Dragon Laffs #1348


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Good Morning Campers!
Boy, are you in for a huge treat today.
Lots and lots of stuff to laugh at, smile at, and get angry at.
Yeah, anger is a legitimate emotion to try for by a writer.
And as little writing as I actually do with this blog, it is still a work of art and I am still a writer.
So, without too much further ado…

Let's Laugh 1

And right off the bat, we’re going with a YouTube video of something that I’ve been saying I’m going to do as soon as I get rich, hit the lottery, or inherit a bunch of money…
What?  You can’t see the video?  Go to the blog, man!  http://dragonlaffs.com And buy us a cup of coffee while you’re there.  Just go to the right to the donate link and buy us a cuppa!
Anyway, this is a wonderful little video.  Put a smile on someone’s face.

Like I said, something I’ve always wanted to do.  Just for the look on the servers face. 

But, fun is what we’re all about…well, that and trying to show you the truth of things.  Information is the difference between leadership and following.  Between good and evil.  Now, let’s press on.

5b Okay, so it’s obviously photo shopped, (just look at the flatness of the edges compared to the background) but the sentiment is so worth it.  I wish there really was a sign like this.

 

And speaking of things that make you go, “F*cking-A-Tweety!”, here’s a great analogy of the thinking in our president’s head.  I’d say thinking in his mind, but I’m not really sure he has one.  And I say that in all seriousness.  I think what passes for a mind is just pure evilness.
But, this is a bit of a humorous look at one of his favorite programs…

 

It’s a slow day in the small town of Pumphandle and the streets are  deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on  credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and  lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs  to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next  door to pay his debt to the butcher.

(Stay with this….. and pay attention)

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to  the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier,  the Co-op.

The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local  call girl, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her  “services” on credit.

The call girl rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel  Owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the  traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are  not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. $500 in debt was retired.
However, the whole town now thinks that they are out of debt and there is a false atmosphere of optimism and glee.

And that, my friends, is how a “stimulus package” works

Pretty accurate?  No?  Then you must be a liberal, leftist, socialist, entitlement minded democratic snuffleumpf!  It just goes to show, right?  Oh, so now you’re not speaking to me.  Okay, I see how you are.

 

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Aww!  Isn’t he just the cutest thing?

Hey, I wanted to tell you a story about what happened to Lethal and I last weekend.  We spent Saturday fishing.  And there we were, walking back to town, down the middle of the street with 2 salmon each under our arms.  Lethal, being the wonderful chef that he is, was entertaining me with how he was going to cook each of these 4 salmon and the different spices and herbs and stuff that he was going to use. 

Two well-known entitlement liberals were walking in the opposite direction and see us and they ask, “How did you two get those fish?  Where’s ours?  We want ours!”

“We caught these,” I said

“You did?  How’d you catch them fishes?” one of the lefties asked.

“Well,” Lethal started, “it’s like this!  Impish here holds my legs over the bridge, and I grab the salmon as they swim up the river.  We got four salmon.  A great days fishing!”

So the other two look at each other and agree to give it a try.  They get down to the bridge and Liberal #1 says to Liberal #2, “Okay, hold my legs now.”

Well, he’s hanging there upside down for about thirty minutes when he suddenly cries, “Pull me up!  Pull me up!”

The other one asks, “Do you have a fish?”

“No,” he replies, “there’s a bloody train coming!!!”

I know…amazing, right?  Just goes to show you that some of these people are so used to getting hand outs that it’s ingrained in them so deeply, they can’t do the simplest of things for themselves.  Okay, so maybe a teeny, tiny bit of literary license was taken with this story, but this is entertainment after all, right?

I gather that in some areas of the world, this is somewhat of a problem…

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Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show. Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show’s host could ask her the big question. Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous as her husband drove them home. “I’ve just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are! You know I’m not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.” “Relax honey,” her husband, Roger, reassured her, “It will all be OK.” Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door. “Where are you going?” Jane asked. “I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon.” After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. “Honey, I managed to get tomorrow’s question and answer!” “What is it?” she cried excitedly. “OK. The question is ‘What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?’ And the answer is ‘The head, the heart, and the penis.’ ” The couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber. At 3:30 a.m., however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question. “The head, the heart, and the penis,” Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep. And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly. So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days’ events, faced Jane and asked the big question. “Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds.” “Hmm, uhm, the head?” she said nervously. “Very good. Six seconds.” “Eh, uh, the heart?” “Very good! Four seconds.” “I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning…” “That’s close enough!” said the game show host, “CONGRATULATIONS!!!”

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“How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone to bed, the farmer’s beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said, “No, everything is fine.” “Are you sure?” she asked. “I’m sure,” I said. “Isn’t there anything I can do for you???” she wanted to know. “I reckon not,” I replied. “Excuse me,” said the doctor, “What the hell does this story have to do with your broken leg?!?!?” “Well, this morning,” the farmhand explained, “when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!”

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Wow, I’m such a superstar that someone made a robot out of my likeness!  You will REALLY enjoy this video!

Thanks to my dad for sending me this one.  I don’t know if it’s really written by who it says it’s written by, but I also don’t care.  It is an exactly perfect sentiment.

Subject: Helpful Advice For The NFL

With the start of the NFL season, perhaps all team owners should be sent the following as a reminder:

From a Marine Corps Colonel in Afghanistan .

“So with all the kindness I can muster, I give this one piece of advice to the next pop star who is asked to sing the National Anthem at a sporting event:

Save the vocal gymnastics and the physical gyrations for your concerts.

Just sing this song the way you were taught to sing it in kindergarten – straight up, no styling.

“Sing it with the constant awareness that there are soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines watching you from bases and outposts all over the world.

Don’t make them cringe with your self-centered ego gratification. Sing it as if you are standing before a row of 86-year-old WWII vets wearing their Purple Hearts, Silver Stars and flag pins on their cardigans and you want them to be proud of you for honoring them and the country they love – not because you want them to think you are a superstar musician. They could see that from your costume, makeup and your entourage.

Sing ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ with the courtesy and humility that tells the audience that it is about America, not you.

And please remember, not everything has to be sung as a Negro spiritual. We’re getting a little weary of that.

Francis Scott Key does not need any help.”

Semper Fi

Semper Fi, my friend.

 

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This has got to be THE Greatest juggler I’ve ever seen!!!!!!

Thanks for this one dad….it has already happened to me!
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Giant lizard named for Jim Morrison tells tale of climate change

(CNN) — To get through the long, tedious hours sitting in the fossil archives at the University of California-Berkeley, Jason Head would listen to the hypnotic sounds of The Doors.

So when he happened upon one of the biggest lizards that ever walked on land, he found it fitting to name it after the band’s frontman, Jim Morrison — the original Lizard King.

See the rest of this interesting article here: http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/05/us/climate-change-jim-morrison-lizard/index.html?iid=article_sidebar

Here’s one for you, Lethal!
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Okay here’s one I’d have loved to text myself…

Ah, sweet love!!!!

A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones.
The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she’d send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend.   

She texted:

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.
The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:

I’m on the toilet. Please advise.

(Brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it?)

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Last Word4

Today’s Last Word is virtually another wordless pictorial.  Let’s see if you can guess it’s theme.
Let’s start with yet another video.
If you don’t see a video right below these words, then you aren’t on the website.  You took the wimpy way out and are trying to get PART of the message instead of the whole thing.
STOP!  RIGHT NOW! And go to the website and start over again from the top!!
Here’s the website: http://dragonlaffs.com

Okay, still trying to figure out the theme?  Let’s give you a couple of hints:

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5d

Makes perfect sense to me.
Why not just surround the country with UN troops and wait for them all to kill each other off?
I know.  Because there are innocent women and children there.
Yeah, well, there were innocent women and children in the World Trade Center, there were innocent women and children in Boston, and innocents in many other places.
They don’t give a shit about innocents, why should we?
I know.  Because we aren’t them.
Damn, there’s always a reason, right?

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Yeah, I know.  There has been a severe lack of words lately, but I think you got the idea of what this post is about.

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Okay, so if you hadn’t been able to tell, I detest this administration.
It has nothing to do with the color of anyone’s skin or anything asinine like that, but completely with the fact that the entire lot of them are self-centered, egotistical, incompetents!  Please, please, please people, wake the hell up!  We need to get back to the roots of our country.  We need to get back to a Constitutional Republic.  People need to understand what’s going on.
If I have to do it with humor to get your attention, than I guess that’s what I have to do.
Thanks to everyone who contributed to today’s issue.
Until we meet again
cheers3

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