Dragon Laffs #1346


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 Good Morning Campers!
Welcome to this weekend’s camp services.
Let’s start today with a pledge that we can all agree with…those of you from other countries can remain silent or feel free to recite their own pledge.

5lI pledge allegiance
To the Flag
Of the United States of America
And to the Republic
For which it stands
One Nation, under God,
Indivisible, with Liberty
and Justice
For ALL!

This week is a very special week in our history.  And I urge you to pay VERY close attention to the Lethal Leprechaun’s deliberate and motivational issue on Wednesday.
It is that important.

And for the “Nothin’ Ever Happens In The Cornfields of the Midwest” department, here’s a message that I got from the state police about an incident that happened last night, on the old part of the base, just about half a mile or so from where I live.

Community: Kokomo Man Taken Into Custody after Stand-Off

Peru – Last night, at approximately 7:54 pm., officers from Miami County Sheriff’s Department responded to a 911 call reporting a suspicious man carrying a briefcase and kneeling in prayer on Hoosier Blvd.  Hoosier Blvd. is located at the Grissom Aeroplex, which is adjacent to the Grissom Air Force Reserve Base.

When officers arrived they located George J. Doss, 47, Kokomo, IN, in the middle of Hoosier Blvd., near Flyer Street, standing next to a small suitcase.  Doss would not identify himself nor follow verbal commands.  He made rambling statements including telling officers they were in a code red zone.  Sheriff’s deputies, utilizing an over abundance of caution, created a perimeter and attempted to communicate with Doss.  Doss continued to ignore the officers.  Members of the Indiana State Policed Explosive Ordinance Team, hostage crisis negotiators, and officers from the Indiana State Police Emergency Response Team were called in to assist the Miami County Sheriff’s Department.

Hostage crisis negotiators from both the Miami County Sheriff’s Department and the Indiana State Police continued to communicate with Doss, with negative results.  Eventually a robotic device was utilized to move the suitcase to a safe location, away from Doss.  On Friday morning, at approximately 2:20 a.m. officers from the Indiana State Police Emergency Response Team utilized a distraction device and non-lethal force to close in and take Doss into custody.

Doss was transported by ambulance…etc, etc. 

The article goes on to say that he is under medical observation, of course, and that he is liable to be charged with resisting law enforcement and disorderly conduct.  Oh, by the way, the suitcase did not hold any explosives and he had no weapons on him.  The distraction device was almost surely a flash-bang because my poor wife was having a crappy night and was awake at 0220 hrs and heard it go off.  That ought to tell you how close we were.
The really strange part was that NOBODY called me out!!!
Dang it!

Okay, with that story out of the way, if we’re ready, then ….

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Okay, so this is one person’s version of the future of….

FUTURE OF CHURCH SERVICES

PASTOR: “Praise the Lord!”
CONGREGATION: “Hallelujah!”

PASTOR: “Will everyone please turn on their tablet, PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindle Bibles to 1 Cor 13:13. And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon.”

P-a-u-s-e……
“Now, Let us pray committing this week into God’s hands. Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook, and chat with God”
S-i-l-e-n-c-e

“As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready. You can log on to the church wi-fi using the password ‘Lord909887’.”

The ushers will circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers:

·     Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church.

·     Those who prefer to use iPads can open them.

·     Those who prefer telephone banking, take out your cell-phones to transfer your contributions to the church account.

The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes truly electrified as ALL the smart phones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker!

Final Blessing and Closing Announcements…
This week’s ministry cell meetings will be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please log in and don’t miss out.
Thursday’s Bible study will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don’t miss out.
You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers.


God bless you and have nice day.

I’ve got to get me a pair of these glasses!
9

A Cat named Lucky…
If you were expecting a heart-wrenching story about a cat that got fun over by a truck, lost a leg, and dragged itself 17 miles after being bitten by a rattlesnake and attacked by a rabid moose, then you’re

WRONG!!!

And what’s worse, you’re not even close!

So go grab some tissues, get prepared and scroll down…this one tops them ALL!!

Meet Lucky:

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Obama was asleep in the white house and awoke to see Washington’s ghost. He asked, “George, how can I make this country better?”

Washington said, “Be honest with the people like I was.”
Obama went back to sleep and awoke again this time to Thomas Jefferson and asked, “Tom, how can I make this country better?”

Jefferson said, “Love the Constitution like I did.”

Again Obama fell asleep and awoke this time to Lincoln and asked, “Abe, how can I make this country better?”

Lincoln replied, “Go see a play.”

11

Male Blond Jokes

A friend told the blond man: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.” The
blond man then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”
————————————

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take
them to a police station. One asked: “What if one explodes before we
get there?” The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”
————————————

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the
shampoo?” He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do… it’s for dry
hair, and mine’s already wet.”
——————————

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got
epilepsy,” he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, “It seems
calm enough to me.” The blonde man says, “Wait, I haven’t taken it out
of the bowl yet.”
————————————

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the
envelope “DO NOT BEND “. He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure
out how to pick it up.
————————————

A blonde man’s dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says “Why
don’t you put an ad in the paper?” He does, but two weeks later the dog
is still missing. “What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks. “Here
boy!” he replies.
————————————

A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him
hanging by his feet. “Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself,” the blond replies. “It should be around your neck”
says the guard. “I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t
breathe.”

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Impish Dragon walks into a bar with a little spider on his shoulder and as soon as one of the guys in there spots it, he tells his friends and they all laugh.

Impish says: “Laugh while you can, ‘cos this spider is stronger than any of you?!”

The man making fun replies “I’d like to see that?”

“Fine, my spider will pick up this bar stool.” So he sets the spider on the floor and the spider easily picks it up.

“That’s nothing!” says the scoffer.

“But there’s more, now the spider will pick up a table!” And Impish’s spider easily picks up the table.

The inebriated men, not letting the spider impress them, only boo it

“Now, gentlemen, this tiny spider will pick up the bar.” and the spider spits on his hands, rubs them together and makes a great effort, but it picks up the bar!

The men, a little impressed ask “what else can it do?”

So Impish says “Now, it will pick up the bar with everyone of us on it?”

Thinking it couldn’t be done, the men start to get on the bar until there’s like 40 guys on it. The spider looks worried but starts walking towards the bar with an air of determination.

Suddenly, Lethal Leprechaun walks into the bar sees the spider on the floor walking towards
the bar, and steps on it “Ach! Ya bloody bunch of fecking pooffters, scared of a little spider?!!”

This guy has got to be some sort of ninja or something!
12

There was a man who couldn’t stand his wife’s cat. So, one day, he decided to get rid of him by dumping him a long way away from the house. He put the cat in the car and drove about 20 blocks away, then he left him at the park. But when he got home, the cat was there as if nothing had happened.

The next day he decided to take the cat somewhere further away, about 50 blocks. He put him out of the car and drove home. And again, the cat was there waiting for him.

‘This is impossible,’ said the man to himself. ‘tomorrow I’ll make sure he can’t come back!’

The next day he puts the cat in the car and he drives around, taking turn after turn – right, left, right, right and so on. Eventually, after about an hour of driving, he finally lets the cat out and drives home.

A few hours later, the phone rings at his house and his wife answers it. It’s the husband, and he asks: “Is the cat there?”

“Why, yes.” says the wife, “he’s been here quite a while, where are you?”

“Put that bastard on the phone, I’m lost and I need directions.”

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Because an increasing number of people are having heart attacks while gambling, the big, high-class casinos are now equipped with sophisticated defibrillators. They are computer-controlled to deliver the exact electric shock needed to revive a heart attack victim. That is, if you’re at a big, high-class casino.

At the cheaper casinos downtown, they just drag you across the carpet and touch your finger to the doorknob.

5

Story Time 2
Gather ye round my dear campers and hear the tail of our dear friend, Lethal Leprechaun, back when he was just a wee lad and was living with the humans and fitting in with their society. 

Back then he lived in a tiny village on the Irish coast.  The village was so small that most everyone in town had one job, and Lethal, actually held two.  That’s right, our hard working Leprechaun was both the local undertaker and postal clerk.

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin, and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker who also happened to be the local postal clerk to make the proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: “BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN” Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker–postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone she had selected was much too small for the wording she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. Finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved and it read as follows: “RETURNED UNOPENED”.
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5a
customer
Finally
fluffy
frued
physics

A teacher said to her student, “William, if both of your parents were born in 1976, how old are they now?” After a few moments, William answered, “It depends.” “It depends on what?” she asked. “It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother.”

5b
5c

Dragon
5g
5i

 

5j

5k

621

– I just found a nickel that’s almost as old as I am. I looked on the back and Monticello was only half-finished.

– I’m paranoid about everything. On my stationary bike I have a rear-view mirror.

– I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter said, “You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost.”

– Woman to friend: “If I make it through the day without eating ice cream, I reward myself with chocolate-chip cookies.”

– I figured out why they call our language the “Mother Tongue.” Fathers never get a chance to use much of it.

– I was fired from my job selling amplifiers. I didn’t achieve the sufficient volume of sales.

– Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns…he should be drawn and quoted.

– I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They got one marked ‘brightness’ but it doesn’t work.

 

 

14The above book was Ghost written by Lethal Leprechaun

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Today’s Last Word is a great essay written by M. Catharine Evans and printed in ….

01bIt was originally scheduled for last Saturday’s issue until the discovery of the Greatest Holiday Of all Stinkin’ Time! (G.H.O.S.T.)  International Bacon Day!!!  Okay, I think my stomach just growled at me at the start of this and is currently fighting for control of my body.  So, while I fight this battle, why don’t you go ahead and read this essay…

August 20, 2013

Starry-eyed Liberal Meets the Reality of Medicaid Patients

ByM. Catharine Evans

President Obama addressed health rights in his August 17 radio address, but he didn’t mention what happens inside an inner city emergency room.  Wait until his lemmings find out what having a “right” to healthcare means according to the single-payer collectivists.  If the dulled masses, schooled in the evils of capitalism these last forty years, don’t wake up in time to the connection between free market principles and the genius of American medicine, the progressives’ long yearned for single-payer system, already in the works, will become a reality.

Those of us in the healthcare field have seen up close what government programs like Medicaid mean in terms of a “right” to medical care.  Our emergency room happens to be in a major southern urban area.  If any one of the 20-somethings who voted for Obama would be willing to volunteer for at least a month at our facility, I can almost guarantee these same hoodwinked young people would be singing the praises of capitalism, warts and all.

Just ask Samantha (name changed to protect identity).  With so many college graduates looking for work, we recently hired the 24-year old at our registration desk.  Samantha is a die-hard liberal, but it just so happens her boyfriend is a 28-year-old conservative-minded accountant.  When first hired about three months ago, she talked a great deal about their political differences.

Samantha was very sympathetic to the plight of the poor and their need for assistance.  Moreover, she felt her boyfriend didn’t understand the situation with this segment of the population which would be unable to survive without help from the government.

After one month of doing her job registering 45 ER Medicaid patients daily for various reasons like STD’s, painkillers, child abuse, infected fingernails from having their nails done, old gunshot wounds, and pregnancy tests for as young as 12 years old, Samantha was visibly on the verge of a breakdown or a breakthrough, I couldn’t tell which.  

By the end of 90 days, Samantha told me what really affected her was the cold reality that most of the Medicaid patients treated her like dirt.  They showed no gratitude for the fact that Samantha’s taxes were going to help them.  On top of their sense of entitlement, Samantha noticed many welfare mothers and fathers mistreated their children while the kids were the ones waiting to be seen! 

She witnessed many, many  Medicaid patients slap, spank, push, pull and yell obscenities at their children as young as 2.  If that’s not egregious enough, the mostly black perpetrators had no problem yelling at Samantha.  They called her “stupid,” and told her repeatedly “you don’t know what the hell you’re doin’.”

One afternoon I came in and she was in tears.  She told me that some irate friend of a patient had demanded to see the doctor.  Samantha relayed the message from the nurse that the physician was busy.  The guy called her a “heifer’.  She had to finally call security when he wouldn’t get off her case.  I tried to cheer her up by telling her that one day a woman patient said I looked like “one of those tea party b-ches.  “

Samantha no longer thinks everyone has a right to healthcare.  She thinks we have an obligation to help those with chronic, genetic conditions and those struggling mothers and fathers truly interested in the welfare of their children.  As do most of us conservative-minded people. Like most people brought up with loving parents, Samantha cringes when she hears mothers telling their kids to “shut up, or I’ll give you something to cry about,” or “I’ll take you into the bathroom and whip your ass.” This goes on throughout her shift and it’s getting to be too much for her, I can tell.

Recently she brought reading material, coloring books and crayons for the kids because she never sees the caretakers bring little toys for their children to play with during the long ER visit.

Instances of insanity occur often.

When security or Child Protective Services is called because a child has been hit, and it’s on camera, the parent becomes irate instead of admitting fault.

In one incident, a white nurse approached a teenage black mother because another patient in the waiting room reported she heard the child screaming in the bathroom.  The teenage mother told the nurse, “that’s what’s wrong with you white people, you never hit your kids, you think you’re all that.”

Samantha appears to be coming undone from this day-to-day contact with real, generational hardcore government addicts.  She would love to quit this job tomorrow, but she needs the money.  I try to ease her mounting frustration by telling her she might be here for a reason.  I even attempted some oral history to let her know she’s not alone.

I related something my Depression-era father once told me.  He had to quit school to help the family when he was still a teenager.  Later on, after he was able to earn a degree and get a decent paying job he said he was actually grateful for the experience.  He had learned many life lessons being in the real world at such a young age, especially during one of the worst periods in the country’s economic history.

My father said there are two kinds of education — the kind you get between the ears and the kind you get between a rock and a hard place.  Both are valuable.  Samantha’s getting the second kind now.  Unfortunately, she says, the first kind didn’t prepare her for this job, or the fact that she’s helping to subsidize the kind of craziness she sees every day.  She says the DC politicians that have made her complicit in this madness sometimes make her angrier than the patients do. Please pay very close to the statement “the DC politicians that have made her complicit in this madness.  The Thesaurus lists words like: collusion, guilt, manipulation and machination for the word complicit.  She’s basically saying she was tricked into being a part of the problem!  Good for her!

Since she’s open to real conversation, I’m trying to fill in the historical blanks for Samantha.  I tell her, for example, that when a progressive/Democrat/so-called liberal says the word “right” they are not talking about the kind of rights our founding fathers had in mind.  It’s the pursuit of happiness we have a right to, not happiness.

All the free cell phones, subsidized housing, phony mortgage loans, education programs, ADC payments and trillion dollar healthcare plans have made most people more broke and miserable, not happier.  She now agrees.

There may be some bad fat cats out there, sure, but the  ruling class of government planners have eaten up more of our financial resources, through redistribution to corrupt companies, NGO’s, Baby Mamas and non-profits than any greedy capitalists.  

I discovered Samantha and most of her contemporaries have no clue how long this sore has been festering.  I explain to her that part of Lyndon Johnson’s War on Poverty program was the signing of  Medicare and Medicaid into law in 1965 as a way to not only extend health insurance benefits to the poor and elderly, but to calm the stormy waters of racial division.

Some civil rights leaders may have been giving speeches about the content of one’s character, but legislation being passed was all about color.  The shakedown by various leftist civil rights organizations in the 60’s gave birth to the massive welfare state and the mess we have in the inner cities today.  

At this point in our discussion, Samantha made an astute observation.  She said, “Nobody seems to care about all of this, how some things begin, until it gets so bad, and then it’s too late.”

Well, it’s been almost four months since Samantha began her employment with the hospital.  The young woman who started out a typical, idealistic, middle-class, white liberal railing against those mean, cold, dispassionate conservatives unmoved by the poorest of the poor in America’s inner cities, has started to see the light.

Like the reality show, Scared Straight, where delinquents are forced to sit around listening to hardened criminals talk about prison life, Samantha has experienced firsthand what people become when the Collectivist State takes over and gives us ‘rights.’

Honestly, I can’t think of a single additional thing to add at this point, except, wouldn’t it be the perfect cure to rotate all the bleeding heart, entitlement minded, leftist socialist liberals through this job for several months to show them exactly what it was they were voting for! 
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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1346

  1. I completely agree with your final comment regarding putting some of those die-hard liberals in positions where they would get first hand experience with the recipients of all those “gimmes”!! If more liberals could actually experience what “free” stuff does to the receivers, they would be less likely to agree to them. I see it as being similar to raising children, they don’t really appreciate what they have until they have actually had to earn it!!

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Howard we shouldn’t just stop there!

      We should adopt the same philosophy with regards to Congress and the VA. Make them go to these broken down dirty VA hospitals and spend an entire day hanging around for medical treatment! Give the employees of the VA free healthcare…AT A VA HOSPITAL!

      They need money to avoid Sequestration? Fine. Do away with the Congressional Health Care Plan! Every one in the DoD VA Congress and both the President, Vice President & their families should be dependent on the VA for their health care.

      THEN we’d see the modernization of the records handling given priority so that it doesn’t take 18 to 24 months for a returning wounded veteran who gets discharged to get his benefits. THEN we’d see someone these places that you wouldn’t take a cockroach to have put down cleaned up and updated!

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    With regard to the Old virgin and my stint as undertaker and postal clerk-
    I made a MINT on that deal! She got charged by the word for that engraving and there was nobody to refund the difference too so I got to keep it!

    THAT is how I came to be able to afford to set most of the records for the 1st edition of that book I ghost wrote!

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