  The number of retirees days away from being dumped on exchanges are anxious.  The number of company bosses with any news to pass along on those exchanges, but still clueless.  The number of doctors who want out.  The number of congressmen now opting out.  No, Mr. President, none of those numbers lie.

But with all due respect sir, I can only conclude you do know; I know, I know you hate us at Fox.  But please take a look in a mirror, and fast.  You think we’re the skunk at your picnic.  But that doesn’t mean we’re the ones that stink.  Because that smell isn’t coming from the folks reporting on your law.  Mr. President, that smell is your law.

And another one of those instances when I say, “Damn, I wish I’d said that!”

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Wow, more and more politicians are turning on him:

Arizona lawmaker refers to Obama as ‘De Fuhrer’ on Facebook

Senior Media Editor
Like many Republican lawmakers, Brenda Barton is furious that the federal government shutdown has forced the closure of national parks.

Barton, an Arizona state representative, took to Facebook to express her fury in a series of status updates Monday. In one, she compared President Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler.

“Someone is paying the National Park Service thugs overtime for their efforts to carry out the order of De Fuhrer,” Barton wrote. “[W]here are our Constitutional Sheriffs who can revoke the Park Service Rangers authority to arrest??? Do we have any Sheriffs with a pair?”

Fuhrer, the German term for leader, is most often associated with Hitler.

“While the POTUS continues to punish the American people,” Barton continued, “he keeps open his golf course, he keeps open Camp David, and he retains his and his wife’s excessive staff and stable of Czars! I’ll bet he has kept in service his 3 food tasters!!!”

“The Chief Executive is acting as an Imperial President,” she added, “without regard to his citizens, only caring about his agenda. With all the exemptions he has unilaterally bestowed on many interest groups, could he not delay the ACA Individual Mandate for a single year? Without regard for the elected House of Representatives. What do you call that?”

But it was the comparison to Hitler that drew criticism from many, including Arizona House Democrats.

“You owe an apology to the President, and Arizona for embarrassing us,” Rep. Ruben Gallego wrote on Twitter. “You [are] potentially creating problems for many government employees. [W]hat you are saying is completely incorrect and illegal.”

 

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Although this opinion piece is not written by my dear friend Wheats, it was submitted to me by him and I thank him for drawing my attention to it:

 

Congress Forced Hagel To Recall Civilian Workers

From The Hill:

Shutdown all but over for the Pentagon

By Jeremy Herb and Erik Wasson | October 7, 2013

The shutdown for the Pentagon effectively ended Monday as more than 300,000 civilian workers returned to the job. Of the Defense Department’s roughly 750,000 civilian workers, only a small fraction remain furloughed.

This is journalistic malpractice. By the end of the article we will learn that only ““a few tens of thousands” will remain furloughed. So they are recalling a helluva lot more than 300,000.

In fact, the truth is the Pentagon will have to recall all of its workers. Because ‘The ‘Law Of The Land (TM)’ made it completely illegal for any of them to have put on furlough in the first place. (But more on this later.)

Most of the military’s 1.3 million active-duty service members are being shielded from the shutdown as well, as multiple services stopped last week are now returning.

More journalism malpractice. The same law that protects the military protects the civilian defense workers…

The return to near normal for the Pentagon came after Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel announced this weekend that more than 90 percent of the 350,000 furloughed Pentagon civilian employees could return to work because of a law Congress passed last week to pay the military.

A law that was purposefully passed before the shutdown. A law that was precisely intended to stop Hagel from doing exactly what he did.

The Pentagon and Justice Department determined the law allowed civilians “whose responsibilities contribute to the morale, well-being, capabilities and readiness of service members” to return to work…

Which would include all DOD workers. Otherwise, why are they at the DOD? But the Obama administration wanted to throw a scare into the public, even if they had to break the law to do it.

The move means that the Pentagon, which had the most federal workers furloughed when the government shut down last week, is now one of the agencies least affected by the budget impasse.

And all the fearmongering about 800,000 furloughed workers was nothing  but a government/media lie.

Some services and offices are still affected by the shutdown. Pentagon Comptroller Robert Hale said that most public affairs and legislative affairs workers remain furloughed, as well as those who work on audits…

Auditors don’t contribute to the readiness of the military? Since when?

While lawmakers from both parties praised the Pentagon for bringing back most of its civilian workforce, some Republicans criticized the Pentagon for taking until Saturday to do so.

“The President should not have furloughed these hardworking men and women. According to the bill he signed, they should have been allowed to work through this entire shutdown,” said Rep. Michael Turner (R-Ohio), a member of the House Armed Services Committee. “This clearly shows he has been playing politics with these furloughs.”

Congress passed the military pay bill  Sept. 30 in the hours before the government closed. The Pentagon said it had to carefully review the law before determining which civilians could return to work.

Members of both parties were pressuring Hagel to bring back civilian workers back. Half the Senate signed a letter that said the law made “explicitly clear” most civilians could work during the shutdown.

One senior House GOP aide said Pentagon officials had indicated they wanted to immediately issue a broad interpretation to bring most civilians back to work but were delayed by the Justice Department.

“They were hampered, possibly by legal implications, but we suspect and understand political implications by the White House over a concern that once you relieve the national security pressure, there’s a leverage issue there,” the aide said.

Hale said the law did not allow a “blanket recall” of civilians, which meant the department had to undertake a review of its civilian workforce. “Needless to say, this is a difficult process and a time-consuming one,” Hale told reporters…

Only because they are trying to drag out this illegal act.

The Pentagon did not yet have an exact number of civilians who remained furloughed Monday, but Hale said Saturday the number was “no more than a few tens of thousands.”

In other words, they are recalling a helluva lot more than 300,000 of the 750,000 thousand workers. And, of course, they will eventually have to recall them all.

So all this talk about 800,000 furloughed DOD workers has been nothing but political theater. And illegal political theater at that. In fact, Obama and Hagel have inflicted all of this grief, even going to so far as to break ‘The Law Of The Land,’ all the while pretending they were being forced to do so by the Republicans.

 

How you can tell if your dog has been cheating on you…

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Okay, another great video.  A techie nerd magician.  Now if that isn’t the most confusing title for any one man, anywhere, I haven’t heard it.

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A teenage boy seemed placid as the doctor approached his hospital bed to give him a psychiatric evaluation. His mother was seated nearby, immersed in her knitting. The doctor walked over and introduced himself to the boy. The boy looked right through the doctor and started screaming, “I can’t see! I can’t see!” The doctor had never witnessed such a dramatic example of hysterical blindness in his entire career! He turned to the mother and asked, “How long has this been going on?” Without looking up she replied, “Ever since you stepped between him and his television set.”

The major news networks seem to have missed this from the anniversary parade of the Martin Luther King Jr. speech in Washington last week.

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Oh are you guys in for a treat!  I was peeking at Lethal’s computer the other day and he’s come up with a new feature for his issue…. and we get a little bit of a sneak peek!  Hee, Hee, Hee!  Here now, for your viewing pleasure….
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With absolutely no apology to that liberal leaning, purple pussy of a gun hating, Pelosi loving, children brain washing lizard Barney

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Way to go Lethal!  Nicely done!  You are one talented Leprechaun!

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Actual complaints to travel agents….okay, so I don’t know if they are actually actual complaints to travel agents, but they sure are funny.

1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

2. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”
3. “On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”
I’ll book it but only if I can screen my fellow travelers first.
4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price”
5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”
6. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”
7. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”
8. “No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”
9. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”
10. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”
11. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”
12. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England . It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”
13. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”
14. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort’. We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”
15. “There were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”
16. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”
17. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”
18. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”
19. “My fiancé and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

 

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coollogo_com-83394237_thumbI don’t know.  I’ve ranted so much throughout this issue, that I’m about ranted out…  I know.  That hardly seems possible, but there you have it.  So, let’s take a quick vote and see what kind of humor everyone would like to see as a finale?  Okay, so just shout out some suggestions…

uh huh

okay

right

Alright, I heard quite a few suggestions, including some anatomically impossible ones, (You guys in the back need to quit drinking so early in the morning….oh….it’s not early in the morning?  It’s very late at night, okay, I see)  Anyway, let’s throw some funny stuff in here and call it a night.

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slippers

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1351

  1. Danny Manger says:

    I always enjoy the laffs. Thank you so much.

  2. o heln says:

    In all my years, I have never been so disgusted in a President. He acts like what he says is the rules and he is supposed to be helping, instead he has ‘f” up so many times, it will be a long time before anything can be straightened out after he leaves office. I think to my self “Thank God, he can’t run again”!

  3. Don Schindler says:

    WASHINGTON —A group representing America’s hostage-takers today blasted President Obama for his repeated comparisons between them and the Tea Party Republicans, calling his remarks “degrading and hurtful.”

    The complaint came from the National Alliance of Hostage-Takers and Blackmailers, a watchdog group that monitors negative images of extortionists in the media.

    “As professional hostage-takers, we never take hostages unless we have a well-thought-out plan, realistic demands, and a clear exit strategy,” read the group’s official statement. “Any comparison between what we do and these inane Tea Party antics are derogatory and unacceptable.”

    The statement continued, “For years, our members have been subjected to offensive Hollywood stereotypes of hostage-takers as crazed madmen, cackling evildoers, and worse. The President’s hurtful remarks only reinforce those negative images.”

    Later in the day, White House press spokesman Jay Carney offered an apology to the group: “As you can imagine, in the heat of a crisis we often say things we don’t mean. The President regrets any hurt his remarks may have caused.”
    Mr. Carney said that in order to avoid offending other groups in the future, the President would resist the temptation to call the Tea Party Republicans terrorists, lunatics, or babies

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