Dragon Laffs #1317


Header8
Some of you may have noticed my post from the other night.  I have paid all the bribes … tributes and debased … apologized for the supposed affronts done to the cats.  Needless to say, that my warning at the end of that post still stands: if anything is to happen to me, in anyway, I would hope that some of my loyal readers would come forward and point the finger where it is indeed needed to be pointed.

Now, that that is out of the way, let’s talk a little bit about today’s issue. 

Well, let’s not talk about it, let’s get into it.

LetsLaugh_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thLOL_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb

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An elderly lady was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner one evening.

She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded

every request to her husband with endearing terms

such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years and,

clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the husband was in the living room,

her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say,

‘I think it’s wonderful that, after all these years,

you still call your husband all those loving names.’

The elderly lady hung her head,

‘I have to tell you the truth, ‘she said,

‘his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago,

and I’m scared to death

 to ask the cranky old asshole what his name is.’

6b

With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with
you about drinking and driving.

Two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails
and some potent eggnog.  Feeling jolly, I still had the sense to know that I
might be slightly over the limit.  That’s when I did something that I’ve
never done before — I took a cab home.

Sure enough, on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was
a cab they waved it past.  I arrived home safely without incident.  This was a
real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don’t know where I got
it and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it!

Dragon-Pic_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_t
DragonPapa1 (211)
6c
02Gosh, isn’t Indiana a GREAT place to live?
Okay, so I know it’s probably photoshopped, but still….it’s true in the facts, but probably not really posted anywhere.

A man went to the doctor’s office to ask for a triple dose of Viagra.
The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a triple dose.
“Why not?” asked the man.
“Because it’s not safe,” replied the doctor.
“But I need it really bad,” said the man.
“Well, why do you need it so badly?” asked the doctor.
The man said, “My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, my ex-wife
will be here on Saturday and my wife is coming home on Sunday.
Can’t you see? I’ve got to have a triple dose!”
The doctor finally relented saying, “All right, I’ll give it to you,
but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you to see
if there are any side effects.”
On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself into the
doctor’s office.his right arm in a sling.
The doctor asked, “Good Gawd! What happened to you?”
The man said, “No one showed up.”

Fantasy-Pic_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb[2]
f2009061903

My wife and I had words,but I didn’t get to use mine.

5

God made man before woman so as to give him timeto think of an answer for her first question.

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Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern
Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the
road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and
asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of
thanks, she got in the car.

After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman
noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. “What’s in the bag?”
asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, “It’s
a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband.”

The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the
quiet wisdom of an elder said, “Good trade.”

I couldn’t find any lip balm, so
I used hand cream instead. My lips
feel better, but now when I talk
it sounds like a round of applause.
–Travis Ruetenik

428

Dear young mom at the dog park with
twins in stroller and three dogs in tow:
You looked incredibly happy for someone
whose day involves that much poop.
–Brad Osberg
My wife says I’d miss her if she were
gone and I say I wouldn’t. She’s dying
to find out who’s right. Tomorrow.
-Michael Cunningham

coollogo_com-7318770_thumb2_thumb_th[1]
Can someone
Dog
medication
nose
Nothing

Getting a divorce has really opened my eyes.
For example: I now realize that my wife’s
ass looked fat all by itself and that
the pants were just innocent bystanders.
-Paul B.

429

ObservationsSen. Ted Cruz says he is willing to risk a govt shutdown if

Obamacare is not defunded. Leaving the Supreme Court

decision and the 2012 election out of it, if Cruz cares so

much about the budget why doesn’t he personally step

up and volunteer to defund Congressional healthcare?


Falkland Islanders voted fifteen hundred to three to stay

part of Britain Sunday. The vote was amazing. Queen

Elizabeth is so popular the GOP could have nominated

her for president last year and with one Photoshopped

birth certificate, she’d have gotten elected.


House Budget Chairman Paul Ryan introduced a GOP bill

that’ll balance the federal budget. The party divide is

clear. Generally speaking Republicans hate the idea of

new legislation while Democrats don’t care what’s

contained in a bill, as long as it’s mandatory.


Harvard researchers found a chemical in red wine that

greatly increases the average life span. It doesn’t solve

the problem. Life expectancy in the U.S. is seventy-eight

years, but the average age a person has to work before

they can afford to retire is seventy-nine years.


Jeb Bush, when asked about the effect his family history

might have on a run for the Presidency, replied “I don’t

think there’s any Bush baggage at all.” And Sarah Palin

commented “And they call ME stupid?!”


A bipartisan group of eight Senators has apparently come

to an agreement on a path to legal status for illegal

immigrants Meanwhile, a bipartisan group of eight

members of the House is close to agreeing that the

sun sets in the west.


Donald Trump said today he’ll cover the costs to keep

White House tours open for rest of the year. Makes sense,

presume the Donald would want a sponsorship banner or

sign: it’s the only way he’ll get his name on a door

in the White House.


The Obamas’ dog Bo still travels with his own motorcade.

After hearing this, Vice President Joe Biden said “Wait,

why am I still taking the train?”


A report says that 2 Million parking tickets were issued in

Washington, D.C. last year. We know it wasn’t in front of

the Capitol Building because Congressmen aren’t there

long enough to let the meters expire.

 

430
Death-Coffee_thumb2_thumb_thumb_thum[2]
431

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a
very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to
take all of his clothes off.
When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the
table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and
climbs on top and has her way with him.
Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks
what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies
have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the cord is easier for the surgeon to
locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.
The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.
While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating.
Curious, the man asks,” What are they doing in there”?
The nurse responds, ” They’re preparing for vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross, and they have Obama Care.”


432coollogo_com-202331125The BDU-33
The BDU (Bomb Delivery Unit) 33 is probably the mostly widely loaded munition in the United States Air Force.  There were times when we loaded more than 3 tons of these in a single day.  25 lbs at a time.  Us being a 3 man load crew.
16
15aFrom Globalsecurity.org

Practice ordnance includes 25-pound BDU-33 bombs having a spotting charge that releases a cloud of smoke on impact. The BDU-33 is used to simulate the MK 82 in low drag configuration. The BDU-33 is a small cast-iron and steel non-explosive ordnance that is used in training to simulate actual bombs. These training munitions, by design, have similar flight and delivery behavior to war shot munitions.

They may contain signal devices to aid visual scoring. Generally signals can be grouped as “hot” or “cold”. Hot signals normally use a phosphorous component expelled upon impact with the force of a shotgun. The phosphorous causes a narrow flame lasting a fraction of a second followed by white smoke. This signal can be scored by day or night. Cold signals normally use titanium tetrachloride and only produce smoke; night scoring is hampered by absence of visible light. Training aircraft ammunition used for air-to-ground strafing consists of bullets without explosive components. The propellant is consumed within the gun when the round is fired and only a steel or aluminum-capped steel slug is projected to the target.

The munitions to be loaded onto aircraft are brought to the flightline on a trailer. The BDU-33 bombs are lifted out of a metal cage on a trailer and are locked in place underneath the aircraft. The BDU-33 bombs are lifted out of a cage on the trailer and carried to the aircraft 20 feet away. BDU-33 munitions are loaded onto TERs (Triple Ejector Racks) and SUUs (Suspension Units). The BDU-33 is pushed against a spring loaded catch and locked into place. The unloading of the BDU-33 from the aircraft involves loosening the bolts and releasing the spring. The BDU-33 is carried back to the trailer.

433
A slightly different version than I’ve heard before.  I’m sure you’ll like it.

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He tests it at dinner one night…

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.  The son says, “I
did some schoolwork.”
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s house watching movies.”
Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?”  Son says, “Toy Story.”  The robot
slaps the son.
Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching porn.”
Dad says, “What?  At your age I didn’t even know what porn was.”  The
robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.”  The robot slaps
the mother.

Robot for sale.       

436


Last-Word4_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb_

The Last Word for today considers the topic of the Sequester and the upcoming Furlough of government workers.  It is coming soon.  And the country as we know it is about to change, possibly forever.  This is a monumental topic and to put us all in a proper frame of mind, I wish to share with you a post my Dad sent to me the other night…

I was stopped at a local gas station, and after filling my tank, I paid the bill and bought a soft drink. While I stood by my car to drink my diet Mt. Dew and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole.

The men worked right past the guy me and went on down the road. “I can’t stand this,” I said, tossing the can into a trash container and headed down the road toward the men. “Hold it, hold it,” I said to the men. “Can you tell me what’s going on here with all this digging and refilling?”

“Well, we work for the government and we’re just doing our job,” one of the men said.

“But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you wasting the taxpayers’ money?”

“You don’t understand, mister,” one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. “Normally there’s three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirt back.

We are all being furloughed one day a week and today is Elmer’s day to not work  … so now it’s just me an’ Leroy.  But, if you think this is bad, the days that I’m furloughed are even worse.  Think about it.  We used to work 5 days a week, but now, on different days, we each have to take one off.  So two days a week, it works fine, I dig the hole, Elmer plants the tree and Leroy fills in the dirt.  But on one day, Elmer doesn’t have a hole to put the tree in, but he still has to do his job, so he puts the tree in the right place and Leroy has no dirt to cover it with.  Then the next day it’s like it is today, dig a hole and fill a hole, with no tree.  Then on the last day of the week, I dig the hole, Elmer plants the tree, but no one is there to cover it up, so it dies just the same.

“That’s crazy,” I said.  “Why can’t you all take the day off, or do the other person’s job?”

“See, that’s the real crazy part,” the first man says.  “We break the law if we try to work outside the schedule they’ve set for us and we break the law if we do the man’s work who is on furlough.  The President himself says that he wants it to be as bad as he threatened it was when all this started.  We’re not supposed to be able to do the job we’ve been hired to do.  I thought this was supposed to save money, do you have any idea how much it’s going to cost us to FIX this money saving?
Okay, so I may have added just a tiny bit, but you get the idea.
And this is EXACTLY the crap that they are making us go through.  Think about this…
What happens when someone gets hurt, or there is a major incident, and we don’t have the proper personnel on duty and it is against the law for us to call them in.
Or a maintenance guy who’s working on a jet and quitting time comes along.  He is legally obligated to set his tools down and leave it for either someone else or till he comes back the next day.  Anyone who’s ever worked a technical maintenance issue knows that at a lot of points, it’s almost worthless for someone to come along and take over for you.  It wastes so much time for the new person to catch up, that it’s almost not worth it.

And what ever happened to leading by example?
How can the damn politicians look themselves in the mirror when they put the low paying people through this and then MAKE THEMSELVES EXEMPT!!!!I lose 20 to 30% and can’t make ends meet and they get paid 4 or 5 times the money that I make and can’t afford a pay cut???!!!
Those lily sucking vampires!
And King Obama is still spending millions of our dollars playing golf and sending him and his family on their monthly vacations and I’m worried about keeping a damn roof over my head!
What is wrong with this picture?
How can any sane person even think about allowing these people to continue doing what they are doing by raping this country, no less voting them BACK into office term after term?
Oh right.  The entitlement crowd is waiting on their turns at sloppy seconds so they too can rape our country.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1317

  1. backlink says:

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  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    Lethal here-

    After consultation with said cats I am authorized to say that at present Impish is in no danger from any feline or feline forces under their control. In between naps and the other important things on their schedule they are inventorying and tallying the extent and quality of Impish’s apology/bribe.

    A formal reply will apparently be given to me in time to be included in Wednesday’s issue. They wish me to stress that unlike cat bullying Dragons, they are honorable creatures (cough! OW!) and having gotten their public apology/admission of wrong doing, will refrain from harming Impish at present (presuming he obeys the TRO and “keeps his big dog like yap shut” (direct translation of the meows) as promised. So if something DOES happen to Impish they suggest that his host of other less than happy with him potential suspects/frenimies/business associates be looked at first.

    As for Molly, while she still growls and grumbles at the mention of Impish’s name, I believe she is too busy using his money from the bribe to set up C.A.D.S.- Cats Abused (by) Dragons Shelter to be stalking him. Besides what the big pussy of a dragon fails to mention is she shot him with paint filled wax bullets- the military version of paint balls used in mock battle simulations. Her desire was to make the point to him that he COULD be gotten to anywhere/anytime and for him to embarrass his big fierce dragon self by either losing bladder control or fainting like a girl while being abused my a mere mortal woman.

    Since he did both she’s quite happy with her revenge and her portion of the bribe. (Word has it she’s getting her 45 S&W customized, engraved, gold inlay-ed and diamond encrusted to commemorate the victory. I understand the Grips will be made from dragon bone and done in a combination or Scrimshaw and Bas-Relief depicting the events some how)

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