Leprechaun Laughs #203 for 24 July 2013


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Wow I’m 3 weeks into this and barely made a dent! In fact I recently discovered even more stuff tucked away! At this rate I’ll be lucky to be cleaned out and pairs down before its back to school time.

In fact the hardest part of these issues so far has been finding decent graphics with which to make opening banners. I might have to revert to normal banners and just keep cleaning things out soon.

 

Opening Logo 3

Ive-started-drinking-coffee-out-of-a-clear-cup-so-people-will-know-where-my-tolerance-level-is-at

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An undocumented Democrat (Mexican), a Black, a Muslim and a Redneck  were walking together on a beach when the Black stumbled over a bottle in the sand.

He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and a Genie appeared.”I can only grant four wishes, “the Genie said. “Since there are four of you, you may have a wish apiece.”

  Pointing at the Black, he said, “Since you found the bottle, you may
  have the first wish.”

  The Black studied for a moment then said, “I wish for a fleet of ships
  so that I can gather all my people and take them back to our homeland,  Africa ..”

Poof! It was done! Hundreds of ships appeared on the skyline .

The Mexican said, “I weesh for enough Chebypeekups to take all my
  people back to our homeland, May-he- co!”

  Poof! It was done! Row after row of Chevrolet Pickups appeared on the beach.

The Muslim said, “I wish for ten thousand camels to take all of my
  people away from this horrible country loaded with infidels so we can
  live in peace in Muslim countries and serve Allah.”

Poof! It was done! ten thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach.

Turning to the Redneck , the Genie asked, “And what is your wish?

The Redneck watched as the loaded pickups began moving toward the
border, then looked out to sea and watched the loaded ships sailing out
into the sunset, then he looked at all of the Muslims getting on top of
the camels and riding off.

The Redneck said, “Just give me a Bud Light. It doesn’t get any better
than this!”

 

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PROPHECY FULFILLED

This quote tells the whole story————————–

H.L. Mencken (born 1880 – died 1956) was a journalist, satirist, critic, and Democrat. He wrote this editorial while working for the Baltimore Evening Sun, which appeared in the July 26, 1920, edition:

“As democracy is perfected, the office of the President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be occupied by a downright fool and complete narcissistic moron.”    —-H.L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun,    July 26, 1920

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ESPECIALLY around liberals!

Word From Sponsor

To those of you who have made a donation to help keep DragonLaffs open running and free for another year:  Thank you for your largess and support. We truly appreciate it.

To those of you who tried after last Saturday’s issue came out with incorrect links that routed you right back to the blog: My honestly sincere apologies. Dragons, anatomically and biologically speaking, are not known for their large brains. Granted, Impish is somewhat unusual [read that as mutant]  for a dragon, but biology, evolution nature and his personality/A.D.D. will not be denied.

Hopefully you found the working link on the top right of the blog page where it lives permanently and used that. If not here is the link taken from that section: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=4E3ZUYYT2AXVG hopefully you’ll accept my apology for Impish’s screw up, not hold it against us and see fit to make another attempt at supporting us.

To those of you who have not yet donated: What’s the deal? We’re not PBS, we don’t set donation levels, we simply ask for what ever you can spare to help us cover the costs of keeping this blog which you ALL profess to love up and running. I pointed out how as little as a single $1- the price of a fast food chain el-cheapo section of the menu snack item from every one would make a tremendous impact. Impish used the single cup of Starbuck’s coffee example.

You don’t drink Starbucks? Fine we’ll take the price of a cup where ever you drink it. Afraid of using Paypal with your credit card or Debit Card? I can understand that, but Impish has said to contact him off list and he would supply mailing info for a check or an envelope stuffed with the folding long green.

My point is: while our spirits maybe willing thanks to our government our pockets & wallets are weak. We cannot continue to do this without your support. To be bluntly honest, even the price of the cup of coffee is cheap than what a subscription rate would wind up being, so PLEASE give what you can. DO it now, because if we are forced to make a change of model decision it’s going to be too late then.

Thank you for your kind attention. I now return you the the rest of the edition.

 

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NOTICE

The Southeastern Convention for POFWHNSNW (People Over Fifty Who Have Never Said the “N-Word”) will be held in the phone booth at the corner of Peachtree St. and Ponce De Leon Ave in Atlanta on Monday, July 8 at 8 AM.

We apologize for the oversized accommodations, but a smaller venue could not be secured.

I believe Paula Dean will be there to call all attending liars.

hnChRT1311546561

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Science answers how & why the Kansas Crows died

I heard that they found about 200 dead crows near Topeka , KS and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows, & he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone’s relief.

However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, & only 2% were killed by an impact with a car. Kansas then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill.

The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order. When crows eat road kill, they always set up a lookout Crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that all the lookout crows could say “Cah”, but none could say “Truck.”

Have a nice day.. You don’t have to thank me for this information.

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“Late again!” the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Ranger.

“It ain’t my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this ‘un on my Daddy. The reason I’m three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!”

Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Ranger what he meant by that.

Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Ranger and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth. “You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreled shot gun and said to my Ma, “That fox is back again… I’m a gonna git him!”

“Stay back,” Daddy whispered to all us kids!

“My Daddy was naked as a jaybird — no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy’s crack!”

“Miss Russell, we all been cleanin’ chickens since three o’clock this mornin!”

TX Outline & Flag

POEM:

A Texas Blessing:

Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry. Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine, while ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass fire ant castles in the grass.

Bless the garage, a home to please carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two,
Bless the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.

Millions of creatures that fly or crawl, in Texas, Lord, you’ve put them all!
But this is home, and here we’ll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray

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When it came to Impish they had to stencil that on a weather balloon!

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Nothing quite like truth in advertising!

 

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The caption reads “Nikon SDD captures up to 12 faces and 2 jugs”

CYber Security Alert

Why I’m featuring this at this particular time should be obvious, too many entities think they have the right to invade our privacy and personal lives sans so much as a may I or any public notification that it might be happening. The reason should be more obvious after today’s Parting Shot but unfortunately it always comes last in an issue so you’ll have to excuse this being a bit of a cart in front of the horse situation.

How to Stop Google from Keeping a Record of Every Search You Make

Do you use Gmail, the Chrome browser, or other Google service? Then Google may be keeping a record of every search query you make. That’s right; if you have a Google account, Google may know everything you ever looked for on the web. That is, unless you turn off Google’s collecting of all your searches and clean out the web history they’ve kept. Here’s how.

Turn off Google Web HistoryGoogle web history settings
  1. Go to the web page https://history.google.com
  2. Sign in to your Google account if you aren’t already signed in.
  3. Click the gear icon in the upper right corner (example shown in figure on the right).
  4. Choose “Settings”’
  5. The page that opens contains the section shown in the figure below.
  6. Click the button “Turn off” to stop Google collecting the data. If you change your mind, you can always turn Web History back on.
Delete items in Google Web History
  1. Previously collected data will still be there. To remove it, click the link contained in the word “delete” in the sentence, “You can also delete all past Google search activity or remove particular items from your recent activity.” The link is hard to see and I have highlighted it in yellow in the figure. 
  2. You will get a dialog box asking if you want to delete all items
  3. Click the button “Delete All”
  4. You can also delete only selected items by using the link contained in the phrase “recent activity” as indicated in the figure

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Now if you’ve already somehow switched this function off (and possibly forgotten you had like I did) you’ll see a much different page that looks like this:

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If you can see the two areas I’ve circled in red you’re home free Google is not tracking your searches, they can only be accessed from your computer itself…and of course by the NSA’s monitoring of your activities via your Internet Service Provider

What does Google do with this data? Why, they sell the information to advertisers, of course. Or maybe, they also give it to the government. Who knows?

 

We can take things one step further in securing our search privacy as well.

Use the Search Engine Called StartPage to Protect Your Privacy

Updated 15. July 2013 – 16:10 by v.laurie  http://www.techsupportalert.com/content/use-search-engine-called-startpage-protect-your-privacy.htm?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+gizmosbest+%28Gizmo%27s+Best-ever+Freeware%29

 

Are you concerned about all the tracking of what we do on the internet? Would you like to use Google search but don’t want Google recording where you are and what searches you make? Then give a try to the search engine “StartPage”.

StartPage is based in the Netherlands and says that they are not subject to government snooping. According to their privacy statement, no records of user data are kept. They do not know who you are. Your IP and geographical location are not recorded. No tracking cookies are used. So they have no information to give to anybody, even if they are asked.

Start Page actually uses Google for its searches but acts as an intermediary to protect your privacy. When you search with StartPage, all identifying information from your query is removed and it is submitted anonymously to Google. StartPage then gets the results back and relays them to you.

Because there are extra steps and information has to go back and forth through an intermediary, searching will be slower. I suspect StartPage is getting a lot more traffic because of recent revelations about NSA. Page loading may be slow but, if privacy is a concern for you, this is a search engine that is worth looking at.

The link for StartPage search is here. Their privacy statement is at this link.

Start page when you ‘install it’ gets added to the list of search engines available to you (there is a pull down next to the search bar in your browser I suggest choosing the ‘secure’ option (Https://) to make eavesdropping and interception as difficult as possible.

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When you have an   “I Hate My Job Day”

Even if you’re retired, you sometimes have those days.   Try this out:

Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase   a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.   Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer.   Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken   Now the fun part begins.   Take out the literature from the box and  read it carefully .   You will notice that in small print there is this statement:

“Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is  personally tested   and then sanitized.” Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,‘ I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.’

HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A   PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS!

If you haven’t got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart…Maybe you should go and work for Johnson and Johnson!

wasting-time

Shop like Harry Potter with Google Street View

Street View has shown you all sorts of magical places in our world.  Now, Google has even more magic up its sleeves!

Its latest Street View adventure takes you Harry Potter’s famed Diagon Alley. You can grab a discount broom at 2nd Hand Brooms or a potion from Madam Primpernelle. You can even down a drink at The Leaky Cauldron!

Your imagination is really the only limit. What sort of weird sights do you see?

maps.google.co.uk

   

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In the interest of not putting myself out both because its hot and because my honey do list just went on to side 2 of a legal pad I’m going to allow my previous comments in todays Cyber Security Alert serve as my comments here as well.

Wait Till Somebody Exposes the Spying on Individuals That We Marketers Do

What Happens When Consumers Figure Out We’re Watching Them?

By: Jonathan Salem Baskin Published: July 10, 2013

 There’s probably more to come from Edward Snowden’s unfolding expose of U.S. government spying, but polls suggest that Americans are already resigned to trade some privacy in exchange for identifying terrorists. It’s a bureaucracy doing it, after all, so it’s probably done poorly, and it’s not as if the government doesn’t already scrutinize our tax records, register every piece of snail mail we post and, in some states, make us jump through extraordinary hoops to do things like vote and exercise rights otherwise guaranteed by the Constitution.

But what happens if consumers figure out how regularly, deeply and expertly we marketers track their behaviors, and in doing so blur the line between between convenience and manipulation?

Our snooping puts the National Security Agency to shame. From the level of the internet service provider, through to social-media platforms and websites, and including apps, ads and clickable content (like videos), we collect a vast amount of information on consumers’ online behavior (and their geophysical location), then use it to tee-up search results, info and ads to millions of people millions of times every day … ideally to each one of them uniquely so. We don’t do it to keep anybody safe, however. We do it to sell stuff. It’s the mercenary make-money benefit we gain through all of that non-commercial friending and conversing we do with consumers.

We call it “improving user experience,” and not only are entire business monetization plans based on it (like Facebook), it’s the driver of our hopes for Big Data selling things to people who no longer want to be sold to. Yet the only time we talk about it is when we ask consumers to accept usage terms, and then only in the dense secret code of mouseprint that is to disclosure what James Joyce’s “Ulysses” is to clarity. We tell them little, hope they’ll understand even less, and then we have the audacity to claim that they’re OK with it when we ask them.

Granted, Millennials seem somewhat lax with their personal info, but they tend to join other age groups in disapproval of data gathering and manipulation, at least when its explicit details are revealed to them. Yet companies are investing many millions in some serious fantasies of controlling their pathways to purchasing the stuff we make, to the level of automating our marketing so we don’t necessarily have to sell so much as crunch their usage data and nudge them to buy things without them (or us) being consciously aware of it.

Our hope is that they’ll stay unaware of the information they give away or, at worst, maintain a belief that it’s worth doing so in exchange for ads and other content that’s somewhat pre-qualified to be interesting to them. But there’s a fine line between convenience and manipulation, and the foundational idea of “consumer choice” loses its meaning if that choice isn’t truly free. If we didn’t think that blurring that line was a potential bomb, why are we so shy about discussing it, and almost congenitally incapable of making sure that consumers understand the breadth and depth (and outcomes) of our snooping?

Just like the NSA’s programs, it can’t stay secret forever. Imagine if a commercially-savvy whistle-blower emerged with detailed proof of how user data were collected, shared and then exploited by a variety of businesses and, somehow, connected it back to illustrate the ways consumer choices are limited, while unfairly promoting purchases. What if The Yes Men, AdBusters, or some other, new culture-busting group chose to attack data tools with publicity stunts and videos that got peoples’ attention? If libertarian-minded politicos get a greater voice in Washington next year, could there be regulations requiring more transparency and disclosure, and would the revelations freak out the folks who think they’re OK with being watched?

Technology may already be bringing that day closer, with growing awareness of old standbys like Tor’s anonymous browser and the “don’t-track-me” settings in its mainstream competitors. I just downloaded something called DoNotTrackMe, which tells me all of the services scraping info about me when I visit web pages (it’s shocking). In response to the NSA revelations, CyanogenMod is developing a feature to block personal data collection from android users. I’m convinced that kids are in garages right now coming up with killer apps to help consumers even better hide from the brands that claim to want to help them.

We marketers don’t talk about this issue much, probably because it’s so complicated and thorny. But it haunts our best hopes for the future. And, while people may let Snowden’s tale end up a somewhat distant espionage adventure, the scarier story is what’s done to every consumer in the name of efficient commerce. Without a far more creative and strategic approach to telling it, I fear others (or other events) will tell it for brands.

That story doesn’t have a happy ending.

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About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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