Leprechaun Laughs # 168 For Wednesday November 21st 2012


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NO IMPISH! The Pumpkin Pies are FINE! They most CERTAINLY DO NOT need ANOTHERQuality Control Check’. You want to maneuver another pie down your massive maw try a Mincemeat Pie! Nobody eats those damned things anyway!

Can you have TWO??!! <Reaches for shot gun hidden under kitchen island> SURE! <sound of shot gun hammers cocking back> Where you’d you like them? You’ve a couple last minute holiday errands to run? Ok fine by me. While you are out don’t come back with out a Left-hand curling Cornucopia for the center piece, UNDERSTAND? <Impish gets gut jabbed with shotgun for added emphasis> No left hand curling Cornucopia, <jab> no turkey dinner, <jab> no pies, <jab> no leftovers <jab> and MAYBE <jab> we serve stuffed Dragon <jab> for Christmas this year! <Sound of hurried waddling and indignant grumbling fades into distance.>

Sorry about that folks, I thought Impish’s help might prove to be a blessing to have around in the Celtic Kitchen around the holidays, but God willing- I’ll never be blessed with his holiday kitchen ‘help’ again!

Opening Logo 6

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https://i2.wp.com/thepoliticalcarnival.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/turkey-thanksgiving-cartoon.jpg

One day a sailor decided to visit several bars because he felt like getting drunk.

He started into to one of the bars (he was already on his way to being drunk) when a mouse crossed his path. He picked up the

mouse and stuffing it in his pocket said, “You’re going to be my drinking partner tonight.”

He sat down at the bar and ordered 2 beers, drinking one and pouring the other one into his pocket. He then asked the bartender for two more beers and did the same thing under the watchful eye of the bartender.

Once again, he ordered 2 more beers but almost fell off the stool he was on. The bartender seeing this, told the sailor that he was too drunk to have any more and ordered him to leave the bar.

The sailor then grabbed the bartender by the shirt collar and shouted, “If you do not give me 2 more beers I am going to knock you all over this bar!”

Just then the mouse popped his head out of the sailor’s pocket and shouted, “THAT GOES FOR YOUR DAMN CAT TOO!

  !cid_50A925CB-2354-4B8F-9636-8BC3575B3591

This way to Thanksgiving Dinner

ODE TO A TURKEY

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of….. Black November;

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“Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you’ll get six meals instead of just three,
“And soon you’ll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you’ll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
“And then one morning, when you’re warm in your bed,
In’ll burst the farmer’s wife, and hack off your head;
“Then she’ll pluck out all your feathers so you’re bald ‘n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin’ in the sink;

 Please go To WWW. Eat Ham

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,
And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I’d have to lay low and remain overlooked;
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and grapes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;
But ’twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;

So now I’m a pet in the farmer’s wife’s lap;
I haven’t a worry, so I eat and I nap;
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said
“Christmas is coming”

 Introspection Outside the Box

“We Americans got so tired of being thought of as dumbasses by the rest of the world that we went to the polls this November and removed all doubt.”

 

Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound and never left the house for 5 years.

It is now believed he called the Navy Seals himself.

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And now for an opposing end of the IQ scale point of view…

Impishs Insights

I can’t understand why my wife doesn’t enjoy my magnificent flatulence. After all, “I” makes the difference between “rectal” and “recital.”

 

 Today I mixed laxative with nitrous oxide, just for shits and giggles.

 

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Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

Writers, comedians, and other personalities reflect on Thanksgiving traditions with a collection of funny, quotable quotes.

from Treasury of Wit & Wisdom via our resident turkey- Graciemj

Q: How do you know when you’ve had too much Thanksgiving dinner?

http://www.rd.com/slideshows/9-funny-thanksgiving-quotes/?trkid=NL-RANDOM-111912&epid=9BFEF664-2851-44AB-9FC2-28A7C93280E7#slide2

Q: What’s a scientist’s recipe for apple pie?

http://www.rd.com/slideshows/9-funny-thanksgiving-quotes/?trkid=NL-RANDOM-111912&epid=9BFEF664-2851-44AB-9FC2-28A7C93280E7#slide4

Q: What are you serving for dinner this Thanksgiving?

http://www.rd.com/slideshows/9-funny-thanksgiving-quotes/?trkid=NL-RANDOM-111912&epid=9BFEF664-2851-44AB-9FC2-28A7C93280E7#slide5

Q: What do you serve to drink at Thanksgiving?

http://www.rd.com/slideshows/9-funny-thanksgiving-quotes/?trkid=NL-RANDOM-111912&epid=9BFEF664-2851-44AB-9FC2-28A7C93280E7#slide6

Q: How do you get the kids to eat their veggies at the Thanksgiving table?

http://www.rd.com/slideshows/9-funny-thanksgiving-quotes/?trkid=NL-RANDOM-111912&epid=9BFEF664-2851-44AB-9FC2-28A7C93280E7#slide7

Q: What’s the best way to use any leftovers?

http://www.rd.com/slideshows/9-funny-thanksgiving-quotes/?trkid=NL-RANDOM-111912&epid=9BFEF664-2851-44AB-9FC2-28A7C93280E7#slide8

Q: What’s a good time to serve Thanksgiving dinner?

http://www.rd.com/slideshows/9-funny-thanksgiving-quotes/?trkid=NL-RANDOM-111912&epid=9BFEF664-2851-44AB-9FC2-28A7C93280E7#slide9

Q: What’s a good Thanksgiving quote for the vegetarians at the table?

http://www.rd.com/slideshows/9-funny-thanksgiving-quotes/?trkid=NL-RANDOM-111912&epid=9BFEF664-2851-44AB-9FC2-28A7C93280E7#slide10

–==++ The Mayan Calendar Speaks ++==–

https://i0.wp.com/3.bp.blogspot.com/-ds5INU6m8Gc/TttAil4HlzI/AAAAAAAAHNQ/tQ0WEpL70qM/s640/Mayan-Calendar-copy.jpg

Mayan Calendar says: Enjoy that Timex while you can, Sparky.
NOTHING keeps on ticking after December 21.

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 The Best Argument for Supporting Gay

Marriage You’ll Ever See or Hear

Guys- This is not empty threat! The logic behind it is frighteningly well thought out and undeniable! 

Support Same Sex Marriage Or Gay Men Will Marry Your Girlfriends!

http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6846855/gay-men-will-marry-your-girlfriends

 

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‘It’s Thanksgiving’ Anthem Goes Viral: Producer & Singer Dish About Video

Nov 19, 2012 4:45 AM EST

The risible holiday anthem ‘It’s Thanksgiving’ has garnered more than 9 million You Tube views and triggered a fatwa from teens on Twitter. Singer Nicole Westbrook and producer Patrice Wilson—the brains behind Rebecca Black’s ‘Friday’—talk about making the much-maligned hit.

Since being unleashed Nov. 7 on YouTube, “It’s Thanksgiving,” a risible music video produced by Patrice Wilson and sung by 12-year-old starlet Nicole Westbrook, has racked up more than 9 million views … and loads of vitriol

 

It’s been branded the “New Worst Song Ever” by ABC’s Good Morning America, and so inflamed a generation of tweens, they’ve issued a fatwa against it on Twitter. On YouTube, it has far more “dislikes” (135,000-plus) than “likes” (18,000-plus). Some haters even feel it deserves its rightful place in the annals of trash-pop infamy alongside Kevin Federline’s “Popozão,” The Baha Men’s “Who Let the Dogs Out,” and “Friday,” by Rebecca Black.

The latter song by Black, which accumulated more than 40 million YouTube views, also was produced by Wilson and subscribes to his viral formula of a cutesy teenage girl chirping a happy-go-lucky anthem over ersatz beats.

“A month before Thanksgiving, I thought, ‘You know, there’s no Thanksgiving song out there!’” Wilson tells The Daily Beast. “And my team mentioned the Adam Sandler ‘Turkey Song,’ but we wanted a big anthem.”

The music video for “It’s Thanksgiving” opens at a house party with JoJo doppelganger Westbrook singing its infectious chorus: “Oh-Oh-Oh … It’s Thanksgiving. We-We-We are gonna have a good time. With the turkey—HEY!—mashed potatoes—HEY!—It’s Thanksgiving.” Later, she raps a few bars before engaging in a slew of sight gags, including singing into a turkey leg, getting served ribs, and Wilson randomly popping up in a turkey costume.

“It’s all about having good, clean fun,” says Wilson, with a chuckle. “There’s no ribs on Thanksgiving but I had ribs in the song, so it was a fun little twist. The turkey outfit was a last-minute decision suggested by someone on my team, so we ran out and rented it the day of the shoot. And one of my directors, Chris, suggested Nicole hold the turkey leg like a microphone.”

“This is my first time singing into a turkey leg,” adds Westbrook. “I’d never seen anyone do it, but I guess it’s just like singing into your hairbrush … but with a turkey leg.”

Westbrook, 12, moved to Los Angeles from St. Louis four years ago with her family in order to chase her dream of being a pop star. Her mother, who sells paper-shredding machines, relocated her job out there, and her father, a former pro soccer player, teaches high school and club soccer. Westbrook initially struggled to break into the music industry, booking jobs with Kidz Bop, a series of compilation albums with child musicians performing contemporary hits; a few toy commercials; and starred as a young Amish girl in the Lifetime original movie, Amish Grace.

 

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Ode to Turkey: A Haiku

A Short Poem in Honor of Thanksgiving

potato pillow
under a gravy blanket –
a nap on a plate

 

Raspberry Mousse Brownies

Raspberry Mousse Brownies

Brownie mix, chocolate chips and whipping cream create a chocolate lover’s dreamy indulgence.

Prep Time 20 Minutes

Total Time 4:30 Hrs:Mins

Makes 18 servings

1 box (1 lb 2.4 oz) Betty Crocker® Original Supreme Premium brownie mix

Water, vegetable oil and egg called for on brownie mix box

1 bag (6 oz) semisweet chocolate chips (1 cup)

3/4 cup whipping cream

3 tablespoons red raspberry jelly

1 cup Betty Crocker® Rich & Creamy cream cheese frosting (from 16 oz container)

1 1/2 teaspoons whipping cream

Fresh raspberries, if desired

  1. Heat oven to 350°F (325°F for dark or nonstick pan). Grease bottom only of 8-inch or 9-inch square pan with cooking spray or shortening. (For easier cutting, line pan with foil, then grease foil on bottom only of pan). Make brownies as directed on box. Cool completely, about 1 1/2 hours.
  2. Reserve 2 tablespoons chocolate chips for drizzle. In medium microwavable bowl, place remaining chocolate chips, 3/4 cup whipping cream and 3 tablespoons raspberry jelly. Microwave uncovered on High 2 to 3 minutes, stirring once every minute, until chocolate is melted. Stir until mixture is smooth (there may still be a little undissolved jelly). Refrigerate about 30 minutes or until slightly thickened.
  3. Add frosting to chocolate mixture. Beat with electric mixer on high speed 1 to 2 minutes or until well blended and fluffy. Spread over cooled brownies, smoothing top.
  4. In small microwavable bowl, microwave reserved 2 tablespoons chocolate chips and 1 1/2 teaspoons whipping cream uncovered on High 30 to 45 seconds, stirring once, until mixture can be stirred smooth. Stir in a few additional drops of whipping cream to thin chocolate, if necessary. Drizzle over frosting mixture. Refrigerate 1 to 2 hours or until set.
  5. Cut into 9 squares; cut each square diagonally in half to make triangles. Garnish with raspberries.

Makes 18 servings

OK you fed them for Thanksgiving, but some of those pesky guest stayed the night. What do you do about feeding them the following morning when you are already dead tired and wrung out from what seems like an entire week chained to the strove preparing the meal they demolished in an hour yesterday?

Well me personally I leave the Gate Code, a map with 4 take away breakfast stops marked, any applicable coupons I might have, my order recommendations for each spot. directions on how to start the preloaded coffee maker and instructions to knock on my bedroom door when they get back with breakfast so I can unchain the fridge and allow them access to the milk & sugar.

Not an option in your case? Relatives too cheap to spring for breakfast eh? OK! OK ALREADY! Here’s something you can prepare the night before and slide right into a cold oven after hitting ‘Brew’ on the coffee pot.

“Berry Good” French Toast Bake

"Berry Good" French Toast Bake

Easy does it! You can make this blueberry munch the night before you serve breakfast or brunch.

Prep Time 15 Minutes

Total Time 40 Minutes

Makes 8 Servings

1/2 cup Gold Medal® all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups milk

1 tablespoon sugar

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1/4 teaspoon salt

6 eggs

10 slices French bread, 1 inch thick, cut into 1-inch cubes

1 package (3 ounces) cream cheese, cut into 1/2-inch cubes

1 cup fresh or frozen (thawed) blueberries

1/2 cup chopped nuts

Powdered sugar, if desired

Blueberry or maple syrup, if desired

  1. Generously grease 2 1/2-quart casserole or rectangular baking dish, 13x9x2 inches. Beat flour, milk, sugar, vanilla, salt and eggs in large bowl with hand beater until smooth. Stir in bread cubes until coated.
  2. Pour bread mixture into casserole. Top evenly with cream cheese, blueberries and nuts. Cover and refrigerate at least 1 hour but no longer than 24 hours.
  3. Heat oven to 400°F. Uncover and bake 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown. Sprinkle with powdered sugar. Serve with syrup.

Makes 8 servings

What about leftovers you say? Well here is a starting point for a tasty leftover dish and most cooks should be able to adapt easily enough to using already cooked turkey.

Turkey Rotini Casserole

Turkey Rotini Casserole

Come home to an Italian dinner. Enjoy turkey and rotini pasta – a hearty casserole!

Prep Time 10 Minutes

Total Time 8:40 Hrs:Mins

Makes  4 servings

1 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth

1/2 cup water

1 small stalk celery

1/2 teaspoon dried thyme leaves

1 dried bay leaf

2 turkey thighs (about 1 1/2 pounds)

1 envelope (1 1/4 ounces) Alfredo sauce mix

1 can (10 3/4 ounces) condensed 98% fat-free cream of mushroom soup

1 package (9 ounces) frozen chopped broccoli, thawed and drained

8 ounces uncooked rotini pasta

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

  1. Pour broth and water into 3 1/2- to 4-quart slow cooker. Add celery, thyme and bay leaf. Top with turkey.
  2. Cover and cook on low heat setting 6 to 8 hours or until turkey is tender. Remove turkey, celery and bay leaf; discard celery and bay leaf.
  3. Increase heat to high setting. Mix sauce mix (dry) and soup; stir into slow cooker. Stir in broccoli. Cover and cook about 30 minutes or until thickened.
  4. Cook pasta as directed on package. While pasta is cooking, remove turkey meat from bones and cut into pieces; discard bones.
  5. Return turkey to slow cooker. Stir in pasta and cheese.

Makes 4 servings

Substitution

Other shapes of similarly sized pasta also can be used in this casserole. Wagon wheels, mafalda (mini lasagna noodles) and penne will work well, too.

Nutrition Information:

1 Serving (1 Serving)

Calories 590 Calories from Fat 145), Total Fat 16g (Saturated Fat 6g,), Cholesterol 170mg; Sodium 1430mg;

Total Carbohydrate 57g, Dietary Fiber 4g, Protein 58g;

    Exchanges: 3 Starch;  2 Vegetable; 6 Lean Meat

     

    How many calories are in your Thanksgiving dinner?

    Published On: Oct 04 2011 10:33:55 AM CDT Updated On: Nov 19 2012 01:00:27 AM CST

    The holidays are a time to indulge. But how many calories are you really consuming during those get-togethers? Calculate the caloric impact of your Dinner plate by selecting items and serving sizes on the charts and total your intake…if you dare!

    http://www.click2houston.com/entertainment/holidays/-/16003910/1754084/-/kj5ohnz/-/index.html?treets=hou&tid=2659926414813&tml=hou_12pm&tmi=hou_12pm_1_12000111192012&ts=H

    Thankful 4 Whats Important

    Upside-down Land

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    [The American Flag flown upside down is a sign of distress. I submit our entire country is in distress & Federal Government, the ENTIRE Federal Government is the cause]

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    You can get arrested for expired tags on your car but not for being in the country illegally.

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    Your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more of our money.

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    The Supreme Court of the United States can rule that lower courts cannot display the 10 Commandments in their courtroom, while sitting in front of a display of the 10 Commandments.

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    Children are forcibly removed from parents who appropriately discipline them while children of “underprivileged” drug addicts are left to rot in filth infested cesspools.

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    Working class Americans pay for their own health care (and the health care of everyone else) while unmarried women are free to have child after child on the “State’s” dime while never being held responsible for their own choices.

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    Hard work and success are rewarded with higher taxes and government intrusion, while slothful, lazy behavior is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid and subsidized housing.

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    The government’s plan for getting people back to work is to provide 99 weeks of unemployment checks (to not work).

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    Politicians think that stripping away the amendments to the constitution is really protecting the rights of the people.

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if. ..

    The rights of the Government come before the rights of the individual.

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    Parents believe the State is responsible for providing for their children.

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    You pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big screen TV while your neighbor defaults on his mortgage (while buying iphones, TV’s and new cars) and the government forgives his debt and reduces his mortgage (with your tax dollars).

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    Being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you “safe”.

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    You have to have your parents signature to go on a school field trip but not to get an abortion.

    ======================

    You know you live in an Upside-down Land if…

    An 80 year old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a Muslim woman in a burqa is only subject to having her neck and head searched.

    !cid_X_MA1_1347410934@aol

     

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    PSA

    https://i1.wp.com/www.blackfriday.fm/bf_image/news_images/469_1346058716.jpg

    After the last of the ‘just another sliver of pumpkin pie is safely chewed and washed down, after the dishes have been cleared and the belts have been loosened the men folk will adjourn to couches sofas loungers and bean bags for watch football through a tryptophan induced near coma while the women carefully dissect the sales ads for Black Friday and plot shopping strategy.

    Here are a few only preview sites at which to see those ads. some even have Pre Black Friday Sales.

    Black Friday 2012 – Black Friday Ads and the best Black Friday Deals

    See all the Ads for Black Friday 2012 with all the best Black Friday deals plus year round savings at 1000s of your favorite stores. Visit now to start saving

    Black Friday Ads – The Official Black Friday 2012 Website for Black …

    Black Friday Ads is home to Black Friday 2012, featuring Black Friday ad listings and ad scans, hot deals and coupons.

    Black Friday 2012 – Black Friday Ads, Black Friday Deals & Sales

    Complete Coverage of Black Friday 2012 Ads, Black Friday Sales & Black Friday Deals.

    Black Friday Deals | Black Friday Sales – Amazon.com

    Black Friday deals, low prices, and sales on toys, electronics, video games, jewelry, and more. Check out Black Friday 2012 deals and savings online.

    We The People Say

    Where will you do the majority of your Cyber Monday shopping?

    33% E-commerce sites like Amazon.com
    17% Retail sites like Gap.com
    0% Auction sites like eBay.com
    50% I won’t be shopping on Cyber Monday

    Which of these do you believe has the most influence on what you buy, where you eat, or the movies or TV shows you watch?

    62% Ads I see on television
    10% Ads I see on the Internet
    28% Comments or recommendations I see on social media

    Given the current state of the economy, is now a good or bad time to make a major purchase like a new car or home improvements?

    26% About average
    17% A good time
    57% A bad time

    Do you consider the current economy to be strong, about average, or weak?

    14% About average
    0% Strong
    86% Weak

    Do you think health insurance plans for all employees should have to cover the full cost of birth control for their female employees, or should employers be allowed to opt out of covering that based on religious or moral objections?

    31% Cover the full cost
    69% Allowed to opt out

    Which of the following is your favorite Thanksgiving dessert?

    40% Apple pie
    60% Pumpkin pie
    0% Sweet potato pie
    0% Pumpkin roll
    0% Pecan pie

    Are you planning to travel more than 100 miles from home over the Thanksgiving Holiday?

    0% Yes, by plane
    9% Yes, by car
    0% Yes, by train
    0% Yes, by bus
    91% No, I’ll stay home

    How many languages do you speak fluently?

    74% One
    23% Two
    3% Three or more

    How would you describe yourself?

    11% Risk loving
    67% Risk neutral
    22% Risk averse

    How likely are you to shop on Cyber Monday?

    8% Very likely
    8% Somewhat likely
    84% Not at all likely

    Do you believe that the personal computer will take a backseat to mobile devices and tablets over the next 10 years?

    54% Yes
    21% No
    25% I’m not sure

    Capture

    Stupid Criminal OTW

    You're_Doing_It_Wrong

    Jeep gets stuck trying to drive over U.S.-Mexico border fence

    image

    (CNN) — Tunnels under the U.S.-Mexico border are nothing new, but authorities spotted two smugglers taking a different approach this week: driving a Jeep over the 14-foot fence dividing the two countries.

    But the makeshift ramp the suspects propped up at the border near Yuma, Arizona, didn’t work, officials said.

    U.S. Border Patrol agents patrolling the area saw the Jeep get stuck. It was left wedged atop the fence, and its drivers fled into Mexico, the patrol said in a statement. It was not immediately clear what the vehicle may have been carrying.

    “Suspects attempting to drive a vehicle over the border fence fell prey to their own devices,” the statement said.

    Border Patrol agents confiscated the vehicle and the makeshift ramp.

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    PAst Feature Update

    Saturday Impish raised the specter of the possible disappearance of Twinkies from our sugar rush menu of poor snack choices. Now I know there are other things like Wonder Bread that will also be disappearing but Twinkies seem to be garnering the most concern as well as the largest buying rush. Impish has had me deplete his cash reserves buying him a hermitically sealed storage vault and  several trailer loads of Twinkies under the assumption that they will become worth their weight in gold as scarcely a month away post Apocalyptic survival rations.

    Twinkies Will Be Saved

    Analysts think the brand is too valuable to disappear

     

    (Newser) – Day one of the post-Twinkie apocalypse brings news of stores selling out, prices soaring on eBay, and people waxing nostalgic all over Facebook, reports ABC News. Which is precisely why Twinkies aren’t going away, writes Dan Primack at Fortune. The “brand still has value, and will be acquired.” Ditto for Ding Dongs and probably Wonder Bread. They may not be made by Hostess, but they will be made.

    Primack thinks it’s most likely that another bakery will buy Twinkies, and in a post at NBC News headlined “Relax, Twinkies likely to live on,” Martha C. White notes that the makers of Entenmann’s, Tastykake, or Little Debbie products are prime contenders. At Forbes, Robert W. Wood sure hopes so. He rounds up some of Twinkies’ bigger cultural milestones (remember the “Twinkies defense”?) and concludes with this: “Twinkies matter.”

    Besides, Colorado and Washington just legalized marijuana. If Hostess can’t figure out a way to make money off of that, then maybe they shouldn’t be in the snack cake industry after all.

    Who knows…maybe I’ll buy the brand and force those Keebler elves to make them for you. They DO sort of resemble gold bars, a favorite possession of mine and would put quite a bit o’ the gold in me pot if I did.

     

    https://i1.wp.com/www.robynsonlineworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/stuffing_thumb.jpg

    image

    OK Folks, fun time is nearly over. I’ve got stuffing to prepare, a turkey to cook, sweet potatoes to peel and ready for roasting, green beans to tip, garlic to slice, rosemary to chop AND A CERTAIN DRAGON TO CAPE AND MOUNT IF HE TRIES TO SNEAK SO MUCH AS A SINGLE SOLITARY FLAKE OF PIE CRUST JUST ONE MORE TIME!

    Ahem! Where was I? Oh! As I was saying….SIGH excuse me a second. <slides a beaver trap across counter quietly towards a clawed blue scaled paw questing across the counter top…SNAP! (clawed blue scaled paw retreats rapidly with a whimper and a clanking of trap chain)>

    OK now as I was saying, before I closed out the issue and turn you all loose for the holiday with your loved ones, on behalf of myself, Lethal Leprechaun & Impish (now known as ‘Lefty’) Dragon as well as the entire Staff here at DL & LL  Digital Media Enterprises, I’d like to wish you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving. We’d also caution you on your feasting (eat and drink tomorrow- but only to excess) and ask that if you are traveling for the holiday you do so cautiously and safely so that you can return to us. See one of the thing that both Impish and I agree we are thankful for is our loyal readers because without you all this would be pointless.

    Here are a few other things I’m thankful for for you to ponder upon as you count your many blessings this holiday season.

    10 Things I’m Thankful For This Thanksgiving

     

    1) Family
    I would be nowhere without my family. There’s my mom, who forwards me about 12 emails a day to clean up for her to forward so she can then forward them on. My sister who calls me in a panic whenever a program insists on updating on her computer. My nephew who’s love for his only uncle peeks and wanes with the proximity of gift giving occasions, but never fails to make me proud to be his uncle or smile when I do get to talk to him. My wife who is a rare gems and more than an even match for me wit and smarts wise. She has knocked numerous of my rough edges off me in the time we have been together and is still working on grinding down some others…all with love and (at times a great deal of) phenomenal patience with a transplanted Yankee living in a strange land.

    2) Health
    As someone who has been afraid of healthcare facilities since 3 one hour each session getting skin prick tests for allergies at 3 years old, any year that goes by without a trip to an Immediate Care Facility or Hospital is a good one. Though  I have a few health more or less permanent problems, living largely sickness-free is one of the things I feel most lucky about. Major kudos to those who have stayed strong through a personal or family illness.

    3) Friends
    Who else can you count on to stay in Murphy’s Irish Pub with you doing nothing until 2 a.m.? To allow you to vent when depressed or angry and convenience things will never get better? To never tell anyone about that one time you fell flat on your your face walking from the passenger door to the back of your SUV nearly knocking yourself out cold in the process? It’s hard to imagine what it would be like without them. Be thankful for the big and small things they’ll do for you, the lengths they’ll go to to make sure they have your back.

    4) Food
    Although it’s sometimes hard to be thankful for that fifth piece of double anchovy & garlic pizza you wish you hadn’t eaten, we take it for granted that we have food whenever we want it. Things I might never be able to do: enjoy Okra, understand why coffee costs $6 at Starbucks, or look forward with mouth watering anticipation to a trip to a Mexican Restaurant. But what I know I’ll always be grateful for is being able to meet this basic human need.

    5) The Internet
    Thank you, Internet, for allowing me to procrastinate, watch 30 consecutive minutes of “West Wing” bloopers, have access to all zillion seasons of “Star Trek” in all its manifestations, look up things on Wikipedia that are probably completely wrong, see a dog try to bounce on a trampoline (look it up — cutest thing ever), laugh gleefully at Justin Bieber throwing up on stage and be judged for how much time I spend on bashing Obama. Without you, my backside would probably be a lot smaller, but I’d be much less amused.

    6) Cell phone
    My friends and wife often tease me that the blue tooth headset to my cell phone is practically replaced one of my ears. In truth it is the second thing I reach for upon sitting up in the morning (eye glasses being the first). Having something to simultaneously keep me in contact with all my friends and family, entertain me and help me avoid awkward eye contact with strangers is a blessing. Where better to find out my friends’ political prowess than through looking at 12 Instagrams of an “I Voted” sticker? Also, you can’t deny that there is nothing better than a marathon phone call with a close friend or family member. Sometimes that’s all you need to brighten up a day.

    7) Tylenol
    I might go as far to call this tiny miracle drug the best thing that has ever happened to me. It might be singularly responsible for my ability to walk some days. Drop a dumbbell on your toe in the middle of a crowded gym? It probably won’t save your embarrassment — it won’t, trust me — but at least your toe will feel better. And while I’ll never be a doctor, it gives me a lot of satisfaction to know that most of them give out this advice same as me: Just take a few Tylenol, you’ll be fine!

    8) Sleep
    There is nothing quite like the feeling of your head hitting the pillow after a long day of blog preparing, work or meetings. A good night’s sleep or a well-timed power nap seem to be the cure-all for everything, whether it’s stress or that headache that won’t go away. Because we choose to do so many other things when we should be sleeping — see number five, Internet — what little sleep we do get goes a long way. Use  that post Thanksgiving drowsiness to do a little catching up.

    9) Music
    My wife is usually thankful I play it loud enough to drown out my awful singing. I’m thankful I play it loud enough to drown out my wife & the cats complaining about my awful singing. Nothing brings people together like a mutual fondness for a band you’d thought that no one else had ever heard of. Music is an instant connection, a conversation starter, a party starter and, if you’re lucky, a productivity starter. All of it that is except Rap music. As I have stated before it is no accident you cannot spell ‘crap’ w/o Rap.

    10) America
    I am truly thankful for all the freedom and opportunity living in this country brings. As messed up and problem fraught as it and our Democratic process might be, it is still hands down the best country in the world to be a citizen of.  Though it’s hard to imagine how a single person can affect the outcome of something as large as a presidential election, the fact that we are all entitled to our own opinions and are able to put them to use is a pretty special thing. We can worship as we choose, move about internally freely, get a fair  and speed trial, read uncensored (regrettably I cannot say un spin doctored) news, demand accountability from our elected officials- all without fear of oppression or reprisals. Very few others in the world  can lay claim to all those things and then still certainly not to the degree we can. I’m not only proud to be an American, I’m thankful for it.

     

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    About lethalleprechaun

    I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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    5 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 168 For Wednesday November 21st 2012

    1. lethalleprechaun says:

      If you ok $300 wrenches, $700 toilet seats, work for the Department of Energy, FEMA, the Attorney General’s Office, the Departments of Education, Transportation or the EPA just to name a few IMHO YOUR PART OF THE DISTRESS. I would be agreeable to amending the statement to read excluding those in Military Support roles however.

      • impishdragon says:

        I agree to your observation, but you also need to realize that a HUGE portion of the government employees are nothing more than drones working like any other worker bee in any other big business. With the exception that even if you do find a way to save money most of the time you are shot down. Besides, the approval of the $300 wrenches and $700 toilet seats are among the ones sold by specialized companies that “fit” the government profile. They are minority owned, made by handicapped people or are a small business. But if I need a hammer, I can’t just go down to Sears and buy a hammer, I have to buy it from their website. And there in lies the problem. It’s not with the people who have to purchase the $200 hammer, it’s the politicians who set up the vendors from their states who sell exclusively to the federal government and only friggin’ sell the $200 hammers. Therein lies the problem and the fact that all of us “worker bees” don’t have any say in it at all.

        • lethalleprechaun says:

          “I’m just” or “I was just” following orders should never be an acceptable excuse. The drones you speak of are in the best possible position to fight the bureaucratic lunacy & excess by blowing whistles & calling attention to it.

          With all due respect for your insider view point, I fear we may have to agree to disagree on this point my friend.

    2. impishdragon says:

      Excellent issue, per usual my friend. I do wish to take umbrage with one point you made:

      [The American Flag flown upside down is a sign of distress. I submit our entire country is in distress & Federal Government, the ENTIRE Federal Government is the cause]

      As an employee of the Federal Government and therefore a part of the Federal Government I disagree that the entire Federal Government is the cause, but instead, submit to you, that a very small minority of the overall Federal Government is the true culprit in our countries problems.

      The highest percentage, by an overwhelming 70% of government employees are of the GS (General Service) or (Grossly Subservient) type. The working dogs of the government. We work for the government because we feel it is an important, necessary job and it sure as hell ain’t for the great pay and benefits. Just for instance, Someone with a high school diploma would qualify for a GS-2 spot. Bachelor’s degree is about a GS-6 and a master’s degree a GS-09. Now, let’s look at the average Master’s Degree holder in Indianapolis earning about $70K a year. The Average GS-9 employee in Indianapolis, $50K a year and has had no cost of living increase in the last 3 years thanks to the “Government” saving money on the backs of the worker bees.

      Remember that 70% number? Well, it’s the other 30% that makes all the damn decisions and they are the ones who put a freeze on “government salaries”. They don’t tell you that it’s the GS salaries that were frozen, not all the others….you know…the ones who make in the hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, not the ones who are struggling to support their families below the poverty level.

      By my way of seeing things, your quote should read that the country is in distress and the government politicians, all the politicians, on both sides of the aisle, are to blame. The rest of us government employees are just trying to pay the damn bills.

    3. lethalleprechaun says:

      These rules arrived too late to be included in today’s Issue but are too good to miss out on. I plan on posting them as permanent holiday rules on my front door!

      10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE

      1. Don’t get in line asking questions about the food. “Who made the potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it?”
      Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won’t be able to eat anything.

      2. If you can’t walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.

      3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it’s time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family stories about their mamas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses!

      4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.

      5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don’t, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home next year!

      6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don’t let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn’t bring anything over, don’t let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.

      7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn’t belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!

      8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ass!!

      9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED THE HELL OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell.

      10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ass family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!

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