Dragon Laffs #1312


Header60Good Morning Campers!
What a week we’ve had!  I hope everyone survived Valentine’s Day, Ash Wednesday and all the other things that brother Lethal warned us about on Wednesday!  I know there were some unlucky Russians who didn’t enjoy the meteor shower on Friday when one of the pretty streaks of light turned into a screaming fireball and slammed into the earth threatening to start the next Ice Age.
Damn!
Did you see some of those videos?
Like right out of one of those disaster movies.
Here’s one to just wet your whistle.
(And remember, it is best to watch the videos on our website at http://dragonlaffs.comm

Now go to YouTube and look up some more….that is AFTER you get done with todays ezine.

LetsLaugh_thumb_thumbLOL_thumb_thumb

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Since I voted for Obama, my taxes have gone up, my employer stopped offering health insurance and my guns were taken away.
Damn you, George Bush!

3a

Very nice…….looks comfortable, useful,  available……..a real pleasure!

Green  Shoes at the Masters

Whether you golf or not,  these are AWESOME shoes!
Nike now markets  Green Shoes, first seen  at the 2012 Masters Tournament.
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The Shoes, Look at the  Shoes!
Sometimes, I think I’m just wasting my time!

 


 

22 ADULT TRUTHS ******

1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing is more sickening than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the **** are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

Dragon-Pic_thumb_thumb
d2013020301Another really good snow sculpture of my wonderful species.

What a wonderful and entertaining video

The guy flying the 3 kites is in his 80s, and he’s from Canada . He comes to the Washington State International Kite Festival every year. His skin is like leather as he normally flies with his shirt off. He is deaf, so when he flies we hold our hands up and wave them for applause. He flies 2 with his hands and the 3rd one is attached to his waist. Enjoy!
 
You must watch to the end to see the amazing landing of that last kite!  I would have those kites so tangled up, you could never get them separated again!  And of course, make sure the volume is turned up because the music is wonderful and totally reflects the soaring of the kites.  Beautiful.

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Observations

North Korea released a fantasy video showing a North
Korean missile attack on New York. They’re safe from
reprisal. The U.S. will never conquer and occupy North
Korea unless the Republicans think it has oil or the
Democrats think it has potential voters. 


The CBO said seven million Americans will lose their health

insurance when ObamaCare kicks in. That’s because it’s
cheaper for the company to pay the penalty than the health
insurance. It’s cheapest of all to sit in jail for disobeying
ObamaCare and enjoy free meals, free housing, free cable,
daily exercise, and the company of your peers.


Obama says the money shortage may force a cut in the
number of federal employees. The real problem is that
he thinks that’s bad news.


Leon Panetta said that the U.S. is targeted by hundreds of

cyber attacks every day. It’s so true. Last week the Federal
Reserve was hacked, and if the hackers hadn’t been stopped
they’d have made off with debts that would follow them the
rest of their lives.


 

The Chairman of reliance Industries says the U.S. will be energy

independent within five to seven years. That is good news for
members of the military who are running out of oil producing
countries to invade.


All activity in the nation drew to a halt during the president’s
televised speech. Mass narcolepsy.

 



 

Marco Rubio says President Obama’s economic plans will hurt
the middle class. Shocking. Rubio believes there still is a
middle class?

 



 

IOC leaders have dropped wrestling from the 2020 Olympic
Games. Apparently it just doesn’t hold its own when it comes
to real sports like synchronized swimming, rhythmic gymnastics
and equestrian dressage.

Fantasy-Pic_thumb1_thumb

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19

Last week I told my psychiatrist “I keep thinking about suicide.”

He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

Rodney Dangerfield

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A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist’s couch, telling him how frustrated she was.
“I tried to be an actress and failed,” she complained.
“I tried to be a secretary and failed;
I tried being a writer and failed;
then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too.”
The shrink thought for a moment and said…
“Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don’t you try nursing?”
The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says…
“Well go ahead, I’ll give it a try!”

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A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the
crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. 

When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says, “How bad is it
doc?  I’m getting married next week, and my fiancee is still a virgin in
every way.”

The doc said, “I’ll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal
and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week.”  So he took four
tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it
all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl.

They get married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she
rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.

This was the first time he saw them, believe it or not.  She says,
“You’ll be the first; no one has ever touched these breasts.”

He whips down his pants and says, “Look at this.  It’s still in the
CRATE!”

21

Pun Queen

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I’d slept with. I told her, “Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!”
 
Men always pay more for car insurance because women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving.
 
Sex with 4 people is called a foursome, sex with 3 people is called a threesome, and sex with 2 people is a twosome. So I know why they call you “Handsome’?
 
Accountants do it with Double Entry.
 
Acupuncturists do it with a small prick
 
What do you call a used tampon floating in a river? A blood vessel.
 
What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? Militia Etheridge.
 
Pick-Up Line: Lets play Titanic. When I say iceberg, you go down.
 
What do you call an empty Budweiser bottle with 15 bumblebees trapped inside? A redneck vibrator.
 
When I travel on an airplane, I like to be served TWA milk and TWA coffee. But I love to be served TWA tea.
 
You can tell you’re in a tough lesbian bar when even the pool table doesn’t have balls.
 
Gypsies are very careful when they’re making love because they have crystal balls.
 
Ambulance drivers come quicker
 
Life is all about ass! You are either: covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or living with one.
 
Taking Viagra is like an attraction at Disneyland. You have to wait an hour for a three minute ride.
 
Computer Technicians do it with hard drives

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I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, “Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?”

One of them angrily screeched, “It’s Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!”

So I apologized and replied, “I am so sorry.  Are you three Whales from Scotland?”

And that’s the last thing I remember.

377Here’s a picture of our water-cooler in the employee’s break area.

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.
 
There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

 
It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can
we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?”
 

He says, “O.K., Get in the car with it.”

 

“Where shall I put it to get it warm?”

 

He says, “Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there.”

 

“But what about the smell?”

 

“Just hold its little nose.”

 

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him
with died at the scene.

378

Two guys in a jungle come around a corner and meet a lion head-on pawing the ground.

One guy ever so carefully reaches into his knapsack and slowly takes out a set of Nike running shoes, never once breaking eye contact with the lion.

The second guy hisses: “What are you doing, you can’t outrun the lion” And the first guy says: “No, but all I have to do is outrun you”!

 

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Last-Word4_thumb1_thumb

In The News

I thought this would be a good time to share with you campers, some of the News Articles that drive my day job.  For those of you who are new or just don’t know, I am an Air Force Civilian.  I actually work for the Department of Defense.  I am the base Deputy Emergency Manager and a CBRNE Survival Skills Instructor.  Okay, I can hear you mumbling in the back of the room…”What’s a CBRNE Survival Instructor do?” CBRNE stands for Chemical, Biological, Radiological, Nuclear and high-yield Explosive.  As a survival instructor, I teach G.I.s how to stay alive in really crappy environments.  And on the Emergency Manager side, my job is like any county or state Emergency Manager being there for natural and man-made disasters, sheltering, etc.

So, here then are some of the headlines and news articles that have caught my attention this week:

 

Woman dies after injecting herself with heroin contaminated with ANTHRAX

Death is the third in Britain linked to an outbreak of anthrax amongst people using heroin

This is not the only place this is going on.  For the entire article, click here.  Although there  is a small part of me that thinks that this is kismet, a much larger part of me worries me anytime that anthrax is involved in ANYTHING.  image

I also found a really good, short explanation on the biological agent Ebola.  For a REALLY good historical story about this horrible agent, read The Hot Zone by Richard Preston.

General Ebola remarks Ebola was first reported in 1976 in Congo and is named for the river where it was recognized. There is no cure or vaccine for it. According to the U.S.-based Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,
Ebola is characterized by fever, headache, joint and muscle aches, sore throat, and weakness, followed by diarrhea, vomiting, and stomach pain. A rash, red eyes, hiccups and internal and external bleeding may be seen on
some patients. The virus can be transmitted through direct contact with the blood or secretions of an infected person, or objects that have been contaminated with infected secretions. Currently, there are five identified subtypes of Ebola virus. The subtypes have been named after the location they have been first detected in Ebola outbreaks. Three subtypes of the five
have been associated with large Ebola haemorrhagic fever (EHF) outbreaks in Africa: Ebola-Zaire, Ebola-Sudan and Ebola-Bundibugyo. EHF is a febrile haemorrhagic illness which causes massive bleeding and kills up to 90% of all cases. There is currently no known treatment for the disease.

Next is a cool little article from Japan:

 

Team creates fabric that can absorb 99% of radioactive cesium

2a1Japanese researchers said they have developed a fabric that can efficiently absorb radioactive cesium, a potential weapon in the battle to clean up areas contaminated by the Fukushima nuclear disaster.

The fabric, which can absorb more than 99 percent of cesium under certain conditions, can be mass-produced at a cost of about 1,000 yen ($12) per square meter, or about one-fifth of existing products, according to the researchers at the University of Tokyo’s Institute of Industrial Science and Ozu Corp., a Tokyo-based nonwoven fabric manufacturer.

By soaking it in water, the cloth can help to decontaminate rivers and ponds containing cesium, as well as contaminated soil mixed in water, they said.

An artificial pigment called Prussian blue absorbs cesium, but it comes off easily when it is used to dye fabric. The researchers overcame that problem by developing a technology to synthesize Prussian blue directly on nonwoven fabric.

They said an experiment in Iitate, Fukushima Prefecture, showed that soaking the cloth overnight in rainwater containing 20 becquerels of cesium per liter reduced the cesium concentration to under 5 becquerels per liter.

This next one probably had me thinking the most.  Just about everyone I know has a “smart phone” of one kind or another.  I’ve seen attachments for some that will allow you to track your walking, running, biking mileage and even the amount of stairs you go up and down.  Those last ones were Bluetooth connected so that you didn’t even have to be hooked to the phone with a cord.  I saw one for the iPhone that allowed you to plug into an automobiles computer system and run all the error codes, just like the handheld computer boxes that the mechanic and AutoZone uses that cost, at minimum, a couple of hundred bucks.  But this next one really interested me as someone who would use this type of technology in his day-to-day job.

Army scientists use smartphones for biological detection

Scientists with the U.S. Army are developing new technologies to support soldiers, including smartphones that can identify and7 detect biological and chemical substances.

The U.S. Army Research, Development and Engineering Command is working on the next generation of technology to protect both soldiers and civilians from unknown biological or chemical agents.

“The biggest threat is always going to be the emerging pathogen, the things you hear about on the news where pools of disease pop up randomly,” Calvin Chue, a research biologist with the RDECOM, said. “We have soldiers deployed around the world. Being able to develop tools and technologies to pick up those unknown hazards before (soldiers) are exposed to them is a large measure of what we do.”

You can read the rest of this very interesting article here.

Well, my friends and fellow campers, there’s just a small look into my day job and the things that I find interesting on the internet.

May you find peace, joy and happiness throughout your week, until we meet here again next week.

Cheers!

Impish

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1312

  1. Valentin says:

    Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers?
    I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on.

    Any recommendations?

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Yeah, I got a suggestion for you- stop trying to Spam us and I won’t hack your site and wipe it clean.

      That’s a fair deal right?

  2. Danny Manger says:

    Once again, thanks for all the good stuff. Dragons rule.

    • impishdragon says:

      Thanks Danny. (and all you others who wrote) I appreciate the kind words. The amount of time and energy that goes into one of these issues, both mine and the Leprechaun’s, is majorly offset by the kind words we receive from you campers. Commenting and giving us your opinions is also nice to see in our comment section.
      Thanks again.

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