Dragon Laffs #1350


stand up

Good Morning Campers!
Okay, move along, plenty of room.  There seems to be a bunch more of you in here today.  What’s01Dragon coffee 2 going on…?
Oh…
Over a million of you civil servants are out of a job?
800,000 of you from the Department of Defense alone?  Holy cow!  Who’s protecting our country right now?
What!!??
Well geez!  Don’t tell the bad guys!
No, No! I won’t say a word, but geez!  That’s awfully scary.

Okay, okay everyone.  Settle down.  There’s a lot going on today.  I know a lot of you are here because the email no longer gives you the whole issue.  Hee, Hee!  Yeah, we did that on purpose.  You have one extra click to get to the website and we get an accurate count of how many people are really 01Dragon coffeereading the issue.  I can’t imagine that there would be any complaints about this, although I’m sure we’ll get some.  It’ll be inconvenient to somebody for some reason.  And that’s okay, because we’ve got nothing but time to do our very best to convenience everybody.
Right?
Correct?
No!
Hell No!
We’re here for two significant reasons…
#1: We are here to make you think, open your eyes to what’s really going on around you, show you things that you might not normally find yourself. and
#2: We want you to laugh to help you get passed #1.
Those are our statements of work, our corporate pledges, our marching orders.
We want to have you travel along with us, to come along for the ride.  We’ll  hold out our hands and offer you a lift up, but we won’t hold back this train for anyone.
Keep up folks and hopefully, we’ll make the trip worthwhile.

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1b1

A farmer stood leaning on a fence at the edge of his property. He watched as a red sports car came over the top of a hill and followed the road up to the spot where he stood. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and called out to the farmer. “Do you know how I can get to Route 91?” the driver asked. The farmer thought for a few seconds. Then he said, “Nope.” “Do you know where the nearest turnpike entrance is?” the driver asked. “Nope.” “How about the town of Hadley. Do you know which direction it is from here?” “Nope.” Exasperated, the driver raced his engine. “You don’t know very much, do you?” he said. “Nope,” the farmer replied. “But I’m not lost.”

5b

5Something that Lethal and I have found out…. the second forty years of childhood ain’t a walk in the park, either!
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Impish and Lethal, are hanging out in the lone bar in a one-horse town in northern Idaho, when a local rancher walks in carrying a wolf pelt. “Good work!” says the bartender. He pops the cash register open, pulls out a wad of bills, and counts them out into the rancher’s outstretched hand. After the rancher leaves, Impish asks the bartender, “What was that all about?” The barkeep says, “Haven’t you boys heard? We got us a real wolf problem in these parts, and the county ain’t done a thing about it. Why, just last week, a pack of the damn varmints come onta my property and laid waste t’my chicken coop. Ol’ Man Miller down the road even lost four of his cattle to the bloodthirsty beasts! They’re vicious, and they got no fear — and they gotta be stopped. So I’m offerin’ a bounty — a hundred dollars to anybody who brings in a wolf pelt.” Impish and Lethal look at each other, and immediately race out of the bar to go hunt wolves. After wandering around the hills for several hours, they finally spot a lone wolf in the distance. Impish takes aim with his rifle and shoots the wolf dead. The two fellas sprint over to where the carcass lay, and Impish gets busy with the pelt. Suddenly, Lethal says, “Hey, Impish, look.” “Not now,” says Impish, “I’m busy.” Lethal tugs on Impish’s sleeve and says, “Impish, I think you *really* ought to see this.” “Not now!” the dragon says again. “Can’t you see I’ve got a hundred dollars in my hands?” Lethal’s voice starts to waver. “You dumb-ass dragon, please, just look!” Impish stopsUntitled-05 what he’s doing and looks up: The two men are surrounded by a pack of wolves — at least fifty in all, every one of them growling, drooling, gnashing their teeth, and licking their chops. Impish takes in the sight and gasps: “Oh, my God… We’re gonna be rich!”

5c

Thursday, at my base, a bunch of guys got together…
October 4, 2013

‘We want to work’

Furloughed workers at Grissom protest government shutdown

GRISSOM AIR RESERVE BASE — Over 20 Air Force reservists and other Grissom employees gathered in front of the base and along U.S. 31 Thursday afternoon to protest the continuing federal government shutdown that’s put around 600 of their co-workers out of a job for what is now four days.

Continue to read this article here

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After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. “I’m busy,” he said, “I’ll do the next one.” The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled, “Oh! I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!

5d

White House disavows quote that ‘it doesn’t really matter’ how long impasse lasts

The White House is pushing back on a reported comment by a senior administration official that it doesn’t matter how long the partial government suspension lasts.

On Friday, the Wall Street Journal quoted a senior administration official who said, “We are winning. … It doesn’t really matter to us” how long the partial shutdown lasts “because what matters is the end result.”

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney later tweeted: “We utterly disavow idea WH doesn’t care when it ends. House should act now, no strings.”

But by then, the WSJ quote had already become fodder for Republicans.

House Speaker John Boehner called on President Obama and Democrats to sit down and come to a compromise as the government scale-back of federal services dragged on to its fourth day. Boehner displayed a flash of frustration about the impasse when he held up a copy of the Journal and then slammed it down.

Boehner said he “sat there and listened to the majority leader in the United States Senate describe to me that he’s not going to talk until we surrender. And then this morning I get the Wall Street Journal out and it says ‘well we don’t care how long this lasts because we’re winning.’ This isn’t some damn game. The American people don’t want their government shut down and neither do I.”

The unnamed administration source who was quoted said something similar to what Republican Sen. Rand Paul was overheard telling his Kentucky colleague, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, on a live microphone Thursday: “We’re going to win this, I think.”

The claims of “winning” by both sides seem to illustrate that both sides are digging in their heels for a protracted fight.

Nope!  It doesn’t really matter at all…to those self-centered elitist bastards … how long the shut-down lasts.  The longer the better for most of them.  It’s to show us, the people, who’s in charge.  Well, it’s time for us the PEOPLE to show those worthless EMPLOYEES of OURS who really is in charge and every single incumbent, as they come up for reelection should be put out on their ass!  Fired!!

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You heard it here first!  Okay, well maybe second or third, but maybe it was first…. Who is the REAL voice of Siri???????
This interview on one of the EARLY shows yesterday.  The real Siri is….

10

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him. As she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, “It’s all right honey, I’ve had a course in first aid.” The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, “When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m already here.”

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I think not
it's official
mermaids
MILFS
Nightmares

An attractive young lady with raven-black hair and wide eyes approached the gates of Heaven. Looking her over, St. Peter said, “And may I ask, young lady, if you are a virgin?” “I am,” was her demure reply. Not wanting to appear distrustful but having to be cautious, St. Peter called over an angel to examine her. Several minutes later the angel returned. “She’s a virgin,” the angel stated, “though I’m obliged to inform you that she *does* have seven small dents in her maidenhead.” Thanking him, St. Peter took his place behind the ledger and faced the girl. “Well, miss, we’re going to admit you. What is your name?” She replied sweetly, “Snow White.”

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5a

Okay, that’s just super creepy looking.
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Reality Check: Questionable claims fly in debt-ceiling battle

WASHINGTON –  Do Republicans want the country to default?

President Obama makes it sound that way, as the stand-off over the budget rapidly turns into a stand-off over the debt ceiling.

“They are threatening to actually force the United States to default on its obligations for the very first time in history,” Obama said Thursday in Maryland.  Yet it’s Obama who refuses to talk to the Republicans.  I cry bullshit and throw the bullshit flag!

But the claim is one of several that don’t quite comport with the facts.  Yeah?  You think?

In the event Congress does not raise the debt ceiling, the Treasury Department “would make every effort to avoid default,” said economist Douglas Holtz-Eakin.

The former director of the Congressional Budget Office said there is some debate over how much flexibility the Treasury would have to prioritize certain payments. But he predicted they would find a way to make sure interest payments to bondholders are sent out first.

“I promise you – in the moment, they would do it. And who would sue them?” Holtz-Eakin said.

That’s not to say the Treasury Department would be able to avoid an economic calamity. Even if officials pay bondholders on time, without the ability to borrow, other bills would simply not get paid.

“Something’s got to give,” Holtz-Eakin said — whether it’s Social Security payments or countless other wedges of the budget.

Chad Stone, chief economist at the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, said while a default on U.S. debt might be avoidable, a default in the general sense would occur.

“Realistically, failure to pay any bills that legally come due, I think, qualifies as default,” he told FoxNews.com.

The blowback would be bad. Not only would swaths of government services and benefits shut down, but the instability would likely send the financial markets into a spiral. Interest rates could go up for everyone as a result of the chaos, and the U.S. government would risk another credit downgrade.

This scenario is why both sides say they want to do everything in their power to avoid missing the debt ceiling deadline – expected to be hit around Oct. 17 – and certainly avoid default.

“I don’t believe that we should default on our debt. It’s not good for our country,” House Speaker John Boehner.

At the same time, Boehner said the country’s deficit needs to be addressed.

At a press conference on Friday, he signaled a possible shift in focus away from the ObamaCare fight, arguing that Congress must fight for spending cuts as part of any deal to raise the debt ceiling. (It looks increasingly likely that the debt ceiling debate will fold into any deal to pass a budget bill and lift the partial government shutdown.)

“We ought to do something about our spending problem and the lack of economic growth in our country,” Boehner said.

To this end, Obama has been stressing that deficits are falling, suggesting that the imperative to make major spending cuts is not as strong as it once was.

Plus, he argues that raising the debt ceiling does not add to the debt.

“That’s not what this is about. It doesn’t cost taxpayers a single dime,” Obama said on Thursday. “It doesn’t grow our deficits by a single dime. …What it does is allow the U.S. Treasury, the U.S. government to pay the bills that Congress has already racked up.”

Technically, he’s right. Raising the debt ceiling allows the government to pay bills it already racked up.

But it clears the way for the government to keep passing in-the-red budgets, and in due time bump up against the newly raised debt ceiling once more. In other words, raising the credit limit practically guarantees the country will max out the credit card again.

And while the 2013 projected deficit is thankfully under $1 trillion for the first time since 2008, it is still higher than it was at any point during the George W. Bush administration, when Democrats complained about unsustainable deficits.

Republicans argue they are no more sustainable now.

Further, while Obama says raising the debt ceiling is only done to pay for bills Congress has accumulated, the deficit and the debt would be even higher if Congress had approved the spend-heavy budgets the White House proposed over the last several years.

Also, deficits would be lower if White House revenue projections, which help inform spending decisions, had come to pass. Yet each year, revenue has fallen short of what the White House projected a year earlier, in part because the economy has failed to slingshot out of the recession.

Okay, so I can’t help but think that this is EXACTLY what Obama wants.  He wants to be able to say that congress hasn’t passed a friggin’ budget in 5 years, and now they are incapable of performing their duties and he will find some way of taking the power to himself.  And then, my dear campers, in the words of Lulu LaRue and her sister Lola, when faced with the defensive line of the Pittsburgh Steelers, “We’re fucked.”

This is not over….not by a long shot.

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